Michelle Shaughnessy - Secretary of State with a Robocop for a dog

[00:00:00] Hello, this is The Tyrant In Training Podcast and I'm Kevin Wright, I am the host. This is an improv comedy podcast where guests live out their tyrannical, maniacal and benevolent and malevolent fantasies while they ruin the wrong country.

[00:00:11] And today's guest is comedian Michelle Shocknessy who's going on tour in the UK in the new year with her stand-up show Too Late Baby. Michelle is on Instagram at Michelle'sFunny and her cool dog Robocop is also on Instagram at RobocopThePom.

[00:00:25] So for this episode Michelle is also known as the Secretary of State of Michelle Land. She is a silent shadowy figure behind the puppet head of state who can take all the flack for her if anything goes wrong.

[00:00:36] There isn't much going wrong though in Michelle Land because it guarantees all manner of healthcare for her people. You're only really in trouble if you're a landlord which is illegal and also if you insist on basing an entire career around generating AI imagery of Blake Lively. Other than that you're fine.

[00:00:52] Here are some out of context quotes from Michelle about how she handles dissenting opinions.

[00:00:57] I will tell you if I don't like the way people vote I'm just going to change it and nobody will know.

[00:01:01] Why would creating photos of Blake Lively who's a real person be a dream job for somebody?

[00:01:06] Because I took away his AI and he tried to overthrow the government for fuck's sake.

[00:01:10] There you are. So you can subscribe to this podcast anywhere you find podcasts like Spotify and such and such.

[00:01:15] You can follow the podcast on social media at Tyrant Podcast on Instagram.

[00:01:20] And also you can follow me on Blue Sky on Instagram and Trez at Kev Ryan Person.

[00:01:25] And finally there's a website for this podcast which is tyrantedtraining.podcast page.

[00:01:30] So goodbye and have fun listening.

[00:01:32] So you're ready to rule a country right?

[00:01:34] Yeah.

[00:01:34] You'd be like fuck this I'm ruling it.

[00:01:35] You wouldn't be like no no no let other people do what they want.

[00:01:38] No I want to be in charge. I think it's time for me to be in charge.

[00:01:41] But for me I would like to be a silent figurehead.

[00:01:44] I don't want anyone to know that I'm the one pulling the strings.

[00:01:45] I want them to think maybe I'm like fourth on the chain you know because then they're still going to be nice to you.

[00:01:51] But they're not going to be blame you for everything that goes wrong.

[00:01:54] Do you know what I mean?

[00:01:55] So you're like the president of the United States.

[00:01:56] I don't believe that's who's actually in charge.

[00:01:58] I believe there's other people telling them what to do and that make the final decisions.

[00:02:01] But that's the person that doesn't get all the flack right?

[00:02:03] Right.

[00:02:04] So you're going to have a figurehead to take all the flack.

[00:02:06] But okay.

[00:02:07] I think yeah yeah that's exactly how I feel.

[00:02:09] Yeah.

[00:02:10] But are you so you're already suggesting if you run a country there would be problems and people would be angry about living in your country.

[00:02:16] I think any country that in the world there's going to be problems because I think unless you only have one type of person with one type of opinion that lives in that country there's always going to be people that don't like the way you're ruling it even if it is for the greater good.

[00:02:27] And you wouldn't just get rid of the people who have problems just like no you're out.

[00:02:31] We still need people to pay their taxes right?

[00:02:33] Right.

[00:02:33] So I think for me most of the people that have the problem when it comes to say with the Democrats are in charge right?

[00:02:38] Most of the people that have the problem are the people like the big corporations right?

[00:02:42] So I think you still need the money from those big corporations so you still need them to run the country.

[00:02:47] Like I do think money from the world and I don't know that I would have a country that doesn't have a capitalist society because I do like capitalism and I know it's an unfair opinion.

[00:02:56] Not unfair unpopular opinion in today's society.

[00:02:59] Yes.

[00:02:59] But I do like capitalism.

[00:03:00] I like being able to buy things and I hope to be super rich one day.

[00:03:03] Yes.

[00:03:04] So you but like you're you're not planning on like ruling a country and being like tyrannical like I have control over everything if I will take over everything and if anyone has a problem with it throughout the door.

[00:03:14] You know I know.

[00:03:15] You know I'll allow different things.

[00:03:17] I'll allow different things.

[00:03:18] Yeah.

[00:03:18] Okay.

[00:03:20] Do you know on this podcast we don't take over a country and then you rule that we like set up an island somewhere right?

[00:03:25] Okay.

[00:03:27] How are you?

[00:03:28] I would get rid of landlords.

[00:03:29] There'd be no landlords.

[00:03:31] Because I think that everyone should have the right to a fair home.

[00:03:34] So I think everybody should get a basic home and if you want something bigger and better and whatever you're totally welcome to go pay for that.

[00:03:41] But I do think everyone should get a basic living wage.

[00:03:44] Yes.

[00:03:45] And a flat to live in you know.

[00:03:47] Don't they do that in a few places.

[00:03:49] You see stories every often where it's like oh in a town they try that.

[00:03:52] They do.

[00:03:52] I think in the Netherlands some places might do it.

[00:03:54] I don't know.

[00:03:56] Don't quote me on that.

[00:03:57] But I know because in Canada one of the governments that's running like one of the parties that's trying to get charged that's one of the platforms that they're running on is a basic.

[00:04:06] Liveable wage.

[00:04:07] So everybody I think would get like I think it's not a lot.

[00:04:10] I think it was like 11 $1,100 a month or something you know.

[00:04:13] And I do think that is a really good path to end a lot of problems such as homelessness and addiction and things like that.

[00:04:19] But yeah they it feels like they do you see a story where to say oh we've tried this for a period of two years.

[00:04:24] And yeah it's going pretty well.

[00:04:25] And in the end and it's like maybe you should have kept going.

[00:04:28] I think nobody expects it to work out.

[00:04:30] I think people that agree to that always think it's going to fail and then they're going to be like see those people deserve to be on the street.

[00:04:35] And I just think that's not fair.

[00:04:37] And I do think that everybody deserves a roof over their head.

[00:04:39] OK. So you're going to do the whole everyone has a house by the time they're able to live in a house basically.

[00:04:44] Absolutely.

[00:04:44] OK. So I have a map here because I don't know how your geography is.

[00:04:47] But where would you put your island.

[00:04:50] Oh I would put it.

[00:04:52] Because you're in Canada and Greenland.

[00:04:55] Geez you're going cold that cold right.

[00:04:57] Well not all Canada is cold.

[00:04:59] But between Greenland and Canada would be cold.

[00:05:02] No.

[00:05:02] Ah.

[00:05:04] That's a good question actually.

[00:05:06] How are you. Are you more hot weather or cold weather person.

[00:05:09] I fall is my favorite season autumn as you call it here.

[00:05:12] So I think let me see what the temperature of Greenland is.

[00:05:15] OK.

[00:05:17] Temperature of Greenland.

[00:05:19] I thought I just imagine that full of ice and snow.

[00:05:24] It's two degrees right now.

[00:05:26] OK that's not bad.

[00:05:27] Yeah.

[00:05:28] Maybe. Yeah.

[00:05:29] Maybe I should think about that.

[00:05:30] So I do want to stay close to Canada though because I think they're a good ally.

[00:05:34] Yes.

[00:05:34] And I don't.

[00:05:35] I want a bit of a buffer so I'm not right next to America.

[00:05:38] They're an enemy.

[00:05:40] Well.

[00:05:42] You need their army.

[00:05:43] Let's be honest about that.

[00:05:44] You need their army.

[00:05:45] So why don't we go.

[00:05:46] Yeah of course.

[00:05:47] OK.

[00:05:47] Why don't we go a little down.

[00:05:51] More towards Mexico maybe.

[00:05:54] Oh.

[00:05:54] With the stuck near America.

[00:05:57] Oh you're going yeah.

[00:05:59] Beaches and the whole.

[00:06:00] I presume Canada.

[00:06:01] Yeah.

[00:06:01] Let's take that little.

[00:06:02] That little crop of land.

[00:06:04] Do you see that little spot right there.

[00:06:06] So if I'm on United States and I go down to Mexico to the left.

[00:06:08] That little.

[00:06:09] Oh this.

[00:06:10] What is that.

[00:06:11] What.

[00:06:12] I have no idea.

[00:06:13] It looks like a dismembered lake.

[00:06:15] OK.

[00:06:16] Well that's where I want it to be.

[00:06:17] But.

[00:06:17] Right beside that.

[00:06:18] Maybe right here.

[00:06:20] So on the right side of Mexico.

[00:06:22] Oh on the right side.

[00:06:23] Right hand side.

[00:06:24] OK.

[00:06:25] OK.

[00:06:25] We'll throw it in there.

[00:06:26] Um.

[00:06:27] Now I always say to people that there's going to be 10 million people on your island.

[00:06:31] Is that too much or.

[00:06:32] I only just assume.

[00:06:33] That's a round number.

[00:06:34] I think that's good.

[00:06:35] Yeah.

[00:06:35] You have 10 million people by the way.

[00:06:36] I think 10 million is good.

[00:06:38] When we set up the country.

[00:06:39] 10 million people are going to be.

[00:06:42] They're going to willingly come onto the island.

[00:06:44] So like when we make these decisions.

[00:06:46] They're happy to come over.

[00:06:47] So for example.

[00:06:48] When you set up your island.

[00:06:50] Are you going to have.

[00:06:51] You have ultimate say.

[00:06:52] Over every decision.

[00:06:53] Right.

[00:06:53] You're the boss.

[00:06:54] Both.

[00:06:55] For the everyday boring stuff.

[00:06:57] The admin roles.

[00:06:59] Do you want.

[00:07:00] Like a inner council of 10 people that you pick.

[00:07:03] I do.

[00:07:04] Yeah.

[00:07:04] I absolutely do.

[00:07:05] So I want any voting.

[00:07:07] Yeah.

[00:07:08] I definitely want a democratic country.

[00:07:10] Right.

[00:07:10] I will tell you if I don't like the way people vote.

[00:07:12] I'm just going to change it and nobody will know.

[00:07:13] So people can vote, but only the way you want them to vote.

[00:07:16] Yeah.

[00:07:18] Okay.

[00:07:18] So they just.

[00:07:19] Okay.

[00:07:19] Yeah.

[00:07:20] Yeah.

[00:07:20] So it's freedom, but your freedom.

[00:07:22] People think they have a say.

