Paul Jessup: The Great One of Island Fantastico

[00:00:01] Hello and welcome to The Tyrant In Training Podcast. This is an improv comedy podcast where guests live out their tyrannical, maniacal, benevolent or malevolent fantasies. I'm Kevin Ryan and I'm the host and also the sycophantic supporter of every guest no matter how terrible their ideas are. Today's guest is award-winning writer of creepy stuff Paul Jessup whose new book Daughter of the Wormwood Star is out just now. Today Paul is also known as The Great One of Island Fantastico and here are some out of context quotes from Paul himself about his writing process.

[00:00:29] Paul Jessup I can't love all of my followers. I'm not Jesus. Hope on a rope. Yes. No, but I'll punish myself later. I'll just I'll just...

[00:00:38] Paul Jessup I'm going to move on from that. Don't forget you can subscribe to The Tyrant In Training Podcast everywhere you find podcasts. You can follow the podcast on social media at at Tyrant Podcast on Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram. And for more info there's a website which is tyrantintraining.podcast page.

[00:00:54] uh paul jessup thank you for coming along now can i ask because you are a writer so you're used to

[00:01:00] creating worlds and all that do you have do you think you have a tendency to like be in charge

[00:01:05] of everything oh yeah oh yeah i'm a complete dictator of my little universes yeah like you

[00:01:11] you would not um you you would not entertain anyone going against you or anything like that anyone who

[00:01:16] decides oh no no no this is why i can't do the co-writing thing i mean people want to they're

[00:01:20] like oh we got to write a book together i'm like no no you flat out tell him no i just like no you

[00:01:26] don't want to do this like oh come on come on we'll try it out and then like a week later like

[00:01:29] i actually want to contribute i'm like no

[00:01:34] listen listen this to what i want it to be and they're just like uh you know maybe this was a

[00:01:38] bad idea like i told you so you'll just flat out ignore anyone's anyone's oh yeah yeah okay i'll

[00:01:45] ignore it if they keep pushing i'm just like i'll just keep changing it back that is perfect because

[00:01:49] i just want to put in here that i am not just a host but i am also an advisor if you need or i can

[00:01:54] just tell you you're great and your ideas are fantastic whichever you need i am here for no we

[00:01:58] can play off each other that's fine too that is absolutely fine so um i just i just like messing

[00:02:03] with people by telling them like it because i i don't like co-writing with people and books because

[00:02:09] um i don't know it's not it's not really that i want to be in charge of everything it's just that a lot

[00:02:14] of the people i co-write with tend to want to do outlines and i don't outline i don't know and so

[00:02:18] like yeah so they get kind of annoyed with me because i kind of go like different areas yes you

[00:02:24] know and then just like no no you're supposed to stick to the outline but like but this is more

[00:02:27] interesting like but but i need my outline and so we can yeah you just tap at your head saying this

[00:02:32] is my outline yeah that's my outline it's just it's just i i know by instinct you know yes yes i

[00:02:38] yeah i don't outline too i think that just slows everything down just just yeah yeah that's the

[00:02:43] real reason i mean it's funnier to say that i'm a control freak but the real reason is like yeah

[00:02:46] somebody has an outline it's hard for me to work with them because i don't really follow outlines well

[00:02:51] and they need the outline which i understand you know because i usually write screenplays i just

[00:02:56] count my first draft of a screenplay as my outline and say yeah yeah that was the outline that was fine

[00:03:02] that's what i do like i yeah the first draft of the novel is the outline i go through and then

[00:03:05] i actually make an outline based on the chapters and stuff and you know yeah we'll fix it then okay

[00:03:11] i got in trouble in high school for that in english class for writing for writing something that is

[00:03:16] like i was like you have to write an outline then write a short story about the outline so i wrote the

[00:03:19] short story then i wrote an outline and the the teacher's like no i saw what you did there you're

[00:03:24] supposed to do the outline first well i just wrote a book i just i just done something way more productive

[00:03:30] yep he made me redo it again with an outline and a different short story and i did it the same way

[00:03:36] again because i just didn't want to do that he just gave me an f i'm like oh fuck him sorry yes he was

[00:03:41] he wasn't even the teacher he was the substitute teacher oh he he he is he has failed what he wanted

[00:03:47] to achieve in life kept me after class he's like yelling at me he's like you have to use you have

[00:03:51] to learn how to use an outline i'm like why i just wrote two stories yep my parents were not happy

[00:03:56] with that so wait were they not happy with you or not happy with him a little bit of both they

[00:04:01] weren't happy with him but they also said you should have just done it could yeah i mean i don't even

[00:04:06] like maybe write another story then do the outline but make sure he doesn't see the other story

[00:04:11] trying to hide that part i think he just he would always like i could tell i could tell you this time

[00:04:16] like no no no i swear the second time i really didn't do the same way again like how can you tell

[00:04:21] how can you tell unless he's trying to imply this outline was so well done i can clearly tell that

[00:04:27] you knew where it was like but wait a minute the outline is so well done i know exactly what to

[00:04:31] write now exactly i was i'm too good yeah yeah what an ass um yeah okay so i presume he's not going

