This week's tyrant is fellow podcaster Bryon Kershaw, who is Magistar & Head Tyrant of Dragonia, an island of dorks who somehow manage to temporarily conquer the Western & Eastern United States.
Bryon hosts two fun, entertaining roleplay podcasts
Spirits and Monsters of Old Seattle, exploring supernatural history of Seattle in this Actual Play series using the Vaesen role-playing game system by Free League Publishing. Which can be found here https://www.spiritsandmonsters.com/?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQMMjU2MjgxMDQwNTU4AAGnqHQUPn1goFvEdfIY_0R66uhEOVoA2t8vYWFPQSLG4fa8TKQYJt74oIvfaeA_aem_3wuGI1NOYZlqIMOVFCJuFw
And
Facehuggers and Friends: An Alien RPG set in the Alien universe.
https://redcircle.com/shows/7fe52404-ba2f-4dc5-b63e-573c793d1eda
At this link below you can find all the Tyrant in Training socials and website:
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
00:00:10 --> 00:00:12 Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Tirenton Training
00:00:12 --> 00:00:14 Show. This is Kevin. I am the host. This improv
00:00:14 --> 00:00:16 comedy podcast is like a power fantasy for guests
00:00:16 --> 00:00:19 because they get to come on and be any sort of
00:00:19 --> 00:00:21 tyrannical ruler of an idealized country for
00:00:21 --> 00:00:22 themselves like they wish. I said that all in
00:00:22 --> 00:00:26 one breath, Brian. I am here by joined by my
00:00:26 --> 00:00:28 guest, Brian Kershaw, who's a fellow podcaster.
00:00:28 --> 00:00:30 And please, Brian, please help me with this intro.
00:00:30 --> 00:00:33 What have I done wrong? That's all right. To
00:00:33 --> 00:00:35 start with, you got to have big energy, Kevin.
00:00:35 --> 00:00:39 leading with like a, welcome, welcome, welcome,
00:00:39 --> 00:00:42 and really like pull them in, drag that audience
00:00:42 --> 00:00:45 into the show. I get, and I do get excited about
00:00:45 --> 00:00:48 things, but I feel like part of me is like, oh
00:00:48 --> 00:00:51 God, I need to get back to bed soon. No matter
00:00:51 --> 00:00:53 what time of day it is, and that's the energy
00:00:53 --> 00:00:56 I, like that man needs to lie down. But okay,
00:00:56 --> 00:00:59 I'll try to welcome everyone. Hey, it's your
00:00:59 --> 00:01:01 fun pal, Kevin. That seems creepy. Anyway, Brian.
00:01:01 --> 00:01:04 Oh my God, I'm so sold right now. I'm swept up
00:01:04 --> 00:01:06 in the power fantasy of running this country
00:01:06 --> 00:01:10 and forcing you to do an excited intro. I feel
00:01:10 --> 00:01:11 like you said that when I first messaged you
00:01:11 --> 00:01:15 about this. But yeah. OK, OK, OK. Brian, tell
00:01:15 --> 00:01:17 the people about yourself. Absolutely. My name
00:01:17 --> 00:01:22 is Brian Kershaw. I am the host of not one, but
00:01:22 --> 00:01:26 two podcasts, Spirits and Monsters of Old Seattle
00:01:26 --> 00:01:30 and Facehuggers and Friends. Both of them are
00:01:30 --> 00:01:33 actual play podcasts where we play a role playing
00:01:33 --> 00:01:37 game. We record it. We add in sound effects and
00:01:37 --> 00:01:40 music and have a storyline. But don't worry too
00:01:40 --> 00:01:42 much about like the dice rolls and mechanics
00:01:42 --> 00:01:44 and kind of teach people how to play the games
00:01:44 --> 00:01:47 as they're listening. Well, yeah, I will point
00:01:47 --> 00:01:49 out that I am on one of them and I did not know
00:01:49 --> 00:01:52 we were teaching people how to play. Oh, Lucky
00:01:52 --> 00:01:55 is always teaching people very important lessons.
00:01:55 --> 00:01:58 Yes, yes. Especially about himself. I've actually
00:01:58 --> 00:02:00 I will say I know for anyone who hasn't listened
00:02:00 --> 00:02:02 to it, you should. We're all really getting into
00:02:02 --> 00:02:04 our stride now. right around the time we're definitely
00:02:04 --> 00:02:07 going to start dying. But yeah, I've definitely
00:02:07 --> 00:02:10 come along with Lucky. He was he was merely a
00:02:10 --> 00:02:13 character to be, but yeah, he's really, really
00:02:13 --> 00:02:16 cool on me. Kevin, if in this space together,
00:02:17 --> 00:02:18 let us be completely honest with one another.
00:02:19 --> 00:02:20 I am shocked none of you all have died at the
00:02:20 --> 00:02:23 time of this recording. It's amazing. I mean,
00:02:23 --> 00:02:26 I am amazed each episode that all of you have
00:02:26 --> 00:02:31 lived thus far and to be. I hate it. I'd rather
00:02:31 --> 00:02:34 say it to the rest of the crew than you, because
00:02:34 --> 00:02:36 you are the... What do they call it in the roleplay?
00:02:37 --> 00:02:41 DM? Technically, legally, I am the game mother,
00:02:41 --> 00:02:44 spelled with a U. Wait, what? How do you spell
00:02:44 --> 00:02:48 it? G -A -M -E M -U -T -H -E -R. That's the one.
00:02:48 --> 00:02:51 Like the mother computer system. Yep. Oh, I thought
00:02:51 --> 00:02:53 it was just German or something, or like bad
00:02:53 --> 00:02:57 German. OK. OK, I'm with you. That's game mother.
00:02:59 --> 00:03:04 If that's the alien, I cannot wait. I was going
00:03:04 --> 00:03:06 to say that I feel bad to say it to you because
00:03:06 --> 00:03:09 I'm worried that this will backfire. But honestly,
00:03:09 --> 00:03:11 I haven't been worried not once in that in that
00:03:11 --> 00:03:14 role play. I thought Lucky has been tiptoeing
00:03:14 --> 00:03:17 around like Bugs Bunny. Oh, I certainly don't
00:03:17 --> 00:03:19 think that Lucky has been worried. You should
00:03:19 --> 00:03:22 be worried. Oh, yeah, I'm terrified. But yeah,
00:03:22 --> 00:03:26 OK. What I'll say is so that's all very good.
00:03:26 --> 00:03:30 But I would say that as as a as a DM. So in the
00:03:30 --> 00:03:32 in the spirits podcast, which I'm going to shorten
00:03:32 --> 00:03:35 this, but the role play game with that, what
00:03:35 --> 00:03:37 are you? You're not a game mother or game mother.
00:03:37 --> 00:03:40 I am a game master in that one game master. OK,
00:03:40 --> 00:03:44 yeah. So I am telling the story. I'm figuring
00:03:44 --> 00:03:46 out the kind of plot the characters are following.
00:03:47 --> 00:03:48 I'm running all of the characters who are not
00:03:48 --> 00:03:53 our main cast and kind of. keeping everything
00:03:53 --> 00:03:56 moving as they wander off down random dark alleys
00:03:56 --> 00:03:59 and make dumb decisions. How long is that going
00:03:59 --> 00:04:02 for? Still going strong, and we've just put out
00:04:02 --> 00:04:06 episode 47 at the time of this recording. We're
00:04:06 --> 00:04:09 currently taking a little short break to do a
00:04:09 --> 00:04:11 mini -series of another role -playing game, because
00:04:11 --> 00:04:15 I am a glutton for punishment. Right. And so
00:04:15 --> 00:04:17 we are actually doing the Stormlight Archive
00:04:17 --> 00:04:20 RPG right now with a story called Freedom Before
00:04:20 --> 00:04:22 Destination. And then we're going to get back
00:04:22 --> 00:04:25 into doing our main Spirits and Monsters of Old
00:04:25 --> 00:04:28 Seattle game, which is all about supernatural
00:04:28 --> 00:04:32 investigation in 1800 Seattle. And where's the
00:04:32 --> 00:04:34 other one set into the new one you're doing now?
00:04:35 --> 00:04:37 Or what time zone? That one. Yep. That one is
00:04:37 --> 00:04:41 in a fantasy setting. based on the books of Brandon
00:04:41 --> 00:04:43 Sanderson. Oh, God, Celine is going to love them.
00:04:43 --> 00:04:46 She's mad into those books. I mean, he's a very
00:04:46 --> 00:04:50 prolific writer, isn't he? Yeah. Yes. I maintain
00:04:50 --> 00:04:53 he is not, in fact, a human being. He is a word
00:04:53 --> 00:04:56 processor masquerading as a human being. So you're
00:04:56 --> 00:04:59 accusing him of AI. I'm accusing him of being
00:04:59 --> 00:05:02 a robot, not being AI. Totally different. Yeah.
00:05:03 --> 00:05:05 All right. One of those is offensive. Yes. Yeah.
00:05:05 --> 00:05:07 I'll send you the link so you can pass on to
00:05:07 --> 00:05:09 Celine. If she's into the books, I think she
00:05:09 --> 00:05:12 will really enjoy this. And most of the players
00:05:12 --> 00:05:15 have never read the book series. So they're coming
00:05:15 --> 00:05:18 into it totally like new and being like, wait,
00:05:18 --> 00:05:21 hang on. What? What? What is going on? Why is
00:05:21 --> 00:05:24 it like this? Oh, my God, that's so cool. What
00:05:24 --> 00:05:26 is as that start here? Is that those episodes
00:05:26 --> 00:05:29 being released? We just dropped the first one
00:05:29 --> 00:05:32 last week. And is that on or no? Pardon me. Two
00:05:32 --> 00:05:34 weeks ago. Can you follow that if you go into
00:05:34 --> 00:05:37 the right in the main feed? main feed of, yeah.
00:05:38 --> 00:05:40 Spiritsandmonsters .com, were you interested
00:05:40 --> 00:05:43 in finding my show? Yes, actually, tell us all
00:05:43 --> 00:05:49 the links you need to follow. Yeah, so our main
00:05:49 --> 00:05:51 show, Spirits and Monsters of Old Seattle, as
00:05:51 --> 00:05:53 well as this mini series, are all going to be
00:05:53 --> 00:05:56 at Spiritsandmonsters .com. And you can find
00:05:56 --> 00:05:58 facehuggers and friends just by searching for
00:05:58 --> 00:06:02 that or finding our link tree. which has our
00:06:02 --> 00:06:05 Instagram, all of our various sources and socials,
00:06:06 --> 00:06:08 and also has a couple other links on there for
00:06:08 --> 00:06:12 things like a free month of Hulu. Oh, I did not
00:06:12 --> 00:06:15 know that. Yes. I got great news, Kevin. If,
00:06:15 --> 00:06:17 for instance, you wanted to catch up on Alien
00:06:17 --> 00:06:20 Earth and not pay for it, here's a way you could
00:06:20 --> 00:06:22 do that. Ah, I did not know that. Why wasn't
00:06:22 --> 00:06:27 I awake for these announcements? I definitely
00:06:27 --> 00:06:29 told you about it, but I think Lucky was on a
00:06:29 --> 00:06:30 smoke break at the time. I was on a smoke break,
00:06:30 --> 00:06:32 yeah. See, I don't smoke anymore in real life,
00:06:32 --> 00:06:38 so I'm really channeling my wants in Lucky. OK,
00:06:39 --> 00:06:43 I do have to say, hopefully this won't ruin your
00:06:43 --> 00:06:45 reputation, but I am going to play some out of
00:06:45 --> 00:06:49 context quotes about your time. Uh, it's being
00:06:49 --> 00:06:51 attuned. Uh, here they are. Mm -hmm. You see
00:06:51 --> 00:06:53 Kevin, this is why you're my top guy. So you're
00:06:53 --> 00:06:55 implying the daintiness of my ears is their best
00:06:55 --> 00:06:58 quality. I refuse to give P's a chance. Pull
00:06:58 --> 00:07:01 them in, drag that audience into the show. Cross
00:07:01 --> 00:07:05 promotion! The reason why we played them is because
00:07:05 --> 00:07:06 I want to know what the hell were you thinking?
00:07:07 --> 00:07:10 Uh, uh, I would like to personally disavow all
00:07:10 --> 00:07:13 the things that I said. However, Kevin, in my
00:07:13 --> 00:07:16 defense, I rolled on a series of random tables
00:07:16 --> 00:07:18 and that's what came up. So I just had to say
00:07:18 --> 00:07:20 it. You said this way. Have you actually got
00:07:20 --> 00:07:23 dice there to roll for some decisions? Oh, absolutely.
00:07:23 --> 00:07:26 Really? Absolutely. I had dice here. Let me roll
00:07:26 --> 00:07:28 them for you right now, Kevin. Are you rolling
00:07:28 --> 00:07:31 them on a proper map or just on the, you know,
00:07:31 --> 00:07:34 you have the rolling boxes or whatever? I don't
00:07:34 --> 00:07:36 have the nice little rolling box up here because
00:07:36 --> 00:07:39 that mutes the sound of them hitting it. OK,
00:07:39 --> 00:07:42 OK. So for podcast purposes. But yeah, I got
00:07:42 --> 00:07:45 plenty of things. Yeah, I got crazy dice towers
00:07:45 --> 00:07:48 and everything. Oh, we got stuff. OK, we're going
00:07:48 --> 00:07:49 to get into this podcast and see how you are
00:07:49 --> 00:07:53 as a tyrant. You ready? Mm hmm. Absolutely. Let's
00:07:53 --> 00:07:56 go. Oh, yeah. OK, let's go. What I first have
00:07:56 --> 00:07:58 to ask you is, first of all, are you OK with
00:07:58 --> 00:08:00 compliments? Do you want me to compliment you
00:08:00 --> 00:08:03 throughout the thing? Oh, as a tyrant? Absolutely.
00:08:04 --> 00:08:07 Mm hmm. They're actually mandatory, Kevin. OK.
00:08:07 --> 00:08:10 Just, and again, I am just a disembodied voice
00:08:10 --> 00:08:12 in your head. I'm just an advisor. You can't
00:08:12 --> 00:08:14 kill me off in any podcast. Oh, I would never.
