Danny O’Brien: Danny of Danaland Slayer of complainers and Kilimanjaro

[00:00:01] Hello and welcome to The Tyrant In Training Podcast. This is an improv comedy podcast where guests live out their tyrannical, maniacal, benevolent and malevolent fantasies. I'm Kevin Ryan and I'm the host and also the sycophantic supporter of every guest no matter how terrible their ideas are. Today's guest is stand-up comedian Danny O'Brien whose new show Killa Danjaro has just finished performing at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this year and will also be on tour with it at the start of 2025 so you can check out his website for ticket details on that. Today Danny is also known as the Danny of Danaland and here are some out of context

[00:00:31] quotes from Danny himself about what he taught about as he climbed Kilimanjaro. Whoa Black Biddy, if you need a little dopamine hit of wholesomeness do some fucking meditation. Put the chickens in the factory get the fucking eggs! Don't forget you can subscribe to The Tyrant In Training Podcast everywhere you find podcasts. You can follow the podcast on social media at at Tyrant Podcast on Twitter, YouTube, TikTok and Instagram and for more info there's a website which is tyrantintraining.podcast page. You know it's really funny my uncle for a year

[00:01:01] has been sending that smirk emoji you know that like that kind of cheeky and he doesn't know what it means and I'm like stop sending me this you're 63 it's weird it's it's so every time he sends it to me it's so unsettling like I don't know if he thinks he's kind of being funny but I'm like that's not the correct use of that emoji.

[00:01:21] No one male has ever sent me that emoji except my uncle like that's disturbing to me.

[00:01:27] Now you'd know it's one of those things like how would you give a sign that you were kidnapped without giving a sign and if you get a thumbs up now you're like that's not him.

[00:01:35] Something's happening.

[00:01:37] If you're doing this podcast and you are hosting Comedy Crunch you have the event management company as well right?

[00:01:42] Sure.

[00:01:43] And you said you're quite direct right?

[00:01:45] Yeah yeah.

[00:01:45] In how you deal things.

[00:01:46] So you think you're pretty good for like you could lead a country if someone said we're making you one.

[00:01:51] Yeah I wouldn't be I wouldn't be massive on writing policies and stuff.

[00:01:55] I remember when I worked for social care I used to have to read all these policies all the time like constantly and I kind of get PTSD now.

[00:02:02] But I would try and keep it simple obviously.

[00:02:05] I used to I used to watch this show all the time years ago called River Cottage with this English guy called Hugh Fernley Whittingstall right?

[00:02:15] And it was the most wholesome TV show.

[00:02:19] Basically this guy was a chef and he said I want to live in the land.

[00:02:22] So he went and bought some land in Dorset and he kind of started wearing his own pinks.

[00:02:27] He had no experience with anything.

[00:02:28] He learned everything from the ground up.

[00:02:30] And I remember going like this is unbelievable.

[00:02:32] To this day if anyone asked me go into my head what's your favorite TV show of all time?

[00:02:37] Really?

[00:02:37] I loved it because I loved I love cooking and I love watching anything to do with food.

[00:02:42] But there was always like recipes in it and there's another guy that I follow top recommendation anyone listening is a guy called old time hockey.

[00:02:50] And he's on it's on Instagram, but he's been referred to as the most wholesome man on the Internet.

[00:02:56] And he basically lives with his two dogs on the America Canadian borders like right up in the north kind of east coast.

[00:03:05] And he he does these videos where he just makes these like little recipes with his dogs.

[00:03:09] And he's in a he's in like a wood log fire cabinet and all this kind of stuff.

[00:03:14] And it's I like I love that kind of life.

[00:03:17] I look at that as well.

[00:03:18] It's so different to my own life as well.

[00:03:20] Maybe that's why I look at it so much.

[00:03:21] But if you need a little dopamine hit of wholesomeness, he is the number one go to my friend is a therapist.

[00:03:28] Right.

[00:03:28] Yeah.

[00:03:28] We went to school together and we went to the Chemical Brothers.

[00:03:31] I did 100 days off the booze last September to Christmas Day.

[00:03:36] And I barely drink at all this year because I climbed Kilimanjaro in July.

[00:03:41] I'm doing a lot of training at the moment.

[00:03:43] So I'm just basically drinking is taking the total backseat.

[00:03:46] I've had about four hangovers this year.

[00:03:47] But I went to the Chemical Brothers sober.

[00:03:50] And I had a blast.

[00:03:52] Like I love that.

[00:03:53] And my pal staying with me and he's a therapist.

[00:03:55] And like I showed him these videos of this old time hockey.

[00:03:58] He's like, this is the best thing I've ever seen in my life.

[00:04:01] Like he just listens to people's problems all the time.

[00:04:04] And I think it's very kind of calm, therapeutic.

[00:04:07] So I think if you're going to have a country and you want people to live their life, he's a kind of great way.

[00:04:14] And to look at a kind of a happy work life balance, you know.

[00:04:18] Do you want him?

[00:04:19] You want his energy or you plan to bring his heart?

[00:04:22] Yeah, I like his energy.

[00:04:23] I like his energy.

[00:04:24] And I think all of us in general.

[00:04:26] I'm sure, listen, he has his problems.

[00:04:27] Living in isolation is also really, really difficult as well.

[00:04:30] You need to be very mentally strong.

[00:04:34] But yeah, I think we could all take a leaf out of his book.

[00:04:37] Like it's just, I think we all kind of forget the simple things and the simple pleasures.

[00:04:42] And when I was climbing Kilimanjaro as well, like the only real thing you're focused on every day is getting to the next stop.

[00:04:49] And, you know, your food.

[00:04:50] You really look forward to your food.

[00:04:52] And you might be climbing up a massive ridge that day.

[00:04:54] And all that kind of stuff adds up.

[00:04:56] And you're going, you don't really have time to think about anything else except climbing, going to the toilet and eating.

[00:05:03] You don't really use your phone.

[00:05:04] You might take a few pictures or a little video or whatever it may be.

[00:05:07] But yeah, it's I think we've lost that simplicity and we kind of get caught up in the chaos of everything.

[00:05:15] And you know what I mean?

[00:05:16] Like even in that Biggie song years ago where it's like more money, more problems.

[00:05:19] I totally agree with that.

[00:05:21] Like the more you earn, the more you do, the more you stress.

[00:05:23] Yes.

[00:05:24] And I think if I was running somewhere, I'd try and keep it simple and that everyone would kind of have a job that would work on a bit of a rotation to kind of keep everyone sane as well.

[00:05:34] Do you know what I mean?

[00:05:35] Nearly like a work experience thing.

[00:05:36] So everyone would kind of do a little bit of everything all the time so everyone could kind of learn new skills and not get caught up in them and not leave the same thing.

[00:05:44] Oh, so it's not like a pencil pusher or press a button every day.

[00:05:48] Yeah.

[00:05:48] And like, for example, like they've got this thing where they get pigs, right?

[00:05:53] And they put them on like a wild forest land and then the pigs will obviously eat and then they'll they're like shit.

[00:05:59] And then the pig shit fertilizes the ground.

[00:06:01] Yeah.

[00:06:02] And then they move the fence to the next bit.

[00:06:05] And where the pigs were is then where they grow the vegetables.

[00:06:09] Oh, yeah.

[00:06:10] Sustainable.

[00:06:10] Pretty smart.

[00:06:11] Like it's this real smart, like sustainability.

[00:06:14] I like that kind of thing.

[00:06:15] Like, you know what I mean?

[00:06:16] Instead of like put the chickens in the factory, get the fucking eggs.

[00:06:21] Like, you know what I mean?

[00:06:21] Like it's this like massive industrialization that we have of everything.

[00:06:25] I kind of like this gradual move everything around.

[00:06:29] One hand feeds the other.

[00:06:31] Yeah.

[00:06:32] It's kind of cyclical.

[00:06:33] The guy I know, actually, this is very random.

[00:06:35] He's he teaches permaculture in a place called Sunana, which is off a lake in Guatemala.

[00:06:42] And he's from Cork.

[00:06:44] And I went to Guatemala kind of during the pandemic, basically, as we were kind of coming out of it.

[00:06:49] Yeah.

[00:06:50] The first people I met when I got there was him through a mate of mine.

[00:06:54] And like when you go to like I can't describe this journey, like I have to fly, had to get a bus, had to get another car.

[00:07:00] Like it's in the middle of the middle of nowhere.

[00:07:02] The roads are totally inaccessible without a four by four or a little tuk-tuk or a motorbike.

[00:07:06] Like you can't like drive a normal car, bro.

[00:07:08] Yeah.

[00:07:09] And I arrive up to this.

[00:07:11] It's called Granhat.

[00:07:13] Granhat Ticcin is the name of the permaculture farm.

[00:07:17] And basically he has all these Americans who want to learn about permaculture.

[00:07:20] He teaches them permaculture.

[00:07:22] They get to live their best lives, you know, taking their Instagram pictures.

[00:07:25] And he loves it.

[00:07:26] Like it's so funny, though, because like is an Irish fella charging Americans to pick spuds, which is like the most reverse famine thing I've ever heard in my life.

[00:07:35] I remember I met him and he was like he was like saying like basically, you know, we got a couple of goats and him and his wife were living in this tin shack and she was pregnant.

[00:07:45] So he had to build a house.

[00:07:47] And like they were literally living in just literally a tin shed.

[00:07:50] He built a pen for the goats and the goat pen was nicer than their house.

[00:07:54] And she's like, ah, here, come on.

[00:07:56] So then he built like a little like a house for him and his wife.

[00:08:00] Now he's got a second kid.

[00:08:01] But then he's like, we take the goats, right?

[00:08:03] We feed the goats the scraps from all the vegetables that we can't eat.

[00:08:07] And that fertilizes the ground.

[00:08:09] And then we moved them around and then we get milk.

[00:08:11] And he just kept going.

[00:08:12] It's all cyclical, boy.

[00:08:14] It's all cyclical.

[00:08:16] Take Cork accent on him.

[00:08:17] Yeah, yeah.

[00:08:17] It's so funny.

[00:08:18] Like the last, the first thing, like, you know, getting to Guatemala and you're meeting this sunburned Cork fella who used to be a herder just going, welcome to Guatemala.

[00:08:28] It's so funny, man.

[00:08:29] Where's the wife from?

[00:08:31] Is she from Guatemala?

[00:08:31] She's Colombian, actually.

[00:08:33] Oh, she's Colombian.

[00:08:34] He met her in Colombia.

[00:08:35] And then he kind of fell in love with Central America.

[00:08:37] And he's after buying land in Colombia as well.

[00:08:40] But, like, there's a lot of, there's a lot of kind of wank kind of, yeah, you know, we're here for sustainability.

[00:08:47] Or you get, like, vegans, like, oh, yeah, you know, well, they're there with their, like, leather boots.

[00:08:51] And there's a lot of, like, hypocrisy.

[00:08:53] Like, I try to be a realist.

[00:08:55] Like, I spend a lot of time on the road.

[00:08:56] I spend a lot of time traveling.

[00:08:58] And I'm very aware that I create an eco footprint.

[00:09:01] But that's how I make my living.

[00:09:03] Like, you know what I mean?

[00:09:04] It's not, I'm not doing it.

[00:09:06] You know, even when I go on holiday, I'm always working in some capacity.

[00:09:09] Like, you know, you know, I try not to, you know, I try not to wreck the planet in my spare time as well.

[00:09:15] If I hike a lot, if I find litter, I pick it up.

[00:09:17] And, you know, I, you know, I have a diesel Jeep and everyone's like, oh, diesel's evil.

[00:09:23] I'm like, yeah, what about the lithium that, like, child slaves are pulling out of mines?

[00:09:28] Like, it's, you know, with all the electric car stuff, it's, I think if everyone can just, like, for example,

[00:09:34] like, one thing I think that would really benefit the planet, and I would definitely put this in if I had my own country,

[00:09:39] one to two days a week, we don't eat meat.

[00:09:41] Just to pull back.

[00:09:43] Because the amount of methane and all that stuff is generated, mainly in America and stuff like that.

[00:09:48] Ireland, for all its flaws, my granddad said this to me, he's 91.

[00:09:52] And he said, like, you know, all this stuff where they're bringing all the laws, like no turf, no diesel.

[00:09:56] Yeah.

[00:09:57] He said, like, we're a green country.

[00:09:59] Do you know what I mean?

[00:09:59] Like, I grew up in Wicklow.

[00:10:01] Like, when they take, if you take a tree in Wicklow, it's part of the forestry.

[00:10:05] They take the trees.

[00:10:05] They have to plant 100 trees for every tree they take.

[00:10:09] Oh, is it that ratio?

[00:10:10] Oh, okay.

[00:10:11] Yeah, which I think is great.

[00:10:12] You see it, like, so when they clear a bit of the forest, which they have to,

[00:10:15] because the trees will naturally fall and decay.

[00:10:17] So it's a total waste if they don't do it.

[00:10:19] They do that, and I think that kind of sustainability give people a bit of responsibility for their own stuff

[00:10:25] and go, you know, try and recycle all the stuff you can.

[00:10:29] Try and compost all the stuff you can.

[00:10:30] Not psychotically about it, but this, like, nonstop waste.

[00:10:34] And, you know, a bin is full, so people will just throw their shit on top of a full bin

[00:10:39] instead of walking 50 meters.

[00:10:41] What the fuck is going on with this?

[00:10:43] No, no, no, no.

[00:10:43] I don't, yeah.

[00:10:44] It's a selfish piece of shit.

[00:10:45] Or just black bags laying out beside the bins and stuff like that.

[00:10:49] It's such scumbag behavior.

[00:10:50] I don't care how busy you are or that you have kids with you or your dog is tired,

[00:10:55] that you tie up your dog shit into a bag and then you fuck it.

[00:10:58] So, like, if you're going to do that with dog shit, throw it into a load of nettles

[00:11:02] so at least it can decompose.

[00:11:04] Don't put it in a bag that it's going to stay in a shit bag for a thousand years

[00:11:08] because you're too much of a prick to walk to another bin.

[00:11:11] If someone did that in your country, are they going to jail or what are we doing with them?

[00:11:15] Oh, a million percent.

[00:11:16] Are they getting out of it?

[00:11:17] I've gone into physical altercations with people in Dublin for, like, just throw litter on the ground.

[00:11:24] Yeah, yeah.

[00:11:25] I've been in my car and people have fucked stuff out the window and I've got up and I've thrown it back in their window.

[00:11:29] I've no time for it.

[00:11:30] I'm like, stop being an asshole.

[00:11:33] There's bins at every petrol station.

[00:11:35] Like, we're lucky in Ireland we've got rubbish bins everywhere.

[00:11:37] Wait till you find another one and put it there or put it into a bag in your car, you know?

[00:11:42] Question, have you thrown in a lit cigarette?