[00:04:41] to be allowed onto your island i presume oh no no obviously no he's not he's not and it definitely

[00:04:46] should be an island that definitely should be it should be like the wicker man should be lord

[00:04:49] somewhere all that kind of thing yeah oh okay um so you want a small island what i should ask is

[00:04:54] uh usually i just assume people want you know a big country so they can generate a lot of money and

[00:05:01] wherever else so i always say people like i just give a round number of 10 million citizens but

[00:05:06] how many citizens do you want on your island so i feel like oh that's a good question i don't know

[00:05:10] it's a good population for an island but that's the thing do you like i only just put down 10 million

[00:05:15] just as a round number it doesn't you know um but some people get a bit like that's a big island

[00:05:20] that's a big yeah um i mean it's just why not i mean actually it's not though when you think about

[00:05:26] it because like there's cities that have that much how many people there's about i want to say about

[00:05:31] five or six million in ireland so it's a bit bigger in ireland but about five six nine okay trying to

[00:05:36] think maybe cities don't i don't know maybe dubai i don't know some big like north korean cities or

[00:05:40] something if you can call you can call some people later if you're not happy with 10 million

[00:05:45] i don't know yeah we'll do 10 million it's fine we'll do 10 million living people for now do you

[00:05:50] do you have any idea because you mentioned the island and wicker man but um do you have any idea

[00:05:54] where in the world you would want to uh set it oh there is a map i don't know how good your

[00:05:59] geography is but actually that's a good question i've got no clue um oh geez i mean i could go like

[00:06:08] like unoriginal and and just you know say oh scotland like the wicker man but that's no fun

[00:06:13] i think like you have to think about the weather as well like if you're going to be living there

[00:06:18] yeah that's true that's true are you island off of canada off which the west are oh in that little

[00:06:27] that little spot there i don't know they were that i've never been that far up into canada so i'm

[00:06:31] not even sure what that that's called there but yeah newfoundland is i bet newfoundland

[00:06:36] you found them oh you mentioned it's going to be cold is it like probably yeah but i'm used to

[00:06:41] the cold so are you you think you're more for cold weather than warm weather yeah yeah yeah for sure

[00:06:46] because yeah because i i'm like right up yeah where we get we get like what we used to global warming

[00:06:54] kind of change things but we used to get like blizzards like several times a year and stuff like

[00:06:58] that here so so you're you're you want to be around blizzards again yeah yeah yeah now it's like

[00:07:04] it snows maybe one day a year it's like it's nothing like it used to be but yeah let's go back

[00:07:08] to the cold it's going to be atmospheric yeah if you have blizzards on your island um i'm gonna count

[00:07:13] that as a key feature for your island now there's frequent blizzards it's easy to keep people there

[00:07:19] oh yeah well just the people who arrive onto your island are willingly there just so you know they

[00:07:26] haven't been tricked okay so okay when we set up your little rules now it is like the wicker man

[00:07:32] they're all happy to be there oh yeah yeah yeah yeah absolutely now later you can ruin their lives

[00:07:37] but right now when we set it up they're delighted they are all in on paul what actually instead of

[00:07:43] calling you paul i imagine do you have an official title that they should call you oh geez that's

[00:07:48] here that's a good idea there should be something i feel just for the the gravitas of being the leader

[00:07:55] yeah i know i know i don't want to do the lord thing because lord sommerhill did that i'm i'm not a

[00:07:59] copycat um oh geez what would be a good one uh you think you go royalty the great one the great one

[00:08:08] yes jesus uh i feel like that's what they used to call the rock in wrestling i wouldn't be surprised

[00:08:15] yeah that actually that makes it extra funny in my mind then yeah i mean you could be the great one

[00:08:20] or the people's champion or um champion you know uh i could go like dim jones and be the reverend

[00:08:28] yeah you wanted do you want to take that moniker that's how creepy do i want to go with this cult

[00:08:34] let's see now i'll be the great one oh god okay i gotta sell on my phone because i don't want it to

[00:08:39] keep going off while we're doing this that just goes off when you have a good idea

[00:08:44] and there's a bad idea and so okay the great one i will now call you the great one from now on

[00:08:51] just to stay okay perfect um um are you okay with people who do call you paul though or what

[00:08:58] happens to them are they in trouble oh that's that's an interesting question

[00:09:04] they're fine but if they call me paulie then then they're definitely in trouble

[00:09:08] i'll definitely we'll have to go into the dark place what is the dark place i don't know it's a

[00:09:14] secret you don't want to know because if you know then you've been there well i'm only an

[00:09:18] advisor in your head so i mean you can tell me i won't tell anyone

[00:09:24] all right well then um well let's see here so the dark place is like some underground tunnels we have

[00:09:29] beneath the island itself which i mean that makes the island not very stable and someday might sink

[00:09:34] right into like that is a very real possibility that you've decided to head yeah yeah but that's

[00:09:39] fine that's worth it i think yeah you know i mean you know um so yeah that's underneath there

[00:09:44] they have to basically live there for oh until i remember that they're there and ask them to come

[00:09:48] back if i forget about them oops you have a lot in your mind you're trying to run yeah i've got a