00:08:15 --> 00:08:18 I would never. Only imprisonment for life. No,
00:08:18 --> 00:08:21 no, I'm I'm not real. I'm just a voice in your
00:08:21 --> 00:08:24 head. You can't put me in prison. OK, questionable
00:08:24 --> 00:08:28 at best. Right. OK, that's fine. That's worrying.
00:08:29 --> 00:08:31 I was going to say I'm very concerned about my
00:08:31 --> 00:08:32 tyranny right now if I'm hearing voices already
00:08:32 --> 00:08:34 and we're only just starting. It's just one voice,
00:08:35 --> 00:08:36 everyone has a voice, and it's just my... Oh,
00:08:36 --> 00:08:39 well, fair enough. My, my accent. As long as
00:08:39 --> 00:08:42 it's the dulcet tones of Kevin Ryan, I feel completely
00:08:42 --> 00:08:44 confident. I never let us stray. I heard dull
00:08:44 --> 00:08:47 tones. That's fine. The thing is... Dulcet? Oh,
00:08:47 --> 00:08:51 that's it. Oh, okay. I can take them. I was wondering,
00:08:51 --> 00:08:53 though, if you constantly hear me praising you,
00:08:53 --> 00:08:56 will that get a bit annoying? Oh, no. No, that'll
00:08:56 --> 00:08:59 feed into my ego. That is perfectly fine. Roughly
00:08:59 --> 00:09:03 how many minutes between each compliment? Let's
00:09:03 --> 00:09:08 say three to five. Fuck. OK, that's fine. I'll
00:09:08 --> 00:09:11 start with now. I was going to say, if you'd
00:09:11 --> 00:09:13 rather go more, that's fine, too. No, no, I'll
00:09:13 --> 00:09:16 stick to the three to five minute rule. I worked
00:09:16 --> 00:09:18 in a call center. I keep people on hold. I'm
00:09:18 --> 00:09:21 used to getting back within three minutes. I'll
00:09:21 --> 00:09:24 just start now to set us off. You have an admirable
00:09:24 --> 00:09:28 facial hair. Thank you. Thank you. I worked very
00:09:28 --> 00:09:30 hard to keep this. Also, same to you. Oh, thank
00:09:30 --> 00:09:33 you. I did not think this. But OK, fine. Oh,
00:09:33 --> 00:09:35 thanks. This is great. You're a nice tyrant.
00:09:35 --> 00:09:38 I have to ask you both. We'll set up your island
00:09:38 --> 00:09:39 first, right? Because we don't take over the
00:09:39 --> 00:09:40 country. That's technically bad. We are going
00:09:40 --> 00:09:44 to show you an island. Sorry. Show you a map
00:09:44 --> 00:09:46 of the world. And that way, you can pick out
00:09:46 --> 00:09:49 where you want to stay. Right? We'll share this.
00:09:50 --> 00:09:52 You might be familiar with this. This is a Google
00:09:52 --> 00:09:54 map. And all those little dots you see around
00:09:54 --> 00:09:56 in the water is previous guests and where they
00:09:56 --> 00:09:58 stayed. I've only started this recently. Shay
00:09:58 --> 00:10:01 may not be here. But that's not a comment on
00:10:01 --> 00:10:04 her. But yes, this is a question of what sort
00:10:04 --> 00:10:10 of weather you want, to be honest. Hmm. Well.
00:10:11 --> 00:10:14 Uh, you know, I am a little biased. Uh, I live
00:10:14 --> 00:10:17 here in Washington state in the U S and I do
00:10:17 --> 00:10:22 absolutely love it here. Uh, and since she has
00:10:22 --> 00:10:25 failed to get her dot on the map, I think I will
00:10:25 --> 00:10:29 claim a small uninhabited island in the San Juan's,
00:10:29 --> 00:10:32 uh, here in Washington state. So right in the
00:10:32 --> 00:10:35 Pacific coast, um, it's right in kind of that
00:10:35 --> 00:10:37 open spot on your map, north of Seattle, south
00:10:37 --> 00:10:41 of Vancouver, east of Victoria often here. I
00:10:41 --> 00:10:42 wonder, did she go in there? Yep, in some of
00:10:42 --> 00:10:44 those beautiful islands right up through there.
00:10:45 --> 00:10:46 Okay, so we're going to put, do you want to go
00:10:46 --> 00:10:49 north, sorry, do you want to go south of Lopez
00:10:49 --> 00:10:54 Island or north? Let's do right south of Orcas.
00:10:54 --> 00:10:58 Where? What? Oh, south of Orcas. Yep. Down here?
00:10:58 --> 00:11:01 Beautiful. Yeah, that'll be perfect. Okay, perfect.
00:11:01 --> 00:11:03 Okay, now we will say, I'm going to say there's
00:11:03 --> 00:11:05 10 million people on this island. It has plenty
00:11:05 --> 00:11:08 of room though, right? We're kind of making this
00:11:08 --> 00:11:12 up. Is 10 million people okay? Let's say yes.
00:11:13 --> 00:11:16 Okay, but we can confirm yes, not just let's
00:11:16 --> 00:11:19 say. Oh, absolutely. Okay. Yes. Ten million people.
00:11:19 --> 00:11:21 Fantastic. Beautiful. I can definitely rule that
00:11:21 --> 00:11:24 many. Oh, naturally. You can have more if you
00:11:24 --> 00:11:26 want. Let's start with ten and work our way up.
00:11:26 --> 00:11:29 We'll bring in more. Okay. I'm going to do is
00:11:29 --> 00:11:31 I'm going to save this. Oh my God. Oh, there
00:11:31 --> 00:11:33 we go. And what I have to find out is do you
00:11:33 --> 00:11:35 have any idea what sort of name you want for
00:11:35 --> 00:11:39 your island? I do. Now. Kevin, I don't think
00:11:39 --> 00:11:41 this is coming up in any of our conversations.
00:11:42 --> 00:11:46 However, I do a lot of role playing games and
00:11:46 --> 00:11:49 I have a long history of role playing games.
00:11:49 --> 00:11:52 I have probably been playing role playing games
00:11:52 --> 00:11:54 for longer than some of your listeners have been
00:11:54 --> 00:12:00 alive. So in classic Dungeons and Dragons fashion,
00:12:00 --> 00:12:04 I have chosen to name my island, Dragonia. Oh,
00:12:04 --> 00:12:06 is it? Are you going to go heavy dragon teamed?
00:12:07 --> 00:12:11 Uh, we're gonna find out. Okay, okay. Uh, Dragonia.
00:12:11 --> 00:12:13 Perfect. I'm gonna ask this to follow up and
00:12:13 --> 00:12:15 I'm wondering will it be dragons as well, but
00:12:15 --> 00:12:17 do you have any idea what your official title
00:12:17 --> 00:12:23 is? Ooh, I am going to say... Magister and Head
00:12:23 --> 00:12:28 Tyrant. Wait, Magister and Head Tyrant? Yeah.
00:12:28 --> 00:12:30 If I'm the Tyrant of this island, I can give
00:12:30 --> 00:12:33 myself two titles. Nobody has given themselves
00:12:33 --> 00:12:36 two titles, I think. OK. All right. There you
00:12:36 --> 00:12:39 go. A tyrant in training first. No. And I did
00:12:39 --> 00:12:41 think you were going with something master. But
00:12:41 --> 00:12:42 by the way, it's been four minutes. I'm just
00:12:42 --> 00:12:46 going to add, you're very eloquent. So I have
00:12:46 --> 00:12:48 Magister and Head Tyrant. Do people have to call
00:12:48 --> 00:12:50 you both? Do they get in trouble if they just
00:12:50 --> 00:12:54 call you one? They can pick and choose. Oh, nice.
00:12:54 --> 00:12:57 OK. OK. At least I don't have to keep saying
00:12:57 --> 00:13:01 both. Head Tyrant may come up more. I have Dragonia
00:13:01 --> 00:13:03 and Magister and Head Tyrant there, okay? What
00:13:03 --> 00:13:06 I also need to know is what sort of home do you
00:13:06 --> 00:13:10 want on your island of Dragonia? I think understated
00:13:10 --> 00:13:14 palace. You don't ever want to go full Versailles.
00:13:15 --> 00:13:18 So something simple, more a little focused on
00:13:18 --> 00:13:23 like wood and something, you know, reasonable.
00:13:24 --> 00:13:29 Like 30 rooms max. Oh, I might actually have
00:13:29 --> 00:13:30 a sort of place you might like here. I didn't,
00:13:30 --> 00:13:33 I Googled understated palace. I did not think
00:13:33 --> 00:13:36 it would bring me up anything great, but I could
00:13:36 --> 00:13:39 be wrong. Now there's a few trees ahead of this,
00:13:39 --> 00:13:42 but any of these ones? Right, maybe zoom in.
00:13:44 --> 00:13:46 Yeah, no, I think some of those can definitely
00:13:46 --> 00:13:49 work. That's about 30 rooms. Yeah, that's probably
00:13:49 --> 00:13:55 about 30 rooms. I will say. For my honeymoon
00:13:55 --> 00:13:58 when I got married a few years ago, we went to
00:13:58 --> 00:14:02 Scotland and got to tour all of these different
00:14:02 --> 00:14:06 castles. Did you go around Scotland? We did.
00:14:06 --> 00:14:09 Oh, nice. So we actually did a tour of the entirety
00:14:09 --> 00:14:14 of Scotland. We started in Glasgow, then went
00:14:14 --> 00:14:19 kind of like northeast, circled the Eastern coast,
00:14:19 --> 00:14:24 went up to Orkney. Yeah. went back from Orkney
00:14:24 --> 00:14:30 to the Highlands, then went to the Outer Hebrides,
00:14:31 --> 00:14:33 came back through, spent my birthday in Loch
00:14:33 --> 00:14:36 Ness, and then ended in Edinburgh. Oh, lovely.
00:14:36 --> 00:14:40 So we saw almost all of Scotland. What drove
00:14:40 --> 00:14:44 you over to Scotland? Oh, I really, really loved
00:14:44 --> 00:14:50 it. It was so beautiful. Yeah, I imagine. I am
00:14:50 --> 00:14:54 not much of an international traveler. So I've
00:14:54 --> 00:14:56 been to a few different places here in the US.
00:14:56 --> 00:14:59 I've been to Canada, I've been to the Bahamas,
00:14:59 --> 00:15:02 but I've never been to Europe prior to this trip.
00:15:03 --> 00:15:06 So when considering places to go, I thought Scotland
00:15:06 --> 00:15:09 would be just absolutely gorgeous and so cool
00:15:09 --> 00:15:13 to visit. I went to Glasgow years ago and I was
00:15:13 --> 00:15:16 like maybe 18, 19. It was very much a go watch
00:15:16 --> 00:15:18 soccer and drink. Um, so I didn't, you know,
00:15:18 --> 00:15:21 a few days and then back. And then a few months
00:15:21 --> 00:15:24 ago we went to Glasgow and Edinburgh. Um, Glasgow,
00:15:25 --> 00:15:27 because I was able to remember more soberly now,
00:15:27 --> 00:15:30 I was like, this is actually a lovely city. And
00:15:30 --> 00:15:32 then it went up to Edinburgh and we only did
00:15:32 --> 00:15:34 the fringe festival. We only saw like, we were
00:15:34 --> 00:15:36 just coming in and out of shows. We were like,
00:15:37 --> 00:15:39 this, my God, it's the architecture in Edinburgh
00:15:39 --> 00:15:43 is stunning. Um, you know, it's lovely. You get
00:15:43 --> 00:15:46 lovely photos out of any random street. But,
00:15:46 --> 00:15:52 um, Yeah. All right. So you want a nice understated
00:15:52 --> 00:15:55 palace with an understated Scottish castle. Yeah.
00:15:55 --> 00:15:59 OK. Perfect. Do you plan to work from your home
00:15:59 --> 00:16:01 or are you going into the city, into an office?
00:16:02 --> 00:16:03 Basically, do you want people coming to your
00:16:03 --> 00:16:07 home? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I mean. Kevin,
00:16:07 --> 00:16:09 what's the point of having a palace if you're
00:16:09 --> 00:16:11 not going to entertain people in the palace?
00:16:12 --> 00:16:13 How do you plan to entertain them? Oh, we're
00:16:13 --> 00:16:17 going to have a very large central hall that
00:16:17 --> 00:16:22 I can attend to my various followers in, answering
00:16:22 --> 00:16:26 questions, making tyrannical demands. The usual.
00:16:27 --> 00:16:31 Do you want a throne? Oh, of course. Really?
00:16:31 --> 00:16:34 Is this not a thing that other tyrants on your
00:16:34 --> 00:16:36 show have done? No, not enough of them. You see,
00:16:36 --> 00:16:38 that's the problem, Kevin. I have spent years
00:16:38 --> 00:16:41 as a game master and a dungeon master, so I've
00:16:41 --> 00:16:44 gotten all of my tyrant training in early. That's
00:16:44 --> 00:16:46 true. These people are still on their tyrant
00:16:46 --> 00:16:50 training wheels. They're still nervous. You've
00:16:50 --> 00:16:52 got to lean in and embrace it. So, yeah, no,
00:16:53 --> 00:16:55 absolutely thrown. I think this is where we'll
00:16:55 --> 00:16:57 lean into some dragons, like behind it, looking
00:16:57 --> 00:17:01 very ominous. Real dragons. Oh, no, no. We'll
00:17:01 --> 00:17:03 stick with gold and silver dragons for here.
00:17:05 --> 00:17:07 So real gold and silver dragons like in Dun Dun
00:17:07 --> 00:17:09 Dun Dragons? Oh, do you mean just the chair?
00:17:09 --> 00:17:11 No, no, no. Like made of, yes, made of metal.
00:17:11 --> 00:17:13 Oh, sorry. I thought you were introducing...
00:17:13 --> 00:17:16 Okay, yeah, yeah. I can do that. Have you ever
00:17:16 --> 00:17:19 seen the carnation chair, the like English throne?
00:17:21 --> 00:17:27 Probably yes. I mean, honestly, it's a bit of
00:17:27 --> 00:17:32 a letdown, but... I'll show you it if it shows.