[00:11:43] No, never, never.

[00:11:45] Not yet.

[00:11:45] No.

[00:11:46] Wait for now.

[00:11:47] Or a cigar.

[00:11:48] So, just if you're throwing people in prison on your island for that, are we talking like a week or a year or good behaviour as a day?

[00:11:56] You know, I'm so conflicted with the prison system because I work a lot.

[00:12:01] I've done a lot of work with prisoners in Ireland.

[00:12:04] I do comedy workshops with prisoners and I used to be a social care worker and the system's absolutely broken.

[00:12:09] So, I think if there was a prison, I would kind of take the, I suppose, I'd probably kind of take the Norwegian, Scandinavian approach where it's more focused on rehabilitation.

[00:12:20] Actual rehabilitation, yeah.

[00:12:21] But putting someone into a box is horrendous.

[00:12:25] Like, and it's horrific for people's mental health.

[00:12:28] Yeah.

[00:12:28] It doesn't do anything except really, really damage them.

[00:12:31] And then that person is always going to go outside.

[00:12:35] The one thing I found working with prisoners as well is they get so used to the system of your three meals a day, roof over your head, you have your bed.

[00:12:43] They are so lost when they go out into the world.

[00:12:45] They have no choice but to go into criminality because they don't know.

[00:12:49] You can't say to them, oh, why don't you start a podcast?

[00:12:52] Why don't you get a job in Tesco?

[00:12:53] They don't have the mental capacity or social skills to do that.

[00:12:58] And I'm not making excuses for them, but you need to train them to get into construction or you need to find whatever they're good at.

[00:13:05] Like, if you're not into building things, I'm not handy at all, by the way.

[00:13:08] I couldn't even hang a picture on a wall.

[00:13:09] Same as well.

[00:13:10] I'm shocking at that kind of stuff.

[00:13:13] But I'm good at other things.

[00:13:14] So I go, right, well, if I'm not good at that, let's find something I am good at.

[00:13:18] Do you know what I mean?

[00:13:19] And then you work with people and say, well, what are you into?

[00:13:22] And if they keep saying, like, no, I don't want to do this, I don't want to do that, well, then go, well, your sentence is going nowhere until you find something that you are into.

[00:13:30] Yeah, yeah.

[00:13:31] You know what I mean?

[00:13:32] Yeah.

[00:13:32] They make people, like, I think my number one thing in life that I think people just need to do is just personal responsibility.

[00:13:40] That's it.

[00:13:42] Or working or not being a prick.

[00:13:45] Just whatever.

[00:13:46] Like, just take responsibility for your own life.

[00:13:50] And I think the easiest thing in the world as well is to make excuses.

[00:13:53] So that would be, I'd be a bit totalitarian on that as well with my country.

[00:13:58] You know what I mean?

[00:13:58] You're not alone, anyone who's coming in with a full of excuses going, I can't be doing this.

[00:14:02] Can't be doing this.

[00:14:02] I can't be farming.

[00:14:04] Poor work ethic or being a whinge bag or making excuses.

[00:14:09] Absolutely not.

[00:14:10] You need to go to, you're going to have to go to work ethic prison.

[00:14:12] What we'll do is, right?

[00:14:13] Okay.

[00:14:14] Work ethic prison, but it's a nice prison, obviously.

[00:14:16] Yeah.

[00:14:17] We're going to get something out of this.

[00:14:18] The country that we'll set up, we better put it somewhere in the world.

[00:14:23] So do you have any idea?

[00:14:24] And if you want, I can put up a map as well just to get an idea if I have.

[00:14:28] I have a bit of an idea.

[00:14:30] I travel a good bit and I'm lucky I've got to see a fair few places.

[00:14:34] But I think climate-wise, kind of around Central America would be good because it wouldn't be like screaming.

[00:14:40] I thought about like New Zealand, right?

[00:14:43] Right.

[00:14:44] New Zealand has a pretty decent temperature, but then they've got a massive ozone hole there, right?

[00:14:49] And it's brutal.

[00:14:50] I think around temperature-wise, kind of Mexico, Caribbean-y kind of area where they don't get lashed out of it with storms too much.

[00:14:59] I was going to ask, is it not there where you're getting a lot of hurricanes?

[00:15:03] I'm going east of Mexico now.

[00:15:06] I would go kind of, yeah, I'd kind of go and maybe, let me think, because I've been to, down there is really incredible, right?

[00:15:13] If you go down to kind of Costa Rica and into like Guatemala and Belize and El Salvador just up there.

[00:15:20] Or Toronto here, yeah.

[00:15:21] Yeah, yeah.

[00:15:22] They call it the Caribbean side.

[00:15:24] So that little kind of bottle opener shape there.

[00:15:28] Oh.

[00:15:28] Oh, in here.

[00:15:29] Up from there.

[00:15:31] So the other side around there, because that's basically the Pacific.

[00:15:34] Right.

[00:15:35] Sorry, that's basically the Caribbean side of Central America.

[00:15:39] And then the other side as well is the Pacific side.

[00:15:44] But you get like a maze and like fish and stuff there as well.

[00:15:48] Yeah, yeah.

[00:15:48] Those countries are great because you have two different worlds on other sides.

[00:15:54] You've kind of got a Caribbean world on that side and then you've got the Pacific side.

[00:15:58] One on the other side.

[00:16:00] And like just, yeah, like the rainy season is bad, but it's not horrendous.

[00:16:04] Yeah.

[00:16:05] The summers are hot, but they're not unbearable.

[00:16:07] Do you know what I mean?

[00:16:08] You're not like the UAE or something like that.

[00:16:10] Right, right.

[00:16:11] Yeah.

[00:16:11] You can.

[00:16:12] Nice weather just makes everyone happier all the time.

[00:16:15] Yeah.

[00:16:15] Oh, absolutely.

[00:16:15] So do you want.

[00:16:17] Oh, I was going to say with these people on the island.

[00:16:19] Usually I say there's 10 million people as a population just as a round number.

[00:16:23] But if you want, you can lower it or higher it.

[00:16:25] Is that?

[00:16:26] No, I think that'd be all right.

[00:16:27] Well, it doesn't really matter.

[00:16:28] I mean, like.

[00:16:29] You're not going to be meeting these people, are you?

[00:16:31] Just Ireland and Scotland combined.

[00:16:34] Yeah, that's fine.

[00:16:35] Right.

[00:16:36] D.

[00:16:36] By the way, like, are you going to be a man of the people?

[00:16:39] Are you going to go out and be out in the streets?

[00:16:41] Or are you going to be very secluded?

[00:16:43] Yeah, I think I would be like, unless there was like an assassination or a coup against me.

[00:16:47] Like, but I would try to.

[00:16:51] I would probably have my own like little space as well that I can void up to wherever I wanted.

[00:16:56] You know what I mean?

[00:16:57] Oh, you have a house.

[00:16:58] Yeah.

[00:16:58] I assume you want a house.

[00:16:59] Yeah.

[00:17:00] You have a place of residence.

[00:17:01] I have my own house in my own area.

[00:17:03] That would be kind of self-sustaining.

[00:17:05] It would have like people working on it.

[00:17:07] But it would be for like class events and festivals and stuff like that.

[00:17:11] Kind of like a Strad Valley kind of buzz.

[00:17:14] You know what I mean?

[00:17:15] You don't put it up once a year to have the crack.

[00:17:18] Around birthday time lasts for a week or a month.

[00:17:21] Yeah, yeah.

[00:17:21] You might just have a big massive like outdoor like class festival.

[00:17:25] Yes.

[00:17:26] I work in events so I'd be decent at that kind of thing.

[00:17:28] So I put on like savage festivals and stuff like that for people to have the crack.

[00:17:32] And a lot of the people who, well, everyone who shows up on your island is to say like they're going there willingly.

[00:17:38] Like they're going there in favor of Danny O'Brien.

[00:17:43] Like none of them are going there planning an assassination.

[00:17:45] Yeah.

[00:17:45] So they're looking forward to your big event that you're setting up.

[00:17:48] Yeah, I get them all.

[00:17:50] I try and give them all a decent lifestyle.

[00:17:52] Four day weeks.

[00:17:53] You have to, the country has to survive as well.

[00:17:56] So you'd have to make money and try and treat everyone kind of fairty and stuff like that.

[00:18:00] Free healthcare.

[00:18:01] Yeah.

[00:18:02] 100%.

[00:18:03] Basically, I would try and run the country the opposite to how Ireland and America is being ran.

[00:18:09] So you'd have like RT News and whatever Fox News on.

[00:18:13] Just have a look at what they're doing.

[00:18:15] Everyone deserves a home.

[00:18:17] And I don't think everyone should get a free home just because like, you know, they had like kids or whatever.

[00:18:23] I think everyone should be entitled to a home and others will obviously get priorities.

[00:18:28] You know what I mean?

[00:18:29] If you like, if you had single mothers or you had the elderly.

[00:18:32] But like, I'm in this myself at the moment.

[00:18:35] I just got mortgage approval.

[00:18:37] I'm like, it's the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life.

[00:18:41] Like, forget about climbing Kilimanjaro or any of that crack.

[00:18:44] It is so difficult in Ireland to buy anything.

[00:18:47] And I'm not like anything.

[00:18:49] And I'm in the middle of it as we speak.

[00:18:51] Yeah.

[00:18:51] And it's like, I'm single and I don't have kids and I've never had any debt.

[00:18:56] Yeah.

[00:18:57] And I'm barely managing it.

[00:18:59] And I'm like, how?

[00:19:01] Unless like, I know like parental money or like that coming up.

[00:19:05] Like, unless you've got like parents or family who are giving you a dig out.

[00:19:09] It's pretty impossible in Dublin otherwise.

[00:19:11] Like, you know what I mean?

[00:19:12] It's.

[00:19:12] We, we, we.

[00:19:14] I know I rang a bank mortgage, mortgage provider.

[00:19:18] Mortgage advisor.

[00:19:18] Yeah.

[00:19:19] Just basically.

[00:19:20] Yeah.

[00:19:20] Just to advise, you know.

[00:19:23] I'd write one for you.

[00:19:23] If you need a bit of help, if she can help me, she can definitely help you.

[00:19:27] She, well, the one I was talking to, I think it was a she.

[00:19:29] Yeah, it was.

[00:19:31] Her, her advice was, well, can your parents give you about 30,000?

[00:19:36] And I was like, that's not the advice.

[00:19:38] I, I could have advised that myself to be honest.

[00:19:40] So I was expecting a bit more professional genius.

[00:19:43] It's genius.

[00:19:45] Like, and it's like, not everyone's parents have that.

[00:19:47] No.

[00:19:47] And it's not fair to ask anyone's parents that, you know.

[00:19:51] And yeah.

[00:19:52] So I, I, I try give everyone the ability to buy their own home.

[00:19:57] Um, or buy their own land, build their own home, whatever.

[00:20:00] Healthcare would be free.

[00:20:02] Yeah.

[00:20:03] Um, I wouldn't have, yeah.

[00:20:06] I, I wouldn't have any, one thing that really grinds my gears is the business of charity in

[00:20:12] Ireland, where you've got all these like massive charities with CEOs on like.

[00:20:16] Yeah.

[00:20:17] 180 grand a year and stuff.

[00:20:19] Forget about that.

[00:20:20] Yeah.

[00:20:20] If you want to do some philanthropic work, absolutely.

[00:20:23] But, um, just, just, just try and disassemble the, the horrors that we all live in at the

[00:20:29] moment.

[00:20:29] Like it's, you tried to breed a like culture of charity, not a business.

[00:20:33] Yeah, exactly.

[00:20:33] Like, and you know, maybe that like, I I'd be happy, like maybe not that everyone would

[00:20:37] give contribution from their, their work.

[00:20:41] What I would do is I would let them go, right.

[00:20:42] You can work four days a week or whatever on the condition that you give a local charity

[00:20:48] a bit of help for a couple hours a month.

[00:20:50] I think that's fair.

[00:20:52] You get an extra day off.

[00:20:53] If you can just find two hours in the other four days, whether it's an evening or a morning

[00:20:58] and you pop in, you help a local charity, you help a local hospice or you can pick the

[00:21:02] charity.

[00:21:04] Yeah.

[00:21:04] Cause you want something that adheres to your own beliefs, you know, animal charity done

[00:21:07] beat some.

[00:21:08] Yeah, exactly.

[00:21:09] Like you want to help dogs and you know, but it's everyone wants to like take pictures

[00:21:13] with dogs and no one wants to shovel the shit.

[00:21:16] Same way.

[00:21:17] Everyone wants, everyone wants to be famous.

[00:21:19] No one wants to do the work.

[00:21:20] Yeah.

[00:21:20] So, you know, that's why I think it's, I'm not doing it in a community service type way,

[00:21:25] but like Switzerland, I've been to Switzerland and it's incredibly beautiful.

[00:21:30] And they've got this weird, the Swiss are weird though.

[00:21:33] Like I don't ever want a country like that.

[00:21:35] They're very rich and they're very snooty as well.

[00:21:39] There's, there's arrogance there, you know, but they've got this kind of, in theory,

[00:21:43] it's great, but it doesn't really filter down the same way anything is in our world,

[00:21:47] but they're kind of, everything they do is meant to be for the good of the people.

[00:21:51] Do you know what I mean?

[00:21:52] Like, so it's meant to be for the benefit.

[00:21:53] It's like that old Irish proverb, it's called metal, which is basically translates to,

[00:22:01] for the good of the village benefits everyone.

[00:22:03] Right, right.

[00:22:04] So everyone kind of, like I have a lot of, like my mate's a photographer.

[00:22:07] I, he does my headshots for me every year.

[00:22:10] He always charges me really fairly.

[00:22:12] In turn, I always give him a plug on social media.

[00:22:15] Yeah, I'm in my pictures all over the country.

[00:22:17] So I like that kind of thing of people helping each other while still making a living.

[00:22:22] Yeah, yeah.

[00:22:22] Do you know what I mean?

[00:22:23] Yeah.

[00:22:24] It's more, it seems a very relaxed country you're building.

[00:22:27] Yeah, just being fair.

[00:22:29] Do your bit.

[00:22:30] Yeah, being fair and having the crack and everyone just kind of does their bit in order to have

[00:22:35] a good life.

[00:22:36] You know what I mean?

[00:22:37] Yeah.

[00:22:37] And like, I do away with any kind of no welfare system, like nothing like that.

[00:22:43] Like basically, if you're, if you're too old or you're not able to work because you're

[00:22:48] sick, you would be covered by the state and that's it.

[00:22:50] And your needs will be met by that.

[00:22:51] Like, you know what I mean?

[00:22:52] Yeah.

[00:22:53] And do you, so do you, because you were saying earlier about the guy, was it in Uruguay

[00:22:59] was the poorest leader, but do you, do you kind of have any bit of, you know?