[00:07:23] And I got to tell you, I think that's the way a lot of countries are run now.

[00:07:26] Like I do believe that there is, you know, do I think that by install the election from

[00:07:32] Trump?

[00:07:32] Absolutely not.

[00:07:33] Do I think people have stolen elections in the past?

[00:07:35] 100%.

[00:07:35] So I do think, you know, there is a little bit of wiggle room in that.

[00:07:41] Obviously if 10 million people vote, no, I wouldn't do that.

[00:07:44] But if say it's a close call and I know, okay, if we put that in place, it's going to

[00:07:49] be detrimental to the society.

[00:07:50] Yeah.

[00:07:51] Numbers a little bit.

[00:07:52] But if they're voting for, I mean, you know, if they're saying we have a hundred senators

[00:07:56] in the Senate and they're all clones of Donald Trump, you're like, no, that's no,

[00:08:01] something's gone wrong here.

[00:08:02] Exactly.

[00:08:03] Okay.

[00:08:03] Yeah, exactly.

[00:08:04] Exactly.

[00:08:04] Because I really want to keep away from it becoming a right wing versus left wing country.

[00:08:10] I don't want that.

[00:08:11] I want people that all, you know, do believe everyone has body autonomy.

[00:08:15] Everybody has freedom of choice.

[00:08:16] Yeah.

[00:08:17] You know, women can make their own decisions for their own body.

[00:08:19] I definitely believe in that, but you also still need rules, you know, because I

[00:08:22] don't want anyone walking around thinking they can just murder people at the same time.

[00:08:25] Yes.

[00:08:26] Are you?

[00:08:27] Yeah.

[00:08:27] So you're, you're allowing them to vote, but again, these are only for people that are

[00:08:30] like the lower down politicians to say.

[00:08:32] Yeah.

[00:08:32] You're going to have a figurehead who they think they think the figurehead is doing.

[00:08:38] Yeah.

[00:08:38] Okay.

[00:08:39] By the way, is there anyone?

[00:08:40] I don't know.

[00:08:41] Is it like, are you thinking of a famous person to do it?

[00:08:44] But is there anyone in your mind that you're like, they'll be the figurehead and you'll

[00:08:47] be the person?

[00:08:57] Yeah.

[00:09:00] Yeah.

[00:09:01] Yeah.

[00:09:02] Yeah.

[00:09:03] He was attractive.

[00:09:03] He was different.

[00:09:04] He ran on a platform to legalize marijuana.

[00:09:06] So somebody like that, somebody that's going to come in and everyone's going to be like,

[00:09:09] wow, this guy is not like the normal old white man that we have around the country.

[00:09:13] Yeah.

[00:09:14] So I think somebody like that where people can look and have faith in him and trust him,

[00:09:17] you know, even if he's not the one with the brains behind the operation.

[00:09:20] Yeah.

[00:09:21] Someone who, who, who, um, not appears well, but, um, who presents himself well.

[00:09:25] Yeah.

[00:09:25] Somebody who can sit well in public and represent the country properly, because I think that

[00:09:29] is what a country needs in order to look good.

[00:09:32] I say, I say himself, but it's not strictly, oh no, I better be a man now if I'm the woman

[00:09:37] doing that.

[00:09:38] No, it could be a woman too.

[00:09:38] You know, it could be a woman too, but somebody with that appeal, somebody young and fresh,

[00:09:41] but not in their twenties, you know, somebody maybe early forties that has a fresh voice,

[00:09:45] but maybe has experience working in politics and who was just very presentable that when you see them

[00:09:50] on the news, everyone kind of stops and listens.

[00:09:52] Cool.

[00:09:52] Okay.

[00:09:53] We'll set that up.

[00:09:53] Now, do you have an idea?

[00:09:54] I know, I guess I know you're, you're in the shadows, right?

[00:09:58] But do you have any official title?

[00:10:00] Like what are people calling you?

[00:10:02] I would be maybe secretary of state.

[00:10:06] Oh, okay.

[00:10:06] Yeah.

[00:10:07] That's a very modern official position.

[00:10:10] People know you're the secretary of state.

[00:10:12] Yeah.

[00:10:12] And then is the, the, the leader, are they, um, like the president?

[00:10:17] Yeah.

[00:10:18] Okay.

[00:10:19] We'll go, uh, so president, whoever, I'm just going to call him president, whoever,

[00:10:22] and you're the secretary of state, right?

[00:10:24] Mm-hmm.

[00:10:24] What is the name of the country?

[00:10:27] Ooh, that's a good one.

[00:10:29] Can't really name after yourself, can you?

[00:10:30] No, I can't really name it after myself.

[00:10:32] Let me think, let's call it.

[00:10:35] Hmm.

[00:10:36] I'm going to come back to that one.

[00:10:38] Okay.

[00:10:38] Okay.

[00:10:38] We'll come back to that.

[00:10:39] Would name it after Robocop.

[00:10:41] That's your dog.

[00:10:42] No, because then everyone will think it's going to be filled with Robocop.

[00:10:45] Like, um, you know.

[00:10:48] Filled with Robocop.

[00:10:50] Like the, like the actual cop from the movie.

[00:10:52] Do you know what I mean?

[00:10:53] Oh yeah.

[00:10:54] Is that, is that, that's where you got the name?

[00:10:56] Yeah.

[00:10:56] Yeah.

[00:10:57] Yeah.

[00:10:57] Um, yeah.

[00:10:58] I mean, yeah.

[00:10:59] Um, you could have your dog Robocop as like the official animal, official of, of.

[00:11:05] Oh yeah.

[00:11:05] You could be this, that mascot.

[00:11:07] Mascot.

[00:11:08] Yeah.

[00:11:08] Put him on the flag.

[00:11:10] Yeah.

[00:11:10] Okay.

[00:11:11] We'll come back to the name.

[00:11:12] I'll ask there in a minute about the name.

[00:11:13] So, uh, other, other questions are, um, uh, but I mean, do you have any official like

[00:11:20] attire or, you know, clothes that you're wearing then?

[00:11:22] No, I mean, I'll dress business, you know, business, but anyone can wear what they want.

[00:11:26] I definitely want a country with free healthcare, but the best healthcare ever.

[00:11:30] Like I'm talking like the kind that you would pay private for, you know?

[00:11:34] Yeah.

[00:11:34] That's, that's standard.

[00:11:35] Basically the private option is just a public option in a way.

[00:11:39] Right.

[00:11:39] Okay.

[00:11:40] Um, is there any, so on the list of countries with the best healthcare in the world, your

[00:11:45] country is top of it, right?

[00:11:47] Yeah.

[00:11:48] Is there any unusual list that you'd find your country top of?

[00:11:51] Ooh, I want it to be also the top of, uh, alternative treatments.

[00:11:57] Like I want people to think of my country when they say, you know what?

[00:12:00] I don't want chemo.

[00:12:01] I want to try something else.

[00:12:03] I want them to come to our country and say, can we have this special treat?

[00:12:07] Like millions and millions of dollars anywhere else.

[00:12:09] You know, is there any weird treatment that you're like, that would be one?

[00:12:12] No, don't even know.

[00:12:13] Well, there's no, just, I've been reading treatments about how like cancer treatments

[00:12:17] and stuff, right?

[00:12:18] Like you see all the stories of like, we've tried this experimental treatment and it worked,

[00:12:22] but it's over a million per person.

[00:12:24] So it can't be, you know, things like that.

[00:12:27] Like I work on an incentive.

[00:12:28] So people would want to come to our country and bring their cures where it'd be like,

[00:12:31] we can't afford to pay you this.

[00:12:33] But if you bring your country here and do the research here, uh, and you let everyone

[00:12:37] who is affected by that disease in this country, get all that treatment for free.

[00:12:39] You can have a home here.

[00:12:41] You can have, you know, free taxes.

[00:12:42] You can have like incentives for those medical professionals to want to live in that country.

[00:12:45] Right.

[00:12:46] So there's going to be a lot of like snake oil salesmen coming to your country going,

[00:12:50] I can, I can really get working on this.

[00:12:52] I can sell literal snake oil to these people.

[00:12:55] I think there would have to be a really, uh, verification process.

[00:12:59] How do you verify that?

[00:13:01] Oh, this is a brand new treatment.

[00:13:02] I would have experts do it.

[00:13:03] I'd have a whole team of medical experts that worked for me that would do it.

[00:13:05] Okay.

[00:13:05] And they'll say, yeah, why not?

[00:13:07] Yeah.

[00:13:07] It's going well.

[00:13:08] We'll chance it.

[00:13:09] You're just exploring the possibilities.

[00:13:11] Okay.

[00:13:11] Yeah.

[00:13:12] By the way, what type of house do you want to live in?

[00:13:13] Are you living in a big Beckhoff mansion or?

[00:13:16] I'm living in a big mansion.

[00:13:17] Massive, like a modern mansion.

[00:13:19] Massive.

[00:13:19] Modern mansion.

[00:13:20] Yeah.

[00:13:21] Um, are you working from home or are you working in the office or?

[00:13:24] I'm all over the place.

[00:13:25] I always have to go to meetings.

[00:13:27] I have to go on the news.

[00:13:27] I have to like, no, you know what?

[00:13:29] I don't want to be secretary of state.

[00:13:30] I want to be the press person, the person that goes and gives all the announcements.

[00:13:35] Oh, but it's so.

[00:13:36] Oh, but your press secretary saying, oh, the president has decided that.

[00:13:41] Yeah.

[00:13:41] But it's actually you deciding it.

[00:13:43] Yes.

[00:13:44] Oh, very clever.

[00:13:44] Cause in the president, be like, yeah, that's what I decided.

[00:13:46] Okay.

[00:13:47] Yes.

[00:13:47] Um, I mean, are people wondering why the press secretary has a mansion bigger than most

[00:13:53] people in the world?

[00:13:55] You think, but they don't know that it's my mansion.

[00:13:57] They think I just live in a wing of it.

[00:14:00] Who lives in the, who do they think lives?

[00:14:02] Who's the main president, but really he lives in a wing of it and it's my house.

[00:14:05] Okay.

[00:14:07] Um, okay.

[00:14:09] Can I ask something?

[00:14:10] Sure.

[00:14:10] Does nothing go down between you and the president?

[00:14:13] Fun fact.

[00:14:14] Maybe there is.

[00:14:15] Maybe there is.

[00:14:16] Maybe there is.

[00:14:17] You might, you know what?