[00:09:53] lot on my own you know it's they just shouldn't have called me paulie that's just that's just how

[00:09:57] it goes it's an anti-paulie shore rule if they even mention paulie shore they have to go into the

[00:10:01] underplace oh okay yeah so even to mention or what i presume anything that he's made is banned

[00:10:05] you're not allowed to oh yeah if they go hey buddy they go whatever that no so wait if they say

[00:10:11] hey buddy yeah they have to do it in a paulie shore kind of way like hey buddy you know that kind

[00:10:18] of thing yes now a lot of people though uh are going to end up down there because a lot of people get

[00:10:24] excited when they when they see the great one as you can imagine right and they do that little what's

[00:10:30] it called a little squee where they go paulie and then oh no that's fine that's fine because it's

[00:10:37] got to be it's got to be an obvious reference to paulie shore that's oh okay like throwing dvd

[00:10:42] he's ruined he's ruined it for pauls everywhere right or yes yes my brother is paul and he agrees

[00:10:48] um okay it's all do you have if you're i said there that if they see you but do you plan on being

[00:10:55] you know one with the people walking around are you going to be oh yeah of course of course i i grow

[00:10:59] and i give like my little speeches and seminars and everything else and you know i'm not i'm not like

[00:11:04] those people that like oh you have to hide your eyes you can't look at me no i'm like bored somewhere

[00:11:07] so people are encouraged to stare at you oh yeah yeah in fact i have you know sometimes i have people

[00:11:13] walking behind with mirrors so they can get like a full 360 of me all the time okay thank god this

[00:11:18] isn't a warm country because you would burn quickly like the sun hitting off those mirrors would

[00:11:22] scotland you'd be disintegrated oh oh yeah oh yeah and i definitely i sunburn very easily so um yeah

[00:11:28] that would be bad so that's also why so far up north is so that we don't get as much you know sun we get

[00:11:33] more cloud coverage right perfect okay so you have mirrors behind you constantly following you

[00:11:37] around but people carrying them obviously and people can see all angles of you and they

[00:11:42] the great one perfect okay what what are you wearing i feel like there should be like is there an

[00:11:47] official robe or official yeah it's it's it's like full-on like um pope robes what rope with a little

[00:12:03] no pope robes ah i gotta enunciate um yeah so just the complete thing but not the hat obviously

[00:12:09] no no that's blasphemous i i would have my own kind of goofy hat you know because i won't be

[00:12:15] taken too seriously i mean it's got to be like a little like a little pinwheel kind of hat you know

[00:12:21] oh you go to classic pinwheel yeah exactly yeah yeah just just to remind people that we're here to have

[00:12:26] fun yeah yeah and yes half their families are down in the dark place but i mean they can't laugh exactly

[00:12:32] yeah exactly but they learned they learned you know no more poly shore for references i do you want a bit

[00:12:38] of color in that like i know with lord rings you had sour man with the many colors apparently oh yeah

[00:12:44] do you want that sort of effect yeah i do i do i want my own technicolor dream coat there you go

[00:12:49] yeah yeah technicolor hope robes technicolor robes okay i'll be paulie the mini colored oh wait no paul

[00:12:56] the mini colored you just wait are you going to the dark place now if you call yourself paul

[00:13:00] no you're fine oh no oh crap are you going down there um no but i'll punish myself later

[00:13:10] i'll just i'll just i'm gonna move on from that i'm not gonna ask i'm not gonna ask a follow-up

[00:13:14] for that one not like that no no follow-up question needed no um no whoops and chains this is

[00:13:19] we're not you know we're not going to do that we're not not jesuits here we don't wear hair

[00:13:23] shirts now okay i'm gonna cut that part i'm gonna move on to the economy if you are setting up your

[00:13:27] country do you plan and i know you said there you don't have any coal writers or anything like that

[00:13:31] because you want to make all the rules do you do you think just to make sure your country can run

[00:13:38] smoothly because there's a lot to do when you're in a country would you allow the people to elect

[00:13:43] like a senate of 100 senators you can deal with the everyday boring stuff or would you have your own

[00:13:47] inner circle of people like 10 people that you select they do the boring stuff admin oh no i'll

[00:13:53] definitely have my inner circle people they'd be selected probably from birth you know why from birth

[00:13:58] what's that why from birth oh because it's it's like a whole thing i mean it's a cult i mean we've got

[00:14:04] to make it so that they're chosen once so oh we do like a little thing like they do to choose like you

[00:14:09] know the next buddha you know they put up the little toys they crawl towards the one that's like

[00:14:14] a pinwheel like on my head or your book your latest book and my latest book but they crawl

[00:14:20] towards my latest book then they're definitely like high up in the senate that they're like my number one

[00:14:24] yeah charge of police if they if they if they go towards like you know uh the bucket of slop or

[00:14:30] their parents and then no they're they're they'll just be normal people so you are equating a bucket of

[00:14:38] equal in the of course okay okay do you obviously i never asked this i genuinely never asked this for

[00:14:46] i guess but maybe i should from now on do you hold your own people in high regard you're pausing way