[00:23:04] I don't want anyone to be, I don't think anyone should be living below a level of like their,

[00:23:09] you know, their, whatever you ought to call it, their Maslow's hierarchy needs, but like

[00:23:13] everyone's basic needs of housing, healthcare and enough, enough money to make sure they

[00:23:19] can eat well and stuff like that.

[00:23:21] And if you want to do stuff like drink and have the crack or party or do whatever you

[00:23:25] want, you can do that.

[00:23:27] I wouldn't have any drugs, but I would allow psychedelics.

[00:23:30] What's that?

[00:23:31] Okay.

[00:23:31] Why is that?

[00:23:32] I'd let people, I'd let people like, if they wanted to grow weed, no problem.

[00:23:35] Or if they wanted to grow magic mushrooms, no problem.

[00:23:38] Yeah.

[00:23:39] But they, the only thing is like, they have to grow them themselves.

[00:23:43] And they have to, you know, they have to do the work for it.

[00:23:45] Yeah.

[00:23:46] I saw a really interesting documentary once on food and how like food is killing us.

[00:23:51] And I think it's called your RNG or something like that.

[00:23:53] Right.

[00:23:53] There's a nutritionist on, and he made a really good point.

[00:23:55] He said, you can eat anything you like, right?

[00:23:58] You can have a burger.

[00:23:59] You can have an entire apple pie.

[00:24:01] You can eat whatever.

[00:24:02] The only rule is you have to make it.

[00:24:05] Oh.

[00:24:06] We get this instant.

[00:24:08] Like I can walk out, go out to Mace now and buy an apple pie for $2.99 and just shelf it.

[00:24:14] Or I can buy six donuts or I can go get a burger instantly and eat it.

[00:24:18] Yeah.

[00:24:19] That stuff is absolutely killing us.

[00:24:21] Do you know what I mean?

[00:24:22] So.

[00:24:22] Right.

[00:24:23] I like that you can have something nice, but you've got to do the work because it makes

[00:24:27] people appreciate it so much more.

[00:24:29] That's what I was going to say if they're growing their own weed and stuff.

[00:24:32] And there's, yeah, there's no additives around like that.

[00:24:34] And like do away with all the, with all the shite food that we're getting pumped into us

[00:24:39] at the moment.

[00:24:39] And like Ireland's changed quite dramatically with that as well.

[00:24:42] Like we used to be very simple country, you know, meat to veg country.

[00:24:46] And now we're not.

[00:24:48] And you can see it like what it's doing to people.

[00:24:50] Like there was, when I was in school, you'd maybe one overweight person when I was in primary

[00:24:54] school, maybe one.

[00:24:55] Now it's half the class.

[00:24:58] Chinese foods coming in.

[00:25:01] Chinese everywhere.

[00:25:02] Everything's processed.

[00:25:03] Everything's processed.

[00:25:04] Everything's full of sugar.

[00:25:05] Yeah.

[00:25:06] Compared to other countries, fruit and veg is actually fairly cheap in Ireland.

[00:25:09] I think it's not that bad, but you've got to use it immediately.

[00:25:12] Do you get what I mean?

[00:25:13] Like, yeah.

[00:25:14] And then it becomes a time issue.

[00:25:16] Like I just, I don't have the time to be cooking all day, every day, but I'd love to

[00:25:22] give people that option that they're able to buy fresh food, cook it.

[00:25:26] Cause that's really linked into mental health.

[00:25:28] Like if people are working on a job that they like and they're eating decent food, I think

[00:25:35] there would be very, very minimal health and mental health issues.

[00:25:39] And then that's the, what's it with, with, um, healthcare instead of treating the disease

[00:25:45] prevention over treatment.

[00:25:47] Exactly.

[00:25:48] So you're preventing loads of that stuff as well.

[00:25:49] You're preventing stuff instead of treating the cure and like, or sorry, treating the disease.

[00:25:53] And, you know, yeah.

[00:25:56] Like I, I, like I saw China does this as well, where they make people kind of do exercise.

[00:26:01] And I think there should be, so I think before you start work, you need to exercise.

[00:26:06] That's part of your job.

[00:26:07] You've got to exercise for 10, 15 minutes at the start of every day.

[00:26:11] Oh yeah.

[00:26:12] Yeah.

[00:26:12] Stretches and stuff.

[00:26:13] It has to be part of it.

[00:26:15] Like just, you know, or you do like meditation.

[00:26:17] I was watching a documentary on a prison in Singapore, very randomly.

[00:26:22] And they do 10 minutes of meditation every morning.

[00:26:25] And they play it on the speaker.

[00:26:27] So known as any choice, but it's like, it's really uplifting for prisoners, mental health

[00:26:31] and stuff like that.

[00:26:32] Yeah.

[00:26:32] Yeah.

[00:26:32] I mean, even if you do, like, have you ever done something you're like, oh no, I need

[00:26:36] to do like even five minutes of stretching before I go off and do this.

[00:26:39] And you do feel better or even more awake or anything like that.

[00:26:43] You're really tired.

[00:26:44] From working in the Irish prisons, I have to say, all that prison does is it causes,

[00:26:49] all it does is causes more problems.

[00:26:52] It doesn't fix anything.

[00:26:53] It literally.

[00:26:54] Would that not be a black hole of money as well though?

[00:26:57] Because as you said, it's just like, you're not.

[00:26:59] Like, it's not working.

[00:27:00] It's just so Irish.

[00:27:01] Like, it's like filling, it's like filling an empty crater with tarmac that just goes

[00:27:07] into space.

[00:27:08] It's just.

[00:27:08] Yeah.

[00:27:09] And they're like, oh, well, we need more prisons and we need more this.

[00:27:11] I'm like, this isn't working.

[00:27:13] Like, look at the housing situation in Ireland.

[00:27:16] This isn't working, but they won't change direction.

[00:27:19] Like, even the fact that our government, like, the audacity and the lack of awareness

[00:27:24] of an Irish government to build a bike shed for 3,600,000 euro when there's like 10,000

[00:27:31] homeless people on the streets of Dublin.

[00:27:33] Like, that is like, and like, you can't buy anything.

[00:27:37] I know because I'm trying to do it.

[00:27:38] You can't buy anything.

[00:27:40] A shoebox, a one bed apartment.

[00:27:42] You can buy nothing in Dublin city, anywhere in Dublin for less than 300 grand.

[00:27:47] Yeah.

[00:27:48] So there's, there's nothing that you can buy that costs less than a bike shed.

[00:27:52] What was the bike shed?

[00:27:54] I've, I've, I've seen the picture.

[00:27:56] What was that?

[00:27:57] Where was that?

[00:27:58] The bike shed outside the Dáil where they put tarmac down.

[00:28:01] They put the ringstick.

[00:28:02] And some like cowboy contractor went, lovely, jubbly, let's do an Irish children's hospital

[00:28:06] on this.

[00:28:07] And they paid 360,000.

[00:28:09] And it got me.

[00:28:10] Has nobody checked yet?

[00:28:12] Or maybe like they haven't announced yet about like, where did that go?

[00:28:15] You should be fired from a cannon for giving the go ahead on that.

[00:28:19] Do you think if you, and I'm, I'm pretty sure this is legal, but do you think if you just

[00:28:22] sent in random invoices into the Irish government for a couple of thousand, you'd get some.

[00:28:27] Like there's no accountability.

[00:28:28] Like when Iceland's government ruined their country, they put the bankers in jail.

[00:28:34] Yeah.

[00:28:34] Like we don't do anything like that.

[00:28:36] It's like, we don't, this is my biggest problem with Ireland and why I'm going to leave Ireland

[00:28:40] when I'm older.

[00:28:40] Cause I'm not retiring in this country because it's, I, I love it, but I hate so many things

[00:28:45] about it.

[00:28:46] But this like, ah, yeah, sure.

[00:28:48] It'll be grand.

[00:28:48] And like, no one takes accountability for anything like, no, no, no.

[00:28:52] Cause there's no long-term thinking in Ireland.

[00:28:54] It's all short-term thinking.

[00:28:56] Cause the governments are in for their four years and then they go, I'm going to retire

[00:28:59] now with my pension.

[00:29:00] Lovely jubbly.

[00:29:01] Everyone's just thinking about themselves.

[00:29:03] There's no lot of like, what about what's good for the country for the next 10 years?

[00:29:07] Like transportation from the airport.

[00:29:10] Like there was a, I saw a tweet where an American walked out going, Hey, do you know where the

[00:29:14] train is?

[00:29:14] And it just said, he'll learn.

[00:29:16] Like the fact that you can't get a train from Limerick or Cork or Dublin anywhere to the

[00:29:22] airport, there's not even a tram system to the airport.

[00:29:25] Yeah.

[00:29:26] Yeah.

[00:29:26] Like the cost.

[00:29:28] I live 20 minute drive to the airport and I usually park my mates and then I get a taxi

[00:29:33] from there because it's like 60, 70 quid for a couple of days of leaving your car.

[00:29:39] And the car parks in like Kildare.

[00:29:42] It's not even in fucking Dublin airport.

[00:29:44] It's another half hour bus journey to just get to the terminal.

[00:29:46] Like the, like the work-life balance is really hard.

[00:29:50] Like that's one thing I'd like to take away in my own country.

[00:29:53] Like it's, I, like I work seven days a week.

[00:29:56] I have done for over a decade.

[00:29:58] My side hustles have side hustles.

[00:30:00] I like, I've no debt.

[00:30:02] As I said, I'm like, it shouldn't be this hard.

[00:30:05] You know what I mean?

[00:30:06] Like you can make good money in Ireland, but you pay it all in tax and rent and bills

[00:30:10] and existing.

[00:30:10] It does go out the window, doesn't it?

[00:30:12] Everything just goes out the window.

[00:30:13] So you've got to earn triple what you need to even attempt to save anything.

[00:30:19] You know, and like I always get slagged.

[00:30:21] They're like, oh geez, do you ever take a day off?

[00:30:22] And I'm like, this isn't greed.

[00:30:24] This is necessity.

[00:30:25] This isn't my choice.

[00:30:27] If I could just do two gigs a week, if I could just gig at the weekends and be killing

[00:30:32] all week, I'd be all over it.

[00:30:33] I'd be on about 20 holidays a year, but that's not how it works, unfortunately.

[00:30:37] Yeah, yeah.

[00:30:37] This is a fun idea that's gone wildly out of control.

[00:30:41] Yeah.

[00:30:41] And like, it's, yeah, I try to take away, I do a list of all the stresses that I have

[00:30:47] and that Irish people have, and I try and remove them, you know?

[00:30:51] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:30:51] But I think it starts with looking after people's mental health, their physical health, work

[00:30:57] life balance.

[00:30:57] I think if you get those basic cornerstone fundamentals in a country, that's right.

[00:31:04] And you remove entitlement as well.

[00:31:07] And I'm talking about entitlement on both ends.

[00:31:09] I'm talking about the higher echelon of the wealthy who are like, we don't need to pay

[00:31:13] tax.

[00:31:14] We're infinitely wealthy who are totally, the government, like, who are totally disconnected

[00:31:18] from the people.

[00:31:18] And then the lower socioeconomic areas who just feel like they've been totally disregarded.

[00:31:25] Yeah.

[00:31:26] And the government just go, oh, yeah, well, just give them social welfare.

[00:31:28] Just give them social welfare.

[00:31:32] Both of those things are broken.

[00:31:34] Yeah.

[00:31:34] On both ends of the thing.

[00:31:35] And everyone else in the middle is also suffering.

[00:31:38] Yeah.

[00:31:39] And then you've got resentment from the middle to people at the top because they're not paying

[00:31:43] any tax.

[00:31:43] Everyone in the middle is paying all the tax.

[00:31:45] And then you've got resentment going the other way because people are getting social welfare

[00:31:49] payments and not working.

[00:31:50] And you're working your ass off and your taxes are going to their social welfare or your taxes

[00:31:54] are going towards richer people not paying taxes.

[00:31:57] Yeah.

[00:31:58] That's not fair.

[00:32:00] Yeah.

[00:32:01] That's shit for everyone else.

[00:32:03] That's very Roman Empire.

[00:32:05] Give them grain and they'll be fine the poor.

[00:32:08] And the 10 lads up at the top who have all the money, they'll be fine.

[00:32:11] It is.

[00:32:11] And we're living in that.

[00:32:12] That's what we're living in right now.

[00:32:14] Like, I mean, you said it like, you know yourself, like it shouldn't be that hard to buy a little

[00:32:21] property for yourself to live in, in the country you live in.

[00:32:24] Yeah.

[00:32:25] And they just go, oh, it's to do it.

[00:32:26] And like, like, come on, like this thing of like, you know, like the children's hospital

[00:32:30] costing more than the Burj Khalifa.

[00:32:31] Like I've given Dubai maybe 10, 15 times in my life.

[00:32:34] And I'm like, are you joking?

[00:32:37] And logistically where they put the children's hospital is, and anyone who's listening, who

[00:32:41] is out there, one of the most horrendous locations you could ever think.

[00:32:47] Like that should have been put out in the suburbs so that people from outside of Dublin

[00:32:51] can get to it easily.

[00:32:53] I, anytime I even gig around there, I do a gig a couple of times a year.

[00:32:56] Brilliant show, Kilmainham with Conor Morrigan.

[00:32:58] And I can barely find parking there on a Wednesday night.

[00:33:02] Like I literally have to park way up the road by Kilmainham jail and walk back.

[00:33:06] I can't even imagine what it's going to be like for people.

[00:33:08] They don't even have car parking for staff.

[00:33:10] We're going to work at an hospital.

[00:33:11] Like it's.

[00:33:12] Do they not?

[00:33:13] No, like it's insane.

[00:33:15] Like they, like for the amount of parking that's going to be needed, they have nowhere

[00:33:19] near, but they also don't have the transport system.

[00:33:22] So unless you live on the Red Lewis line, which is horrific, like people bring horses onto

[00:33:27] it, there's multiple assaults on there.

[00:33:29] It's brutal.

[00:33:31] Yeah.

[00:33:31] I try to remove all of that stuff.

[00:33:33] Basically, keep it simpler.

[00:33:35] Like, like I look at my mate's place in Guatemala, like where everyone kind of is feeding everyone

[00:33:40] and everyone gets paid and stuff as well.

[00:33:42] Like that's, that's, that's a better life for me.

[00:33:44] By the way, just because I'll mention it now that if you were given the choice of Danny,

[00:33:51] you can take over this island.

[00:33:52] It's in Central America.

[00:33:54] We'll give you an, you know, you can have a new name for it and everything else.

[00:33:57] You can take over Ireland.

[00:33:58] You can take over Ireland.