[00:14:19] Yeah.

[00:14:20] Yeah.

[00:14:20] I'm fucking the president.

[00:14:21] You and Justin.

[00:14:22] Why not?

[00:14:23] I can do whatever I want.

[00:14:25] I need to find a man secure enough in himself to know that he's not really in charge.

[00:14:30] But the only reason I have him in charge is because we still live in a patriarchal

[00:14:33] world.

[00:14:33] Now within five years in this country, I would like to become more of a matriarchal society

[00:14:39] and hopefully that trickles out to the rest of the world.

[00:14:41] They're like, look how good this country is doing.

[00:14:43] And now they have all these women in charge.

[00:14:45] So I think he is just a stepping stone to get us recognized on the world stage to

[00:14:48] do good things.

[00:14:49] And then women can fully be in charge.

[00:14:51] And I think when we do switch that, I do think it might even be worth letting everybody know

[00:14:57] that there was a woman in charge for the past decade and nobody knew.

[00:14:59] And look how good things went.

[00:15:01] Yes.

[00:15:01] And look at the satisfied smile on that former president's face.

[00:15:04] He's delighted.

[00:15:05] Because I was going to say, like when you set up this country, if you started from day

[00:15:08] one saying this is a matriarchal society.

[00:15:10] Well, that's what I could do.

[00:15:11] I could.

[00:15:12] Well, if we had said that everyone in the world would be like, this country is a joke.

[00:15:15] You know, they wouldn't take our army seriously.

[00:15:17] They wouldn't take us seriously.

[00:15:18] We wouldn't be allies.

[00:15:19] So I think if I come at it, say I make my husband in charge and everyone thinks, wow,

[00:15:24] this is great.

[00:15:24] She's really the woman behind the man.

[00:15:26] But I'm really in charge, you know?

[00:15:27] Okay.

[00:15:27] So you're doing it gradually and then bam.

[00:15:29] And everyone's like, oh, well, the country has been running fine for five years.

[00:15:32] Okay.

[00:15:32] Okay.

[00:15:32] I'm like, okay, good.

[00:15:33] Smart thinking.

[00:15:34] Um, is there anything on you?

[00:15:36] Is there any like mundane thing or anything everyday item or anything like that that's

[00:15:40] banned in your country?

[00:15:42] Anything you'd be like, we don't need that.

[00:15:43] Not doing it.

[00:15:44] I know landlords are banned, right?

[00:15:46] Look, there's things that I would like to ban, but I don't know if I have a right

[00:15:47] to ban that.

[00:15:48] Like things like, like smoking.

[00:15:50] I mean, I don't like smoking.

[00:15:51] I used to smoke.

[00:15:52] So I have a soft spot for it.

[00:15:54] Yeah.

[00:15:54] I think smoking indoors we banned, but I think that's common with every country, you know?

[00:15:57] Yeah.

[00:15:58] Um, but I do think, uh, social media, you are not allowed to access till you're 16 years

[00:16:03] old.

[00:16:04] Um, I think that's very important because I do think it's ruining our society a little

[00:16:07] bit when you're young.

[00:16:08] Um, I also think, uh, Hmm.

[00:16:15] Cyclists would have their own streets.

[00:16:17] I don't want them on the same road as cars because that just leads to problems.

[00:16:20] They don't have just a lane.

[00:16:20] No, because that's just that those bike lanes are stupid because where are you supposed

[00:16:25] to get an Uber to pull over?

[00:16:26] Where are you supposed to, you know, people are always blocking them and then it causes

[00:16:29] problems and cyclists end up in the middle of the road anyway.

[00:16:32] So I just think there's a whole different path for cyclists and they love it and cars

[00:16:35] love it.

[00:16:36] They're both equally happy.

[00:16:37] That's a complicated system.

[00:16:39] Okay.

[00:16:39] But yeah, no, no, no, that'll work.

[00:16:40] We can do that.

[00:16:41] Yeah.

[00:16:41] Easy.

[00:16:42] Okay.

[00:16:42] So you're banning cyclists on a car road.

[00:16:46] And public transport is free.

[00:16:47] Public transport is free.

[00:16:49] Absolutely free.

[00:16:50] Okay.

[00:16:50] Okay.

[00:16:51] And smoking.

[00:16:52] Well, you limit that.

[00:16:53] You wouldn't allow it in.

[00:16:54] Like I know, I think I read somewhere.

[00:16:56] Is it in England that they were talking about banning smoking?

[00:16:59] On patios and stuff.

[00:17:00] Yeah.

[00:17:01] We've had that in Canada for like a decade.

[00:17:02] So that doesn't seem that weird to me.

[00:17:04] Like you can't smoke on patios.

[00:17:06] Um, you have to go six feet away from the door.

[00:17:08] So you, you have to stand on the street essentially.

[00:17:11] So I'm, we're just so used to that.

[00:17:12] So that, but I understand that people want to smoke on patios and it doesn't bother

[00:17:15] me if you want to smoke on a patio.

[00:17:17] Someone explained that to me.

[00:17:18] I was in, I think it was in Hollywood a couple of years ago and I was in a pub and went out

[00:17:23] to smoke cigarettes and someone said, Oh, you have to go across the road.

[00:17:26] And there was like four lanes.

[00:17:27] Now I wasn't really, really drunk.

[00:17:29] Like I could walk in a straight line, but I was like, I've had a few drinks.

[00:17:33] Do you want me running across the road?

[00:17:35] Yeah.

[00:17:36] Okay.

[00:17:36] That's fine.

[00:17:37] Yeah.

[00:17:37] They really don't like cigarette smoking.

[00:17:39] Okay.

[00:17:40] So we're getting rid of that.

[00:17:41] Okay.

[00:17:42] Um, I do have.

[00:17:43] Feed is legal, obviously.

[00:17:45] Yes.

[00:17:46] But that's the only thing.

[00:17:47] No.

[00:17:48] No, I think decriminalization of all drugs.

[00:17:51] Every drug.

[00:17:52] Yeah.

[00:17:52] Right.

[00:17:53] I think the countries that have decriminalization see lower rates of problems than the countries

[00:17:59] who, you know, just allow people to become meth addicts and then treat them like criminals.

[00:18:02] Yeah.

[00:18:03] So you're just allowing every drug to be legal and in.

[00:18:06] Not legal.

[00:18:06] Decriminalized.

[00:18:07] Oh, sorry.

[00:18:08] Okay.

[00:18:08] I presumed it was just legal.

[00:18:10] No.

[00:18:11] Decriminalized for personal possession.

[00:18:12] So if you get caught with meth, I think you should have to go into a treatment facility,

[00:18:15] not jail.

[00:18:16] So you're not going to leave a criminal record, but the, you do have to receive drug treatment.

[00:18:20] Okay.

[00:18:21] Okay.

[00:18:21] That's very, very, um, not lax.

[00:18:24] Like an, not a.

[00:18:25] Well, I think it's an addiction.

[00:18:26] Addiction is a mental health issue.

[00:18:27] And I think addiction is the only mental health issue that we look at from a criminal

[00:18:31] standpoint and not from a mental health standpoint.

[00:18:33] And I really like.

[00:18:34] Okay.

[00:18:34] I agree.

[00:18:35] And by the way, just so I point out besides being the host and everything, I am a sycophantic

[00:18:39] follower and I'm a vice.

[00:18:40] Oh, so I agree with everything.

[00:18:42] Do you, how are you with compliments?

[00:18:44] I love it.

[00:18:45] So do you want me to go like you're a wonderful leader?

[00:18:47] Thank you.

[00:18:48] Press.

[00:18:48] Are you still press secretary when we find out you're the actual leader?

[00:18:51] I don't know.

[00:18:52] I think, well, I think we'll probably have someone else by that point.

[00:18:55] Do you want to be training somebody else to take over the job?

[00:18:57] Do you want to be president?

[00:19:01] Just president Michelle.

[00:19:02] Okay.

[00:19:03] Yeah.

[00:19:03] Cause I was worried that if it was president, I'll shock to see that people would shorten

[00:19:06] it to POS and.

[00:19:08] Oh, it's just Shaughnessy.

[00:19:09] It's not.

[00:19:09] Oh, Shaughnessy, but everyone thinks it is.

[00:19:12] Oh, yeah.

[00:19:13] You see, everyone thinks that, but it was back in the day.

[00:19:15] So when my great grandfather came to Canada, he dropped the O.

[00:19:17] Is it Irish or Scottish or?

[00:19:19] Yeah.

[00:19:20] Do you know what that's where?

[00:19:21] When they came over.

[00:19:23] Why did they drop the O to be like, nobody finds out?

[00:19:25] I don't know.

[00:19:25] I was told it had something to do with people not knowing you're Catholic at the time.

[00:19:31] Oh, yeah.

[00:19:33] Interesting.

[00:19:33] So somebody, an Irish comic told me that it was called dropping the O for the soup.

[00:19:37] So if you wanted soup from the Protestant soup kitchen, you couldn't do it if you're

[00:19:40] Catholic.

[00:19:41] So a lot of people at the time dropped the O and then they would just think that they

[00:19:43] were Protestant and they would get soup.

[00:19:45] So it was called dropping the O for the soup.

[00:19:46] I have not confirmed that, but somebody that lives in Ireland told me that.

[00:19:49] So.

[00:19:49] Oh, I didn't know that.

[00:19:50] Yeah.

[00:19:51] I mean.

[00:19:51] It sounds real.

[00:19:52] Yeah.

[00:19:53] Sounds plausible.

[00:19:54] Yeah.

[00:19:54] What what idiots to the Protestant soup kitchen people are.

[00:19:58] Right.

[00:19:59] Are you one of those ocean?

[00:20:00] No, I'm.

[00:20:01] Oh, OK.

[00:20:02] Come on in.

[00:20:02] Yeah.

[00:20:03] Yeah.

[00:20:03] Oh, yeah.

[00:20:04] No, no, no.

[00:20:05] OK.

[00:20:06] I didn't know that.

[00:20:07] Oh, thanks.

[00:20:08] OK.

[00:20:09] I have bad news, though.

[00:20:10] And by the way, you're a wonderful president.

[00:20:13] But I have bad news.

[00:20:16] There is a scandal about to come out involving you.

[00:20:19] OK.

[00:20:19] Now, your approval rating was 98 percent.

[00:20:23] Right.

[00:20:23] And yeah.

[00:20:24] Right.

[00:20:25] It was 98 percent.