00:17:32 --> 00:17:35 There you go. Yeah, I'm going to go better than
00:17:35 --> 00:17:38 that. That looks uncomfortable. Right? I think
00:17:38 --> 00:17:40 this is the UK Parliament, the sovereign's throne.
00:17:40 --> 00:17:44 What the hell is that? Disappointing. Do you
00:17:44 --> 00:17:47 want a foot rest? Oh, absolutely. OK, perfect.
00:17:47 --> 00:17:49 OK, I love it. By the way, your official attire,
00:17:49 --> 00:17:53 are you going all kingly? You know, I think I
00:17:53 --> 00:17:56 gotta. I think you gotta lean in. So are we talking
00:17:56 --> 00:18:00 like medieval king or like Roman Emperor with
00:18:00 --> 00:18:03 with the purple royal purple or? Like what did
00:18:03 --> 00:18:06 you want to cave or join a crown or scepter?
00:18:06 --> 00:18:09 How much are we adding on to? Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
00:18:09 --> 00:18:13 I Think we're gonna go Comfortable but fancy
00:18:13 --> 00:18:16 robes. Uh, do like a nice little splash of purple
00:18:16 --> 00:18:21 on there getting that nice Imperial connect I
00:18:21 --> 00:18:25 think probably understated crown more than, like,
00:18:26 --> 00:18:29 the giant British monarchy crown. Something,
00:18:29 --> 00:18:32 you know, like more of a circlet. Still some
00:18:32 --> 00:18:34 nice gems, but, you know, keep it chill. Keep
00:18:34 --> 00:18:38 it casual. Yeah. And, you know, I always wonder,
00:18:38 --> 00:18:40 you know, I mean, you don't want to be ostentatious
00:18:40 --> 00:18:42 with it. No, you want to you want to be like
00:18:42 --> 00:18:45 a bit more of a common man. Understated. Yeah,
00:18:45 --> 00:18:46 understated. Yeah, we'll use that. By the way,
00:18:47 --> 00:18:51 you have fantastic glasses. I. Why, thank you.
00:18:51 --> 00:18:55 You're welcome. I will say head tyrant. It's
00:18:55 --> 00:18:57 very hard to figure out what shoes you wear with
00:18:57 --> 00:18:59 something like that. Well, you know, that's one
00:18:59 --> 00:19:02 of the great parts of tyranny. I get to set the
00:19:02 --> 00:19:04 fashion trends. So really, it's whatever shoes
00:19:04 --> 00:19:08 I want. Personal preference boots, which have
00:19:08 --> 00:19:11 boots are really solid, all weather. Yep. Really
00:19:11 --> 00:19:13 solid, all weather kind of shoe. Plus here in
00:19:13 --> 00:19:15 the Pacific Northwest, we get a lot of rain so
00:19:15 --> 00:19:19 it could be slippery out. So was it the fastest
00:19:19 --> 00:19:21 way to lose your tyrant throne is to do a slip
00:19:21 --> 00:19:23 and fall and then everyone's laughing at you?
00:19:23 --> 00:19:26 So if you slip and fall, you're gone. That's
00:19:26 --> 00:19:29 how you lose being returned. I mean, no one's
00:19:29 --> 00:19:32 going to respect you after that. OK, they won't
00:19:32 --> 00:19:34 respect you if you slip and fall. I am going
00:19:34 --> 00:19:37 to ask you to roll. Do you have a D20 or D100?
00:19:38 --> 00:19:39 Yeah, but you know the answer is I can have whatever
00:19:39 --> 00:19:43 you need. OK, grab that D100. I'm just going
00:19:43 --> 00:19:46 to introduce as a mechanic. If you get 95 or
00:19:46 --> 00:19:49 higher. I've already slipped and fallen. Yeah,
00:19:50 --> 00:19:52 since it's raining, you've already slipped and
00:19:52 --> 00:19:53 fallen, and this will never have happened. We'll
00:19:53 --> 00:19:55 have to figure out how we do a tyrant in training
00:19:55 --> 00:19:57 show with you not being a tyrant. All right,
00:19:57 --> 00:20:00 great news. I rolled a 47. I think we're safe.
00:20:01 --> 00:20:03 That's why you wear the boots. That's why I wear
00:20:03 --> 00:20:07 the boots. Fine, yeah. OK, so one other question
00:20:07 --> 00:20:11 while I'm just setting this country up. I would
00:20:11 --> 00:20:14 hate to think I failed by tyranny pre -getting
00:20:14 --> 00:20:15 my country even off the ground. It would have
00:20:15 --> 00:20:18 been rough. You stood up from your throne. And
00:20:18 --> 00:20:21 then fell over. Just face planted, yeah. Face
00:20:21 --> 00:20:24 planted. Right on the scepter, right on the orb.
00:20:24 --> 00:20:27 Yeah, it broke your orb. Your orb? Wait, you
00:20:27 --> 00:20:30 have an orb? I mean, isn't that part of the...
00:20:30 --> 00:20:33 Yeah, isn't that part of like the fancy British
00:20:33 --> 00:20:37 royal objects? I think they have an orb. Do they?
00:20:38 --> 00:20:42 I bet they've got an orb with the scepter. British
00:20:42 --> 00:20:50 Royal Family Orb? I'm just going with that. I'm
00:20:50 --> 00:20:54 not using AI. The Sovereign's Orb. My God. But
00:20:54 --> 00:20:57 is that on the... Oh my God. Where the... Okay.
00:20:57 --> 00:21:01 Yeah, you have an orb. 61. Yeah. Right? I know.
00:21:02 --> 00:21:04 Kevin, I'm just saying one of the two of us is
00:21:04 --> 00:21:07 a United States citizen. One of the two of us
00:21:07 --> 00:21:12 is over in the European area. Okay. I would also
00:21:12 --> 00:21:14 point out one of us is in a country that fought
00:21:14 --> 00:21:17 England for a couple of years. One of us is a
00:21:17 --> 00:21:21 country that followed him for 800 years. Kevin,
00:21:21 --> 00:21:23 both of us are in countries that have fought
00:21:23 --> 00:21:26 England together. Yeah. Yeah, but we fought for
00:21:26 --> 00:21:27 longer and we're more bitter. Just check out
00:21:27 --> 00:21:29 our European voting history. All right. I respect
00:21:29 --> 00:21:32 it. Thank you. No, but listen, you have an orb.
00:21:33 --> 00:21:34 Do you want anything you want to made out of
00:21:34 --> 00:21:37 specifically just jewels? You know, I mean, gold
00:21:37 --> 00:21:40 is a classic for an orb. Just for a lot. So yeah.
00:21:41 --> 00:21:43 I'm going to switch it up a little. I've decided
00:21:43 --> 00:21:47 using my tyrannical decisions. We are going to
00:21:47 --> 00:21:51 do like a mirror shined platinum. Oh, lovely.
00:21:52 --> 00:21:54 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Since you said you're going
00:21:54 --> 00:21:57 to use your tyrannical, you know, wisdom, I guess,
00:21:58 --> 00:22:00 to make that decision. I'm going to ask you this
00:22:00 --> 00:22:03 question now. I'll put it in your mind that.
00:22:03 --> 00:22:06 Whatever your decision is, your citizens who
00:22:06 --> 00:22:07 come onto the island, 10 million of them, 10
00:22:07 --> 00:22:09 million of them are going to be happy. OK, they're
00:22:09 --> 00:22:11 delighted with this decision. That's why they're
00:22:11 --> 00:22:14 here. Fantastic. When it comes to running your
00:22:14 --> 00:22:17 island, OK, you obviously have ultimate say over
00:22:17 --> 00:22:20 everything, but you have to worry about, like,
00:22:20 --> 00:22:22 the everyday boring Admin -y parts of running
00:22:22 --> 00:22:23 a country, right? And you don't want to have
00:22:23 --> 00:22:25 you don't you're not able to do all that by yourself.
00:22:26 --> 00:22:28 So of course, here's your two decisions. Do you
00:22:28 --> 00:22:31 allow voting? So the citizens can vote for 100
00:22:31 --> 00:22:33 citizens to be in the Senate as senators and
00:22:33 --> 00:22:34 they'll do all that stuff. You have ultimate
00:22:34 --> 00:22:36 power. Or do you want to tell your citizens there's
00:22:36 --> 00:22:39 no voting whatsoever? You'll pick 10 people like
00:22:39 --> 00:22:43 an inner circle of your trusted whoever you want.
00:22:43 --> 00:22:46 So no voting or voting, which which is just for
00:22:46 --> 00:22:48 the record, which is Brian Kershaw for democracy
00:22:48 --> 00:22:54 or not? So Brian, as the tyrant, wants to say
00:22:54 --> 00:22:59 no voting, but. Brian as the person can't pass
00:22:59 --> 00:23:04 that up. So I am going to allow my citizens to
00:23:04 --> 00:23:08 vote. However, we're going to add a randomness
00:23:08 --> 00:23:10 mechanic to this because I can't resist that
00:23:10 --> 00:23:14 either. Right. So who they're voting for will
00:23:14 --> 00:23:17 be randomly selected 100 people for a two year
00:23:17 --> 00:23:22 term. Oh, so during whatever the election is,
00:23:22 --> 00:23:24 however many candidates are all random and then
00:23:24 --> 00:23:26 they can pick out of that. Yep, exactly. Okay.
00:23:27 --> 00:23:30 So no, no campaigning for it's just your name
00:23:30 --> 00:23:32 comes up in the role almost like jury duty. You
00:23:32 --> 00:23:34 now have a governmental position here in the
00:23:34 --> 00:23:37 Kingdom of Dragonia. And it's just anyone on
00:23:37 --> 00:23:40 the island can be picked random. Yep. Assumedly
00:23:40 --> 00:23:43 a voting age. We don't want like a six year old
00:23:43 --> 00:23:47 running. Just checking. What if it's someone
00:23:47 --> 00:23:51 who's like 94 and literally under debt bed? I
00:23:51 --> 00:23:53 mean, that's US politics, baby. Yeah, that's
00:23:53 --> 00:23:56 true, actually. Isn't that funny? Chuck Gatsley
00:23:56 --> 00:24:00 or Gatsley. He's like 92 or Trino. Now, I think
00:24:00 --> 00:24:03 so. Yeah. Strom Thurman, I thought, was 100 before
00:24:03 --> 00:24:08 he stopped running. Madness. Yeah. OK. But hey,
00:24:08 --> 00:24:10 you're OK with that. I'm going to try and avoid
00:24:10 --> 00:24:12 getting too real world political with this. No,
00:24:12 --> 00:24:14 no. Just me. Just run my regular fantasy tyranny.
00:24:15 --> 00:24:17 I'm rooting. I'm grounding this, you see, at
00:24:17 --> 00:24:22 critical time. You have a lovely fan behind you
00:24:22 --> 00:24:24 in the background. There, that's another compliment.
00:24:24 --> 00:24:26 I forgot to think of one. Kevin, I briefly was
00:24:26 --> 00:24:29 looking back like, is the cat there? Did my wife
00:24:29 --> 00:24:32 pop into the room? You mean an actual physical
00:24:32 --> 00:24:34 fan? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Physical fan. Fine fan.
00:24:34 --> 00:24:38 As a tyrant, I have many fans. Of course. I will
00:24:38 --> 00:24:41 get into some details now about this island.
00:24:41 --> 00:24:44 Well, about your rule, exactly. Because, unfortunately,
00:24:45 --> 00:24:47 no matter how brilliant you are, you're going
00:24:47 --> 00:24:51 to have... a political scandal, because every
00:24:51 --> 00:24:52 ruler has a political scandal at some stage,
00:24:53 --> 00:24:55 right? Mm -hmm. The good thing is you get to
00:24:55 --> 00:24:58 pick what your scandal is. Oh, fantastic. So
00:24:58 --> 00:25:02 what would you do? Mm -hmm. Head turned. Kevin,
00:25:02 --> 00:25:07 I'm so sorry to reveal to you the people this
00:25:07 --> 00:25:09 terrible tragedy and scandal that I have been
00:25:09 --> 00:25:13 involved with involving weighted dice when choosing
00:25:13 --> 00:25:15 who some of our senatorial candidates are. It
00:25:15 --> 00:25:19 is possible. I may have used some to rule out
00:25:19 --> 00:25:21 certain members of our population so that they
00:25:21 --> 00:25:24 don't happen to get picked for our key voting
00:25:24 --> 00:25:27 roles. God. Okay. So the thing is, I was thinking
00:25:27 --> 00:25:31 while your advisors would say, uh, Head Tyrant,
00:25:31 --> 00:25:33 we think you should face the scandal head on.
00:25:33 --> 00:25:35 The whole way to dice gate is, is after making
00:25:35 --> 00:25:38 your popularity go from 100 % down to 94%. And
00:25:38 --> 00:25:41 we can't have that. So they would, they would
00:25:41 --> 00:25:44 offer you two choices. and we role play whichever
00:25:44 --> 00:25:46 one you want. Do you think you should go on to
00:25:46 --> 00:25:48 the nightly news and be interviewed by an honest
00:25:48 --> 00:25:52 to God journalist in every noble sense? They
00:25:52 --> 00:25:54 are interesting in knowing what the truth is.
00:25:54 --> 00:25:57 Or would you prefer to go on with Jim, who is
00:25:57 --> 00:26:01 our propaganda man? He is all pro -head tyrant.
00:26:02 --> 00:26:06 What should you do? Oh, well, I think, you know
00:26:06 --> 00:26:08 what, Kevin? I'm going to take the most honest
00:26:08 --> 00:26:10 answer that I can. I'm going to let the dice
00:26:10 --> 00:26:13 decide. Oh, fair enough. OK. Whatever. Yeah.
00:26:13 --> 00:26:15 Yeah. You whatever mechanic. Fifty one percent
00:26:15 --> 00:26:18 or higher. I will go for our propagandist Jim.
00:26:18 --> 00:26:22 Forty nine or lower. I will go with an honest
00:26:22 --> 00:26:24 journalist. Fine. And a thirty eight. So I'm
00:26:24 --> 00:26:28 facing honest questions. Yeah. OK. Do you want
00:26:28 --> 00:26:30 us to track number four and just if he gets to
00:26:30 --> 00:26:32 to. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. We save the threats
00:26:32 --> 00:26:35 for after. Oh, nice. OK. So you would be sitting
00:26:35 --> 00:26:37 down like Frost Nixon, right? You're sat down.