[00:14:54] too long with that question are any of them here any of them here no no okay um no i don't and if

[00:15:02] you're listening yes yes i do you guys are great oh god okay yeah and you but yeah you still load them

[00:15:06] onto the island right oh yeah yeah oh they're just fodder they're chickens for you oh yeah no

[00:15:11] obviously i mean there's so many of them i mean what was it 10 million i mean a million there's a bit

[00:15:15] too many yeah 10 million i mean i i can't love all of my followers i'm not jesus no no you're here no

[00:15:22] that's that's absolutely fine and nobody's gonna get so much trouble anyway i work at a catholic school

[00:15:28] so i am going to replace the word followers with readers when this comes out and it'll work seamlessly

[00:15:35] there so yeah so they'd love that i work in a catholic school so hopefully none of them will

[00:15:41] listen to this at least you said you're not jesus and not you are jesus yes exactly no i actually

[00:15:46] weren't there i did that wrong then yes i am i'm in a cult obviously i'm jesus yeah not literally

[00:15:52] you're beyond oh yeah of course yeah yeah okay um so you said you are in a cult what i need to ask

[00:16:01] what is exactly this cult like can you can you uh what are we believing who's the main figure you

[00:16:07] are you a prophet obviously i'm the main figure i'm the this is this is full-on like you know um

[00:16:15] not the one like one of those like weird mormon cults where that person is supposed to be like the

[00:16:19] second coming or whatever that's me except you know not jesus obviously it would be more like you

[00:16:23] know god in the flesh or some some boring thing like that you know oh so you're you're now revealing

[00:16:30] yourself that oh the last couple of thousand years of people taught at different religions all wrong

[00:16:34] me yeah wrong i've been i've been just waiting i've been waiting you know i tell them i've been

[00:16:38] waiting in the center of the earth i mean i know that's not really what happened but that's

[00:16:42] that's what happened they'll believe it yeah yeah i know and i just kind of crawled out of

[00:16:46] the earth one day and just was like hey everyone i'm here now and you know i put up a web page it was

[00:16:52] late 90s everyone was doing that and you know people found the geocities and they're like oh this guy's

[00:16:56] awesome yeah and it's kind of you know that word got out anyway books is there anything you did

[00:17:04] is there anything possible your true gospel is your latest book which if anyone wants to read it

[00:17:11] yeah the skinless man wants to buy was the true gospel of paul yes this is it skinless man or

[00:17:16] skinless men oh man it's it's singular is the skinless man now he counts to five is he on the

[00:17:22] island and is he one of your followers it was he chosen apart yes but he didn't last too long

[00:17:29] sadly we tried we tried the skin graft um and it didn't take his immune system was just like now

[00:17:35] and then you know we did that cult thing where we preyed on it and rubbed herbs on his body and all

[00:17:39] that sort of stuff but you know the poor guy he just like so after he counted to five it was done

[00:17:45] yeah he was done oh that's shame nice guy we never found out why he was counting i asked him

[00:17:52] and what did he say he just said five and then that was it oh maybe so why are you counting he just

[00:17:58] said five and then just died well if this is the early 2000s there was a boy band in the uk called

[00:18:03] five so maybe he was just requesting one their songs yes that could have been it as a final wish

[00:18:08] that's it exactly that's it it's it's it's all connected sorry if i'm after spoiling your book

[00:18:14] by the way for anyone yeah that's the that they're giving away the secret teachings are you sure you

[00:18:19] don't want to call right i feel like i can i can add to this this would this would be good this

[00:18:24] you don't you don't use an outline so it'd be fine though exactly right um i uh have realized that

[00:18:32] we've gone however many minutes into this and i've never asked what is the name of your country

[00:18:37] or my country your own um the name of the island um well that's a secret i mean hmm are you so are

[00:18:48] you a member of this of my people are you one of us or did you sneak onto the island without anyone

[00:18:52] knowing oh no but technically i'm just a voice inside in your head oh crap i've done it again i've

[00:18:59] actually literalized somebody that's in my head yes oh crap i didn't want to do that um yes we'll just

[00:19:04] call it um island fantastico island fantastico yes i know because everyone wants to have an

[00:19:10] fantastico so you it's not it sounds like a party island to be honest it is it is it is a party island

[00:19:16] and but there there's no it's it's a huge party island um they're sad because they can't watch

[00:19:22] paulie shore movies though because you know he's a party guy and they're sad they can't actually go

[00:19:27] to the shores of the island because it's too close to paulie shore but you know other than that

[00:19:31] it's a hoot in your defense as well i mean i appreciate if these people are are into the

[00:19:36] classics and comedy or whatever but like it's 2024 let's move on you know there's plenty of other

[00:19:42] comedians and people around well i mean they've been on the island for a while since the 90s yes

[00:19:48] there's several generations here who are just kind of stuck in the 90s it probably is probably that um

[00:19:54] paulie shore is the forbidden fruit now yes like if they actually watched him they'd be like

[00:19:58] and he's all right um yes exactly that's it it's like the the people that like actually try like

[00:20:05] raised vegetarian they try beef for the first time like oh yeah it's fine um i thought you were going