[00:20:26] After the scandal, it goes down to 91 percent.

[00:20:29] We're a bit concerned that something's gone.

[00:20:31] You get to pick what would your scandal be like?

[00:20:33] What would people find out now?

[00:20:34] I'm not talking about something serious like you've murdered 100 million people.

[00:20:38] You know, it's light entertainment podcast.

[00:20:40] But.

[00:20:41] I suppose, yeah.

[00:20:42] What do you think?

[00:20:43] Yeah.

[00:20:43] They'd find out about this and people would be unhappy.

[00:20:45] What do you think?

[00:20:47] I think they would find saucy nudes sent between me and the president.

[00:20:50] And then we would have to come clean about our relationship and let everybody know that

[00:20:53] we are actually in love and it's all above board.

[00:20:55] And we're both not having affairs and we both just love each other.

[00:20:59] And then everyone would be like, oh, my God, that's a beautiful love story.

[00:21:01] And they would get over it because it's OK to send nudes to the person you love.

[00:21:05] Do you?

[00:21:06] Not that I'm not myself or anything, but do you think it's then OK to send nudes to someone

[00:21:11] that you're like, I know, well, we were we were we were together for a few months,

[00:21:14] but we're not getting married or anything.

[00:21:16] Just a bit of a fun time.

[00:21:16] I think it's totally fine if the person wants them.

[00:21:18] If it's consensual.

[00:21:19] Yeah.

[00:21:19] If you send me nudes and you're like, I would love to send you nudes.

[00:21:22] Then absolutely.

[00:21:23] But I'd hate to like I'd hate it to be a situation where you're like, damn, I've been

[00:21:27] found out.

[00:21:28] OK, I'm going to have to marry this guy.

[00:21:29] This has to be.

[00:21:30] No, no, no, no, no, no.

[00:21:31] I think we're in a relationship and we just haven't told the public yet because we don't

[00:21:34] know how it would look.

[00:21:35] Yeah.

[00:21:35] OK, so so that's just OK.

[00:21:37] So when your advisor say maybe you should go on to Nightly News and explain nude gate,

[00:21:45] you would go on and explain.

[00:21:47] I think the president would go on and explain this person and I have been in a relationship.

[00:21:49] We just haven't come public about it yet because we were still figuring out what it

[00:21:52] was.

[00:21:53] And these were consensual adult photos that were sent between, you know, two adults who

[00:21:57] love each other and somebody hacked them and got them out.

[00:21:59] And, you know, because of that, we're creating we're creating an anti hacking bill.

[00:22:04] So the punishments for revenge porn leaking nudes and stuff is going to be very significant.

[00:22:08] That's what I want to find out about, because I didn't even think about that.

[00:22:10] What happened to that fucker who?

[00:22:12] Because that's like that's the real scandal that someone was going to get arrested, because

[00:22:15] I think that is something that we do need more laws about to keep women safe online.

[00:22:19] So I think using this as an example of how I felt unsafe and how we can change the laws

[00:22:22] to protect women, I think we will be on the world stage and other countries would be like,

[00:22:26] wow, we should pass a law like that.

[00:22:28] So then what happened?

[00:22:29] Okay, so you know what?

[00:22:30] No, they're not real nudes.

[00:22:32] Somebody made AI nudes of me.

[00:22:34] Like that does happen.

[00:22:35] It's like why you need passwords with your family because they clone your voice and say,

[00:22:38] oh, I'm kidnapped, you know?

[00:22:39] So I think punishments for those types of crimes.

[00:22:41] I want to be the first country that creates a bill.

[00:22:44] Yes.

[00:22:45] That actually targets just that and makes it just as bad as like harassment in the real

[00:22:50] world.

[00:22:50] Because I do think there is a bit of a loophole online right now where all those gaps haven't

[00:22:54] been closed because AI is moving faster than the law.

[00:22:56] Do you?

[00:22:57] So, okay.

[00:22:57] So let's say we catch, I'm going to call them Bob, right?

[00:23:01] Bob's a prick.

[00:23:02] We don't like Bob.

[00:23:03] What?

[00:23:04] Okay.

[00:23:04] He's like, he's banged rights, right?

[00:23:06] He's definitely guilty.

[00:23:06] What are we doing with him?

[00:23:07] What's what's his punishment?

[00:23:08] I think you're banned from the internet for minimum a year.

[00:23:12] Oh, okay.

[00:23:13] Do you think like if he's like, oh, well, I don't care.

[00:23:16] I think there's jail time too.

[00:23:17] Like I think you're going to be prosecuted.

[00:23:18] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:23:18] Like I don't think you're going to jail for the rest of your life, but I do think that

[00:23:22] needs to be a punishment because I think that's a deterrent to a lot of people.

[00:23:25] Because think about it.

[00:23:25] You couldn't, if you got banned from using the internet for five years, you couldn't get most jobs

[00:23:30] you couldn't get, you know?

[00:23:30] So I do think that is the punishment that's on the table for repeat offenders, for sure.

[00:23:35] Okay.

[00:23:35] So I also do think a rehabilitation treatment because I do think these people need to learn

[00:23:40] what it's like to be empathetic.

[00:23:42] And if just on the chance then that if they're like, well, okay, I have this brilliant scheme.

[00:23:47] I'm going to create these AI pictures, these new data, new to AI pictures, right?

[00:23:52] It's going to be the leader of the country.

[00:23:53] People should have access to AI.

[00:23:55] I think we have access to AI when it comes to Google and asking questions and stuff.

[00:23:59] But I think when it comes to making likeness images and stuff, I don't think the general

[00:24:03] population needs access to AI.

[00:24:04] And I don't understand why they would need it.

[00:24:06] So I think if you work for a movie studio or something and you need that type of technology,

[00:24:09] you need to apply for a permit to have somebody that is approved to have technology for your

[00:24:13] film.

[00:24:14] I do like getting rid of AI, right?

[00:24:16] I think that's a thing basically just for people to abuse.

[00:24:20] Okay.

[00:24:20] Would you, you know your news station?

[00:24:22] Actually, I have to ask, do you know the name of your country yet?

[00:24:26] Oh God.

[00:24:27] No, I will though.

[00:24:28] Let me keep thinking.

[00:24:28] Okay, by the end of it, I will.

[00:24:30] Yes.

[00:24:30] Are you sure you're not going to name after yourself?

[00:24:33] I don't know.

[00:24:34] No, no, because then it's like, what if I'm not in charge one day?

[00:24:37] But you see, that's the thing.

[00:24:37] You can only be in your own.

[00:24:38] You're in charge of it for as long as you want.

[00:24:42] And I mean, you know, Rome is still called after Romulus.

[00:24:46] So if you're like, no, I'm out of here now, you can still leave your legacy behind by that.

[00:24:49] That's true.

[00:24:50] I don't know if any country rhymes with Michelle.

[00:24:52] Michelle-y?

[00:24:53] No, don't work.

[00:24:54] How about Michelle-and?

[00:24:55] Michelle-and?

[00:24:56] Michelle-and.

[00:24:58] Oh, Michelle-and.

[00:24:59] I was like, Michelle-and?

[00:25:00] Okay.

[00:25:01] Michelle-and.

[00:25:02] Yeah, we go with Michelle-and.

[00:25:03] And hey, you can change it whenever you want.

[00:25:05] I'm pretty sure you just make an announcement and it's changed.

[00:25:08] Do you know your news channel?

[00:25:09] Yeah.

[00:25:09] Or your news station rather?

[00:25:11] Yeah.

[00:25:12] I know you're using very like, no, tell people honestly, you know, people can handle the truth.

[00:25:17] Are you sure you don't want any of your news stations?

[00:25:19] I'm thinking like a Fox News station to throw out any like propaganda.

[00:25:23] Do you want any sort of like, oh, tell people.

[00:25:26] I think you have to have a news station like that or everyone will just think you live in a communist society.

[00:25:29] You need to see two sides of the coin, right?

[00:25:30] Yes.

[00:25:30] You need to have people that do disagree with you.

[00:25:32] So I do think, yes, there will be a news station like that.

[00:25:34] But I do think they can't say things that aren't true how Fox News tends to do sometimes.

[00:25:38] So I think there'll be a lot of fact checking for both news stations.

[00:25:41] Yes.

[00:25:41] But do you think if they're saying we're going to do a little documentary on you, it's going to be very pro President Michelle.

[00:25:49] Any, any, any, anything, any story you want us to tell about you to make people see how brilliant you are?

[00:25:55] Any, you know.

[00:25:57] I think the fact that I'm self-made.

[00:25:58] I didn't come from money.

[00:25:59] I'm not an Apple baby.

[00:26:00] I worked myself up to where I got.

[00:26:02] And I think that's people love that.

[00:26:04] People love an underdog story.

[00:26:05] So you built this island.

[00:26:07] That's what we're the woman who built an island is the name of the documentary.

[00:26:10] She arrived with two hands, two feet and just got to work.

[00:26:14] Yeah.

[00:26:14] Fantastic.

[00:26:15] Right.

[00:26:16] Okay, we'll do that.

[00:26:17] Right.

[00:26:17] The woman who built the island were bare fucking hands.

[00:26:21] Do you know when it's your birthday?

[00:26:23] Mm hmm.

[00:26:24] How do you want people to celebrate it?

[00:26:25] I don't.

[00:26:27] Oh, I don't like that.

[00:26:28] And I think it's weird here that we have like, oh, it's the king's birthday.

[00:26:32] Let's have a bank holiday.

[00:26:33] I don't know if there's been quality of the king's birthday.

[00:26:34] Don't quote me on that.

[00:26:35] But I just think I don't think there's a point in that.

[00:26:37] I don't think you should.

[00:26:38] What if I think I think everybody gets something on their birthday?

[00:26:41] Everybody, everybody on my thing gets something on their birthday.

[00:26:45] But on your birthday, they don't get things like you get something on your birthday, but

[00:26:50] they don't.

[00:26:50] I think everybody's birthday is equal on my island.

[00:26:53] So they celebrate it more than someone else's just because they're famous.

[00:26:56] Yes.

[00:26:57] But if because, you know, I said a lot of people have a high approval of President Michelle.

[00:27:02] Mm hmm.

[00:27:02] What if they want to celebrate you?

[00:27:04] Is there any like, OK, let's go do something?

[00:27:06] I think if they want to celebrate me, they could do something for charity that day.

[00:27:09] I think every year on my birthday, I'm going to pick a charity.