00:26:37 --> 00:26:40 Yep. As they come back from break, Anderson,
00:26:40 --> 00:26:41 the honest journalist in the country of Dragonia,
00:26:42 --> 00:26:44 would say, welcome, ladies and gentlemen, back
00:26:44 --> 00:26:48 to the show. I have here the Magister and Head
00:26:48 --> 00:26:50 Tyrant of Dragonia. That's what your name is.
00:26:50 --> 00:26:51 They're not going to call you Brian, are they?
00:26:52 --> 00:26:53 So they're like, thank you very much. That'd
00:26:53 --> 00:26:55 be unreasonable. No, exactly. They go, thank
00:26:55 --> 00:26:57 you very much for coming, Magister and Head Tyrant.
00:26:57 --> 00:27:00 Of course. Thank you, Anderson. Thank you. We
00:27:00 --> 00:27:02 appreciate your time, but we do have to talk
00:27:02 --> 00:27:06 about this scandal that is affecting 6 % of the
00:27:06 --> 00:27:08 country. No, I need to ask, first of all, the
00:27:08 --> 00:27:11 logistics, because you have used weighted dice.
00:27:11 --> 00:27:15 The claim is you're using weighted dice to exclude
00:27:15 --> 00:27:19 some people from the Senate. How many sided dice
00:27:19 --> 00:27:21 is this? Because this is 10 million people. Now,
00:27:21 --> 00:27:25 obviously, Anderson, we could not roll a 10 million
00:27:25 --> 00:27:30 sided die. that would be a practical impossibility.
00:27:31 --> 00:27:34 So instead, we roll a series of descending dice
00:27:34 --> 00:27:38 to do, for instance, a 26 sided die to determine
00:27:38 --> 00:27:41 the first letter of the name we use and then
00:27:41 --> 00:27:43 start to work our way through the population
00:27:43 --> 00:27:48 that way. And tragically, Anderson, I have to
00:27:48 --> 00:27:50 be honest with you and honest journalists. I
00:27:50 --> 00:27:52 know you present me in the best possible light,
00:27:52 --> 00:27:55 given I'm. Sharing my heart to you. There are
00:27:55 --> 00:27:57 some letters I just don't like in the alphabet.
00:27:59 --> 00:28:01 P's. Can't stand it. Do you eat P's? F's. Right
00:28:01 --> 00:28:05 out. I'm a tyrant. I don't eat what I don't like.
00:28:06 --> 00:28:08 OK, OK. So you don't eat P's. You don't... No.
00:28:09 --> 00:28:12 I refuse to give P's a chance. No time for P's.
00:28:12 --> 00:28:15 Not a moment of P's. OK, not a moment of P's.
00:28:15 --> 00:28:18 So no P's, no F's. Right out. Any other letter
00:28:18 --> 00:28:22 should be... Tragically, tragically we... only
00:28:22 --> 00:28:24 have one guy named Quintin, so we have to eliminate
00:28:24 --> 00:28:27 the queues. Because otherwise, he would have
00:28:27 --> 00:28:30 a disproportionate chance of being elected to
00:28:30 --> 00:28:31 the Senate. And we don't, we can't have Quintin
00:28:31 --> 00:28:34 doing that. He's, he's... Exactly. We can't have
00:28:34 --> 00:28:36 Quintin. No, if you make Quintin, he's awful.
00:28:36 --> 00:28:40 Let's just say he had one two -hour term, and
00:28:40 --> 00:28:42 we decided to change term limits after that.
00:28:42 --> 00:28:44 Right, yeah. Was that because of what he said
00:28:44 --> 00:28:46 or what he did? That was what he said. Oh, yeah,
00:28:47 --> 00:28:50 yeah, yeah. I don't want to get into what it's
00:28:50 --> 00:28:53 tea is, but I feel like it'd be terrible. Anyway.
00:28:53 --> 00:28:55 We don't need to discuss that here. We're not
00:28:55 --> 00:28:58 going to air his dirty business. Yeah. Well,
00:28:58 --> 00:29:00 he's already doing that. Yes. Well, I'm hoping
00:29:00 --> 00:29:03 to move past this scandal. I'm hoping to bring
00:29:03 --> 00:29:07 this honesty to the people of Dragonia. I want
00:29:07 --> 00:29:10 you to know. I am your magister and head tyrant,
00:29:10 --> 00:29:13 and I am here to represent you vicariously through
00:29:13 --> 00:29:15 the senators we select who actually represent
00:29:15 --> 00:29:18 you. Well, the problem is, of course, is that
00:29:18 --> 00:29:20 6 % of the population, and to be honest, it could
00:29:20 --> 00:29:23 grow, once they learn how to read, because they
00:29:23 --> 00:29:25 are very worried that, you know, a recent citizen
00:29:25 --> 00:29:28 here, Dolly Parton, is just always going to be
00:29:28 --> 00:29:30 excluded. And as you know, Dolly Parton is a
00:29:30 --> 00:29:33 saint. That is true, and that is why I've come
00:29:33 --> 00:29:37 to you with this interview. When I realized what...
00:29:37 --> 00:29:41 we were doing. The magnitude of excluding Dolly
00:29:41 --> 00:29:45 Parton, who I am so delighted has chosen to move
00:29:45 --> 00:29:48 to Dragonia and bring her Dollywood franchise
00:29:48 --> 00:29:53 with her. I saw, however briefly, the error in
00:29:53 --> 00:29:57 my ways. And we are going to now use non -weighted
00:29:57 --> 00:30:01 dice for the determining of the roles. Oh, so
00:30:01 --> 00:30:04 all the P's and F's are back in. Except the queues,
00:30:04 --> 00:30:06 Quintin's still out. Quintin's still out? Oh,
00:30:06 --> 00:30:08 fuck that guy, yeah, he's gone. Yeah, no one's
00:30:08 --> 00:30:10 gonna mind that. No, no, no, no, I'm surprised
00:30:10 --> 00:30:12 you let him on the item anyway. I... And rest
00:30:12 --> 00:30:15 assured, we have banished the person who came
00:30:15 --> 00:30:18 up with this idea in the first place. Oh, okay,
00:30:18 --> 00:30:20 good, good. Where's he banished to? Mm -hmm.
00:30:22 --> 00:30:26 Let's say Tacoma. I'll say which is Tacoma. I
00:30:26 --> 00:30:29 will also mention you have a lovely stature.
00:30:29 --> 00:30:33 Do you have to say that... I thought that, you
00:30:33 --> 00:30:34 know, the reports were saying that you're going
00:30:34 --> 00:30:36 to change Dolly Parton's name, like just call
00:30:36 --> 00:30:40 her Dolly Barton. So the bees are OK, but. Oh,
00:30:40 --> 00:30:45 no. No, Anderson, we we could never. Yeah. As
00:30:45 --> 00:30:48 you said, Dolly Parton is actually a saint. We
00:30:48 --> 00:30:51 have had her canonized as a living saint in Dragonia.
00:30:51 --> 00:30:54 Right. And and if we change her name, that would
00:30:54 --> 00:30:58 technically require paperwork to then canonize
00:30:58 --> 00:31:01 her again. Yeah, you know, that's that's very
00:31:01 --> 00:31:04 unreasonable Yes, we only have the one cannon
00:31:04 --> 00:31:06 to announce when someone has been canonized.
00:31:06 --> 00:31:08 So we don't want to have to get a second one
00:31:08 --> 00:31:10 Yeah, so that's where you put the orb and turned
00:31:10 --> 00:31:12 and it flies out and someone has to go. Yes,
00:31:12 --> 00:31:14 yes. You shoot out the sovereign's orb to announce
00:31:14 --> 00:31:17 a canonization. Yeah. From the canon canon, of
00:31:17 --> 00:31:20 course. Right. Yeah. OK. You know how religion
00:31:20 --> 00:31:23 works. Yeah, this is just exposition. I'm just
00:31:23 --> 00:31:27 needless for me to tell everyone. But he's going
00:31:27 --> 00:31:28 to say thank you very much. You're going to go
00:31:28 --> 00:31:29 for a break, OK? And he's going to say you're
00:31:29 --> 00:31:31 going to lean over and say, look, thank you very
00:31:31 --> 00:31:34 much. Hey, Tyrant. Appreciate you coming along.
00:31:34 --> 00:31:36 Great answers. Look, I just want to let you know
00:31:36 --> 00:31:38 where our new station is due. in a documentary
00:31:38 --> 00:31:42 about you. I hear it's a very pro -Magister and
00:31:42 --> 00:31:45 head tyrant documentary. They have asked me in
00:31:45 --> 00:31:49 my ear to ask you what sort of fantastical facts
00:31:49 --> 00:31:51 should we put into the documentary about you?
00:31:51 --> 00:31:53 Oh, gosh, just, you know what? Nothing but the
00:31:53 --> 00:31:56 truth. As long as it's flattering truth, nothing
00:31:56 --> 00:31:58 but the truth. Nothing but the truth, which has
00:31:58 --> 00:32:01 to be flattering about you. Absolutely, yes.
00:32:01 --> 00:32:04 Which all facts about me are. Has great fans,
00:32:05 --> 00:32:08 lovely glasses, great stature. Whatever other
00:32:08 --> 00:32:12 bullshit I'm saying. I think you got it. Yep.
00:32:12 --> 00:32:15 10 out of 10. OK. OK. Also, please don't forget
00:32:15 --> 00:32:17 to compliment my beard. And the beard. And the
00:32:17 --> 00:32:20 beard. Well, stylized beard. OK. Yes. OK. We
00:32:20 --> 00:32:21 can do that, right? So they are going to go do
00:32:21 --> 00:32:23 that. That's fine, right? You've successfully
00:32:23 --> 00:32:25 managed that. I do have to ask about Dragonia,
00:32:25 --> 00:32:29 just some little facts about them. You know how,
00:32:29 --> 00:32:32 I'm sure Brian knows that stereotyping is wrong.
00:32:33 --> 00:32:37 Of course. But for the purpose of this show,
00:32:37 --> 00:32:39 it's quite funny. Now, Kevin, I do want to point
00:32:39 --> 00:32:43 out, Brian knows tyranny is also wrong and is
00:32:43 --> 00:32:46 strictly against it. And it is only acceptable
00:32:46 --> 00:32:49 for comedy purposes. Yes. Our teaching kids,
00:32:49 --> 00:32:52 you know, put them straight. Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah.
00:32:52 --> 00:32:54 Like a little tyranny is fine as a treat. Yeah.
00:32:54 --> 00:32:57 Yeah. On Sundays. It's all during mass. I have
00:32:57 --> 00:33:01 to say, even though stereotypes are wrong, it
00:33:01 --> 00:33:03 still would be nice to explore them. So for the
00:33:03 --> 00:33:06 Dragonians. I will allow you to choose what's
00:33:06 --> 00:33:10 one like very positive stereotype of the Dragoonians
00:33:10 --> 00:33:13 and one very negative one Hmm. So what's your
00:33:13 --> 00:33:17 positive stereotype for these citizens? Mm -hmm.
00:33:19 --> 00:33:23 I Will say here in Dragoonia we have people who
00:33:23 --> 00:33:29 are just Excellent at mathematics, spreadsheets,
00:33:30 --> 00:33:34 numbers, probabilities, working around dice so
00:33:34 --> 00:33:37 often. They have just clocked all of that so
00:33:37 --> 00:33:41 rapid fire. You ask them, hey, what is the percentage
00:33:41 --> 00:33:44 chance of hitting an ogre from two and a half
00:33:44 --> 00:33:47 miles with a longbow? Boom, they know it right
00:33:47 --> 00:33:49 off the bat. OK, I'm going to have to ask, do
00:33:49 --> 00:33:52 you know it? As a tyrant, I don't miss. Right,
00:33:52 --> 00:33:56 OK, but if I was if I came to you and say, just
00:33:56 --> 00:33:57 so I know, because I'm going out into the woods
00:33:57 --> 00:33:59 there, it could be an ogre there. What are the
00:33:59 --> 00:34:03 chances of me hitting one? Statistically, zero
00:34:03 --> 00:34:06 percent, because two miles is outside of the
00:34:06 --> 00:34:10 range of a longbow. Oh, right. OK, but I couldn't
00:34:10 --> 00:34:13 get lucky. Yeah, just just aim. You could only
00:34:13 --> 00:34:16 get lucky on a Facebookers and friends. Well,
00:34:16 --> 00:34:19 that's just on brand, isn't it? Yeah. Doesn't
00:34:19 --> 00:34:24 miss it. Cross promotion. Right. Love it. OK,
00:34:25 --> 00:34:27 I will say, though, if that's your good, first
00:34:27 --> 00:34:29 of all, if it's good, if it's a good stereotype
00:34:29 --> 00:34:31 that all the citizens are practically accountable.
00:34:31 --> 00:34:34 They're very they're very solid mathletes. Yeah.
00:34:34 --> 00:34:37 Yeah. Oh, nice. I have to ask what's the negative
00:34:37 --> 00:34:41 stereotype as mathletes. I have to acknowledge
00:34:41 --> 00:34:49 my citizenry is pretty nerdy. They are up to
00:34:49 --> 00:34:54 a point. Yeah. Dorky. They might be a little
00:34:54 --> 00:34:58 dorky. They might know way more statistical information
00:34:58 --> 00:35:00 than is practical. And it's going to be great
00:35:00 --> 00:35:03 when they grow up and they're like, oh, spreadsheets.
00:35:03 --> 00:35:06 I'm an amazing CPA. But it's going to be a rough
00:35:06 --> 00:35:10 growing period for them. Is there any bullies
00:35:10 --> 00:35:15 on the island? Are they all just so nerdy? That's
00:35:15 --> 00:35:20 frowned upon. That, yeah. We don't really tolerate
00:35:20 --> 00:35:23 that kind of nonsense here. Since you've willingly
00:35:23 --> 00:35:26 filled up your island with a bunch of dorks,
00:35:27 --> 00:35:30 I'm going to ask you to roll that D100 again
00:35:30 --> 00:35:32 and see if you slip, because I think you deserve
00:35:32 --> 00:35:39 that now. 95. How dare you, sir. 86 dangerously
00:35:39 --> 00:35:43 close, but I remain stable. My government and
00:35:43 --> 00:35:45 my feet are both well grounded. There's a bit
00:35:45 --> 00:35:47 of a wobble there on that one, but you're okay.