[00:34:00] It was between you and Conor McGregor for the presidency, but we were actually giving

[00:34:03] you all the power.

[00:34:04] You happened to win by one vote.

[00:34:06] Yeah.

[00:34:07] It was, it was unfortunately very close.

[00:34:09] Would you stay going, right, I'm fucking fixing Ireland or would you go, no, screw it.

[00:34:13] It's gone.

[00:34:14] Hey, that's what the people wanted, right?

[00:34:16] So.

[00:34:16] Yeah.

[00:34:16] I don't know.

[00:34:17] I love, I love my country.

[00:34:19] I'm very proud.

[00:34:20] Yeah.

[00:34:20] Irish.

[00:34:21] I'm like, but we're, we're, we're, we're armchair managers with everything.

[00:34:25] Like, you know, I find the easiest thing in life to do is to complain about stuff and

[00:34:30] unfortunately complaining is Ireland's bread and butter.

[00:34:32] And like, how do we change generations of that?

[00:34:36] Do you get what I mean?

[00:34:37] Or how do you change?

[00:34:38] Yeah.

[00:34:39] You know what I mean?

[00:34:40] It's, it's a very difficult cycle to break.

[00:34:42] I do a lot of workshops in some of the toughest areas in Ireland and you're coming in trying

[00:34:46] to do a workshop and they can be so hard and you're, you're trying not to get frustrated

[00:34:50] with the people you're working with, but you're going, these kids have no chance.

[00:34:53] Yeah.

[00:34:54] They're third, fourth generation of living under in government, social welfare state.

[00:35:00] Like they don't know anything else.

[00:35:02] Yeah.

[00:35:02] Yeah.

[00:35:03] You get what I mean?

[00:35:03] Like, so how do you break the cycle?

[00:35:05] So I think you'd kind of have to wipe the slate clean, but I think there'd be murder,

[00:35:10] like, because like if you took away, if you told people who've never worked that they have

[00:35:15] to work, they're going to go ballistic.

[00:35:16] They're going to start torching stuff.

[00:35:18] Do you know what I mean?

[00:35:19] Yeah.

[00:35:19] Yeah.

[00:35:20] Do you know what I, do you know what I think, especially for young people with like that?

[00:35:23] And I know it's very hard.

[00:35:24] Like obviously this, this costs money and everything else, but I think one of the best things for

[00:35:28] that is like traveling, like get the fuck outside Ireland and see other things.

[00:35:33] Yeah.

[00:35:34] Like, or, or, or do what?

[00:35:36] Like Ireland's got a lot of natural beauty.

[00:35:38] Do like a free Erasmus program where people, like I had friends of mine over from Guatemala

[00:35:43] and they were, I brought them down to Wicklow and it was pissing rain and they were like,

[00:35:47] this is the most beautiful place I have ever seen.

[00:35:50] Yeah.

[00:35:50] So I think something like that would work really well where you get people that would be really

[00:35:54] appreciative to be there and it'd be a bit of a change and then they would learn from

[00:35:58] other cultures as well.

[00:35:59] So yeah, I think a kind of an exchange program.

[00:36:03] You could do that for your new country in Ireland.

[00:36:05] You could, you could set up some sort of a fly over some Irish folk here every year and

[00:36:09] send them back, get them working here for a month or two.

[00:36:12] A million percent.

[00:36:14] Like, like you would work it out.

[00:36:15] Like I, a friend of mine is a construction company in Guatemala and I said, I'll tell you

[00:36:20] what, if you had skilled laborers, there's never, and I mean never in my lifetime being

[00:36:26] more work than right now.

[00:36:28] I've never seen houses and apartments getting built.

[00:36:32] And you skilled laborers.

[00:36:33] I said, if you brought them over to Ireland for a year, you see the problem is with Ireland,

[00:36:37] you can't even rent a house and do that anymore.

[00:36:39] Like in London in the eighties, you'd be able to bring out, lads would be able to rent a room

[00:36:44] for 50 quid a week and they could go work as laborers.

[00:36:46] They'd make decent money and they could make a life for themselves.

[00:36:50] Now, if you're a doctor, sorry, excuse me, if you're like a nurse or a teacher or a guard,

[00:36:56] like, like the average rent in Dublin is two grand.

[00:37:00] Yeah.

[00:37:01] And the average wages is like, is two grand.

[00:37:03] So how can you possibly expect people to live and work?

[00:37:07] It's like every teacher I know has to do summer camps and stuff just to survive.

[00:37:11] Like it's, yeah.

[00:37:13] And they're like, oh yeah, well, your wages go up after you're here for like 30 years.

[00:37:16] Brilliant.

[00:37:16] You're 70.

[00:37:17] You're nearly dead.

[00:37:18] Yeah.

[00:37:20] And don't worry, the rent will go up as well.

[00:37:23] Of course it will.

[00:37:23] That'll go up quicker than anything.

[00:37:25] But like the worst thing that I think that's happened in Ireland after COVID is that they

[00:37:29] took away the rent cap.

[00:37:31] That was the most horrific move.

[00:37:33] Now you're just saying, there you go, lads.

[00:37:35] Just keep going.

[00:37:37] Did they have any, did they say why they were taking that away?

[00:37:40] No, they just, because they just did.

[00:37:42] That's 40% of the government, they're landlords.

[00:37:44] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:37:45] That's what I was like.

[00:37:46] Did they give any like official reason, but it was like.

[00:37:49] No, they just said, oh, that was just a COVID thing.

[00:37:51] And now what's happening to loads of small businesses that are all closing all over the

[00:37:56] country, Dublin, Cork, Limerick, you'll notice, you know, everything's closing.

[00:37:59] And they put the VAT up to 13 and a half percent and they're making them pay back all the COVID

[00:38:04] payments that their staff were given during the pandemic.

[00:38:07] So that only.

[00:38:08] Yeah.

[00:38:08] So that's why loads of businesses just can't take it anymore.

[00:38:10] They're like, this isn't sustainable.

[00:38:12] Three of the longest businesses I know in the city, like you're talking 20 years.

[00:38:17] Yeah.

[00:38:18] Closed that are less than 50 feet from the door of my comedy club.

[00:38:21] Three, three.

[00:38:23] I mean, obviously that's terrible.

[00:38:24] I don't mean to be glib about it, but like that is funny in a.

[00:38:27] But OK, that's.

[00:38:30] That's insane.

[00:38:31] Like I'm in an exit strategy as we speak, like I'm working my ass off.

[00:38:36] I've probably got another 20 years of me where I can work at the rate that I'm working.

[00:38:40] Yeah.

[00:38:40] And, you know, touch wood, I can keep doing what I love and just keep working hard.

[00:38:44] But then when I'm older, I'm out of here, man.

[00:38:46] I'm renting out my property.

[00:38:47] I'm gone.

[00:38:48] Are you are you going to Central America?

[00:38:50] Yeah, I'm actually going on a retirement recon trip next year.

[00:38:53] I'm going to go see how much it would cost to live and how much would I actually need and talk to people that are actually doing it and go, what would I need per month to live here?

[00:39:03] Well, at least I'd at least do 50 50 like half the year in Ireland, half the year away.

[00:39:08] And what is the likelihood that you'll end up in Guatemala in a small piece of land beside the Cork?

[00:39:14] Oh, very, very, very high.

[00:39:15] There's a decent chance he could get into that.

[00:39:18] And I'll regress.

[00:39:19] I'll go backwards.

[00:39:20] Like I'll be living in a small little place.

[00:39:22] I might have a couple of little fruit trees outside and get down to local bakery in the morning.

[00:39:26] Like that's that's what I'd want to do.

[00:39:28] Just going to buy your fruits and veg, having the crack with people and having a laugh, maybe having some mates over for dinner, having the crack, doing some hikes, going for a swim.

[00:39:38] I don't want to do anything that's going to be sick.

[00:39:41] I don't want to be like, I want to be rich and I want to be this.

[00:39:43] I don't I just want to have a bit of disposable income to do stuff.

[00:39:46] Have a good time.

[00:39:48] Yeah.

[00:39:48] Give back to the community that I'm a part of, which is a massive issue where people move into poorer countries is that they give nothing back to it.

[00:39:56] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:39:57] They jack up the rents and they live there and they avail of the cheap food, the cheap drink, the cheap rent, the great weather.

[00:40:02] What do you give back to that community?

[00:40:04] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:40:05] You know, like if you're going to do that, if you're a digital nomad or whatever and you're living in a place, you should have to give a small percentage of your of a tax or whatever to the country that we're living in.

[00:40:16] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:40:17] Get it into the wider demographic to help that country sustain because you're you're you're profiting, you're leeching off their of their poverty.

[00:40:26] If a lot of people went to your island and then they started working as digital nomads, you enact that right?

[00:40:31] You'd say you have to give.

[00:40:32] Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[00:40:33] Yeah, yeah.

[00:40:33] Whatever it is.

[00:40:34] If you're here, you're here.

[00:40:35] You're here, you're here.

[00:40:36] OK, well, do you since you're moving over from Ireland, what is the name of your country?

[00:40:42] Would you name it after yourself?

[00:40:44] I probably wouldn't know.

[00:40:45] I'd give it a probably a more of a generic name.

[00:40:47] I think that's a bit like it's a bit egotistic and narcissistic.

[00:40:50] You wouldn't go for it like now that is your like one chance to be a bit.

[00:40:55] Daniland.

[00:40:56] Daniland.

[00:40:57] Daniland.

[00:40:57] Daniland, surely.

[00:40:58] No, I think Daniland sounds a bit better.

[00:41:02] It has more musical tone to it.

[00:41:04] Yeah.

[00:41:04] Yeah.

[00:41:05] Whoa, Black Biddy.

[00:41:06] Daniland.

[00:41:07] Oh, my God.

[00:41:08] There's your there's the anthem.

[00:41:10] There's the theme song.

[00:41:11] Yeah.

[00:41:11] Rugby theme coming out to that.

[00:41:13] Yeah.

[00:41:14] Yeah.

[00:41:14] Yeah.

[00:41:14] Do you have any official title?

[00:41:17] No, I think I just I don't like any of that Lord stuff is horrible.

[00:41:21] Like you wouldn't go on a royalty route anyway.

[00:41:22] No.

[00:41:23] No, no, no.

[00:41:23] I just go just whatever.

[00:41:26] Just the owner.

[00:41:27] I just go.

[00:41:28] I just I think the thing would be be sound that have the crack or good luck.

[00:41:35] But so but like would you just have people call you Danny?

[00:41:38] Like, you know, obviously.

[00:41:39] Yeah.

[00:41:39] Yeah.

[00:41:40] For sure.

[00:41:40] I hate like I hate being called Mr.

[00:41:43] Mr.

[00:41:43] O'Brien or anything like that.

[00:41:44] I'm not about that at all.

[00:41:45] Yeah, that's fine.

[00:41:46] Like a lot of people pick titles, but they never have to.

[00:41:49] Do you know what I mean?

[00:41:50] When I say like, oh, what title do you want?

[00:41:51] Some people go, oh, I guess King or something.

[00:41:53] Like you don't have to.

[00:41:54] No, I'd like to be like your man in Uruguay who was just had the crack and like he didn't

[00:41:59] get a salary or anything like that.

[00:42:01] It's question.

[00:42:02] Did he get voted out?

[00:42:04] Yeah.

[00:42:04] I don't know how he went to jail as like a political prisoner and stuff as well.

[00:42:07] But like I just want everyone to to just enjoy it, live a decent life.

[00:42:13] And then as well as that, like I think if you complain, if you're getting all this stuff

[00:42:19] and you're still not happy, you know, that saying wherever you go, there you are.

[00:42:23] Yeah.

[00:42:23] So if people moan and they're unhappy, I just deport them.

[00:42:28] I just be like, best of luck to you.

[00:42:29] Good luck.

[00:42:29] Forceful deporting.

[00:42:30] Are you taking their family with them or like if it's a teenager?

[00:42:33] Listen, listen, you're doing, here's a couple of options for you.

[00:42:37] And if you don't want any of them and you hate all of this, there you go.

[00:42:40] There's an 18 year old who's a bit of a grump.

[00:42:42] Yeah.

[00:42:43] You're just not going to say and he's like, oh, I hate this place.

[00:42:46] Stupid.

[00:42:46] Fuck Danny.

[00:42:47] Yeah.

[00:42:48] Trying to be a bit edgy.

[00:42:49] Do you know 18 year olds?

[00:42:50] Yeah.

[00:42:50] Well, I'll say why don't you fuck off somewhere else and go work and see how you get

[00:42:53] off.

[00:42:53] Oh, fucking make me.

[00:42:55] Yeah, I would.

[00:42:56] I just have a punch up at 18 year olds.

[00:42:59] Yeah.

[00:43:00] Just a couple of body shots from the police.

[00:43:03] Stop resisting.

[00:43:05] And then put them on a plane, send them off with enough money to get them going if they

[00:43:09] need.

[00:43:10] You know, I wouldn't leave anyone destitute.

[00:43:11] Yeah.

[00:43:11] Yeah.

[00:43:12] Let them go off and work and stuff and see if the grass is greener.

[00:43:15] Back to February.

[00:43:16] Listen, every country has their struggles.

[00:43:19] Everywhere I travel, I think, wow, this is amazing.

[00:43:22] I'd love to live here.

[00:43:23] But when you like, I'm lucky because I don't really go on holiday.

[00:43:26] I go to work.

[00:43:28] So I get to meet people who are living in these countries.

[00:43:31] And like, for example, like you might go, oh, geez, I'd love to live in Barcelona.

[00:43:34] The average wage in Spain is only like 1200 quid a month.

[00:43:39] Yeah.

[00:43:39] Do you get what I mean?

[00:43:40] Or I'd love to live in Portugal.

[00:43:41] Like Portugal's like 800 quid a month.

[00:43:43] Do you get what I mean?

[00:43:44] Yeah.

[00:43:44] It's all great to say I'd love to live here.

[00:43:46] But like after rent, if you've 200 euros a month, all you're doing is going to Lidl.

[00:43:52] Yeah.

[00:43:52] You know what I mean?

[00:43:53] You're not.

[00:43:53] Yeah.

[00:43:54] You're not.

[00:43:54] If you went there for dinner, like that would wipe you out for the month.

[00:43:57] That is great.

[00:43:58] You know, that is when when you go on holiday.

[00:44:01] So I've been to holiday to Portugal once and loved it.

[00:44:03] Lovely holiday.

[00:44:04] But like it is something like, as you said there, if you want to live there, you need

[00:44:08] to if you're planning on like if you're planning on moving into Portugal and all the holiday

[00:44:13] was fantastic.

[00:44:14] Maybe you should go another time, but don't go on the last when you go over.

[00:44:19] Yeah.