[00:20:12] to name your i was hoping that you could name your place jesse pan because that's the only pun i can get

[00:20:17] out of your second name but yeah there's not really much you can do with it that's that was when people

[00:20:23] made fun of me in elementary school they went with dress up which that's not even yeah yeah i know

[00:20:29] yeah paul dress up i'm like okay i got right i got rhinoceros rhinoceros that's clever but then you

[00:20:36] get older and you're like well you get older jesus immaturity but like oh rhino okay that's not that bad

[00:20:44] to be honest it could be a lot worse no no and rhinos are strong and tough i mean yeah um unless it was

[00:20:50] ironically said what what what is what does dress up even mean i don't understand like all dress up

[00:20:56] yeah yeah it sounds like a command they were giving you you sure they weren't commanding you

[00:21:00] yeah i guess so i guess well maybe it was during playtime i don't know they wanted me to dress up

[00:21:05] you weren't bullied by the drama teacher are you because i feel like they were just giving you

[00:21:10] no no it was just the bullies at school like i pulled dress up i'm like oh okay

[00:21:16] okay okay as you slowly can't do anything else with that i mean okay it's a great one though do you

[00:21:23] you uh you surely have an idea of where you want to live on this island oh yeah yeah so um there is

[00:21:28] going to be we're going to make an artificial hill in the middle of the island because it's a small

[00:21:32] island well not small but smallish um so we're gonna we're gonna be building a lot of like tiers in

[00:21:38] the like it'll be like kind of like venice where like everything kind of just goes up up up

[00:21:41] and in the center of this hill there's going to be a giant tower and i'm going to be at the top of

[00:21:45] the tower and you get down up to the top of the tower you can't oh yeah of course of course i they've

[00:21:51] got um multiple ways to get down um my favorite way though is um they're using a parachute or a

[00:21:57] hang glider oh but if you're on a hang glider and you jump off the tower is it very hard because like

[00:22:05] if you just want to go down to your like uh letterbox like i feel like with a hang glider

[00:22:11] glider you end up landing like two million yards away like because you don't go straight down right

[00:22:19] oh no no no but i'd be going around oh jesus how long does that take oh quite a while but it's it's

[00:22:25] it's magnificent that is the followers love it they absolutely love it they go nuts and it's made to

[00:22:30] look like wings so they think i'm flying down and they're not very smart but they're you know they're

[00:22:36] very devout i thought you meant the wings for a second but yeah no the people aren't very small

[00:22:39] smart well that's perfect for the followers are like oh look he's got wings you know they're not

[00:22:44] they're not very bright but you know they're devout they that is perfect for a cult though that's what

[00:22:48] you want right you want that yeah um that's what makes poly short even more tempting to them

[00:22:54] oh see it all connects yes yeah that works i was going to say um because it is very much like

[00:23:00] like sour man in the tower isengard right that sort of stone tower do you have or thank or thank

[00:23:07] that's it yes something nerdy yeah um no i had it and uh do you have a throne room oh uh yeah of

[00:23:16] course of course the throne room is at the very top it's actually uh the the uppermost level is just

[00:23:22] open the air with a giant throne room on top and cameras surrounding me at all time

[00:23:27] oh instead of the lovely 360 yeah wait are they streaming it oh yeah of course there's like at the

[00:23:33] bottom tower they've got like giant giant flat screens yep oh you wouldn't so you want to be

[00:23:40] watched oh yeah of course now you said you were going back home which i presume this is what it is

[00:23:45] to punish yourself oh yes of course you're not doing it in the throne room

[00:23:50] oh no no okay that's fine it's not a public punishment no no it's not that kind of punishment

[00:23:55] no no no absolutely i'm moving on uh get your head out of the gutter no no no i just i okay so the

[00:24:01] followers cannot know this but i punish myself by watching polish for movies and crying so oh okay

[00:24:07] i hate you at least we've answered that we can move on it's like yes it's it's very much uh i hate

[00:24:13] myself i hope to die kind of a thing jesus i mean you just called yourself paulie once and now you're

[00:24:20] spoiled no i know and then i have to sit there and i have to punish but it's like one rather than

[00:24:23] another by time i get through like you know the one where he's in a farm i just i just like oh god

[00:24:28] please save me and i'm like oh wait i'm god i can save myself and i turn it off and leave

[00:24:33] i'm asking this question not for anyone else except you is there any therapists on the island because i

[00:24:39] feel like they should take a trip over and say they're underground oh oh they're not allowed in

[00:24:44] europe yeah they're the rebel therapists um i've been trying to actually route them out and get them

[00:24:49] kicked off the island oh but they've scurried into the dark it's great yeah they're like cockroaches

[00:24:55] they're everywhere i mean there's there's going to be a prophecy somewhere of therapist rising up to

[00:25:00] you know i think i think we found people i think we found the protagonists of this terrible book

[00:25:07] the rebel therapist yes there's a prophecy actually there's there's prophecies it's written of old

[00:25:12] um that that the therapists shall come yeah a special birthmark they'll be handing out value

[00:25:19] to the people i i i got stuck to it yeah so you're on the hunt for this special therapist