00:35:48 --> 00:35:50 We've survived Ice Gate, so I'm confident we'll
00:35:50 --> 00:35:52 make it. That's when you try and walk off the
00:35:52 --> 00:35:59 set. Okay. I also have to ask you, what unusual
00:35:59 --> 00:36:01 list is your country top of? And what I mean
00:36:01 --> 00:36:05 by that is I'm sure I'm sure financially and
00:36:05 --> 00:36:08 health care wise, mental health, physical health,
00:36:08 --> 00:36:10 stuff like that. Education is going to be top
00:36:10 --> 00:36:12 of the world. Physical health, we are not in
00:36:12 --> 00:36:16 the top five percent. Oh, God. Yeah, no, there's
00:36:16 --> 00:36:18 there's an unusually high asthma rate amongst
00:36:18 --> 00:36:23 my people. Yeah, they get winded very easily.
00:36:23 --> 00:36:28 They cannot do a mile. However, their computer
00:36:28 --> 00:36:31 proficiency is very good. Right. And you know
00:36:31 --> 00:36:33 you didn't have to make that choice of either
00:36:33 --> 00:36:36 or. You could have said they're all well -fished,
00:36:36 --> 00:36:40 you know. Yeah. OK, that's fine. Listen, I know
00:36:40 --> 00:36:45 my people. Yeah, that's fair enough. So, yeah,
00:36:45 --> 00:36:50 I will say we are in the top highest percentile
00:36:50 --> 00:36:55 in the world of Bookstores to citizen ratio.
00:36:55 --> 00:36:57 Oh, so how many do you reckon bookstores for
00:36:57 --> 00:37:00 every citizen or how many citizens to every bookstore?
00:37:01 --> 00:37:05 Mm -hmm We are with our very math focused people
00:37:05 --> 00:37:09 are very game focused people are very nerd focused
00:37:09 --> 00:37:14 people in Seattle and Vancouver to draw from
00:37:14 --> 00:37:18 yeah, we have got an amazing ratio of coffee
00:37:18 --> 00:37:22 shop slash bookstore to citizens of about one
00:37:22 --> 00:37:26 coffee shop slash bookstore to every 200 citizens
00:37:26 --> 00:37:30 so it's basically like pubs in ireland is what
00:37:30 --> 00:37:33 you're saying it's about to ratio okay it's even
00:37:33 --> 00:37:36 more it's like saunas to finland Yes, perfect.
00:37:36 --> 00:37:40 OK, you, I imagine, have made sure that all those
00:37:40 --> 00:37:42 bookstores have suitable rooms for people to
00:37:42 --> 00:37:45 play board games, D &D, you know, nice spaces
00:37:45 --> 00:37:47 that those sort of places have. Yeah, that's
00:37:47 --> 00:37:49 perfect. What about cat cafes? You like them?
00:37:50 --> 00:37:54 I do, I do. Ever been in one? They are a problem
00:37:54 --> 00:37:56 for me, though, because I do want to keep all
00:37:56 --> 00:38:02 of the cats. Now, well, as a tyrant with a 30
00:38:02 --> 00:38:03 -room house, I can, of course, have many, many
00:38:03 --> 00:38:07 cats. Yeah. However, here is a practical human
00:38:07 --> 00:38:11 being. It is a little bit tougher. What I do
00:38:11 --> 00:38:14 not want is my palatial home to pick up that
00:38:14 --> 00:38:17 aroma of too many cats. Yeah, that's too late
00:38:17 --> 00:38:19 for me. But yeah, I get you. Yeah, it's it. There's
00:38:19 --> 00:38:23 a fine balance. Yeah, I will just jump in here
00:38:23 --> 00:38:29 and state that your ears have great. I don't
00:38:29 --> 00:38:33 know. Now, you're here, Kevin Ryan. Yeah, Kevin
00:38:33 --> 00:38:36 Ryan. I have headphones on. You can't even see
00:38:36 --> 00:38:38 my ears. That's what I mean. I'm starting to
00:38:38 --> 00:38:43 think some of these compliments may in fact be
00:38:43 --> 00:38:46 disingenuous. No, because look, I have headphones
00:38:46 --> 00:38:47 on and look, my ears stick out because they're
00:38:47 --> 00:38:51 big and unnatural. Look. See? So you're implying
00:38:51 --> 00:38:54 the daintiness of my ears is their best quality.
00:38:54 --> 00:38:57 They're perfectly well fitted. They're well formed
00:38:57 --> 00:38:59 ears is what I was simply saying. Very well,
00:38:59 --> 00:39:02 very well. I shall forbid it, but just remember,
00:39:02 --> 00:39:05 watching you. Keeping an eye on the eyes are
00:39:05 --> 00:39:07 up here. Yeah, no, that's fine. Yeah, the eyes
00:39:07 --> 00:39:09 are over here, not over here around here. Yeah.
00:39:09 --> 00:39:12 I know that's my one not over here. Yeah. Well,
00:39:13 --> 00:39:15 I'm very clever. I know that was a fine compliment
00:39:15 --> 00:39:19 I was given. I like that you included an actual
00:39:19 --> 00:39:22 compliment after that of very clever. Yeah. Yeah.
00:39:22 --> 00:39:24 Ignore that. No, the years I'm sticking with.
00:39:25 --> 00:39:27 OK. OK. So you have a lot of bookstores these
00:39:27 --> 00:39:31 these. How's your military these? fucking nerds.
00:39:33 --> 00:39:36 You know, nobody for a while, for a while things
00:39:36 --> 00:39:40 were hit or miss until we realized that drone
00:39:40 --> 00:39:42 warfare was the way of the future. And suddenly,
00:39:43 --> 00:39:47 yeah, yeah, we we became with our army of nerds.
00:39:47 --> 00:39:50 Very frightening. That's true not writing enough
00:39:50 --> 00:39:53 that the u .s. Would try and do any kind of attack
00:39:53 --> 00:39:56 against us but Enough that no one wanted to really
00:39:56 --> 00:39:58 mess with the island of nerds because they figured
00:39:58 --> 00:40:00 we're working on something important Yeah, that's
00:40:00 --> 00:40:02 all they do all day working on and yeah, okay
00:40:02 --> 00:40:06 and drones. I Something something okay. Do you
00:40:06 --> 00:40:09 have a secret hidden military facility that you're
00:40:09 --> 00:40:14 working on tings? It is below the palace underground
00:40:14 --> 00:40:16 bunker is that what you're talking about absolutely
00:40:16 --> 00:40:22 absolutely uh complete with catacombs old ones
00:40:22 --> 00:40:26 are new catacombs new catacombs of course only
00:40:26 --> 00:40:29 the best i wonder what new catacombs are like
00:40:29 --> 00:40:31 you know i i think of like you know the catacombs
00:40:31 --> 00:40:34 under rome and stuff it's very like ancient but
00:40:34 --> 00:40:37 yeah i don't know i'd be mad into new catacombs
00:40:37 --> 00:40:40 i don't know the side of it i mean but you know
00:40:40 --> 00:40:43 if you're a nice part the night a yes i am so
00:40:43 --> 00:40:46 that's the important part exactly uh they do
00:40:46 --> 00:40:50 actually meet safety codes Are there people buried
00:40:50 --> 00:40:55 under there? Not yet. That we've reported to
00:40:55 --> 00:41:01 the public. OK, but privately. What's going on
00:41:01 --> 00:41:04 there? But who's there? OK, but like, what if?
00:41:04 --> 00:41:10 No comment. OK, OK, I'll keep that in. OK, we'll
00:41:10 --> 00:41:12 move on though. What seemingly mundane thing
00:41:12 --> 00:41:15 has been? Before we move on, there's one last
00:41:15 --> 00:41:17 thing I do want to focus on here. We talked about
00:41:17 --> 00:41:19 our military. Yes, yes. Do you know where the
00:41:19 --> 00:41:24 world's finest tactical minds come from? People
00:41:24 --> 00:41:27 who play tactical strategy board games. Right.
00:41:28 --> 00:41:32 Risk. Our generals, our advisors, have the finest
00:41:32 --> 00:41:35 minds that could be found. They are going to
00:41:35 --> 00:41:39 be masters of strategy, of tactics. And so I
00:41:39 --> 00:41:42 am very confident that our military is going
00:41:42 --> 00:41:45 to be the creme de la creme, the top of the tops.
00:41:45 --> 00:41:48 Okay, I'm going to put you on the spot here.
00:41:48 --> 00:41:50 More, more brined and head tyrant, but we're
00:41:50 --> 00:41:53 going to act this right. Out of the two podcasts
00:41:53 --> 00:41:57 that you're on, the Spirits of Monsters and Facehuggers
00:41:57 --> 00:41:59 and Friends, you can pick three people out of
00:41:59 --> 00:42:03 both, like altogether out of both to join in
00:42:03 --> 00:42:07 as strategic masters of your military. Who are
00:42:07 --> 00:42:09 you picking? And you can even say, I'm definitely
00:42:09 --> 00:42:11 not picking Kevin from the start, which just
00:42:11 --> 00:42:13 hurt my feelings. But who else are you picking?
00:42:13 --> 00:42:16 I want three names. Now, I have an important
00:42:16 --> 00:42:19 question for you. Yes. Am I picking the player,
00:42:20 --> 00:42:25 or am I picking the character? I tell you what,
00:42:25 --> 00:42:27 we're going to bump this up to five, and you
00:42:27 --> 00:42:29 can do a mixture in any way you see fit of both.
00:42:29 --> 00:42:35 Ooh, all right. Now I've got to consider. Let's
00:42:35 --> 00:42:40 see. I think that if I can pick characters, that
00:42:40 --> 00:42:42 will give me the benefit of having some fantastical
00:42:42 --> 00:42:46 options. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, so I think I will
00:42:46 --> 00:42:50 take Julian Benavides from Spirits and Monsters
00:42:50 --> 00:42:54 of Old Seattle. He's an entertainer. Yes. Julian,
00:42:55 --> 00:42:59 who has a fiddle that can control people's minds
00:42:59 --> 00:43:05 and compel them to dance. Oh, can't in that setting,
00:43:05 --> 00:43:08 do they play the fiddle well or is it badly played?
00:43:09 --> 00:43:13 He plays it fantastically. OK, that's very good.
00:43:13 --> 00:43:16 Um, I can pronounce Julian, by the way. It was
00:43:16 --> 00:43:20 the second name. I was nervous. Benevides. Benevides.
00:43:20 --> 00:43:23 Yep. Got it. Nailed it in one. You have panache
00:43:23 --> 00:43:25 to say first. That's a compliment. That's why.
00:43:25 --> 00:43:28 Yep. Yep. Continue on. And that is why I will
00:43:28 --> 00:43:30 pick Kevin Ryan as one of my advisors. That's
00:43:30 --> 00:43:32 a terrible decision. Why are you doing that?
00:43:33 --> 00:43:37 I am highly confident that having been exposed...
00:43:37 --> 00:43:41 to so many tyrants over the history of his podcast.
00:43:41 --> 00:43:44 Yes. Kevin Ryan will be able to help me avoid
00:43:44 --> 00:43:48 any key missteps. OK, as an advisor, can I just
00:43:48 --> 00:43:52 point out Kevin Ryan could know a lot about over
00:43:52 --> 00:43:55 100 tyrants. However, he's also learned how to
00:43:55 --> 00:43:58 be a sycophant and suck up to every single one
00:43:58 --> 00:44:01 of them. So he may betray you. You know, everyone
00:44:01 --> 00:44:04 needs that one conniving advisor. So you're in.
00:44:04 --> 00:44:06 You're in. OK. OK. Number three. Number three.
00:44:06 --> 00:44:12 Yep. Number three, I think I will pick Erin,
00:44:12 --> 00:44:15 who plays Sophie on Spirits and Monsters of Old
00:44:15 --> 00:44:21 Seattle. She is someone who has a very good sense
00:44:21 --> 00:44:26 of humor. She is someone who does not let people
00:44:26 --> 00:44:29 get away with bullshitting. So she is someone
00:44:29 --> 00:44:32 who will speak truth to power and will keep that
00:44:32 --> 00:44:35 Kevin Ryan guy in line. Oh, I'm already afraid
00:44:35 --> 00:44:38 of her, Aaron. Yeah, as you should be. As you
00:44:38 --> 00:44:40 should be. Yeah. OK, OK. Number three is done.
00:44:40 --> 00:44:42 Number four. That's three. Yeah. Number four.
00:44:42 --> 00:44:46 I think I'm going to take Leif and Bao from Facehuggers
00:44:46 --> 00:44:48 and Friends. Wait a minute. I hate Leif and Bao.
00:44:49 --> 00:44:51 That's my whole dad. No, you don't. Lucky hates
00:44:51 --> 00:44:54 Leif and Bao. You forget. Kevin Ryan is just
00:44:54 --> 00:44:57 fine with her. Is just fine. And I am highly
00:44:57 --> 00:45:00 confident that Leif and Bao can plan key military
00:45:00 --> 00:45:02 strategies. Do you know what? Now that you say
00:45:02 --> 00:45:05 that, I'm very worried. Should we should we,
00:45:05 --> 00:45:07 you know, record the next episode of it? And
00:45:07 --> 00:45:11 she does because I'm like, oh, no, he's he's
00:45:11 --> 00:45:16 picking off the best ones quick. And then finally,
00:45:16 --> 00:45:21 I would take Dr. Lucius Jensen, who is played
00:45:21 --> 00:45:24 by Bill Ruska from Spirits and Monsters. Yes.