[00:44:20] Try and maybe meet people and chat to them about, as you said, like, as you said about

[00:44:24] you planning on going over to Central America on a bit of a scouting tour.

[00:44:27] Like it's been a recal.

[00:44:28] Go on a scouting tour.

[00:44:29] Stay with your pals.

[00:44:31] Yeah.

[00:44:32] And kind of get a bit of insight.

[00:44:33] That's what I do.

[00:44:34] Like I see how they live and go, but I live like this.

[00:44:38] Yeah.

[00:44:38] You'll never get a full, until you actually move there.

[00:44:40] You'll never get a full view, but you'll get a better idea.

[00:44:43] You're not going to retire from a hotel.

[00:44:45] No.

[00:44:45] You know what I mean?

[00:44:46] You want to be staying with your mates.

[00:44:48] You want to be going to the supermarket with them.

[00:44:50] You want to be maybe going out for dinner with them.

[00:44:52] You might want to go to a local bar, have the crack.

[00:44:55] Yeah.

[00:44:55] Do like a local, just do local stuff and go, could I live like this?

[00:44:59] And if the answer is yeah.

[00:45:01] And then sit down with them and do some real maths, real talk.

[00:45:05] Yeah.

[00:45:05] And go, what, how much do I really need?

[00:45:07] And hit me with everything.

[00:45:09] Healthcare.

[00:45:09] So for example, like if you move to Central America, you're going to need some decent healthcare.

[00:45:14] Yeah.

[00:45:14] You're really going to need some decent healthcare because if something goes badly there and

[00:45:19] you get really sick, you're screwed.

[00:45:21] If you don't have private healthcare, like you're done, like, you know what I mean?

[00:45:24] Yeah.

[00:45:25] Public healthcare system is shot.

[00:45:26] I mean, look, look at us.

[00:45:27] We're a first world country.

[00:45:28] Yeah.

[00:45:29] And our healthcare system is in the absolute toilet.

[00:45:32] You literally have to be dying in Ireland.

[00:45:35] Yeah.

[00:45:35] To be looked after.

[00:45:36] Now you will be looked after, but it's, it's brutal.

[00:45:39] Like, you know, old people being left on trolleys and all.

[00:45:42] It's horrific.

[00:45:42] Like, yeah.

[00:45:43] Really horrific.

[00:45:44] And that nurses and doctors under like worst amount of pressure, you know, for like my

[00:45:50] mates, a nurse.

[00:45:51] I don't remember.

[00:45:52] Like my mates been upskilling themselves since we left, you know, since we're in school as

[00:45:56] a nurse.

[00:45:57] And he's a really high up nurse in a private hospital here in Dublin.

[00:46:00] Like his wages are shite, like for the amount of work it does.

[00:46:04] And I'm like, this is bullshit.

[00:46:06] Like this is, you know, like, you know, like a doctor's not all are well paid, but the nurses

[00:46:10] are paid grand, but it's, it's just grand.

[00:46:13] Do you know what I mean?

[00:46:13] Yeah.

[00:46:14] It's not for the amount of work that they have put in, not even on their shift, but as you

[00:46:17] said, training.

[00:46:18] It's 24 hour shifts and stuff like odd stuff.

[00:46:21] Like, so yeah, I just think fair, fair, fair work for, for fair pay.

[00:46:27] Do you know, on, on Daniland, um, is there anything, um, kind of like an everyday item

[00:46:34] or everyday thing or a kind of mundane thing that it would be banned?

[00:46:39] Anything that you decide, nah, we don't need to.

[00:46:43] Uh, vapes.

[00:46:44] One billion percent.

[00:46:46] Straight to smoking cigarettes or nothing.

[00:46:49] Yeah.

[00:46:50] I like, I, yeah, I don't know.

[00:46:51] I'd probably, I'd probably ban both realistically.

[00:46:53] Like it's not, it's only going to kill everyone, man.

[00:46:56] Like, yeah, I used to have the odd smoke when I was drinking.

[00:46:59] I get it.

[00:47:01] Yeah.

[00:47:01] After a couple of years of it not being there.

[00:47:03] You know, people would just move on to something else, but like vaping.

[00:47:08] Tell you what, in 20 years time, I've made some money who've gone straight to vape and I'm

[00:47:12] like, what are you doing?

[00:47:14] Yeah.

[00:47:14] Yeah.

[00:47:14] Yeah.

[00:47:14] What are you doing?

[00:47:15] And they'll go, oh, I find it calming.

[00:47:17] Do some fucking meditation.

[00:47:19] Go to the gym, go for a walk, go for a fucking sea swim, go to Tesco, jump on a calm app.

[00:47:26] Yeah.

[00:47:26] Stop putting that shit in your lungs.

[00:47:28] Like, like, are you joking?

[00:47:30] You think there's not going to be some serious long-term consequences?

[00:47:32] Oh, it's just water vapor.

[00:47:35] Are you joking?

[00:47:35] Have you seen them making this shit in the factories?

[00:47:38] Yeah.

[00:47:38] There is no way in 20 years time or in whatever many years time, we're not going to be going,

[00:47:43] oh, actually they're horrendous.

[00:47:44] They're, they're, they're worse than, they're worse than sticking.

[00:47:47] The OPD is one of the worst ways you can possibly die.

[00:47:50] Like I've had family members pass away from it.

[00:47:52] And it's basically your lungs just slowly stop working.

[00:47:54] You're just slowly suffocating yourself to death.

[00:47:57] I remember what I was doing.

[00:47:58] When I climbed Kilimanjaro, your oxygen drops down to about 75%.

[00:48:02] Yeah.

[00:48:03] After a couple of days.

[00:48:04] And when you saw it, your oxygen is 50%.

[00:48:06] Yeah.

[00:48:07] And it's mental.

[00:48:08] It's kind of like being a bit punch drunk.

[00:48:10] But if you get it, do you ever notice when you get out of a tent, it's kind of exhausting?

[00:48:14] Do you get what I mean?

[00:48:15] You know, when you get out of a tent, you're always a bit like, Jesus.

[00:48:17] Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:48:18] Yeah, yeah.

[00:48:19] It's a bit of a, a kind of an effort, I suppose.

[00:48:22] I know that sounds weird.

[00:48:23] But when you get out of your tent in Tanzania to go to the toilet, which is outdoors, obviously

[00:48:27] it's just like a little, it's a little zip thing with a plastic yoke.

[00:48:31] But like when you would walk, say 10 feet, just doing that little run because you have

[00:48:37] to pee, you're, you're knackered.

[00:48:39] Like you're absolutely.

[00:48:41] Because your oxygen is so low.

[00:48:43] Yeah.

[00:48:43] If you vape all the time, that's what your future is going to be like.

[00:48:46] Because you're, you're, all your air sacs are going to be completely screwed.

[00:48:49] All your alveoli in your lungs are destroyed.

[00:48:52] So you're just going to, you've no quality of life.

[00:48:54] And if you've ever seen anyone going around with like the breathing thing with them, they're

[00:48:57] so exhausted all the time.

[00:48:59] They go to the shop.

[00:49:00] They have to go for sleep in the car for two hours.

[00:49:02] I honestly wouldn't wish that life on my worst enemy.

[00:49:05] And the fact that people are doing it to inhale like custard and bubblegum flavored

[00:49:11] vape is like, yeah, lads, what are you doing?

[00:49:14] Yeah.

[00:49:15] I've more respect for smokers.

[00:49:17] Like, you know what I mean?

[00:49:18] Like at least they know the crack.

[00:49:19] Like, and also you're having one or two cigarettes a day.

[00:49:23] A vape that people go through in a day is the equivalent of 50 cigarettes.

[00:49:27] Is it?

[00:49:28] Yeah.

[00:49:29] Do you know if you're banning at least vapes or possibly cigarettes then as well?

[00:49:33] Yeah.

[00:49:33] Do you know in the pubs in Daniland?

[00:49:35] Yeah.

[00:49:36] I imagine there's still, I don't know what you'd call them then.

[00:49:39] I guess just outdoor areas, but like smoking areas.

[00:49:42] Cause I find a lot of chatter happens there.

[00:49:44] Yeah.

[00:49:45] I just make outdoor areas.

[00:49:47] Yeah.

[00:49:47] Yeah.

[00:49:47] Yeah.

[00:49:47] You don't need.

[00:49:48] I put a few games or something out there.

[00:49:50] I put free darts or I do whatever.

[00:49:52] It'd look well.

[00:49:53] Have a bit of a mess and have a bit of a laugh.

[00:49:55] That's the thing.

[00:49:56] Cause there is obviously the fact that there's, you know, 40 people outside in a pub, outside

[00:50:00] in the smoking area and there's smoke everywhere.

[00:50:02] And half the places aren't even ventilated.

[00:50:04] You know what I put out there?

[00:50:06] And it brings people together.

[00:50:07] I put a giant fire.

[00:50:08] Oh, a good fire with the seats around.

[00:50:10] And I'd have everyone.

[00:50:11] And you can take turns.

[00:50:12] You can sit around and have the crack.

[00:50:14] And like, that is much more social.

[00:50:16] Oh yeah.

[00:50:18] It's part of your caveman DNA as well.

[00:50:21] Do you know if you're doing that in Central America though?

[00:50:23] Is that you're sweltering, no?

[00:50:25] Yeah.

[00:50:25] But it's, it's, you know, it doesn't have to be blazing and it gets cold at night as

[00:50:28] well.

[00:50:29] Oh, fair enough.

[00:50:29] Yeah.

[00:50:30] Yeah.

[00:50:30] As long as, yeah.

[00:50:31] No, but that's, yeah.

[00:50:32] As long as they're kept there.

[00:50:33] So you're sitting around in your shorts and you're having a beer.

[00:50:35] It's nice.

[00:50:36] It's calm.

[00:50:37] Yeah.

[00:50:37] Yeah.

[00:50:37] That's pretty, pretty cool.

[00:50:38] So you're banning vapes and stuff.

[00:50:40] And also, do you know what I hate?

[00:50:41] And I don't, I, I think I was in London, I think recently.

[00:50:45] And I did notice it in the, on the bins, but you know, the little, like the little tags

[00:50:50] off the vapes that people stick to the front.

[00:50:53] The fuck is that about?

[00:50:54] I know it's ridiculous.

[00:50:56] Like as well as that, you know what I think I do as well to incentivize people?

[00:51:00] Cause I get really bad hangovers.

[00:51:02] Like, so that's why I don't already drink much of pork as my hangovers are just, I

[00:51:05] love pints of Guinness.

[00:51:06] I've never pork.

[00:51:07] I'd have a load of Murphy's or maybe Beamish.

[00:51:10] But like, I love creamy pints.

[00:51:12] I love them.

[00:51:12] Like I would drink like 10 creamy pints.

[00:51:15] No problem.

[00:51:16] If the Guinness is flowing, like I just like give it to me, but I've no off button.

[00:51:20] Like once I'm into it, I just keep going and I never drink a pint of water and like

[00:51:25] that.

[00:51:25] So what I would do to incentivize this, I give everyone free spice bags or snack boxes,

[00:51:31] like chicken hut on the way home on the condition that they drink two pints of water.

[00:51:37] So if you drink two pints of water at the bar, you get a token and then you get free spice

[00:51:42] box on the way home.

[00:51:43] Oh, that's lovely.

[00:51:45] You might have lads coming in sober, just drinking two.

[00:51:48] Doesn't matter.

[00:51:49] They're staying hydrated.

[00:51:50] It's good for them.

[00:51:51] They deserve it.

[00:51:52] Fucking wonderful.

[00:51:53] Yeah.

[00:51:53] I think that'd be very good.

[00:51:54] Yeah.

[00:51:54] That would be my, I used to, when I worked in addiction and we used to do a thing called

[00:51:59] harm reduction strategies, which was how do you reduce the harm to addicts?

[00:52:03] So it could be as simple as if people are burning heroin in a bottle cap, they would

[00:52:07] give them these ones with a little handle on it, like a little frying pan, because that

[00:52:12] would stop them burning their fingers and burning their fingernails.

[00:52:15] Oh, yeah.

[00:52:16] So you're not going to stop them taking the heroin, but you will stop them injuring themselves.

[00:52:21] Yeah.

[00:52:21] You might as well do some bits of good anyway.

[00:52:23] I like that kind of process of harm reduction.

[00:52:26] And like, you know, if people are on the lash as well, you know, you'd, you'd, you know,

[00:52:31] you'd make them like have a cold shower or something already.

[00:52:33] You're allowed to go on the lash on the condition that you have to go for a sea swim the next

[00:52:38] day.

[00:52:38] Like that, that kind of thing.

[00:52:39] Do you get what I mean?

[00:52:40] Yes.

[00:52:41] Yeah.

[00:52:41] Little things like that, that'll get.

[00:52:43] Yeah.

[00:52:43] So like little things like that, like you want people to have the crack.

[00:52:46] But the problem is in Ireland as well, we all go into piss and we get wrecked and

[00:52:51] you smoke 20 bags and you pints and you eat loads of shit and then you're broken

[00:52:55] for three, four days.

[00:52:56] And then you eat shit then when you're hung over and you're in this cycle,

[00:53:00] then a depression and you're doom scrolling social media and you're lying there

[00:53:04] watching.

[00:53:04] You're always just going to go to the gym tomorrow and it never ends because it

[00:53:08] takes about three, four days for that session to get out of your body.

[00:53:11] And then suddenly guess what?

[00:53:12] It's the weekend again.

[00:53:14] We do it.

[00:53:15] It's a birthday.

[00:53:16] It's a wedding.

[00:53:17] It's a divorce party.

[00:53:19] It doesn't matter.

[00:53:20] So I would try and break that cycle of.

[00:53:24] That's a bad part of my, our society in Ireland is there's, there's no reason to

[00:53:29] stop drinking.

[00:53:30] You're like, oh, the weather's going to be shy anyway.

[00:53:32] So we might.

[00:53:32] That's what I was going to say.

[00:53:33] Do you think it's the weather?

[00:53:34] It is.

[00:53:34] No, I don't want to blame just the weather to be fair.

[00:53:37] Cause there's.

[00:53:37] No, but if you know that's going to be a bell or the next day, we never know

[00:53:41] in Ireland.

[00:53:41] It's guess who with the weather, you know?

[00:53:43] But like then I've been to a few different countries like, and it always feels

[00:53:47] like if you're going out for a drink in Ireland, you're going out to get drunk.

[00:53:52] Like that is the point of going out.

[00:53:54] Obviously to have the laugh and reverber, but it's going out to, we will get drunk tonight.

[00:53:57] We need, we need to culturally shift that.

[00:54:00] And do you know what?

[00:54:01] Other countries are just have a drink and relax.

[00:54:04] My, my, my gym owners from Mayo and he said the hardest thing to do.

[00:54:07] And I'm really, really, I'm off the drink now.