[00:27:11] So if you want to celebrate my birthday, meet down here or donate here or do something

[00:27:15] for this particular charity this year.

[00:27:16] So every year I pick one charity that is worthy and I want everyone to send anything

[00:27:21] for birthday stuff to that charity.

[00:27:23] Oh, OK.

[00:27:24] Yes.

[00:27:24] You don't want anything.

[00:27:25] You're not happy.

[00:27:26] Do you know my own?

[00:27:27] Do you plan on being like out amongst the people?

[00:27:30] Are you like, no, I'll stay away.

[00:27:31] Some people are just.

[00:27:32] No, I want to meet the people.

[00:27:33] I want to be out amongst people.

[00:27:34] I definitely do.

[00:27:35] I want to be, you know, I want them to see the things that I do.

[00:27:39] Like so if they see me at the Botox spot.

[00:27:41] Sure.

[00:27:41] Yeah, I think we should normalize that too.

[00:27:43] What's a, what is, what's a Botox spot?

[00:27:46] You go get your Botox.

[00:27:47] But is it a spa like you spend a couple hours there?

[00:27:50] Yeah, it's like, well, it's like a medispa they call them.

[00:27:52] So you go get your filler, you get your Botox, you know, maybe get your lips done.

[00:27:55] Oh, OK.

[00:27:57] So if you're.

[00:27:58] And sleep free plastic surgery.

[00:28:00] Free plastic surgery.

[00:28:02] Yeah.

[00:28:02] Oh, OK.

[00:28:03] Just for any like if I'm like, I just want to.

[00:28:05] I mean, I think you have to apply for it.

[00:28:07] So if you want.

[00:28:08] No, an individual.

[00:28:10] So if I wanted to get a boob job and I can afford a boob job, I go get a boob job.

[00:28:13] If I wanted to get a boob job and it's something that's always affected me and affected

[00:28:16] my mental health and I have no boobs and I was talking about my whole life and I can't afford it.

[00:28:19] I should be able to apply to a fund.

[00:28:21] Oh, OK.

[00:28:22] So, OK.

[00:28:22] OK.

[00:28:23] So you're doing that.

[00:28:23] So health care is looked after in this country in mental health and physical health.

[00:28:28] If you look good, you feel good.

[00:28:30] That's part of health care.

[00:28:31] Yes.

[00:28:31] But I have to apply for anything.

[00:28:33] I'm including Botox, all that stuff as part of health care.

[00:28:36] But I have to apply for everything.

[00:28:38] Plastic surgery, you do.

[00:28:39] I have to apply for it.

[00:28:40] You're telling me, Kevin, you should apply for plastic surgery.

[00:28:43] If you want to.

[00:28:44] If you want to get plastic surgery and you can't afford it, there will be a fund that

[00:28:47] you can apply to.

[00:28:48] OK.

[00:28:49] I don't think that things like that should just be for the rich is what I'm trying to say.

[00:28:52] But you would encourage it?

[00:28:53] No.

[00:28:54] If it's what you want to do and a mental health professional gives you a once over and says,

[00:28:59] OK, they don't have body dysmorphia.

[00:29:00] They don't have unrealistic expectations.

[00:29:02] Then, yes, I approve them for the surgery.

[00:29:04] OK, but I look fine right now.

[00:29:06] I feel fine.

[00:29:07] And I think if people don't want to get plastic surgery, that's fine, too.

[00:29:08] I support everybody.

[00:29:09] Yeah.

[00:29:10] No, I just would just when you said you better apply for it.

[00:29:13] I mean, people need to apply for it.

[00:29:14] You can't just walk up and get it free every day of your life, you know?

[00:29:17] Perfect.

[00:29:17] OK, OK.

[00:29:18] I get you.

[00:29:18] I'm with you now.

[00:29:19] I was going to ask.

[00:29:20] So, OK, so you have people.

[00:29:22] You're around people at the spa and everything else.

[00:29:25] You're one with citizens.

[00:29:27] If they come up to you, though, and say, I'm not happy, president.

[00:29:30] I have a complaint.

[00:29:31] Like, would you listen to them or?

[00:29:33] Of course.

[00:29:34] Now, if they're saying I'm not happy, I'm an artist.

[00:29:36] Here's the problem.

[00:29:37] OK, my name is Bill.

[00:29:40] They call me Big Bill.

[00:29:42] OK, I am an artist and I'm struggling.

[00:29:46] I want to use A.I.

[00:29:48] And I'm not allowed to.

[00:29:49] That's my medium.

[00:29:51] You can use A.I., but not to make real people.

[00:29:53] So if you want to do a drawing with A.I., like you say, you say put an A.I. and say, I want to draw the sky.

[00:29:58] That's fine.

[00:29:59] You're welcome to do that as long as people know they're buying A.I. art.

[00:30:02] But I don't want you cannot have the technology to clone a voice.

[00:30:05] You cannot have the technology to clone a face that already exists.

[00:30:08] You cannot make human A.I., but you can make like art.

[00:30:11] Do you see what I'm saying?

[00:30:13] That's where Big Bill is struggling because he he only draws using A.I. Blake Lively.

[00:30:21] Well, then he needs to get a new job because you shouldn't be profiting off someone's likeness who didn't give you permission for that.

[00:30:26] So Big Bill has sounds like he had a little too easy in life and he's been taking advantage of people who don't know that they're being taken advantage of and profiting from.

[00:30:34] Well, Big Bill isn't happy because he thinks.

[00:30:36] OK, speaking as Big Bill, I'll level it to your president.

[00:30:38] It's hard being a man these days.

[00:30:40] Very hard.

[00:30:41] Are you shaking your head?

[00:30:42] You live in the wrong country.

[00:30:43] You're shaking.

[00:30:44] I came to this island thinking that men would finally, finally be treated equal.

[00:30:49] The problem is you are being treated equal and you don't know how to deal with it.

[00:30:53] That's the problem.

[00:30:53] Did you just, did you just thumb down the, I never saw that come up before on Zoom.

[00:30:59] That's interesting.

[00:31:00] Oh, the thumbs thing?

[00:31:01] Oh yeah.

[00:31:01] I've only seen it on my iPhone.

[00:31:04] That's so.

[00:31:04] Oh, that's the worst thing that ever happened.

[00:31:07] I was like, what the hell?

[00:31:07] Oh, OK.

[00:31:08] Yeah, I do.

[00:31:09] I do it on FaceTime.

[00:31:10] I've never seen it like this before either.

[00:31:12] That's, eh.

[00:31:13] OK.

[00:31:13] Wait.

[00:31:14] So when, sorry, this is completely off the podcast, but did you press a button or when you do that?

[00:31:18] No, you just go like this.

[00:31:19] And if you hold it long enough, it'll recognize it.

[00:31:21] Oh, it doesn't do that for you, no?

[00:31:24] Oh, interesting.

[00:31:25] That's a, yeah.

[00:31:25] OK.

[00:31:26] OK.

[00:31:26] Sorry.

[00:31:27] Yeah.

[00:31:27] OK, so.

[00:31:28] Are you on Mac?

[00:31:29] No, I'm on a.

[00:31:30] I think it's only Mac thing.

[00:31:32] OK.

[00:31:33] So Big Bill can't do what his dream job.

[00:31:36] But that shouldn't be a dream job.

[00:31:38] But look, look.

[00:31:39] Why would creating photos of Blake Lively, who's a real person, be a dream job for somebody,

[00:31:43] Bill?

[00:31:43] Because he idolizes us.

[00:31:44] And as a celebrity, she owes her fame to me.

[00:31:47] I pay a lot of money out to watch her movies.

[00:31:49] I don't think that's how it works.

[00:31:50] I think you sound entitled.

[00:31:51] And I think you're not used to being treated equally.

[00:31:53] I think you want proper treatment.

[00:31:55] And because of the man, you've already always got that.

[00:31:57] You expected more of that.

[00:31:59] Well, his side gig is as a man's life coach and he's going to go off and and tell other

[00:32:04] men about this.

[00:32:05] So, yeah.

[00:32:06] So you're not helping Big Bill either way.

[00:32:07] No, I'm not helping Big Bill.

[00:32:08] OK.

[00:32:08] OK.

[00:32:09] Do you like him?

[00:32:09] He nice guy.

[00:32:11] I have no problem with him, but I think he needs some mental help.

[00:32:13] Why he idolizes somebody he doesn't know so much.

[00:32:15] I free therapy for Big Bill.

[00:32:17] Free therapy for anyone who wants it.

[00:32:18] Yeah.

[00:32:19] But no way.

[00:32:20] OK.

[00:32:20] OK.

[00:32:23] Is Robocop your favorite movie?

[00:32:25] Yeah.

[00:32:26] Do you like Robocop?

[00:32:27] I do like Robocop.

[00:32:29] OK.

[00:32:29] So the name Robocop of my dog became, I wanted another dog.

[00:32:33] I was in Toronto living with my husband at the time and we had a dog who's still there

[00:32:36] with him, Shorty the Chihuahua.

[00:32:38] She was just too old to travel to England.

[00:32:39] Yeah.

[00:32:39] And I wanted another dog and he was like, no, that's crazy.

[00:32:42] And I was like, well, what if we name him?

[00:32:46] And I gave him a bunch of like really funny names.

[00:32:47] And then he was like, OK, cool.

[00:32:49] So I think that's the way to get a man to agree to a little fluffy dog.

[00:32:53] Yeah.

[00:32:54] OK.

[00:32:55] He sits the name Robocop.

[00:32:56] Fantastic.

[00:32:57] When we first caught him, he jumped off the couch and broke his leg.

[00:32:59] So now he has a metal plate in his leg.

[00:33:01] Kind of like Robocop.

[00:33:02] Ah, yes.

[00:33:03] Yeah, he fits.

[00:33:04] Yeah.

[00:33:04] It's like he knew.

[00:33:05] Yeah, exactly.

[00:33:06] Yeah.

[00:33:06] I seen the Instagram account.

[00:33:08] Thank you for sharing that with me.

[00:33:09] So if the studio for Robocop, I can't remember who made it, but if they came along

[00:33:15] to you and said, look, we want to make a new Robocop movie.

[00:33:20] Could we film it on your island?

[00:33:22] And more importantly, would you do a cameo on it?

[00:33:24] Yes, I would do that.

[00:33:26] Absolutely.

[00:33:26] You'd be absolutely.

[00:33:28] Now, would you play yourself or would you want to just play fictional?