00:45:25 --> 00:45:30 And Dr. Jensen is a keen medical mind. And so
00:45:30 --> 00:45:32 he will be able to help keep our troops healthy
00:45:32 --> 00:45:38 and in fit fighting form as well as he's got
00:45:38 --> 00:45:39 a little bit of a drinking problem. So he's got
00:45:39 --> 00:45:42 some of that Ulysses S. Grant energy going. Oh,
00:45:42 --> 00:45:44 nice. Yeah. Hey, he's what he was. He was one
00:45:44 --> 00:45:46 of the reasons why he won the war. Right. The
00:45:46 --> 00:45:50 union. Yeah. Hey, meet that Lucius. I love the
00:45:50 --> 00:45:52 name. OK, so there's five of your top generals,
00:45:52 --> 00:45:55 including me, which I sincerely think that's
00:45:55 --> 00:45:58 a terrible decision. But OK, I will. Yes, Kevin.
00:45:59 --> 00:46:01 I've got most trust in you. That's your first
00:46:01 --> 00:46:04 mistake. And you will have to now roll. You will
00:46:04 --> 00:46:07 now have to roll. And I'm saying that if you
00:46:07 --> 00:46:09 get a 90 or over, you're losing your crown. Because
00:46:09 --> 00:46:13 you've walked into that. Okay. Yep. I understand
00:46:13 --> 00:46:15 and I accept my decisions. Absolutely. That is
00:46:15 --> 00:46:19 a three. Kevin has won you the entire East Coast
00:46:19 --> 00:46:21 and West Coast of America. I never doubted him
00:46:21 --> 00:46:23 for a moment. Love it. No, that didn't happen.
00:46:24 --> 00:46:25 Jesus, I can't have you suddenly control the
00:46:25 --> 00:46:29 world. Okay, you now have the west and east coast
00:46:29 --> 00:46:32 of America. Mm -hmm. Yep. Nailed it. Do you know
00:46:32 --> 00:46:35 what? I will say, this is a genuine compliment
00:46:35 --> 00:46:37 now, although the other ones were as well. But
00:46:37 --> 00:46:39 I do appreciate that you went, no, no, you said
00:46:39 --> 00:46:41 it, it's happening. Because that's what I do
00:46:41 --> 00:46:45 too. If you say it, it's done. Yep. You have,
00:46:45 --> 00:46:48 I imagine, maybe about a hundred million people
00:46:48 --> 00:46:50 now in your country. You did say you're potentially
00:46:50 --> 00:46:53 expanding. Yep, and apparently that expansion
00:46:53 --> 00:46:55 went way better than I thought it would. Thanks
00:46:55 --> 00:47:00 to Kevin Ryan. Yep. Well -known advisor, Kevin
00:47:00 --> 00:47:03 Ryan. Well -known advisor. Okay. I like to imagine
00:47:03 --> 00:47:05 that Kevin Ryan kept giving me suggestions that
00:47:05 --> 00:47:08 he meant as a joke, and then we implemented it
00:47:08 --> 00:47:10 and he was like, I didn't think that would happen.
00:47:11 --> 00:47:13 It just, yeah, it just... I didn't think this
00:47:13 --> 00:47:15 was a good idea. Now we did it and suddenly it
00:47:15 --> 00:47:21 worked. It's baffling me still. Either that or
00:47:21 --> 00:47:23 it took so long for me to deliver the announcement
00:47:23 --> 00:47:28 of war on apparently the United States that while
00:47:28 --> 00:47:30 the United States were waiting for me to get
00:47:30 --> 00:47:33 to the point, all your army of drones came in
00:47:33 --> 00:47:36 and just... Swooped up. Okay. We swept him up
00:47:36 --> 00:47:38 in a charm offensive. It worked great. Yeah.
00:47:38 --> 00:47:42 All right. Okay. Okay. That's fantastic. My kingdom's
00:47:42 --> 00:47:45 looking good. It's very well done. Yeah. Yeah.
00:47:47 --> 00:47:50 You are going to get a knock on your door. Knock,
00:47:50 --> 00:47:53 knock. I will, of course, send servants to answer
00:47:53 --> 00:47:56 it. I don't answer my own door. Do you want a
00:47:56 --> 00:48:00 robot servant? I'm gonna say no for now, because
00:48:00 --> 00:48:04 I think that would open up a concerning series
00:48:04 --> 00:48:06 of options that we would have with all of our
00:48:06 --> 00:48:09 drone technology. Okay, yes. That gets us into
00:48:09 --> 00:48:11 a Terminator scenario, and I don't think we're
00:48:11 --> 00:48:14 ready for that yet. Not yet. Okay, what is the
00:48:14 --> 00:48:16 name of your servant who's opening the door?
00:48:17 --> 00:48:20 Let's say Carl. Okay, Carl, perfect. Carl is
00:48:20 --> 00:48:23 gonna go open the door, and he's going to advise
00:48:23 --> 00:48:25 you that your finance person, one of your finance
00:48:25 --> 00:48:32 gurus, Paul. Is here with news for you. Paul's
00:48:32 --> 00:48:36 going to wave as he comes in saying, hello, head
00:48:36 --> 00:48:40 Magister. I mean, tyrant, head tyrant, head tyrant.
00:48:40 --> 00:48:47 Hello. Is that all you say? Bring me the news,
00:48:47 --> 00:48:49 Paul, the financial news. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm
00:48:49 --> 00:48:54 sorry. I have great news for you. We have 20
00:48:54 --> 00:48:59 billion in surplus. Probably thanks to our recent
00:48:59 --> 00:49:03 conquest. Your citizens are very happy, very
00:49:03 --> 00:49:07 excited about this, including the new ones. Your
00:49:07 --> 00:49:12 approval rating is still 96%. Did it ever fully
00:49:12 --> 00:49:16 bounce back from Dicegate? No, even the new citizens
00:49:16 --> 00:49:19 went, I heard about that, and they didn't get
00:49:19 --> 00:49:22 the interview you see at the time. We'll have
00:49:22 --> 00:49:24 to re -broadcast that. We'll try and find it.
00:49:25 --> 00:49:28 OK, so the problem. Well, not the problem is
00:49:28 --> 00:49:29 the great news is that your citizens want to
00:49:29 --> 00:49:32 build you a world wonder in your honor, something
00:49:32 --> 00:49:34 to show the world. You're great there. As you
00:49:34 --> 00:49:37 know, they're great with numbers, not great with
00:49:37 --> 00:49:40 creativity. Mm hmm. Yeah. So they're kind of
00:49:40 --> 00:49:42 great. They're great with they're great with
00:49:42 --> 00:49:45 creativity as far as planning. It's the execution
00:49:45 --> 00:49:48 that we run into some problems with. Yeah. They
00:49:48 --> 00:49:50 are. They're a bit stuck and they kind of figure,
00:49:50 --> 00:49:52 look, we might as well go ask the Magister and
00:49:52 --> 00:49:55 head tyrant who has. In their eyes, they've seen
00:49:55 --> 00:49:58 that you single handedly conquered most of North
00:49:58 --> 00:50:01 America at this point. So it's true. Any ideas?
00:50:02 --> 00:50:04 The best parts, but don't tell anyone. Yeah,
00:50:04 --> 00:50:08 no, no, no, no. We would like to know what would
00:50:08 --> 00:50:11 you like to have built in your honor? Mm hmm.
00:50:11 --> 00:50:16 Yes, yes. I think that really in this case, there's
00:50:16 --> 00:50:19 only one possible thing that would make sense
00:50:19 --> 00:50:22 for a great world wonder. Do you want to say
00:50:22 --> 00:50:26 that is on the tree? Yes, I do. 1, 2, 3, go,
00:50:27 --> 00:50:31 okay, right. A gigantic statue, giant and gold,
00:50:32 --> 00:50:34 of an enormous dragon, that breeds out an eternal
00:50:34 --> 00:50:37 flame, and is at least 100 feet tall, and is
00:50:37 --> 00:50:41 holding a giant D20. Okay, I was gonna come to
00:50:41 --> 00:50:43 tree, but okay, yeah, don't worry. Well, you
00:50:43 --> 00:50:44 signaled 1, 2, 3 at me, I thought that's what
00:50:44 --> 00:50:46 - No, I thought you meant to say 1, 2, okay,
00:50:46 --> 00:50:51 that's perfectly fine, you have an in... ...satiable
00:50:51 --> 00:50:54 thirst for knowledge. You want a big statue of
00:50:54 --> 00:50:58 a dragon holding a D20? Yes. Okay. Breathing
00:50:58 --> 00:51:03 an eternal flame? Always breathing. Oh, yeah!
00:51:04 --> 00:51:07 Oh! I thought we'd not do it in... Yeah? If it's
00:51:07 --> 00:51:11 not an eternal flame, why even bother? Oh, yeah.
00:51:11 --> 00:51:13 No, I thought it would be more impressive if
00:51:13 --> 00:51:15 it stopped and then started. You know? Oh, no,
00:51:15 --> 00:51:18 no, no. You gotta have it... Constantly shooting
00:51:18 --> 00:51:21 fire out of the mouth. That's essential. It's
00:51:21 --> 00:51:23 just going into the air, right? It's nice. Oh,
00:51:23 --> 00:51:26 yeah, yeah. We don't believe in global warming,
00:51:26 --> 00:51:30 do we? Of course we do. We are people of science.
00:51:31 --> 00:51:35 Oh, we do that carbon tax stuff. We offset it.
00:51:37 --> 00:51:39 And now that we control the east and the west
00:51:39 --> 00:51:41 coast of the United States, I'm very confident
00:51:41 --> 00:51:43 that we could start addressing some of that global
00:51:43 --> 00:51:46 warming crisis. Perfect. Yeah. Get on Silicon
00:51:46 --> 00:51:48 Valley to do all that stuff. OK, perfect. We
00:51:48 --> 00:51:50 when we build this, how big should we want to
00:51:50 --> 00:51:53 join an Eiffel Tower size like a big statue?
00:51:53 --> 00:51:56 I was thinking at least 100 feet tall, something
00:51:56 --> 00:51:59 to rival the Statue of Liberty. Perfect. Whereabouts
00:51:59 --> 00:52:02 do you want? I don't know how large the Statue
00:52:02 --> 00:52:05 of Liberty is, I realized in this. We're going
00:52:05 --> 00:52:07 to find out. But whereabouts do you want it?
00:52:07 --> 00:52:09 Do you want it on your island of Dragonia now?
00:52:09 --> 00:52:12 Oh, yes, of course. Yeah, it's got to be in the
00:52:12 --> 00:52:16 capital. the Statue of Liberty is 93 meters,
00:52:17 --> 00:52:20 which is 151 feet, actually. All right. Well,
00:52:20 --> 00:52:23 then we're going to have to go to at least 152.
00:52:24 --> 00:52:26 Actually, I might have even gotten this. Oh,
00:52:26 --> 00:52:29 no, it's actually quite larger. It is 105 feet.
00:52:29 --> 00:52:31 Yeah, that was up to a certain point. For some
00:52:31 --> 00:52:35 reason, it told me 305 feet and one inch. And
00:52:35 --> 00:52:39 so, of course, we will do 305 feet and two inches.
00:52:40 --> 00:52:44 Is that? I mean, I'm just I'm just saying if
00:52:44 --> 00:52:47 someone taught it, is that a bit petty? Why be
00:52:47 --> 00:52:49 so exact that you needed to be a bit higher than
00:52:49 --> 00:52:54 than her? Because I'm a tyrant. Oh, yes. And
00:52:54 --> 00:52:56 you saw her have the whole stack, the flame and.
00:52:56 --> 00:52:59 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. OK, we'll get to right on that.
00:52:59 --> 00:53:02 What do you want to made out of gold timber dreams?
00:53:03 --> 00:53:06 Oh, dreams would be fantastic. But I think what
00:53:06 --> 00:53:10 we're going to go with instead is we are actually
00:53:10 --> 00:53:15 going to use Let's say bronze So that we get
00:53:15 --> 00:53:18 that same that same kind of patina in effect
00:53:18 --> 00:53:21 over time. Mmm. Lovely. Lovely. Okay bronze it
00:53:21 --> 00:53:24 is big bronze statue We are gonna call it the
00:53:24 --> 00:53:26 dragonian statue. I imagine Paul is gonna run
00:53:26 --> 00:53:28 off and get that done, right? He's now he's into
00:53:28 --> 00:53:31 the planet stage. It's perfect. Fantastic Well,
00:53:31 --> 00:53:33 how should people celebrate you on your birthday?
00:53:33 --> 00:53:37 I think that they should clearly follow the long
00:53:37 --> 00:53:40 -standing Dragoonian custom and play some role
00:53:40 --> 00:53:42 -playing games. What would you suggest as the
00:53:42 --> 00:53:46 next role -playing game? Hmm. Well, previously,
00:53:47 --> 00:53:51 I would have probably said some existing ones,
00:53:51 --> 00:53:53 but now that I've conquered the west coast of
00:53:53 --> 00:53:56 the United States, including the wizards of the
00:53:56 --> 00:53:59 coast, I am going to force them to put out a
00:53:59 --> 00:54:01 new edition of Dungeons and Dragons that I am
00:54:01 --> 00:54:04 satisfied by. Right, we'll be playing the brand
00:54:04 --> 00:54:09 -new sixth edition edition the draconian standard
00:54:09 --> 00:54:11 edition Yeah, what's one rule you're changing
00:54:11 --> 00:54:18 or one one aspect of it. You're changing I Think
00:54:18 --> 00:54:20 that this may wind up being my greatest scandal,
00:54:20 --> 00:54:23 but we're gonna bring that go back Explain and
00:54:23 --> 00:54:27 this is what this is a very deep cut right in
00:54:27 --> 00:54:30 the ancient days of D &D back in the long long
00:54:30 --> 00:54:35 ago. Yeah your character's armor class went down.
00:54:35 --> 00:54:38 And so a negative value represented the best
00:54:38 --> 00:54:41 armor, but you still wanted to roll high on your
00:54:41 --> 00:54:44 die. And so there was an abstraction for this.