[00:25:25] yes okay okay we'll try and route them out um yeah trying to trying to you know island fantastico

[00:25:33] is there any um list more i laugh anyway it does not fit with the team of therapists hiding underground

[00:25:43] um but is there any unusual list of the war of the top countries in the world of whatever

[00:25:51] um or how would i actually ask this correctly what unusual list is your country island fantastical top of

[00:25:58] what unusual list yes um well it's uh the number one guinness world records for tallest tower um

[00:26:12] per capita uh depression rates are pretty high sadly because i know paulish or um oh what else let's see

[00:26:21] here yeah that's it's uh we have uh the longest course the longest horse right the longest horse

[00:26:31] yeah um uh nobody can see that though it's it's our secret course um for confirmation but no um well

[00:26:40] i'm after finding the tallest tower is 2717 feet high yes this is 2718 oh did wait is that when you're

[00:26:49] standing on top of it or no on top when i'm on top of it it's actually just a little it's a little

[00:26:54] taller than that too oh okay it's an extra bit um i do have just to give you the scale then of your

[00:27:00] tower um i'll show you the show you the tallest tower obviously other people can't see because this is an

[00:27:05] audio podcast but oh yeah that's about right that's about right it's pretty weird that's about

[00:27:10] right that's about right i mean it takes me a while to get down but it's very it's very

[00:27:14] majestic you're you're you're you're parasailing or whatever for for a good hour at least yep yep

[00:27:20] it's just i just go all the way down it's it's very majestic the whole time it's blaring uh right

[00:27:26] of the valkyries um do you have you have an elevator to get up right i just need to to make sure no

[00:27:36] no i actually i've got um a slingshot on the ground sorry uh you have a slingshot yes well

[00:27:45] nobody else can get up there's no elevator and there's no stairs between each floor between each

[00:27:49] floor so they can climb up some of the floors but they can't get up to your one yes because they have

[00:27:53] to go outside climb the the building and go to the next one and then like after like so many

[00:27:59] like floors up there's actually spikes along the outside so oh you just yeah yeah and then the

[00:28:05] inner senate are the the floors between that but they're not allowed to actually move between floors

[00:28:09] or go up and down or anything like that yeah they where they're at obviously yes and you again you

[00:28:15] are going to be one a man of the people walking around but when you go back to your tower nobody's

[00:28:19] coming near you obviously perfect i need i need to i need to actually soak in everything through the

[00:28:24] day and make decisions for my great world you know that yes yes that makes sense because you're not

[00:28:29] going to be meeting people the whole well you you you you'll meet people sometimes but not

[00:28:33] not all the time right no no no i just you know there's it's like a week there's a parade like

[00:28:38] once a week i'm out amongst the people you know they get to meet me we talk for a little bit you

[00:28:43] know hey great one i'm like yo what's up um that's how you'd you'd you'd interact with them because

[00:28:48] you you'll what's up would turn very like formal then i feel like yes yes and the thing is though

[00:28:53] it's like every week i have to go to a different portion of the island because there's 10 million

[00:28:56] people and i want them all to see their great benefit leader i mean that's benevolent leader i mean i i

[00:29:03] have to show them my presence they have to feel gifted every week i just go to a different section

[00:29:07] it takes me several years to go through the whole thing and then it resets the cycle but then they

[00:29:11] all know me so and in fairness they have a parade every week once a week they have your um they have

[00:29:19] have you uh flying down for an hour seemingly every day and i mean they're grocery shopping mostly

[00:29:26] you do your own what you build a shop and a tower great one come on this is no no no no no no i am

[00:29:32] not that no that would be that'd be insulting to the people i have to i have to go and be amongst them

[00:29:37] eat their eggs you know eat their eggs you you don't pay for the eggs though right that's a that's a

[00:29:46] benefit you have to give yourself some benefit if you're going to run this country oh no yeah no

[00:29:50] the eggs are free eggs are free that's the one thing okay so on this island the leader eats eggs

[00:29:55] free it's like in england where they say the um the king of england owns all the like animals in the

[00:30:00] park or whatever owns yeah you eat you own all the eggs that are that are born oh yes yes yes they're

[00:30:07] my eggs so like anyone else wants an omelet they have to like you know actually go and petition for

[00:30:11] it now we're i don't want to get into gross territory here but we're talking about chickens

[00:30:15] duck eggs yes all of it but not human eggs oh no no no it's hard to scramble those okay yeah no i

[00:30:24] just thought there'd be an asterisk on that very tricky it's very tricky no no human eggs now you

[00:30:29] know you just have to make sure okay um what seemingly mundane thing is banned in your country

[00:30:34] we already talked about this paulie short oh yeah but he's not seemingly mundane he is that's true

[00:30:40] obviously mundane oh that's that's like an everyday item it's it's hard to say because like to me

[00:30:50] these are not it's not mundane i mean that's why i thought obviously is you know because i thought

[00:30:55] that it was uh an insult to me as their benevolent benevolent leader i don't know why i cannot say

[00:31:04] benevolent tonight um but one of the things is um snowshoes especially up here i mean you think oh