[00:33:30] Well, it depends what they want me to do.

[00:33:32] Well, we're thinking, you know, what's better than, you know, in all the Robocop movies,

[00:33:35] there's usually I haven't seen all of them, but I'm going to assume there's always one Robocop.

[00:33:39] Yeah.

[00:33:40] We have an idea.

[00:33:41] We're going to call it Robocops.

[00:33:44] Oh, I'm going to have more than one.

[00:33:45] Actually, I kind of like this.

[00:33:46] I'm like that if one of them can be my dog.

[00:33:48] Oh, we have a whole team.

[00:33:50] We're kind of going off of the kind of Avengers like team up.

[00:33:53] Yeah, I like that a lot.

[00:33:54] Yeah.

[00:33:55] So we're thinking you could be one of the Robocops and you're, you know, Robocop.

[00:34:00] Well, I think I would just have to have a cameo.

[00:34:01] I'm busy running a country, so I would just have to have a small cameo.

[00:34:04] I don't have time to play a full role in a movie.

[00:34:06] That would not look good to my constituents.

[00:34:08] They would be like, when did she get free time?

[00:34:10] But I think having a cameo come in would be great.

[00:34:12] Well, we were just thinking at the end where we're like, oh, we're going to need more.

[00:34:15] And then you come in.

[00:34:16] I love that.

[00:34:16] Yeah.

[00:34:17] So.

[00:34:20] So what I would what I would usually do now is as improv a scene in that movie.

[00:34:26] OK.

[00:34:27] OK, so.

[00:34:28] So.

[00:34:29] Before we bust into the.

[00:34:32] The.

[00:34:33] The.

[00:34:33] The.

[00:34:33] Who would be the bad guy?

[00:34:35] The rich big bills are the character who's using who's using AI to create.

[00:34:41] Robocop.

[00:34:42] That would be that I think William H.

[00:34:43] Macy would play him.

[00:34:44] Oh, yes.

[00:34:45] Yes.

[00:34:46] So, of course, William H.

[00:34:48] Macy.

[00:34:48] Or Willem Dafoe.

[00:34:49] One of those two.

[00:34:51] Would you go with him as a villain?

[00:34:52] Yeah.

[00:34:53] I think Willem Dafoe actually would be a good villain.

[00:34:55] Yeah.

[00:34:55] OK.

[00:34:56] And I would insist on him doing an Irish accent for this improv.

[00:34:59] OK.

[00:34:59] All right.

[00:35:01] But he would be inside there go and he'd be the villain.

[00:35:04] Yeah.

[00:35:04] This place is impenetrable.

[00:35:05] We have.

[00:35:06] We have to blow up all the Robocops.

[00:35:07] We have to blow them all up.

[00:35:09] We were injecting.

[00:35:10] We've injected a load of them in.

[00:35:11] We have to blow up this whole island just to get rid of the Robocops, even though it's

[00:35:14] going to kill all the innocent people.

[00:35:15] Yes.

[00:35:16] And then you can take all the rest of the work.

[00:35:17] Right.

[00:35:18] So then the.

[00:35:21] Whatever.

[00:35:22] Special Agent Jim.

[00:35:25] He's there and he's like, oh, we don't have enough people.

[00:35:27] Right.

[00:35:28] So then a car shows up for you.

[00:35:30] I imagine you're driving some fancy old car to arrive up and then you'd hop out.

[00:35:35] So in the scene.

[00:35:36] I'm just going to say, Jim, is that all right?

[00:35:38] Is Jim your special agent who's who's meant to be in charge of special forces?

[00:35:41] Sure.

[00:35:42] So Jim is like, who the hell is that?

[00:35:44] And you'd hop up.

[00:35:45] And Jim is played by Idris Alba.

[00:35:47] Yes.

[00:35:47] Right.

[00:35:48] Again, Irish accent.

[00:35:50] So Jim is saying, oh, God.

[00:35:53] OK.

[00:35:54] Oh, God.

[00:35:55] Yeah.

[00:35:55] Idris is very nervous in this movie.

[00:35:57] And he's saying, oh, God, we're we're a man down.

[00:35:59] We need someone else.

[00:36:00] Wait a minute.

[00:36:01] I know it's better than a man.

[00:36:02] And it's not even a woman.

[00:36:03] It's a Robocop.

[00:36:04] It's you.

[00:36:05] Yeah.

[00:36:06] So you hop out.

[00:36:07] And what's your like.

[00:36:09] Killer action action hero line.

[00:36:11] I told you I was in charge.

[00:36:13] Oh, I didn't know you were here before.

[00:36:16] I thought you they just built you.

[00:36:18] Are they.

[00:36:18] OK, so why don't I come in and I just say you may have defeated our men, but why don't

[00:36:23] you try fighting a real woman?

[00:36:26] Woo.

[00:36:26] And we're like, we're not even going to point out that as a real woman.

[00:36:29] She's also a robot.

[00:36:30] Yeah.

[00:36:31] No, we're not.

[00:36:31] Yeah.

[00:36:31] No, no, no.

[00:36:32] And then your dog will be there as well.

[00:36:34] Does your dog have a gun?

[00:36:35] What?

[00:36:36] You're like Robocop.

[00:36:37] Your your dog is in the movie, too.

[00:36:40] Yeah, he's going to be the hero.

[00:36:41] So I'm going to distract William Dafoe.

[00:36:43] And when I'm doing that, he's going to run in and defuse the bomb.

[00:36:46] When you say distract and I don't mean to be stereotypical and to be honest, probably

[00:36:50] a bit sexist in this, but you're not saying distract us in.

[00:36:53] Hey, William, how are you doing?

[00:36:54] What are you doing?

[00:36:55] No, no, no, no.

[00:36:55] I think I'm going to distract him because he thinks that he needs to fight me in order

[00:36:59] to win the battle.

[00:37:00] But what he doesn't realize is my dog has already run through run through the legs, you

[00:37:03] know, and he's already on his way to defuse the bomb.

[00:37:07] Oh, so you saw Robocop the dog doesn't have a weapon.

[00:37:11] They just they're the brains of the operation.

[00:37:13] Yeah.

[00:37:13] Okay.

[00:37:14] And you have a weapon.

[00:37:14] You have the guns and all that.

[00:37:15] So in the end, you kill William Dafoe.

[00:37:17] I don't think we kill him.

[00:37:19] You maim him.

[00:37:20] No, he goes to jail.

[00:37:22] Oh, just.

[00:37:23] Yeah.

[00:37:23] So there's no killing in this movie.

[00:37:25] No, but we're not going to kill.

[00:37:27] We're not going to kill him because we're going to set it up for another one.

[00:37:31] Do you think and I'm just throwing out there.

[00:37:33] I'm not saying that you're wrong in any way, because you're right all the time.

[00:37:37] But do you think if there's killing in the movie, except for the villain who's the boss

[00:37:41] of everything, it's kind of giving the message that if you're powerful enough and you're bad,

[00:37:45] then you'll be put to prison.

[00:37:46] But all the underlings will all be killed.

[00:37:48] Well, I think it's kind of showing maybe you shouldn't follow somebody just because

[00:37:51] you think they have ideas, even if you know that those ideas are criminal, because it's

[00:37:55] showing you that you're going to be the ones that are used as the scapegoats every time.

[00:37:59] Right. Like he's essentially using people as his front.

[00:38:01] So that's their fault for following him.

[00:38:03] So I'm not saying he's not going to get punished.

[00:38:05] I'm just saying we need to set it up for another sequel. Right.

[00:38:08] So, oh, OK, I am that one.

[00:38:09] Oh, I think he just gets sent to an island that is all, you know, run by women, lady guards,

[00:38:16] all that because he cannot stand a woman in power.

[00:38:18] So that is his worst nightmare is to be in jail and have an answer to all females for the rest of his life.

[00:38:23] He's just comically afraid of women.

[00:38:25] In the intel.

[00:38:26] That is his nightmare.

[00:38:27] He literally not like he is screaming on the side.

[00:38:30] And it's like it's like in Harry Potter, where they call the Dementors.

[00:38:35] But they're just well adjusted women who are walking around in a in a in a in a nice prison.

[00:38:41] But he is exactly OK, OK.

[00:38:44] And there's a knock on your door, not on set, but back in back in presidential.

[00:38:50] There's a knock on your door.

[00:38:51] Knock, knock, knock.

[00:38:53] Knock, knock, knock.

[00:38:54] Hello?

[00:38:55] Knock, knock.

[00:38:55] Hello?

[00:38:57] Hello.

[00:38:57] So you open the door.

[00:38:58] Swing open.

[00:38:59] Hi there.

[00:39:00] I'm your finance guy.

[00:39:02] Usually the finance person is always Paul.

[00:39:04] But are you happy with Paul or do you want to?

[00:39:06] Because I feel like I'm naming men the whole time, to be honest,

[00:39:08] and I feel kind of self-conscious about that.

[00:39:10] No, I think it should be a girl.

[00:39:11] Okay.

[00:39:12] And what would their name be?

[00:39:14] Uh, no, it could be Paul's sister, Paulina.

[00:39:18] Shira.

[00:39:19] Shira.

[00:39:20] Hmm.

[00:39:21] Okay.

[00:39:21] Hi, I'm Shira.

[00:39:22] Um, I've been here for a while.

[00:39:25] Hello, President.

[00:39:26] How are you?

[00:39:26] Good. How are you?

[00:39:27] I'm very good.

[00:39:28] Um, I have, I've quit smoking.

[00:39:32] Congratulations.

[00:39:33] Thank you very much.

[00:39:33] And, um, my husband's very proud of me.

[00:39:36] And not that that's the only reason to do it, by the way.

[00:39:39] Yeah, I'm, you know, I'm a person, but it's nice, right?

[00:39:42] Nice to have a healthy relationship.

[00:39:43] Yeah.

[00:39:44] Um, anyway, I'm just here because I've great news.

[00:39:48] Um, your country is doing very well financially.

[00:39:50] And also your enemies, America have begrudgingly said you're doing great.

[00:39:55] Great.

[00:39:55] Now your country has a hundred billion in surplus.

[00:39:59] Okay.

[00:40:00] You were, we're just wondering a lot of your citizens are very happy with you.

[00:40:05] They think you're fantastic.

[00:40:05] They're very happy for you and Justin.

[00:40:07] They, they're, they, they love Robocop.

[00:40:10] Very popular.

[00:40:11] Um, with the surplus, they want to build you something.