00:54:44 --> 00:54:47 This is way nerdier than your listeners probably
00:54:47 --> 00:54:49 actually want. Oh, good God. Okay, yeah, no image,
00:54:49 --> 00:54:52 yeah. And so, yep, there was a formula that you
00:54:52 --> 00:54:55 had to figure out every time you rolled your
00:54:55 --> 00:54:59 dice, and they made it simpler air quotes. by
00:54:59 --> 00:55:00 giving you a value on your character sheet of
00:55:00 --> 00:55:03 what you needed to hit a zero as far as armor
00:55:03 --> 00:55:06 class. With zero representing like the middle
00:55:06 --> 00:55:09 of the best armor, with negative 10 being the
00:55:09 --> 00:55:12 best and 10 being the worst. And you want that
00:55:12 --> 00:55:18 back? Yep. Why? Why? It delights me. It pleases
00:55:18 --> 00:55:23 you. Yes, it was needlessly complex and it did
00:55:23 --> 00:55:27 help with very quick arithmetic and got people
00:55:27 --> 00:55:30 to be like, Oh, I rolled a 16. My THACO is a
00:55:30 --> 00:55:32 20. I know I'm able to hit this armor class.
00:55:32 --> 00:55:36 Right. Fantastic. We're doing it to help the
00:55:36 --> 00:55:39 youth. You are absolutely allowed to bring that
00:55:39 --> 00:55:43 back. Sixth edition, the Dragonian edition. You're
00:55:43 --> 00:55:45 going to have to roll that dice again because
00:55:45 --> 00:55:49 I just have to. 95 dollars, stick with 95. OK.
00:55:52 --> 00:55:54 35, I'm still in it. OK, you're still in it.
00:55:56 --> 00:56:00 Okay, I am going to say, you are going to get
00:56:00 --> 00:56:02 another knock on the door, knock, knock, knock,
00:56:02 --> 00:56:03 that car like Presuma is going to have to go
00:56:03 --> 00:56:06 and answer. So Paul is going to come in, he's
00:56:06 --> 00:56:11 going to say, Hi there, Head Tyrant, Magister
00:56:11 --> 00:56:16 and Head Tyrant. Sorry, I've just packed my bags.
00:56:16 --> 00:56:19 I'm going on holiday, as you know, and going
00:56:19 --> 00:56:24 into the center of the United States. The centre
00:56:24 --> 00:56:25 of it is still there. It's a weird choice on
00:56:25 --> 00:56:28 your part. Yeah, of course. You could go to Canada.
00:56:28 --> 00:56:30 No, I'm going to stick with the centre of the
00:56:30 --> 00:56:32 United States, wherever that is. I'm going to
00:56:32 --> 00:56:37 assume Alabama. Yeah, that'll work. OK. Yeah,
00:56:37 --> 00:56:40 no, my husband's there, so I figured I might
00:56:40 --> 00:56:42 as well go visit him, you know. I'll be going
00:56:42 --> 00:56:43 over there for six weeks. I booked up my holiday
00:56:43 --> 00:56:46 hours, you know, don't worry. My plane is about
00:56:46 --> 00:56:49 to go, so I'm just letting you know. I had a
00:56:49 --> 00:56:52 look at the big... Dragoonian statue was built.
00:56:52 --> 00:56:55 There's fire coming out of a 24 seven. All looking
00:56:55 --> 00:56:57 beautiful. I had a quick look at the finances.
00:56:57 --> 00:57:00 It cost 10 billion to make. But, you know, it's
00:57:00 --> 00:57:03 worth it for the feature of it. Turns out there
00:57:03 --> 00:57:05 was a minus sign in front of the 20 billion.
00:57:05 --> 00:57:08 So we never had money. The International Monetary
00:57:08 --> 00:57:10 Fund is asking, hey, you're 30 billion in debt.
00:57:10 --> 00:57:13 Do you know how to, like, make some more money?
00:57:14 --> 00:57:15 Anyway, Paul Baird goes for his plane. Quintin
00:57:15 --> 00:57:18 is waiting for him in Alabama. I'll be back in
00:57:18 --> 00:57:21 six weeks. Good luck and Paul's gonna leave so
00:57:21 --> 00:57:25 no great. Fantastic. Yeah, but what's the plan?
00:57:25 --> 00:57:30 What are you planning? Uh You know We're gonna
00:57:30 --> 00:57:32 have to get a little creative with our finances
00:57:32 --> 00:57:36 We're gonna have to Maybe make some hard choices.
00:57:37 --> 00:57:41 I think we're gonna sell a Carolina We've got
00:57:41 --> 00:57:44 two of them. Yeah got two. Yeah one needs both
00:57:44 --> 00:57:48 Carolinas. No So I think we'll probably sell
00:57:48 --> 00:57:51 the southern one. We'll see if maybe France is
00:57:51 --> 00:57:56 buying Did they ever have it? No They had a better
00:57:56 --> 00:57:59 Louisiana or something. Yeah. Yeah, they might
00:57:59 --> 00:58:02 you might Is it highest bidder? Are you going
00:58:02 --> 00:58:07 like if? Like if if if Qatar a lot of money Saudi
00:58:07 --> 00:58:14 Arabia China we We Kevin again, I am torn as
00:58:14 --> 00:58:18 a person. Yeah Brian the tyrant will absolutely
00:58:18 --> 00:58:21 sell Carolina to the highest bidder highest bidder
00:58:21 --> 00:58:25 highest bidder Brian the person would never how
00:58:25 --> 00:58:27 have you ever been to either the Carolinas I
00:58:27 --> 00:58:31 have oh You were fine They were very hot and
00:58:31 --> 00:58:34 sticky. So now yeah, it's just not your art as
00:58:34 --> 00:58:36 a person who lives here in the Pacific Northwest
00:58:36 --> 00:58:39 There is a very certain weather that I am comfortable
00:58:39 --> 00:58:45 in And neither Carolina contains that Hand on
00:58:45 --> 00:58:49 heart, which are you selling? South Carolina.
00:58:50 --> 00:58:52 It's the muggier one. It's just hotter there.
00:58:52 --> 00:58:55 It's close to close to Florida and stuff, right?
00:58:56 --> 00:59:02 Mm hmm. I mean, OK, look, I'm being very lazy,
00:59:02 --> 00:59:05 which I don't really like, but I'm just going
00:59:05 --> 00:59:07 off of this silly AI overview because you don't
00:59:07 --> 00:59:11 need Google anything, right? Yep. Because this
00:59:11 --> 00:59:13 podcast makes no sense, we're going with it.
00:59:13 --> 00:59:16 Did not the GDP was approximately three hundred
00:59:16 --> 00:59:21 and fifty seven billion in twenty four. Surely,
00:59:21 --> 00:59:23 how much we can get? Yeah, I think how much we
00:59:23 --> 00:59:25 can get for it, Kevin. Right. You would you would
00:59:25 --> 00:59:29 like we're back in the black. Well, so one Carolina
00:59:29 --> 00:59:31 and you're good to go. Yeah, that's OK. We're
00:59:31 --> 00:59:33 going to say you got three hundred and fifty
00:59:33 --> 00:59:34 seven billion. I think that's fair to say. Yeah,
00:59:34 --> 00:59:37 one year. Yeah, fine. I frankly think we could
00:59:37 --> 00:59:38 drive them up, but I'm willing to go for it.
00:59:38 --> 00:59:41 Yep, so our statue is paid for and our GDP is
00:59:41 --> 00:59:43 looking good again. Wait a minute. How much do
00:59:43 --> 00:59:46 you think you'd go up to? It's 500 billion. Who
00:59:46 --> 00:59:48 can say? Who can say? Because again, we were
00:59:48 --> 00:59:50 going to sell it to the highest bidder. Would
00:59:50 --> 00:59:53 you be happy with 500 billion? Oh my God. Yeah.
00:59:53 --> 00:59:56 OK, roll a D100. If you get anything under 70,
00:59:57 --> 01:00:02 I'll say it's fine. I got an 11. Oh, I'll tell
01:00:02 --> 01:00:03 you what, we'll add in an extra 10 billion for
01:00:03 --> 01:00:07 good luck. You know what? when we were negotiating,
01:00:08 --> 01:00:12 I sent in my top advisor, Kevin Ryan, who crushed
01:00:12 --> 01:00:15 it the last time I sent him in and he got me
01:00:15 --> 01:00:20 like probably 40 % of the United States. So yeah,
01:00:21 --> 01:00:24 I'm sending in my best. You know what the trick
01:00:24 --> 01:00:29 is? You say, hey, we'll sell for 257 million
01:00:29 --> 01:00:33 and they go perfect. And you go, oh, sorry. Sorry,
01:00:33 --> 01:00:36 I said billion. But I'm looking for euros, which
01:00:36 --> 01:00:39 at the time equates to five hundred and ten billion.
01:00:39 --> 01:00:43 It's fine. OK, but they've already committed.
01:00:43 --> 01:00:45 They've already committed and does online. Yeah.
01:00:45 --> 01:00:49 I put in the the currency amount. The you see,
01:00:49 --> 01:00:52 Kevin, this is why you're my top guy. And amazingly.
01:00:53 --> 01:00:56 Oh, yeah. Amazingly, it keeps working. It keeps
01:00:56 --> 01:01:00 working. And you have a very steady base. You
01:01:00 --> 01:01:02 haven't slipped yet. Your advisors think that
01:01:02 --> 01:01:06 now that you're. You're after conquering half
01:01:06 --> 01:01:09 of at least 40 % of America, you are richer than
01:01:09 --> 01:01:12 you've ever been. Now you have done it. It is
01:01:12 --> 01:01:15 slightly less than 40 % because we did have to
01:01:15 --> 01:01:19 sell a Carolina. OK, slightly less physically,
01:01:19 --> 01:01:24 but I think much more happier. Yes, emotionally,
01:01:25 --> 01:01:28 but I said, yeah, so Carolina, you have Donnie
01:01:28 --> 01:01:33 Parton. who is potentially your best friend the
01:01:33 --> 01:01:35 way this is working. You have Kevin Ryan somehow
01:01:35 --> 01:01:40 managing masterminds. Yep. Yeah. We think you
01:01:40 --> 01:01:43 should have a photo op just to. He was very reasonable.
01:01:44 --> 01:01:46 Yep. Yeah. What sort of photo op do you want?
01:01:49 --> 01:01:51 Oh, I think that I will probably go with something
01:01:51 --> 01:01:58 on my throne. Oh, yes. Probably looking out over
01:01:58 --> 01:02:01 an adoring hall of subjects Holding, of course
01:02:01 --> 01:02:05 my sovereign orb. You're several. Yep with my
01:02:05 --> 01:02:09 loyal cadre of advisors and Kevin Ryan Who's
01:02:09 --> 01:02:11 only plotting a little bit, but it seems to keep
01:02:11 --> 01:02:13 working out. So he continues to get promotions.
01:02:14 --> 01:02:21 Yeah I'm gonna tell you said that she's coming
01:02:21 --> 01:02:26 for you. Yeah She's going to team up with Leif
01:02:26 --> 01:02:27 and Bao, and then you're in trouble. They're
01:02:27 --> 01:02:29 going to shoot you out of the canonization cannon.
01:02:29 --> 01:02:31 I keep that's how I go. Yeah, so we all streamed
01:02:31 --> 01:02:33 it. I keep telling you, you need to get rid of
01:02:33 --> 01:02:37 her. She's dead weight. Never. She's going to
01:02:37 --> 01:02:38 listen to this and then she's going to come for
01:02:38 --> 01:02:45 you. Yeah, OK. So very like regal, prestigious,
01:02:45 --> 01:02:49 projecting an aura of confidence and power and
01:02:49 --> 01:02:52 poise. I am going to hit you with a terrible
01:02:52 --> 01:02:56 moral question. I think you're going to ace it
01:02:56 --> 01:02:59 though, but I feel like I have to ask. On your
01:02:59 --> 01:03:01 island, which is now a continent, practically,
01:03:01 --> 01:03:04 is your partner there with you or have you married
01:03:04 --> 01:03:07 Dolly Parton? Dolly Parton herself is married,
01:03:07 --> 01:03:10 so I would not want to try and steal her husband
01:03:10 --> 01:03:14 away from her. She's very happy. So I would,
01:03:14 --> 01:03:18 of course, bring my wife with me. OK, but I was
01:03:18 --> 01:03:19 going to say, but wait, if Dolly Parton is single,
01:03:20 --> 01:03:22 you're like... No. OK, that's fine, that's fine.
01:03:23 --> 01:03:25 You know what? You're leaving out your fantasy
01:03:25 --> 01:03:29 of being a turned. I have to ask. I would see
01:03:29 --> 01:03:35 to it that she is also here in the palace with
01:03:35 --> 01:03:41 me, ruling instead. Wait, Dolly Parton or your
01:03:41 --> 01:03:43 partner? My partner. Your partner. OK, yeah.
01:03:43 --> 01:03:47 Just making sure. Yes, yes. Yeah. No, Dolly Parton
01:03:47 --> 01:03:48 could not be involved in politics. She's too
01:03:48 --> 01:03:53 good a person. Yeah. It's why she's canonized.
01:03:55 --> 01:04:00 That's a thing I have to ask is at some point,
01:04:00 --> 01:04:01 you're going to have to figure out who's your
01:04:01 --> 01:04:03 successor. And what I want to know, first of
01:04:03 --> 01:04:06 all, is do you plan on ruling until old age and
01:04:06 --> 01:04:08 then you pass away and the next generation handles
01:04:08 --> 01:04:13 it? Or are you going to retire? Now, Kevin, I'm
01:04:13 --> 01:04:16 going to get serious with you for a second. Do
01:04:16 --> 01:04:21 you know when empires fall apart? When the youth
01:04:21 --> 01:04:26 take over? Uh, interestingly, no. Oh, it is when
01:04:26 --> 01:04:30 the tyrant fails to choose who will follow after
01:04:30 --> 01:04:36 them. Almost a almost all of central Europe was
01:04:36 --> 01:04:40 under Charlemagne. Yeah. And his failure to give
01:04:40 --> 01:04:43 one single successor and instead to try and break
01:04:43 --> 01:04:46 it up under multiple sons led to terrible division
01:04:46 --> 01:04:50 and wars. So I will absolutely have a chosen
01:04:50 --> 01:04:55 successor. I have too much upon my shoulders
01:04:55 --> 01:04:59 from Dragonia, Dragonia East and Dragonia West
01:04:59 --> 01:05:04 on the United States, except Carolina. So yeah,
01:05:04 --> 01:05:10 it's gone. I could not, in good conscience, let
01:05:10 --> 01:05:13 my empire fall to pieces. Good, good, good man.