[00:31:12] we'd want them you know for tracking through the snow why don't you want them listen um they're tacky

[00:31:17] oh okay just have i just i just look at them and just like no no you you'll wear like just regular

[00:31:24] boots like a normal human being um would they look like the same as the ones that would be you you'd

[00:31:29] have on like skis those sorts of snow boots or am i wrong oh no no snowshoes they're like they're

[00:31:33] the ones that have like the it looks like a waffle like a giant um i'm trying to think of how to

[00:31:39] how to explain it um like on the front it's it's wide yeah yeah yeah so it's better it's better for

[00:31:45] like um stepping on top of snow it doesn't sink in as easily it spreads the weight out oh okay so

[00:31:51] you're doing away with them yes they have to actually regular boots okay i think people could accept

[00:31:55] that though it's not a big big um thing to give up if you want to live on this this this paradise

[00:32:00] can i ask is there i presume like there's there's tv stations and stuff like that all about propaganda

[00:32:07] about the great one is there any fantastical facts that your tv stations should be playing about you

[00:32:12] just just to tell people you know how great the great one is oh you mean other than i was like

[00:32:17] living in the center of the earth until i was someone other than you're literally god to these people

[00:32:22] is there any specific maybe a specific um uh story they should be relaying about you or oh yeah

[00:32:28] yeah uh yeah um so like uh they have to be told like uh my different skills and abilities um and

[00:32:36] it's not like the normal ones i like you know he can write blah blah blah blah blah no it's uh that i

[00:32:40] can juggle that i could like you know uh shoot an apple off the head while riding a horse you know very

[00:32:44] king john little kind of stuff you know that's okay obviously when you actually ask me to do it i i can't

[00:32:51] but they don't yeah but if i walked up to you while you're having while you're in the shop and i say

[00:32:56] hey write me a book you're gonna go no i'll do it in my own time yes exactly exactly but like you know

[00:33:04] like you know if it's one of those things where i do a public demonstration of my abilities you know

[00:33:09] breathing fire that kind of stuff you know just normal things you know sometimes it might not happen

[00:33:13] but then i have my people help me out you know but wait all you've mentioned juggling shooting

[00:33:19] an apple off someone's head uh fire breathing yes are you just naming things that people in the

[00:33:26] circus can do and have you been in the circus we don't we don't talk about the circus there's no

[00:33:30] circuses here oh so all right do you know that is definitely not my childhood i was raised in the

[00:33:38] center of the earth oh so you're just not familiar with the concept of a circus no i we don't i don't

[00:33:43] i don't know what you're talking about what's a circus no i don't know either um i will i any

[00:33:48] clowns is is it a big thing on the island or yes trusty the clown edited out of any simpsons rewons

[00:33:55] no no there are clowns um there are circuses but i i i would just wasn't i wasn't in one i swear

[00:34:02] before before i came here i was in the center of the earth that was it exactly okay getting

[00:34:06] very defensive about it but yeah my mom was definitely not like a knife thrower my dad was

[00:34:11] definitely not a circus clown that's that's all myth and hearsay uh the newspapers outside of the

[00:34:17] island like to say such things about me but they're insult and slander and i'm pretty sure those

[00:34:21] newspapers are being funded by the rebel therapists in the dark place somehow even though they have no

[00:34:25] money um actually they use a secret code based on polyshores movies to to like get around

[00:34:31] communicate yes yes and they yes and they earn money by illegal therapy sessions shouting up from

[00:34:37] the ground okay of course i have some bad news oh i have a little bit of bad news um your approval

[00:34:44] rating naturally was 100 because why wouldn't it be right yeah i wonder what the approval rating if

[00:34:49] you asked everyone is of god anyway um just you know yeah i wonder how many people are like not

[00:34:57] happy he's he's doing a great job you know he's asleep at the wheel who knows yeah i don't know i'd

[00:35:03] be like i created the universe i don't care if there's issues with it i created the universe

[00:35:09] do you know yes um it'd be like someone complaining about a really minor character in your book who

[00:35:17] doesn't even have a name saying they're not very fleshed out and we're like fuck you i've had to

[00:35:21] create in the whole book i don't care about you know mechanic number seven if he didn't feel

[00:35:26] important to you um exactly yeah but the problem is that your approval rating is 100 or else it was

[00:35:34] unfortunately it's after it's gone down it's gone down to 95 oh now there's a reason for that it's

[00:35:41] because a scandal is after getting out about you oh no what's that well the thing is i don't know

[00:35:48] um you were allowed to decide what the scandal is now your advisors the ones who are like two years old

[00:35:55] learning to talk now some of them are six to be fair well the six-year-olds have taken charge

[00:36:02] of the rest of them and they have said to you uh i'm not going to run a baby voice but great one

[00:36:09] uh we think we should have apple juice and we think you should uh have an interview with a news reporter

[00:36:17] you know the movie frost nixon where they two sit down and they oh yeah yeah you should do something

[00:36:22] like that and explain yourself to the people get back that critical five percent no yes of course

[00:36:28] of course thank you baby no absolutely no more apple juice um and and whatever the kids watch he's a