[00:54:10] I'm doing a tour in Asia.

[00:54:11] So I'll have a few beers there, but that won't be mayhem.

[00:54:13] Do you know what I mean?

[00:54:14] Yeah.

[00:54:14] Yeah.

[00:54:15] But like I had a few points on my birthday and I'm like, this isn't worth it.

[00:54:18] I've just felt like shite.

[00:54:19] Like, so now I'm just off the booze.

[00:54:21] I've no issue with it.

[00:54:22] I'm in Berlin next week doing shows.

[00:54:24] I'm in Prague.

[00:54:25] I don't care about not drinking.

[00:54:26] I really don't.

[00:54:27] Like some people are like, what are you going to think?

[00:54:29] I'll just have an alcoholic and I'll go see some stuff.

[00:54:32] I'll have the crack.

[00:54:32] I might go to a gig or whatever.

[00:54:35] I'm working anyway.

[00:54:36] Yeah.

[00:54:37] Like I, I think this like, this like perpetual session kind of cycle that we're all in in Ireland.

[00:54:45] Like it's, it's really damaging to us.

[00:54:47] Yeah.

[00:54:47] Yeah.

[00:54:47] It's shit because it's part of our culture as well.

[00:54:50] Do you think there is, especially when you're younger, you do kind of, um.

[00:54:54] Younger people don't drink anything like we did.

[00:54:57] They don't drink anything the way they did.

[00:54:59] Nowhere near.

[00:55:00] They're much more on the ball than we are.

[00:55:02] I think they've just seen it from their parents and stuff, but it's too expensive.

[00:55:06] It wasn't expensive when we were like 18, 19.

[00:55:09] You could afford to go on the piss, even if you're working in a minimum wage job.

[00:55:12] Now you can't do that.

[00:55:14] Um, but I remember my gym owner saying to me like the hardest thing to do is have two pints and walk away.

[00:55:21] And for me, like I'd usually drive.

[00:55:22] So I have none.

[00:55:24] Um, but if I am out, I'm really, but the problem for me is after I have two pints, I'm like, oh, let's get another one.

[00:55:29] And I'm like trying to break that cycle of now, listen, I'm going to have a water.

[00:55:32] I'm going to have a zero.

[00:55:33] And I have done that.

[00:55:34] Yeah.

[00:55:35] But I think two pints for me, nothing good happens after two pints.

[00:55:40] It just doesn't.

[00:55:41] There's always a, um, a moment on a night out, not even a night out, but when you are having a few drinks that you are thinking, if I have one more than I've committed to.

[00:55:52] Yeah.

[00:55:52] And there's two hours where you're really having the crack.

[00:55:55] Like probably half an hour after the first pint and then in between say the third and fourth, you know what I have?

[00:56:00] There's probably two hours.

[00:56:01] You can go to eight o'clock, nine to 11.

[00:56:03] It's probably the best crack you're going to have.

[00:56:05] After 11, you're going to be steamed.

[00:56:07] After 12, you remember nothing.

[00:56:08] After one, forget about it.

[00:56:10] You're trying to stay standing so you can get home.

[00:56:12] Yeah.

[00:56:13] And you're destroyed for three days.

[00:56:15] Like, and yeah, for me, it's just not worth it anymore.

[00:56:17] But I love music and I understand the pints and music and crack are all integrated with each other.

[00:56:23] So I try and find that balance of have a couple and try not get wrecked.

[00:56:28] Do you know, with Daniland, you were saying with all the people there and they're all supporters of you,

[00:56:35] you didn't want to deal with the kind of mundane admin side of policy, right?

[00:56:42] You don't have to work out every little detail.

[00:56:44] So you would have people doing all that for you, like figuring out the road systems.

[00:56:50] Would you say there's no voting in the country and you'll just have your own inner council of people?

[00:56:56] Like you select 10 people that you know, or would you have voting for like a Senate?

[00:56:59] I'd have people working with me who are like, who had empathy and, you know, had a background and working with people.

[00:57:07] Like maybe people who worked in the social care or nursing era because they are naturally caring people and they're not in it for themselves.

[00:57:14] So I don't know if I get into democracy.

[00:57:16] I just try and keep it a very fair, sustainable country.

[00:57:19] But if people are...

[00:57:20] The people who are there, like if you say no democracy, you're not allowed to vote on this, I'll end it.

[00:57:25] Like they're okay with that.

[00:57:27] Yeah.

[00:57:27] And I kind of be like, well, what are you voting for?

[00:57:30] Do you get what I mean?

[00:57:31] Like you've got everything you want here.

[00:57:33] And if you're unhappy about it, I just go leave.

[00:57:36] If you're making massive effort to make everything kind of fair, not in a total socialism, but if you want to work, if you want to make more money, you can work harder and make more money.

[00:57:46] Yeah.

[00:57:46] If you want to do less, that's totally okay as well.

[00:57:49] Your basics will be covered, but don't moan that you don't have enough money.

[00:57:52] Do you get what I mean?

[00:57:53] You're just creating a baseline of...

[00:57:55] I'm creating a fairness baseline where people are able to look after themselves and have a good life if they work.

[00:58:01] And if they don't want to work so much, they can have a good life, but they won't be able to buy certain things because you need to work harder to get that.

[00:58:08] So I keep it fair.

[00:58:10] So if there's uproar over fairness, then I don't want you in my fucking country.

[00:58:14] So you're keeping it fair.

[00:58:16] And if they want a voice in government, they can fuck off is what you're suggesting.

[00:58:21] Yeah, well, I'd let them... I'd have local delegates looking after stuff.

[00:58:26] Right.

[00:58:26] And I'd be like, if there keeps being problems with certain areas, I'd just put it back onto them and go, well, what do you want to do about it?

[00:58:32] Yeah.

[00:58:33] And if they go, well, I do this, they're like, okay, right, well, you do it then.

[00:58:35] I went deep.

[00:58:37] Yeah, I'd literally take the person who's given out about everything.

[00:58:40] Yeah.

[00:58:40] And I'd go, it reminds me of this fiddle player I know, a super talented fiddler, right?

[00:58:45] She's incredible.

[00:58:46] Right.

[00:58:46] And she was in a bar and the bar man was just being a bit shitty towards her.

[00:58:49] They're like, oh, fucking musicians coming in here.

[00:58:51] You know, you're getting paid to just play a fiddle, right?

[00:58:55] Okay.

[00:58:55] She's been playing a fiddle for like, you know, probably 20 years.

[00:58:58] Now it was over a thousand songs.

[00:59:00] Yeah.

[00:59:01] In her brain.

[00:59:02] Yeah.

[00:59:04] And then she just went up to the bar and just goes, hands on the fiddle and goes, you do it then.

[00:59:08] And he goes, no, no.

[00:59:10] And she goes, you do it.

[00:59:11] And it just totally...

[00:59:13] I like that.

[00:59:14] You know what I mean?

[00:59:14] If someone's like, I get that with comedy.

[00:59:16] They're like, oh, you're just standing up telling a few jokes.

[00:59:18] I go, all right, you do it then.

[00:59:20] See how you get on.

[00:59:21] I will tell if anyone is listening who may have the same opinion.

[00:59:26] When I was in college, a friend of mine said, oh, I'm doing an independent film, right?

[00:59:30] And I need actors and stuff.

[00:59:31] And I said, I've never acted before.

[00:59:33] But fuck it.

[00:59:33] Yeah, why not?

[00:59:34] Give it a go.

[00:59:35] And in the scene.

[00:59:37] So it was like, I was the best friend character, right?

[00:59:40] It doesn't matter.

[00:59:40] I was in the small town.

[00:59:41] And I read the script and I was like, okay, that's grand.

[00:59:43] I'll do all that.

[00:59:45] And there's a bit in it that says like, Kevin is sitting in a pub and he sees open mic night.

[00:59:51] Yeah.

[00:59:51] And he goes, does that.

[00:59:52] And the next scene then, Kevin does it.

[00:59:54] People boo him because his jokes are rubbish.

[00:59:56] And next scene.

[00:59:58] And the guy rang me and he said, oh, we're filming the standup thing tomorrow night.

[01:00:03] We have a pub there.

[01:00:04] You'll go out and you'll do that.

[01:00:05] And I said, yeah, fine.

[01:00:06] No problem.

[01:00:07] By the way, in the script, it just says Kevin tells bad jokes.

[01:00:10] People laugh at him.

[01:00:11] That's it.

[01:00:12] But like when we're filming it, I have to tell jokes.

[01:00:15] So like you have.

[01:00:16] And they said, no, no, no.

[01:00:18] We thought you'd write out those jokes.

[01:00:19] And I was like, oh, okay.

[01:00:20] And it's being filmed tomorrow night.

[01:00:22] Yeah.

[01:00:22] And how long?

[01:00:23] How long are we planning on filming this?

[01:00:24] About five or 10 minutes.

[01:00:25] So I was like, you want me not a comedian, not a comedian.

[01:00:30] To me, that's very hard work to suddenly come up with 10 minutes of material.

[01:00:35] And I imagine if I said that to you, you're like, oh, that's good luck.

[01:00:39] That was terrifying.

[01:00:40] And I had an audience of people who knew this was like a scene.

[01:00:45] Like they were in on the this isn't real.

[01:00:48] And I was terrified.

[01:00:51] Absolutely.

[01:00:52] As soon as I stood up there and they went action, I was like,

[01:00:54] this is the most scariest thing I've ever done.

[01:00:57] Fuck this.

[01:00:58] Right.

[01:00:59] That's the end of my comedy career.

[01:01:01] So, yeah.

[01:01:02] Anyone who says adds a few jokes, you're like, you don't.

[01:01:04] That's not even getting into the mechanics of actually like.

[01:01:07] Like everything is hard.

[01:01:10] Like, you know, being a mechanic, it's all skill and it's all learned.

[01:01:14] Like, so I don't think anyone's job for granted.

[01:01:16] But if there was any whinging about whatever, I go, all right, you do it.

[01:01:19] And you have everything and you're still pissed off.

[01:01:22] I just be kind of, again, just personal responsibility.

[01:01:25] Look inwards.

[01:01:26] Usually when people have a go at you in life or online, it's because they're not happy with themselves.

[01:01:31] That's 99% of the time.

[01:01:33] If someone's being a real prick.

[01:01:35] Yes.

[01:01:35] It's because they're just not happy.

[01:01:37] And I'm always just like, look inwards.

[01:01:40] Like do a bit of work on yourself.

[01:01:41] Like, you know what I mean?

[01:01:42] And then if you're still angry, if you're totally cool and you've gone, looked at it objectively and gone.

[01:01:48] Yeah, that person, whatever.

[01:01:49] Like I got scammed at the Edinburgh Fringe last year and I was fuming about it.

[01:01:53] And like, you know, I filmed a documentary about the guy.

[01:01:56] Piece of shit of a human.

[01:01:58] But I also just moved on with my life as well.

[01:02:00] Do you get what I mean?

[01:02:01] Like you can't stay angry at everyone else for it.

[01:02:03] You just got to get on with things like it's now.

[01:02:05] Similarly, I didn't let it go.

[01:02:06] And I've I've been going after this guy.

[01:02:08] And it's it's coming to a head now.

[01:02:10] So he'll be he'll be dealt with.

[01:02:13] But you can't let things go like that either.

[01:02:15] Do you get what I mean?

[01:02:16] But also you can't let things consume you.

[01:02:18] Yeah.

[01:02:19] It's all right to be upset about things.

[01:02:20] So someone pissed off that they're like, I don't like my job in my country.

[01:02:23] And I'm just that and the other.

[01:02:24] I go, that's OK.

[01:02:25] But what are you doing to change that?

[01:02:28] Well, you know, go ahead.

[01:02:30] Sorry.

[01:02:30] I was.

[01:02:30] Yeah.

[01:02:31] So if they if they're not willing to make any effort and they're just like, fuck you

[01:02:34] and this and the other.

[01:02:35] Yeah.

[01:02:36] We'll just fuck off them.

[01:02:37] Yeah.

[01:02:37] You know, if you're not if you're not willing to take any responsibility for this and you

[01:02:41] don't want to you don't want to contribute, even though you're living in like arguably

[01:02:45] the best country in the world.

[01:02:47] But like some people will never be happy.

[01:02:50] And that's the problem.

[01:02:51] So and it's that goes back to that wherever you go, there you are.

[01:02:54] That's that's it.

[01:02:55] Like if you have someone called Jim who is constantly complaining about fucking anyone

[01:03:00] could be Denny O'Brien.

[01:03:01] Jesus, it's not fucking hard to stand in a fucking Southern Central American country

[01:03:05] and rule it.

[01:03:06] Would you at some point say, right, you fucking lead the country?

[01:03:08] Yeah, I would.

[01:03:09] You do.

[01:03:09] I I I I I people moaning at me at the fringe.

[01:03:12] I do three, four shows a day.

[01:03:13] Yeah.

[01:03:14] And they're complaining.

[01:03:15] Oh, I'm so tired.

[01:03:16] And I'm like, like they're doing like one gig.

[01:03:18] Wait, is this the audience?

[01:03:19] No, no, no.

[01:03:20] Like, whatever.

[01:03:21] And I'm like, and they're like, oh, you know, you know, you're so like, yeah, I'd love to

[01:03:26] have your life.

[01:03:27] And I'm like, you have no clue.

[01:03:28] Like, I literally work 12 hours a day minimum every day, every day.

[01:03:32] I'm not just saying that.

[01:03:33] Like, I get up.

[01:03:34] I was in the gym this morning at eight.

[01:03:35] Yeah.

[01:03:36] I got back at nine.

[01:03:37] I did this podcast with you.

[01:03:38] I'm doing workshops this afternoon.

[01:03:40] I'm hosting my comedy club tonight.

[01:03:41] I'll go in and set up at seven.

[01:03:43] I won't get out at 11.

[01:03:44] I'll get home at 1130.

[01:03:45] Yeah.

[01:03:46] I get to bed at 12 if I'm lucky.

[01:03:48] Then I get up tomorrow morning and go to the gym again.

[01:03:51] And then do my stuff admin all day.

[01:03:53] Like, that's my life.

[01:03:54] If I'm gigging away at the weekend, I then have to leave two, three hours already and drive

[01:03:58] to wherever I'm gigging, drive all the way back.

[01:04:00] Or I'm flying somewhere and flying all the way back.

[01:04:02] Like, that's how I'm putting up a video every day and content every day.

[01:04:05] So I hear people like complain.

[01:04:07] And it's the same with my country.

[01:04:09] If they're like, oh, I go, all right, well, here, come on, you do it.

[01:04:12] Literally, I'd give them a fiddle and I go, here, you fucking do it.

[01:04:14] Do you know what?

[01:04:16] I'll answer that in a second.