[00:40:15] They want to build you a monument to how great you are.

[00:40:18] And I know you're not the type who wants statues and everything of you, but really it's for the people.

[00:40:23] They're just not very creative.

[00:40:24] Do you have any ideas what they could build you?

[00:40:25] I think a Robocop statue of my dog.

[00:40:28] I'm Matt, like Statue of Liberty.

[00:40:30] Yeah.

[00:40:31] 300 feet tall.

[00:40:32] Yeah.

[00:40:33] Do you want it out by the ocean?

[00:40:35] Like facing the ocean?

[00:40:36] I do.

[00:40:36] For any threats of William the foe?

[00:40:38] Yeah.

[00:40:38] Okay.

[00:40:39] What are we making this out of marble or metal?

[00:40:42] I don't know.

[00:40:42] What do they make things out of like that?

[00:40:44] Uh, uh, dreams and hard work.

[00:40:48] Um, no, you could do that.

[00:40:50] Something that's not going to get ruined by water.

[00:40:52] You don't want it like gold, right?

[00:40:54] No, I think that's.

[00:40:55] That is tacky.

[00:40:56] That is tacky.

[00:40:57] Bronze, bronze statue.

[00:40:58] You know, like the Rocky statue at the top of the stairs in the movie Rocky.

[00:41:01] Oh yeah.

[00:41:02] Something like that.

[00:41:03] But if my dog or maybe me holding my dog.

[00:41:06] Oh, do you want?

[00:41:07] So do you, yeah.

[00:41:08] Do you want it?

[00:41:08] You and your dog.

[00:41:09] I mean, I don't want it at all, but if they're insisting on it, they kind of insist

[00:41:12] that it's more for them to go to.

[00:41:14] And they have to include Robocop in it too.

[00:41:16] So me and my dog.

[00:41:17] You and your dog 300 feet tall.

[00:41:19] Yeah.

[00:41:20] Not 300 feet tall, like life size.

[00:41:23] Oh, I mean, they would, they would like to do that.

[00:41:25] I don't like it big, but are you sure?

[00:41:27] Okay.

[00:41:27] 10 feet.

[00:41:27] 10 feet.

[00:41:28] Can we go?

[00:41:29] Can we say 50?

[00:41:30] Okay.

[00:41:30] We could say 50.

[00:41:31] 50 foot tall statue of you and Robocop.

[00:41:33] Now Robocop is, is the scale.

[00:41:35] Yeah.

[00:41:35] He's not beside you that big.

[00:41:37] No, I'm like holding him.

[00:41:38] Yeah.

[00:41:38] Yeah.

[00:41:40] Oh, you're holding him up.

[00:41:41] He's not standing.

[00:41:42] No, he's too little.

[00:41:44] Oh yeah.

[00:41:45] Poor guy.

[00:41:45] You get tired.

[00:41:46] Okay.

[00:41:47] And we'd build a big park and everything around it.

[00:41:49] It'll be brilliant.

[00:41:49] Right.

[00:41:50] It'd be a big community thing.

[00:41:51] Okay.

[00:41:51] We'll build that.

[00:41:52] That's fine.

[00:41:52] Right.

[00:41:52] So Shira is going to go off to that.

[00:41:54] That's great.

[00:41:55] Okay.

[00:41:55] I, I do have another bit of bad news.

[00:41:59] Okay.

[00:41:59] Um, big bill.

[00:42:01] You remember that guy?

[00:42:03] Wasn't too fond of you.

[00:42:04] He was struggling.

[00:42:05] He tried, he tried a coup attempt.

[00:42:08] Okay.

[00:42:09] Uh, as in literally take you out, get rid of you.

[00:42:12] He said, finally, the men will rise.

[00:42:15] Um, we've, we've arrested him.

[00:42:17] Everyone's safe.

[00:42:17] Nobody's hurt.

[00:42:18] What do we do with him?

[00:42:19] He's been charged with treason.

[00:42:21] Beheading.

[00:42:21] Are you thinking or not be heading?

[00:42:22] He's just charged with treason, which means he goes to jail for, uh, attempting,

[00:42:27] um, you know, a coup.

[00:42:29] I think that's a big crime.

[00:42:31] I think when you go to jail for treason, you go to jail for a long time.

[00:42:33] So I think we're going to set a precedent and he's going to be in jail for the rest of

[00:42:36] his life.

[00:42:36] So he's not, it's not one of those.

[00:42:38] He's allowed in jail, but like that.

[00:42:40] No, he's in jail.

[00:42:40] He could maybe get parole in 15 years.

[00:42:43] If he shows rehabilitation.

[00:42:43] I don't think anyone should get life in prison without a chance of parole.

[00:42:47] Right.

[00:42:47] Unless something like, you know, child hurting kids and stuff.

[00:42:50] Yeah.

[00:42:50] Um, or attacking women.

[00:42:52] I think for nonviolent offenders, you should all get a chance at rehabilitation,

[00:42:55] but you need to prove that you have been rehabilitated.

[00:42:58] Okay.

[00:42:59] I'm pretty sure.

[00:42:59] And there's no death sentences in my country.

[00:43:01] Okay.

[00:43:01] But he's not like, it's not one of those.

[00:43:03] Do you know when they say like, oh, you're in prison for, or you get a life sentence,

[00:43:06] but that means like 23 years.

[00:43:08] That's how it is in Canada.

[00:43:09] We have, we don't have life.

[00:43:10] Well, you, everybody has to have a chance at parole.

[00:43:11] Now, a lot of those people like Paul Bernardo, a big serial killer, he's never going to see

[00:43:14] parole, but he gets a parole hearing every year.

[00:43:16] Yeah.

[00:43:17] Okay.

[00:43:17] You do need, you do get the opportunity.

[00:43:19] So big bill gets that opportunity, but realistically, I mean, this goes, I mean, 15 years

[00:43:24] go by and he's like, wow, that was a stupid thing.

[00:43:26] I shouldn't have done that.

[00:43:27] I've rehabilitated myself and he can prove that.

[00:43:29] And people who have helped him rehabilitate themselves in prison, because my prison isn't

[00:43:33] just a prison.

[00:43:33] You also go to school, you get a chance at education.

[00:43:36] And so there is a chance to be rehabilitated.

[00:43:39] Okay.

[00:43:39] So he's, he's coming out into those parole hearings saying that, you know, okay, I, what

[00:43:44] I did was wrong.

[00:43:45] I must say though, I must point out if anything, it's gotten harder for men these days.

[00:43:48] And I'm very concerned.

[00:43:49] I want to go out there and help men realize.

[00:43:51] No, he's not rehabilitated then.

[00:43:52] If he still thinks it's harder for men.

[00:43:54] But I, Hey, I think the president's lovely, but he's not rehabilitated if he's looking at

[00:43:59] the world thinking that he's oppressed.

[00:44:01] We, I can't get a wife.

[00:44:02] It's Bill White.

[00:44:02] And it's so hard.

[00:44:04] It's Bill White.

[00:44:05] It's Bill White.

[00:44:06] Yeah.

[00:44:07] Whiter than me.

[00:44:08] And no, he's not rehabilitated if he still thinks like it's too hard for him.

[00:44:14] This is sexism.

[00:44:16] All the men out there.

[00:44:17] Okay.

[00:44:18] It's called, you're finally being treated equal.

[00:44:20] Enjoy, enjoy what it's been like for women.

[00:44:22] Bill.

[00:44:22] Is there a way for, he has requested an ability to use AI in prison to do his, to help him

[00:44:27] with his writings.

[00:44:28] His memoirs.

[00:44:29] No, no Bill.

[00:44:30] No.

[00:44:30] Why?

[00:44:31] He just doing his writing.

[00:44:32] Because I took away his AI and he tried to overthrow the government for fuck's sakes.

[00:44:36] But he's just writing.

[00:44:37] He's just asking questions.

[00:44:38] Can he use it for that?

[00:44:39] No.

[00:44:40] So no AI at all.

[00:44:42] He can use a pen and a piece of paper.

[00:44:43] Okay.

[00:44:44] Can he mail, can he send a letter to Blake Lively?

[00:44:47] No, because she doesn't want it.

[00:44:49] But he can send it.

[00:44:50] He can send it.

[00:44:51] But if she says, stop contacting me, he needs to stop contacting her.

[00:44:54] Okay.

[00:44:54] So hard for men.

[00:44:56] He can't find a wife.

[00:44:59] And you know, he believes he's old one.

[00:45:01] Sorry, Bill is not a nice guy.

[00:45:02] Well, maybe Bill to floor his standards.

[00:45:03] Because Bill is listening to people who are teaching those men saying that they could

[00:45:06] get hot women when they can't.

[00:45:07] And I see it happen to a lot of my guy friends.

[00:45:09] They think the world's against them.

[00:45:10] And then I see the women they're trying to match with on Tinder.

[00:45:12] And I'm like, look in a mirror.

[00:45:13] Like what is wrong with you?

[00:45:14] Honestly.

[00:45:15] Yes.

[00:45:15] So you would also say that to people.

[00:45:17] Look in the mirror.

[00:45:18] Yeah.

[00:45:18] Okay.

[00:45:18] Okay.

[00:45:19] Just a knock on your door.

[00:45:20] Knock, knock, knock.

[00:45:21] Okay.

[00:45:21] Hello.

[00:45:22] It's Shira.

[00:45:23] Hi, Shira.

[00:45:24] Hi.

[00:45:24] I'm just letting you know because I'm going on holiday for 14 weeks.

[00:45:27] I'm going to Ireland.

[00:45:31] Going to Ireland.

[00:45:32] Yeah.

[00:45:32] Great.

[00:45:34] I am going there.

[00:45:36] I just want to let you know.

[00:45:38] We built a statue.

[00:45:39] Lovely.

[00:45:40] Loads of people are going and enjoying it.

[00:45:41] It's a free park.

[00:45:42] Are you all right with that?

[00:45:43] Yeah.

[00:45:44] Okay.

[00:45:45] No.

[00:45:46] Just quickly let you know before I get on my plane.

[00:45:48] I checked the numbers again.

[00:45:49] Just see how the economy was doing.

[00:45:50] It turns out there was a minus sign in front of the hundred billion.

[00:45:53] I just didn't realize.

[00:45:54] So we were actually in debt by a lot.

[00:45:56] So the international monetary fund are kind of wondering what's going on with this.

[00:46:00] We're going to do.