01:05:13 --> 01:05:14 So I will have I will have a chosen successor.
01:05:15 --> 01:05:18 Right. I did you ever hear when you were saying
01:05:18 --> 01:05:20 that because I was thinking then like, oh, Alexander,
01:05:20 --> 01:05:22 right? man who conquered a known world and died
01:05:22 --> 01:05:24 unexpectedly had no successor and the whole thing
01:05:24 --> 01:05:27 broke apart and then everything fell apart did
01:05:27 --> 01:05:31 you ever hear about um god who's why can't i
01:05:31 --> 01:05:33 think of the first first roman emperor kevin
01:05:33 --> 01:05:36 ryan well -known oh yeah yeah yeah that's it
01:05:36 --> 01:05:44 um augustus oh remind me of the specific augustus
01:05:44 --> 01:05:50 story So he well, he became Julius Caesar's nephew,
01:05:51 --> 01:05:54 adopted nephew. And then Julius Caesar basically
01:05:54 --> 01:05:56 started the whole let's start an empire. But
01:05:56 --> 01:05:58 it wasn't officially an empire. Then he got murdered
01:05:58 --> 01:06:01 before kind of really cementing the whole emperor
01:06:01 --> 01:06:04 stuff. Right. And then the Senate talk was taught,
01:06:04 --> 01:06:05 well, that will bring back power to the Senate.
01:06:06 --> 01:06:08 But then Augustus is so popular and people are
01:06:08 --> 01:06:10 like, oh, my God, the Senate is after killing.
01:06:11 --> 01:06:14 the popular Julius Caesar. So they demanded Augustus
01:06:14 --> 01:06:17 to kind of take power. And he was like very cleverly
01:06:17 --> 01:06:19 going, oh, no, I simply mustn't be in. I simply
01:06:19 --> 01:06:22 couldn't. Oh, fine. I will. And then he was off
01:06:22 --> 01:06:24 to the races. Right. He was in charge for 30
01:06:24 --> 01:06:25 or 40 years. But here's the interesting part.
01:06:26 --> 01:06:30 Right. So he had an adopted son called Tiberius.
01:06:30 --> 01:06:34 He did not like Tiberius, like just did not like
01:06:34 --> 01:06:35 him. I think he was adopted son. Either way,
01:06:36 --> 01:06:37 he was the guy that was probably going to be
01:06:37 --> 01:06:39 the heir, but he did not want him to be an heir.
01:06:39 --> 01:06:42 He tried to get different people. He tried to.
01:06:42 --> 01:06:44 I think he tried to adopt one or two sons. They
01:06:44 --> 01:06:47 died in battle. He tried to get another son who
01:06:47 --> 01:06:50 died in infancy or something. He had a grandson.
01:06:51 --> 01:06:53 OK. And they thought, well, maybe he might choose
01:06:53 --> 01:06:55 him. I cannot remember the grandson's name, but
01:06:55 --> 01:06:58 I do not know what happened. I have a feeling
01:06:58 --> 01:07:01 the grandson was like, I'll just say Donald from
01:07:01 --> 01:07:04 junior, just an arse. But I don't know how bad
01:07:04 --> 01:07:08 he was. But in history, the grandson was shipped
01:07:08 --> 01:07:11 away from Italy and sent to a little rock off
01:07:11 --> 01:07:14 the west coast of the Italy, the land itself.
01:07:15 --> 01:07:18 Yeah. And he was left there on a rock with soldiers
01:07:18 --> 01:07:20 guarding him. That's how, like, get rid of this
01:07:20 --> 01:07:24 clown out of. Right. And the only thing we have
01:07:24 --> 01:07:28 is that when Augustus was very old, he realized
01:07:28 --> 01:07:32 I have no air. So he went to Tiberius going God,
01:07:32 --> 01:07:35 I don't like you. You can be the new emperor.
01:07:35 --> 01:07:38 And that was whatever that did. But Augustus,
01:07:38 --> 01:07:41 before he died, he left Rome, went to that little
01:07:41 --> 01:07:43 rock in the middle of the Mediterranean and spoke
01:07:43 --> 01:07:45 to his grandson that he had like banished. Right.
01:07:46 --> 01:07:48 We don't know what he said. We don't know why
01:07:48 --> 01:07:50 he went there. And on the way back, he died.
01:07:50 --> 01:07:54 And in like a week after he died, the soldiers
01:07:54 --> 01:07:56 on the island killed the grandson, maybe because
01:07:56 --> 01:07:59 of Tiberius. But we don't know. So it's fascinating
01:07:59 --> 01:08:01 to think. What was wrong with that grandson?
01:08:01 --> 01:08:06 Like? It's not standard nepotism. Yeah. Mm hmm.
01:08:06 --> 01:08:08 It's on nepotism, if anything. Not nepotism,
01:08:08 --> 01:08:12 but like, yeah, not spoiled child of the rich
01:08:12 --> 01:08:14 family. Like anyone but someone related to me.
01:08:14 --> 01:08:16 Yeah, yeah. Like it's. So anyway, we don't have
01:08:16 --> 01:08:18 that. Sorry, I went on a random, but that's one
01:08:18 --> 01:08:20 of my favorite like historic history kind of
01:08:20 --> 01:08:24 like what ifs, what happened there. You. So you
01:08:24 --> 01:08:26 are going to choose one, but you're going to
01:08:26 --> 01:08:29 rule up to when you you pass away. Right. I think
01:08:29 --> 01:08:34 I will do a gradual step down. Oh, remove. Yeah.
01:08:34 --> 01:08:38 Yeah. Yeah. Slowly ease myself out of power,
01:08:38 --> 01:08:41 which for many a tyrant is the hardest thing
01:08:41 --> 01:08:45 to do. Takes great moral courage. Mm hmm. Yeah,
01:08:45 --> 01:08:47 that's what I'm known for. Great moral courage.
01:08:48 --> 01:08:49 It's written across your dragon. And keen minded
01:08:49 --> 01:08:53 advisor, Kevin Ryan. You keep complimenting me
01:08:53 --> 01:08:56 and it's awkward. No, I flipped it back on you.
01:08:57 --> 01:08:58 You were supposed to compliment me every three
01:08:58 --> 01:09:01 to five and now I've got - I have been. But I've
01:09:01 --> 01:09:05 got your back. All right, right, right. Okay,
01:09:05 --> 01:09:08 so - That's why I'm the tyrant. I have to ask,
01:09:08 --> 01:09:10 do you have a name in mind? Have you a name in
01:09:10 --> 01:09:14 mind who you're going to name as dear? Please.
01:09:17 --> 01:09:19 Don't. You want me to - No. You added the don't.
01:09:19 --> 01:09:22 I thought you were going to say, please, after
01:09:22 --> 01:09:24 all of my scheming. Put me in charge of this
01:09:24 --> 01:09:30 empire. No. Whenever you're ready, you can announce
01:09:30 --> 01:09:36 your heir. As part of that gradual step down,
01:09:36 --> 01:09:41 I will first start to give more power to my beloved
01:09:41 --> 01:09:46 wife. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah. And then as I fully
01:09:46 --> 01:09:52 remove myself, I... We'll give that to one of
01:09:52 --> 01:09:59 our citizens, depending on kind of assessing
01:09:59 --> 01:10:02 all of their performance over the many years
01:10:02 --> 01:10:05 and rolling on some random tables. Paul. Oh,
01:10:05 --> 01:10:10 that's what a P. But we have now allowed Paul's
01:10:10 --> 01:10:14 in as long as it's not Quinton. No, his husband
01:10:14 --> 01:10:15 Quinton. We shipped him off to South Carolina.
01:10:16 --> 01:10:21 Yeah. Oh, yeah, he ran to Alabama. Um, but okay.
01:10:22 --> 01:10:24 Who is the heir? I really don't think it should
01:10:24 --> 01:10:28 be me in any way, but yeah. All right. Only because,
01:10:28 --> 01:10:31 well, you know, Kevin, it is said the greatest
01:10:31 --> 01:10:34 of kings are those who don't want the responsibility.
01:10:35 --> 01:10:39 I have a proposal for you. Now, I've made my
01:10:39 --> 01:10:42 choice. The more you have protested, the more
01:10:42 --> 01:10:46 certain I am of Kevin Ryan King. Can I not just
01:10:46 --> 01:10:49 immediately, like, abdicate? I mean, that's up
01:10:49 --> 01:10:54 to you. You're the tyrant now, dog. I don't have
01:10:54 --> 01:10:57 dice. I flipped your entire show around on you.
01:10:58 --> 01:11:02 Hold on a minute. I've just realized. D100 dice.
01:11:03 --> 01:11:05 Screw this. I'm getting off this island. I was
01:11:05 --> 01:11:08 only afraid of being murdered. Kevin, I'll tell
01:11:08 --> 01:11:11 you what. I'll give you a 50 % chance to get
01:11:11 --> 01:11:14 out of running this kingdom. Well, you see, what
01:11:14 --> 01:11:15 I was going to do is use a D100 and the other
01:11:15 --> 01:11:18 four advisors would go. One to twenty five, twenty
01:11:18 --> 01:11:21 six to fifty. Do you know what I mean? They'd
01:11:21 --> 01:11:24 have a one in four shot. All right. But a caveat
01:11:24 --> 01:11:26 to that, if you roll a ninety five or higher,
01:11:26 --> 01:11:29 you're stuck doing the job. Right. OK. Yeah,
01:11:29 --> 01:11:33 I'm shackled to the to the orb. All right. Roll
01:11:33 --> 01:11:35 it. Right. Have you any idea who's one to four?
01:11:35 --> 01:11:37 Whatever way you named it there. Yep. OK. OK.
01:11:38 --> 01:11:42 I got I got names in place. OK. OK. Good. The
01:11:42 --> 01:11:44 role is please don't get ninety ninety five.
01:11:45 --> 01:11:51 Ninety five or higher. OK. It's a 66. All right.
01:11:51 --> 01:11:53 I was really hoping you were going to say like
01:11:53 --> 01:11:56 96. That would have been just such a cherry on
01:11:56 --> 01:11:58 top of the episode. Yeah, that is going to be
01:11:58 --> 01:12:02 Dr. Jensen. Lucius. Who? Yep. Dr. Lucius Jensen,
01:12:02 --> 01:12:05 who also will not want this. Oh, beautiful. And
01:12:05 --> 01:12:09 will and will grudgingly be forced to be in charge
01:12:09 --> 01:12:13 of this country. The thing is, will he not now
01:12:13 --> 01:12:16 go? Oh, well, I'm just going to roll a dice,
01:12:16 --> 01:12:18 because what I'm suggesting is, will you not,
01:12:18 --> 01:12:22 in your quest to put me in charge, have accidentally
01:12:22 --> 01:12:27 started a breakup of the whole thing? The short
01:12:27 --> 01:12:30 answer is, I'm not in charge anymore. That's
01:12:30 --> 01:12:35 not my problem. I tell you what, will you roll
01:12:35 --> 01:12:39 a D100 for me, if you get under 50? Absolutely.
01:12:40 --> 01:12:43 One of us decide. I tell you. Yeah. We all decide
01:12:43 --> 01:12:45 we should stick together for the sake of Dragonia,
01:12:45 --> 01:12:48 which is now massive. If it's over 50, it's breaking
01:12:48 --> 01:12:52 off into little kingdoms. 57. Yeah, the whole
01:12:52 --> 01:12:57 thing has fallen apart. Like Ozymandias. Look
01:12:57 --> 01:13:00 at my great works in despair. The Americans have
01:13:00 --> 01:13:04 risen up from Alabama and have taken the West.
01:13:04 --> 01:13:08 They decided to take South Carolina back. Well,
01:13:08 --> 01:13:11 you had a good run. You had a good run, you bunch
01:13:11 --> 01:13:16 of dorks. Brian, what a lovely end to a once
01:13:16 --> 01:13:21 great nation of Dragonia. A delightful and weird
01:13:21 --> 01:13:23 journey we've taken together. It was a very realistic
01:13:23 --> 01:13:27 journey. I think it was a good example of how...
01:13:27 --> 01:13:31 um, empires form and collapse. I have to ask
01:13:31 --> 01:13:34 you, where do people again find yourself online
01:13:34 --> 01:13:38 and offline? Absolutely. Uh, there are a couple
01:13:38 --> 01:13:40 of different spaces. You can find me, but the
01:13:40 --> 01:13:42 best one is going to be spirits and monsters
01:13:42 --> 01:13:44 of old Seattle. You can find us at spirits and
01:13:44 --> 01:13:47 monsters .com or wherever you get podcasts like
01:13:47 --> 01:13:50 Spotify, Apple podcast, overcast, or anywhere
01:13:50 --> 01:13:54 else. You can also hear myself and the amazing
01:13:54 --> 01:13:58 Kevin Ryan on Facehuggers and Friends, an alien
01:13:58 --> 01:14:02 RPG podcast, which similarly you can find at
01:14:02 --> 01:14:06 any spot you get podcasts. I am going to get
01:14:06 --> 01:14:09 you back for this and introduce an imaginary
01:14:09 --> 01:14:11 friend called Brian, who will get me out of every
01:14:11 --> 01:14:15 scenario. He's going to be like your man in quantum
01:14:15 --> 01:14:20 leap. That's what my plan is. Your Dean Stockwell.
01:14:20 --> 01:14:24 Uh, yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah. Um, you as Magister
01:14:24 --> 01:14:26 and head tyrant, what would be your parting words,
01:14:26 --> 01:14:28 your advice to your citizens before the nation
01:14:28 --> 01:14:33 collapses? Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Um, yeah, I think
01:14:33 --> 01:14:35 I will not just say mm hmm. Although I apparently
01:14:35 --> 01:14:38 have been accused by Paul of doing that a lot.
01:14:38 --> 01:14:44 I will tell them to always roll high. Roll high
01:14:44 --> 01:14:46 and then off to the sunset. OK, good. Yeah. And
01:14:46 --> 01:14:48 then I will flee with my two hundred billion
01:14:48 --> 01:14:54 dollars. Oh, of course you do. Bro. Contrary.
01:14:54 --> 01:14:58 You're ending on a high note. Bye everyone. Bye.