[01:04:16] But the other thing as well with the whole, with you working and doing that, like with

[01:04:20] the hosting Comedy Crunch and the event management and stand up in general and all that.

[01:04:24] Like, it's not.

[01:04:26] Now, I could be wrong.

[01:04:27] I'm kind of assuming I'm even going off of when I was doing like Twitch for a while where

[01:04:34] because you're doing something that's quite social, it's not even just a, oh, I have to

[01:04:38] travel there or I have to organize this.

[01:04:41] But you're, you're constantly like your brain is constantly switched on because you can't

[01:04:45] show up.

[01:04:45] You can't show up and host something and go, God, I'm wrecked.

[01:04:48] Anyway, sure, this fellow's all right.

[01:04:50] This has to be the greatest show that you'll ever see.

[01:04:52] It doesn't matter how bollocks you are.

[01:04:54] I was nearly falling asleep in a chair, but you've got to put your game face on.

[01:04:59] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[01:04:59] Like, it's like a match.

[01:05:01] Like, you just got to suck it up and go, right.

[01:05:03] Do you think that if you played a game of rugby, soccer, hurling whatever against someone,

[01:05:08] do you think the other team cares if you're tired?

[01:05:11] No, no, no, no.

[01:05:12] You have to be.

[01:05:13] That's the way I look at life.

[01:05:14] Like, or if you tell your teammates, I didn't get a great night's sleep last night.

[01:05:17] Well, then they say you shouldn't be on the pitch.

[01:05:19] Yeah, exactly.

[01:05:19] That's my country in a nutshell.

[01:05:21] Do you know what I mean?

[01:05:23] Your sports teams have no subs.

[01:05:25] Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[01:05:26] They're fucking there to play.

[01:05:28] I'm going to call my next show no subs.

[01:05:30] No subs.

[01:05:32] That's the subscribers.

[01:05:33] So if Jim is saying, all right, I will take the fucking leadership here.

[01:05:37] How long are you giving him?

[01:05:39] I'd give him, I'd probably give him, I'd give him 72 hours.

[01:05:43] Right, 72 hours.

[01:05:44] I'm in control of this fucking country.

[01:05:46] And I'd go like, you know, I'd set it up in such a way that he wouldn't be able to make any dramatic decisions.

[01:05:50] But I would let him see what it's like.

[01:05:53] Okay.

[01:05:54] And then I'd say, you know, and what are you going to do about this?

[01:05:56] And what are you going to do about this?

[01:05:57] And what are you going to do about this?

[01:05:58] Because they would just collapse.

[01:05:59] Like, they'd just be like, they have no clue.

[01:06:02] Okay, hit me with one question there, just so I know.

[01:06:04] Because if I'm like, I want to bring vapes in.

[01:06:05] And you're like, can't do that.

[01:06:06] That's too big of an idiot.

[01:06:07] Or yeah, if they said like, right, well, you know, we need to...

[01:06:11] Execute you.

[01:06:12] We've got food production is low and such and such.

[01:06:14] What are we going to do?

[01:06:16] Oh, I don't know.

[01:06:17] Well, you can't use that because you've got no budget left.

[01:06:19] Do you know what?

[01:06:19] I don't want to deal with it.

[01:06:20] I'm just going to hire people to deal with it.

[01:06:22] I'll give them loads of money.

[01:06:24] I'm going to give them a mansion.

[01:06:25] I'm going to give them a mansion on the south side of the island.

[01:06:27] And they'll deal with that.

[01:06:28] That'll take more than three days to be processed.

[01:06:30] So he doesn't have the option.

[01:06:31] He needs to make a decision.

[01:06:34] Oh, I will tell him, I'd execute them.

[01:06:37] Execute them for treason.

[01:06:39] Yeah.

[01:06:39] Done.

[01:06:41] Yeah, I don't think I'd give him...

[01:06:42] If he's only like covered for a couple of days,

[01:06:45] I don't think I'd give him executioner rights.

[01:06:49] He wouldn't be able to arrest you basically as well.

[01:06:52] Jim just commits...

[01:06:53] Like I'm there trying to make a point about work ethic

[01:06:55] and Jim genocides the whole country.

[01:06:57] And so he's sitting there going...

[01:07:00] The thing is, Jim was the dad of that 18-year-old

[01:07:02] that you had a punch-up at the airport with

[01:07:04] when you fucked him off the country.

[01:07:05] Exactly.

[01:07:06] So Jim is a bit...

[01:07:08] Jim's a bit vengeful.

[01:07:10] Okay, I have a question.

[01:07:11] There was Jim...

[01:07:12] Jim did go away after that.

[01:07:14] But he did attempt a coup.

[01:07:17] Yeah.

[01:07:18] So...

[01:07:18] He has been caught.

[01:07:19] You're safe.

[01:07:20] Nobody's hurt or anything.

[01:07:21] But I mean, we have him in prison.

[01:07:23] Like, what are we doing with him?

[01:07:24] I mean, he's...

[01:07:25] Try and rehabilitate him.

[01:07:26] He's not...

[01:07:27] No, he's fairly adamant.

[01:07:29] He is...

[01:07:30] Well, just go.

[01:07:30] Listen, Jim, if you want to work with us or work with you,

[01:07:33] if you want to sit here and sulk and then just let...

[01:07:36] Tell you, leaving someone like that who's angry with their own thoughts,

[01:07:40] they will eventually come good.

[01:07:42] Because, like, I believe...

[01:07:43] I do believe that everyone has the capacity to change.

[01:07:45] It's whether they want it or not.

[01:07:47] So if Jim wants to be a total prick,

[01:07:49] Jim can sit in a cell until he's dead.

[01:07:51] If he wants to play that, be like that, go with it.

[01:07:54] Like, well, if Jim wants to work...

[01:07:56] Listen, I treat this in my real life.

[01:07:59] I'll work with anyone who wants to work.

[01:08:01] But if you don't want to do the work,

[01:08:03] and I don't mean physical work,

[01:08:04] I mean, if you don't want to try and make a bit of definitive change

[01:08:08] and try and grow,

[01:08:09] then I've nothing for you.

[01:08:10] And I'll give you the option to be euthanized if you want to tap out.

[01:08:13] Jesus.

[01:08:14] Okay, so he has the option.

[01:08:15] Okay, I'm going to ask two questions, right?

[01:08:17] And then one question and a final question.

[01:08:19] With Jim, who Jim is a very popular man on the island.

[01:08:22] He's lovely.

[01:08:23] Fucking hates you for kicking his egg in your hole out.

[01:08:26] But people love him.

[01:08:27] So your advisors or whoever said,

[01:08:30] why don't you go on to the nightly news

[01:08:32] and have a kind of a Frost Nixon moment

[01:08:34] where you sit down with a journalist and they'll say,

[01:08:36] listen, or you have to talk about Jimgate.

[01:08:39] People would like him released from prison.

[01:08:41] You know, why aren't you?

[01:08:44] You know, a lot of people...

[01:08:45] I would look, I would actually go into Jim's world

[01:08:48] because I'd be like, what's Jim doing that I'm not?

[01:08:51] Jim is obviously doing something.

[01:08:52] Jim obviously has some charisma.

[01:08:54] Or is Jim going to do a Jonestown on this?

[01:08:56] Is Jim gaining popularity

[01:08:59] because he's a sound, decent, enigmatic, charismatic,

[01:09:04] decent human?

[01:09:05] Jim's a great lover.

[01:09:06] Or is Jim a prick?

[01:09:07] Is Jim a prick who's bullying and manipulating people?

[01:09:11] And if it's the latter, Jim's going to jail.

[01:09:13] There's not going to be a thing.

[01:09:15] Jim is a great lover.

[01:09:16] He is a Casanova.

[01:09:17] He's a charming man.

[01:09:19] Yeah.

[01:09:20] That's why people love him.

[01:09:21] If Jim is sound and I need to learn a bit from Jim

[01:09:23] and maybe I need to be a bit more flexible,

[01:09:25] I'd probably get Jim working for me.

[01:09:27] Well, Jim wants to kill you.

[01:09:29] Is what I'm saying.

[01:09:30] Jim's not sound.

[01:09:33] But he's sound to everyone else.

[01:09:35] Everyone else is a very satisfied lover of Jim.

[01:09:38] Jim's got mental health issues,

[01:09:39] so Jim needs to be treated.

[01:09:40] So I probably put Jim into some kind of

[01:09:42] mental psychiatric care.

[01:09:43] But if Jim wasn't willing to do that,

[01:09:45] then we'd probably have to disappear Jim.

[01:09:47] Disappear him as in he's...

[01:09:49] Well, I'll just say, listen, Jim,

[01:09:51] whatever your gripe is,

[01:09:52] if this can't be resolved, I said like...

[01:09:54] There's only one way to resolve it.

[01:09:56] Yeah.

[01:09:57] Yeah.

[01:09:57] I'm not going to have a scrap with Jim.

[01:09:59] I'll just say, listen,

[01:10:00] the same as I said to Jim's son,

[01:10:02] I'll give you a lift to the airport, pal.

[01:10:05] In a fucking ambulance.

[01:10:08] Do you not think...

[01:10:09] Do you know why some people say like...

[01:10:10] He's in North Korea.

[01:10:12] So you sent his son to North Korea?

[01:10:14] No, he'll send it.

[01:10:15] Yeah, but in the world,

[01:10:16] he'll learn a work ethic there.

[01:10:17] No, but do you...

[01:10:19] You think you're shit, Jim?

[01:10:20] Do you go with...

[01:10:21] Do you go with the idea

[01:10:22] some people go with like,

[01:10:23] let's say, okay,

[01:10:24] there's two guys,

[01:10:25] Danny and Kevin,

[01:10:26] they have an argument.

[01:10:27] You know what they need to do?

[01:10:28] They need to have a good scrap.

[01:10:30] And afterwards,

[01:10:30] we can have a sit down,

[01:10:31] have a drink and be like,

[01:10:32] we're done.

[01:10:33] Would you go along with that?

[01:10:34] You're like,

[01:10:34] you and Jim just need to...

[01:10:35] Yeah, I do get that.

[01:10:37] Like, yeah.

[01:10:38] But then I'm like,

[01:10:39] why would I put all this work in

[01:10:40] to have a fucking scrap with Jim?

[01:10:42] Do you get what I mean?

[01:10:43] Yeah, debate yourself like that.

[01:10:45] Yeah.

[01:10:45] And then like,

[01:10:46] if I beat the bollocks out of Jim,

[01:10:47] I'm a prick.

[01:10:47] If Jim beats the bollocks out of me,

[01:10:49] I'm a prick.

[01:10:50] There's no winning.

[01:10:50] Like, so it's...

[01:10:51] Also,

[01:10:52] this sounds very much like a Jim problem

[01:10:54] in my country.

[01:10:56] So...

[01:10:56] Yeah, you don't have the aggressive...

[01:10:57] This is a you problem, James.

[01:10:59] I'll tell you what,

[01:11:00] how about you take that problem

[01:11:01] and we just...

[01:11:02] We can put your problem somewhere else

[01:11:03] and you can sit...

[01:11:04] Because Jim would be back

[01:11:06] within 48 hours.

[01:11:08] The cushy life Jim is living.

[01:11:10] So you're sending him to Pyongyang?

[01:11:12] Is that it?

[01:11:12] Man, I'd send Jim to Glasgow

[01:11:15] for two days

[01:11:16] and see how he got on.

[01:11:18] I'd send him to Hull.

[01:11:20] I'd send him...

[01:11:21] Why are you having a go at Hull?

[01:11:24] I don't know what,

[01:11:24] I'll send him somewhere and go,

[01:11:25] if you think this is shit, Jim,

[01:11:28] if you think this is shit,

[01:11:29] I'd send him to Hull

[01:11:30] and I'd make him do Jonglers and Hull,

[01:11:32] which is the worst gig

[01:11:33] I've ever done in my life.

[01:11:34] And I'd make Jim do a set there.

[01:11:36] And then he'd go,

[01:11:37] see, it's not that easy, Jim.

[01:11:39] Okay.

[01:11:40] It's not that easy being a comedian

[01:11:41] and it's not that easy

[01:11:41] around the country.

[01:11:42] Right.

[01:11:43] What's the name of it?

[01:11:45] Jonglers?

[01:11:46] Jonglers?

[01:11:46] Yeah, it was an old comedy club chain

[01:11:48] that went into the nation.

[01:11:49] Right.

[01:11:50] Oh, yeah.

[01:11:50] I don't want to damn the place,

[01:11:52] but fucking hell.

[01:11:54] So, Jim's son was sent to North Korea.

[01:11:56] Don't know what happened to that young man.

[01:11:57] Yeah, yeah.

[01:11:58] Jim is sent to Jonglers and Hull

[01:11:59] to perform

[01:12:01] and you were sitting pretty.

[01:12:02] Okay.

[01:12:03] Yeah, yeah.

[01:12:03] And then if they get back in touch

[01:12:05] and they want to come back,

[01:12:06] go, yeah, grab.

[01:12:07] But I'd say,

[01:12:08] maybe you want to start

[01:12:08] your new lives elsewhere.

[01:12:10] Oh, well, the son is...

[01:12:11] We don't find out

[01:12:12] what happens to the son, unfortunately.

[01:12:13] Yeah, yeah.

[01:12:13] Jim does ring.

[01:12:14] Would you let Jim back?

[01:12:15] Jim back.

[01:12:16] If he was, like, fine.

[01:12:17] Everyone deserves a second chance.

[01:12:18] Like, unless you're an absolute fucking wanker

[01:12:20] and there's no talking to you.

[01:12:21] But then just, like,

[01:12:22] fuck off.

[01:12:23] That's the end of it.

[01:12:26] Jim.

[01:12:26] Actually, no.

[01:12:27] Jim's a prick.

[01:12:28] Yeah.

[01:12:29] Jim's a prick.

[01:12:29] And sometimes in the world

[01:12:30] there is pricks.

[01:12:31] And do you know what?

[01:12:32] It's better off

[01:12:33] that some people

[01:12:33] aren't around anymore.

[01:12:35] Yeah.

[01:12:35] Like, people are always like,

[01:12:36] I'm like,

[01:12:36] the world...

[01:12:37] Like, I know a few pricks

[01:12:38] in my life who've died

[01:12:40] and the world's a better place

[01:12:42] with them gone.

[01:12:42] And that's just unfortunately

[01:12:44] a fact of life.

[01:12:45] I don't like the people who...

[01:12:47] And I...

[01:12:48] I don't like people

[01:12:49] who are overly cynical.

[01:12:51] Right?

[01:12:51] Yeah.

[01:12:51] Because fucking calm down.

[01:12:53] You know,

[01:12:53] who always take any story

[01:12:54] and go,

[01:12:55] oh, that's clearly fake

[01:12:56] or done for the news.