[00:46:00] We're going to send out our 20 finest women out into the world, into those other countries

[00:46:04] like Canada and like America, and they're going to come back with a buttload of money

[00:46:06] because Shira, and you did not know this when I named Shira as in charge of the finances.

[00:46:11] Shira is the name of a woman that I follow online who started the sprinkle sprinkle method.

[00:46:14] Are you familiar with the sprinkle sprinkle method?

[00:46:16] It's all about getting money from men.

[00:46:17] It's all about how to get money from men, how to talk to men and how to not commit to a

[00:46:22] man unless he's paying all your bills.

[00:46:24] So we're going to send 20 of her army.

[00:46:26] They're called the sprinkle sprinkle army.

[00:46:28] We're going to send them out to the countries that do have a surplus or have more money than

[00:46:31] us.

[00:46:31] And they are going to come back with money and it's going to put us back at a surplus

[00:46:35] because I have full faith in the Shira sprinkle sprinkle army.

[00:46:38] So you're talking about going towards like the likes of Jeff Bezos and all them,

[00:46:41] hanging out with them for a week and then bang.

[00:46:43] Yeah.

[00:46:44] Okay.

[00:46:45] Easy.

[00:46:46] Okay.

[00:46:46] Fair enough.

[00:46:46] So Shira, you're not in trouble for accidentally.

[00:46:49] Okay.

[00:46:49] No, I trust Shira.

[00:46:51] Sprinkle sprinkle.

[00:46:51] And it's an accident.

[00:46:52] She didn't.

[00:46:53] Sprinkle method when we're done this podcast, it'll open your eyes.

[00:46:56] I will.

[00:46:56] Yeah.

[00:46:57] That's great.

[00:46:58] I do not.

[00:46:59] I do it all the time.

[00:47:01] Okay.

[00:47:01] So two more questions.

[00:47:03] And then I'm done.

[00:47:04] Right.

[00:47:05] Do you know what the whole coup attempt a little bit?

[00:47:07] I mean, I know it was fine.

[00:47:08] Like nobody got hurt or anything.

[00:47:09] Yeah.

[00:47:10] But do you want to do any sort of photo op just to make sure people know that,

[00:47:13] Hey, the country's going well, you don't have to worry.

[00:47:15] You know, people might be a bit concerned.

[00:47:16] I'll give a speech.

[00:47:17] I'll give everyone a speech saying everything's going well.

[00:47:19] He's been caught.

[00:47:20] He's in prison.

[00:47:21] Let this be a lesson to anyone else who's thinking of like this.

[00:47:24] This will be what happens to you.

[00:47:25] This will be.

[00:47:26] So I have it right.

[00:47:27] When you say you're giving everyone a speech,

[00:47:29] you're not going around to everyone and giving a speech.

[00:47:30] No, I'm giving one speech.

[00:47:32] Yeah.

[00:47:32] Okay.

[00:47:33] So it's like end of year.

[00:47:34] Yeah.

[00:47:35] Hello.

[00:47:39] At some point you want to, you have, you have to plan the successor, right?

[00:47:43] Who's your heir?

[00:47:44] The only thing I'd say is if you were to name an heir, who would it be?

[00:47:48] But it has to be someone who is actually alive now.

[00:47:50] I can't be a hypothetical great, great grandson.

[00:47:53] I'd probably say Kate.

[00:47:54] Okay.

[00:47:55] Are you sure?

[00:47:56] I've let her take over after.

[00:47:58] Okay.

[00:47:58] It's a different vibe of an island.

[00:48:00] I think.

[00:48:01] It's a different vibe of an island, but I think that she will be very impressed with

[00:48:04] how I have run the island.

[00:48:06] And I think she will do it from a place of keeping the peace.

[00:48:10] You don't think she would go after Big Bill and make sure he's like beheaded or anything?

[00:48:14] You know what?

[00:48:15] She probably would actually.

[00:48:16] I think I know well enough.

[00:48:17] Yeah.

[00:48:17] Yeah.

[00:48:17] I'm going to have to circle back.

[00:48:19] No, I don't think I could put Kate in charge.

[00:48:20] You're absolutely right.

[00:48:21] I mean, it's a good idea.

[00:48:22] Again, you're very talented.

[00:48:24] No, she would kill all the men.

[00:48:25] I know it.

[00:48:26] Yeah.

[00:48:26] I was going to message her after this and say, look.

[00:48:28] She would kill all the men.

[00:48:30] Yeah.

[00:48:30] Would you?

[00:48:31] Yeah.

[00:48:32] Um, okay.

[00:48:34] So you're not going to do Kate.

[00:48:36] You're not going to give it to Kate.

[00:48:38] No, I think we will hold open auditions.

[00:48:43] Oh, big bill is streaming live from, from prison.

[00:48:47] Women only.

[00:48:49] And big bill has a criminal record.

[00:48:51] He can't apply.

[00:48:52] Okay.

[00:48:53] First of all, I am a bit dodgy making light on this because I think there's a lot

[00:48:57] of like transphobic fucking remarks online.

[00:48:58] I don't like writing it, but just for the sake of this improv that big bill is showing

[00:49:04] up in a week saying I'm Billina.

[00:49:07] No, because he's the sort of person who would think.

[00:49:09] Yeah.

[00:49:10] That's fair.

[00:49:10] I think, you know, if, if he was in prison and he had psych evaluations and all that

[00:49:14] stuff, they would know that.

[00:49:15] And if they're not going to tell me that if he honestly believed he was a woman and

[00:49:18] maybe that's where all his internal misogyny came from fully.

[00:49:21] Absolutely.

[00:49:21] But if big bill is doing this just as a get out of jail free card, then no, that's not

[00:49:26] acceptable.

[00:49:26] So I do think there needs to be a system in place for trans people to get the help they

[00:49:30] need.

[00:49:31] But I also think that same system also needs to make sure somebody isn't trying to take

[00:49:34] advantage of, you know, the kindness that we're giving all citizens.

[00:49:38] I would like to say that big bill is a complicated character like that or a fully formed person,

[00:49:43] but no, he's just a dickhead.

[00:49:44] Um, okay.

[00:49:45] So you're doing auditions and you'd, you'll do that for like a week.

[00:49:48] Would you do the reality TV show?

[00:49:49] I think it would take a year.

[00:49:50] Oh, sorry.

[00:49:51] Yeah.

[00:49:52] No, I wouldn't do as a reality TV show because then I think people would not take it seriously.

[00:49:56] Ah, okay.

[00:49:57] And then when you pick whoever it is, I'm going to, I'm going to pretend it's Shira.

[00:50:01] She's by far the most qualified person.

[00:50:03] I agree.

[00:50:04] Um, and she brought back so much money.

[00:50:08] Um, and are you going to stay on the island?

[00:50:11] Are you, you're living there forever?

[00:50:14] Yeah.

[00:50:15] Yeah.

[00:50:15] No problem.

[00:50:15] You'd stay in the same mansion.

[00:50:17] Yeah.

[00:50:18] Yeah.

[00:50:19] Yeah.

[00:50:19] Would you retire and do charity work?

[00:50:21] Would you ever visit a statue of you and, and, and Robocop?

[00:50:25] Yeah.

[00:50:26] You wouldn't feel a bit awkward with a big statue?

[00:50:28] No, not at all.

[00:50:28] Because when I leave my position of power, I'm going to leave where everybody, when I'm

[00:50:31] still up high, I don't want to be one of those people.

[00:50:33] Yeah.

[00:50:33] People are like, Oh, you've got to stop.

[00:50:35] You got to get out of here.

[00:50:35] So I do think that I will leave at the right time.

[00:50:38] Would you ever visit big bill in prison?

[00:50:41] No.

[00:50:42] Okay.

[00:50:42] Yeah.

[00:50:43] Fair enough.

[00:50:43] He sent you letters.

[00:50:45] No, I don't.

[00:50:46] I don't get those.

[00:50:47] You just don't get those.

[00:50:47] Okay.

[00:50:47] Okay.

[00:50:48] So, uh, Michelle shock.

[00:50:50] See without the O.

[00:50:51] Um, thank you.

[00:50:53] And can I ask you, where do people find you online?

[00:50:56] Michelle's funny.

[00:50:57] So at Michelle's funny, M I C H E L L E S funny.

[00:51:01] Find me online.

[00:51:02] Come to my shows.

[00:51:04] Um, don't be a big bell.

[00:51:06] If you listen to this podcast and you're like, I relate to big bill.

[00:51:09] Don't come to my shows.

[00:51:10] I'm not, I'm not for you.

[00:51:11] I'm not the comic for you.

[00:51:12] Yeah.

[00:51:12] I hope nobody thinks I relate to big, but it was funny.

[00:51:15] But the show you did at fringe is too late, baby.

[00:51:18] Yeah.

[00:51:19] Is that the show you're doing still?

[00:51:20] Or is that like new material now you've been doing?

[00:51:22] No, I'm going to take that show on tour.

[00:51:24] So yes, I will be doing tour of that in the new year.

[00:51:26] I'm very excited about that.

[00:51:27] And in the meantime, I'm also still working on new material as well.

[00:51:30] So I'm trying to do my old show and write a new show at the same time.

[00:51:33] Yes.

[00:51:33] Okay.

[00:51:34] Uh, everyone, thank you for listening to Michelle, uh, create an idyllic paradise.

[00:51:39] That is.

[00:51:40] Yay.

[00:51:41] Yay.

[00:51:42] If once you leave your job, just to finally, what last advice would you give people before

[00:51:46] you kind of sail off into charity work?

[00:51:48] Be kind.

[00:51:50] That's it.

[00:51:50] Like an order.

[00:51:51] Be kind.

[00:51:51] You never know what anyone's going through.

[00:51:53] I think being kind is somewhere that we've kind of lost the ability to be in our society,

[00:51:57] because I think a lot of people, um, see hate online and they take that into the real world.

[00:52:02] But a lot of those people who do give hate online would never say that stuff to a person's

[00:52:05] face because I think we live in a society where it's easy to be mean and not have to think

[00:52:09] about the repercussions of your actions.

[00:52:11] So I just want people to realize that every action and every word that you say has a consequence

[00:52:16] and to think about that.

[00:52:18] Yes.

[00:52:18] So you'd order them be kind.

[00:52:19] And then you go.

[00:52:20] Okay.

[00:52:21] Um, okay.

[00:52:22] Thank you.

[00:52:22] And goodbye.

[00:52:23] Bye.

[00:52:24] Bye.