[01:12:56] You're like,

[01:12:56] just fucking enjoy it.

[01:12:57] Yeah.

[01:12:59] And I do prefer people

[01:13:00] who are more optimistic.

[01:13:01] But I don't like the people

[01:13:02] who are like,

[01:13:03] like,

[01:13:04] everyone is lovely.

[01:13:05] Yeah.

[01:13:06] No, be realist.

[01:13:07] That if you go,

[01:13:08] oh, that guy's a bit of a prick.

[01:13:09] Ah, no, come on.

[01:13:10] He's not Hitler.

[01:13:11] And you're like,

[01:13:11] he didn't have to be Hitler.

[01:13:12] He's a prick.

[01:13:13] Yeah.

[01:13:13] Like, calm down.

[01:13:14] Jim is an arsehole.

[01:13:15] Relax.

[01:13:16] Yeah.

[01:13:16] I don't like those people.

[01:13:18] I just give Jim a chance

[01:13:21] to turn his life around.

[01:13:22] But there's a thing

[01:13:24] they do in Indonesia

[01:13:25] and it's extremely brutal

[01:13:27] that if you use drugs there

[01:13:29] and you've overdosed,

[01:13:31] they put a...

[01:13:33] They stopped doing it

[01:13:34] because it was against

[01:13:34] human rights and stuff.

[01:13:35] But they would put

[01:13:36] like a tattoo,

[01:13:37] like a little tattoo dot

[01:13:38] behind your ear.

[01:13:40] And basically,

[01:13:40] three strikes in your mouth.

[01:13:42] So if you get resuscitated

[01:13:42] from, say,

[01:13:43] a heroin overdose,

[01:13:44] they would put a dot.

[01:13:45] Then they would put

[01:13:45] a second dot.

[01:13:46] But if you're found

[01:13:47] with two dots behind your ear,

[01:13:48] you don't get resuscitated.

[01:13:51] Oh, God.

[01:13:52] Three strikes in your mouth.

[01:13:53] Very brutal.

[01:13:54] Very fair.

[01:13:55] I would treat Jim like that.

[01:13:57] I'd be like,

[01:13:57] Jim, I'll give you

[01:13:58] a couple of chances.

[01:13:59] But if you're still

[01:14:00] going to be a total

[01:14:00] another prick,

[01:14:01] you're not getting resuscitated.

[01:14:02] You're getting deported, pal.

[01:14:04] You're not allowed back.

[01:14:05] You just have to be

[01:14:06] a stand-up comic

[01:14:07] somewhere else.

[01:14:08] Yeah, well,

[01:14:08] I'd send him off

[01:14:09] and I'd just let him go.

[01:14:10] Go live somewhere else

[01:14:11] and see how you get on.

[01:14:12] Would you give him any money?

[01:14:13] The grass isn't always greener.

[01:14:14] Do you know what I mean?

[01:14:15] Would you give him the money

[01:14:16] to start off?

[01:14:18] I'd give him a fair

[01:14:18] so he wouldn't be destitute,

[01:14:19] but he'd have to go

[01:14:20] and start working for himself.

[01:14:21] Yeah, he's not living cushy

[01:14:22] for his life.

[01:14:23] Maybe Jim would thrive.

[01:14:23] Maybe Jim would make it.

[01:14:24] Look, that's what happened

[01:14:25] to loads of Irish people

[01:14:26] all over the world.

[01:14:27] Maybe that's to kick up the arse

[01:14:28] and maybe that would ultimately

[01:14:29] help Jim in the long run.

[01:14:31] So I'll go to the final question

[01:14:33] where it is.

[01:14:35] You live, you know,

[01:14:36] running this country.

[01:14:37] Country goes well, right?

[01:14:38] Yeah.

[01:14:39] At some point,

[01:14:40] you have to think about an heir, right?

[01:14:41] Who's going to take over?

[01:14:43] Now, the only limitation

[01:14:46] I'd plan this question is

[01:14:47] it can't be someone hypothetical.

[01:14:49] So you can't say,

[01:14:50] oh, I'd name my great-great-grandson heir.

[01:14:54] Like, that's to be someone living now.

[01:14:55] It can be anyone,

[01:14:56] but that's to be someone living now.

[01:14:58] It can be Jim if you want.

[01:14:59] Like, or his son.

[01:15:02] But would you name someone?

[01:15:04] Or would you, like,

[01:15:05] who do you think you...

[01:15:06] Yeah, I think if I had, like,

[01:15:06] a group of advisors,

[01:15:07] if I didn't have any kids,

[01:15:08] I don't know if having kids,

[01:15:09] I mean, look at the state

[01:15:10] of the royal family,

[01:15:11] for Christ's sake.

[01:15:12] It's just, like,

[01:15:13] the defiled protection scheme.

[01:15:15] Yeah.

[01:15:15] You don't sweat.

[01:15:16] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[01:15:18] Non-sweating.

[01:15:19] Like, that whole monarchy,

[01:15:20] like, makes me physically ill.

[01:15:21] I hate everything about it.

[01:15:22] It's like the class system in India.

[01:15:25] I'm never about anything like that.

[01:15:27] Yeah.

[01:15:27] But I would either,

[01:15:28] if I had someone working for me

[01:15:30] who was doing a class job

[01:15:31] and they had the same beliefs

[01:15:32] and ethos as me,

[01:15:33] I would probably pass

[01:15:34] the power on to them.

[01:15:36] She needs a great farmer.

[01:15:38] Yeah.

[01:15:38] Yeah, yeah.

[01:15:39] No, yeah,

[01:15:39] but if someone's, like,

[01:15:41] a real decent person

[01:15:42] and you know

[01:15:43] that they're going to do

[01:15:44] a good job,

[01:15:45] if you had a kid

[01:15:46] and then your kid could end up,

[01:15:47] you know,

[01:15:47] hopefully I would raise the kid

[01:15:49] to be a sound, like,

[01:15:51] person who actually believes

[01:15:53] in the same morals as me,

[01:15:54] if they turn out

[01:15:54] to be a spoiled little prick,

[01:15:55] absolutely not.

[01:15:57] And when they,

[01:15:58] if you're,

[01:15:59] if you are announcing

[01:16:00] one of your advisors

[01:16:01] as the heir intern,

[01:16:02] are you just going to live

[01:16:03] on the island as well

[01:16:04] or are you like,

[01:16:05] no, I better leave

[01:16:05] because...

[01:16:06] Yeah, I think I'd live there

[01:16:08] and I'd probably have

[01:16:09] a few little islands

[01:16:10] and stuff off it

[01:16:11] to go have the crack on,

[01:16:12] but like...

[01:16:13] Private islands.

[01:16:14] Yeah, well,

[01:16:14] not an Epstein one,

[01:16:16] but like,

[01:16:16] if my country had,

[01:16:17] like, little...

[01:16:18] I did not mention.

[01:16:20] I just meant in retirement sense,

[01:16:22] but if I had,

[01:16:22] if I had, like,

[01:16:24] little countries

[01:16:25] outside of my own country

[01:16:26] that were part of it,

[01:16:26] you know,

[01:16:27] like,

[01:16:27] Ackle Island

[01:16:28] or anything like that

[01:16:29] or Inishmore.

[01:16:30] Oh, okay, yes, yes.

[01:16:32] I'd probably,

[01:16:32] I'd be probably out there

[01:16:33] somewhere and then

[01:16:34] I'd tip back to the mainland

[01:16:35] to make sure everyone's alright.

[01:16:36] Yeah, you have your own little...

[01:16:38] Not exactly,

[01:16:39] but your own little kingdom

[01:16:40] away from...

[01:16:41] Yeah, yeah.

[01:16:41] Your own little place.

[01:16:42] Sometimes it's good

[01:16:43] to just get away from people,

[01:16:44] you know.

[01:16:44] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[01:16:44] Yeah, no, I get that.

[01:16:45] Okay, so,

[01:16:46] with Daniland gone,

[01:16:48] or with you gone from Daniland,

[01:16:50] and it's handy

[01:16:50] because I didn't need

[01:16:51] to call you an official title.

[01:16:52] Danny, thank you

[01:16:54] for roasting Ireland.

[01:16:56] And Jim...

[01:16:58] And...

[01:16:59] Ireland, listen,

[01:17:00] I find it therapeutic.

[01:17:02] Ireland needs a bit of roasting.

[01:17:03] Like, it's, you know,

[01:17:04] we need a bit of proactive change

[01:17:06] in our little,

[01:17:07] a nice little island.

[01:17:08] As you said,

[01:17:08] you can be very proud

[01:17:09] of your country,

[01:17:10] but, like,

[01:17:10] you don't have to do it

[01:17:11] kind of the way

[01:17:12] the Americans do it,

[01:17:13] where we're the best

[01:17:14] in everything

[01:17:15] and the world.

[01:17:15] No, you're like,

[01:17:16] no, we like Ireland,

[01:17:17] that's why we want it

[01:17:18] to be better.

[01:17:19] Exactly.

[01:17:20] Acknowledge the flaws,

[01:17:21] but also go,

[01:17:22] what can we do

[01:17:23] to make this a better place

[01:17:24] for everyone?

[01:17:24] Instead of going,

[01:17:25] oh, sure,

[01:17:25] there's no point,

[01:17:26] sure, there's no point,

[01:17:27] the government,

[01:17:27] the government,

[01:17:28] the government.

[01:17:28] Elect a different one then.

[01:17:30] Yeah.

[01:17:31] Vote,

[01:17:32] or for a start,

[01:17:33] vote.

[01:17:34] Yeah.

[01:17:34] Like,

[01:17:35] at the very least.

[01:17:36] Not in your country though.

[01:17:37] Yeah, yeah.

[01:17:37] Yeah.

[01:17:38] Mine would hopefully be sound

[01:17:39] if you wouldn't need to do that,

[01:17:41] and if it wasn't,

[01:17:41] then I wasn't doing a good job.

[01:17:42] Yeah, yeah.

[01:17:43] Off to Hull,

[01:17:45] or Glasgow with you.

[01:17:46] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[01:17:47] Danny,

[01:17:48] where do people find you online?

[01:17:49] Just at the OB Comedy,

[01:17:51] get me on Instagram,

[01:17:52] my website is

[01:17:54] dannieobryancomedy.com,

[01:17:55] all my upcoming tour dates.

[01:17:56] I'm going to announce

[01:17:57] a 2025 tour of my new show,

[01:17:59] which is called

[01:18:00] Kill It, Dan Jarrow.

[01:18:01] That'll be out next year,

[01:18:03] that's going to start in January,

[01:18:04] and I've got a few festivals

[01:18:06] and a few other bits and pieces

[01:18:07] between now

[01:18:08] and the end of the year.

[01:18:09] I'm in Ballycotton

[01:18:10] in a couple of weeks,

[01:18:10] then I've got a comedy festival

[01:18:12] next month.

[01:18:13] I'm in Asia in November,

[01:18:14] so I do loads of corporate stuff as well.

[01:18:16] I do loads of workshops

[01:18:17] with young people.

[01:18:18] I do loads of workshops

[01:18:20] for tech companies.

[01:18:21] I do private Christmas party events

[01:18:23] and movie theme night

[01:18:24] hosted by comedians.

[01:18:26] So I do tons of stuff,

[01:18:26] so that's all on my website,

[01:18:28] which is

[01:18:29] drumhilleventmanagement.com.

[01:18:30] Awesome.

[01:18:31] By the way,

[01:18:32] I meant to ask this earlier,

[01:18:33] did you know the way

[01:18:33] you went up Kilimanjaro?

[01:18:35] I did.

[01:18:36] You came back down?

[01:18:37] I did.

[01:18:37] Is it harder to come back down

[01:18:39] than go up?

[01:18:41] No,

[01:18:42] it's definitely harder

[01:18:42] going up.

[01:18:45] It's five days up,

[01:18:47] two days down.

[01:18:48] Oh,

[01:18:48] because everyone always

[01:18:50] congratulates someone

[01:18:50] for going up

[01:18:51] like Kilimanjaro

[01:18:52] or Mount Everest,

[01:18:53] but nobody goes,

[01:18:53] fair play for coming down.

[01:18:55] That must be...

[01:18:55] a bit harder on the LDs

[01:18:56] coming down

[01:18:57] to your legs

[01:18:57] or a bit banjacks

[01:18:58] but you just kind of

[01:18:59] take your time,

[01:19:00] you know?

[01:19:00] Yeah,

[01:19:00] yeah,

[01:19:01] yeah.

[01:19:01] No,

[01:19:01] pretty good.

[01:19:02] The ascent was definitely

[01:19:03] harder than the ascent.

[01:19:05] Fair enough.

[01:19:05] Yeah,

[01:19:05] no,

[01:19:06] because I don't know

[01:19:06] if I've ever seen that

[01:19:08] maybe someone saying

[01:19:09] like,

[01:19:09] oh yeah,

[01:19:09] it's not hard.

[01:19:10] Like,

[01:19:10] it's,

[01:19:11] you know,

[01:19:11] it's not...

[01:19:11] But you're also getting more air

[01:19:12] each time,

[01:19:13] right?

[01:19:13] Yeah,

[01:19:14] so the further you go down,

[01:19:15] the more your oxygen goes up,

[01:19:16] so it's good.

[01:19:16] What's that like to feel better?

[01:19:18] You just feel great.

[01:19:19] You can just,

[01:19:19] you're not knackered

[01:19:20] when you run for a pee,

[01:19:21] like...

[01:19:22] Oh,

[01:19:22] sweet.

[01:19:23] I can't wait to,

[01:19:24] I can't wait to experience

[01:19:25] that someday.

[01:19:25] Yeah,

[01:19:26] that's hard.

[01:19:27] Okay,

[01:19:27] thanks everyone.

[01:19:28] By the way,

[01:19:29] would you have any

[01:19:30] last words of wisdom

[01:19:31] before you

[01:19:32] give over your

[01:19:34] rule of Daniland?

[01:19:35] What would be the last thing

[01:19:36] you'd say to people?

[01:19:37] I don't know.

[01:19:38] I think I'd just give them

[01:19:39] a slow thumb and say

[01:19:40] it's been emotional.

[01:19:41] A lot of Gen Xers

[01:19:42] are going to be

[01:19:43] alarmed.

[01:19:44] Give them a slow thumb emoji

[01:19:45] like in Top Gun

[01:19:46] and then I just slowly

[01:19:47] walk into the sea

[01:19:48] like point break.

[01:19:49] Two references

[01:19:50] that are lost on both of them.

[01:19:51] Completely lost on them.

[01:19:52] Yeah,

[01:19:53] that's good.

[01:19:54] Okay,

[01:19:54] alright.

[01:19:55] Thank you.

[01:19:55] Bye everyone.

[01:19:56] Cheers,

[01:19:56] man.