[00:36:36] barney and waffle i don't know yeah give me a waffle but so you'd sit down for an interview

[00:36:43] yes okay now what we're going to do is we're going to sit down as if i'm the the the reporter i usually

[00:36:48] call the reporter anderson um okay yeah quick question before this absolutely um are you one of

[00:36:54] my people or are you an outsider coming in to interview me uh no i'm usually one of your people

[00:36:59] i'm i'm the top journalist in your oh no listen listen this is i i am no that's that's fine just

[00:37:05] trying to think of where i'm going to go with this when we yeah okay continue i am investigating

[00:37:09] but i'm on your side don't you worry um okay so what would happen is we would come back from break

[00:37:14] and anderson would start off by going thank you very much for listening to the anderson talks to

[00:37:18] people hour um we have a very special guest of course the great one great one thank you very much

[00:37:23] for for joining of course of course yeah yeah we we we piped in all the crowd yeah yeah yeah

[00:37:33] thank you so much we know you're extremely busy um because of yeah because there was no win

[00:37:39] that took you nine hours to get down from the tower it was really rough actually i just wanted to jump

[00:37:44] but like my advisors uh told me no no gravity bad and i had to listen to them yes god bless god bless uh

[00:37:52] baby james um so we have to ask about the big scandal that's hitting hitting the um the country the

[00:38:01] island oh yeah we did the first question you want to ask about this scandal is can you tell us what

[00:38:08] happened oh well first of all i have to say that this is all hearsay because this is not happening at

[00:38:18] all i i this was not anything that actually happened to me but this is what they're all saying about me

[00:38:23] and i just want to go on the record and say i did not meet polly shore he did not come to the island

[00:38:30] we did not hang out in the tower for a good period of time we did not discuss his movies at any length

[00:38:35] and um he did not give me his signature that was somebody else so so the pictures of you two dancing

[00:38:44] and the pictures of him tattooing a signature onto your arm are all fake all fake all is is all

[00:38:51] fabricated like look right here you can see oh i mean uh no uh other arm yes yeah it's not on this

[00:38:56] arm definitely not on this arm and so i'm all fabricated so the people who are who is saying

[00:39:02] these things because you know people are sure that people are sure that polly shore was at the airport

[00:39:09] it's the therapist again every time i round them out they just send they send these rumors every

[00:39:13] single time this is like the fifth time they've said i've met with polly shore and i have not and

[00:39:18] they just i don't know what what's got what i don't know why they think that i mean i'm not like

[00:39:22] scientology i didn't ban the therapist they just you know aren't welcome there's a difference but for

[00:39:27] some reason they just they just don't they don't agree with my policies and then so i have to cut

[00:39:32] down now a lot of them are in the dark place do you plan on on on leaving them there or any any

[00:39:38] retribution for their oh crap i forgot about them again um no they'll get out soon any day now

[00:39:45] oh so you're planning to still let them out oh yeah i'll talk to baby james about that over

[00:39:49] a few days from now right right few days as long as you remember as long as he reminds me

[00:39:56] okay yeah we can put it we can give him a little note yeah he completely understands what a calendar

[00:40:01] is and what time of day it is and what week it is yeah yeah and policy and stuff like that do exactly

[00:40:07] and i'm you know some people are suggesting that of course you would never let polly shore onto the

[00:40:12] island and if you did you know you would encourage everyone to shoot polly shore on site so are you

[00:40:17] saying that officially so you were oh yeah you were sending out a to kill order if polly shore

[00:40:23] steps foot in the island oh yeah yeah i mean obviously i mean we have traps laid out we have

[00:40:27] traps out there with marijuana brownies in it you know just like like the rat traps yeah like like

[00:40:33] bear traps bear traps big big bear traps yeah with the little little little marijuana brownie in it

[00:40:39] and maybe a recording of somebody going hey buddy you know that sort of thing and um you know

[00:40:44] it's catnip to him i mean i can't even bring him on the island because he would just go to one of those

[00:40:48] and he'd be dead you know now a lot of your a lot of your advisors the young ones who are

[00:40:53] are cute little babies now they've heard hey buddy and giggled and crawled over to those bear traps

[00:40:59] um how many of you lost about do you have an official count uh there is an official count i don't like

[00:41:05] saying this because it definitely gets me in hot water every time but so far it's been 23 which is why

[00:41:10] they're no longer allowed to move between the floors when we got rid of the stairs in the town

[00:41:14] right just to avoid the bear traps for the babies i mean they started jumping out the windows going

[00:41:19] towards them now and that's that's been rough um we've had to put bars on the windows um we had to

[00:41:24] actually get some more people more adults in the nursery um which complicates things because now i

[00:41:29] don't know if my policy is direct from the babies who know more than a grown adult mortals or you

[00:41:35] know these these nannies who don't know anything you know i do have to credit uh baby james for being

[00:41:41] a sullen and cranky baby for never wanting to go over to anything that says hey buddy to him um he wants

[00:41:48] to sit alone and yeah he's he's he's a problem child and yes he is blessing to the country um so

[00:41:55] you promised never to meet paulie shore yes never never met him i don't i don't know who he is

[00:42:00] i mean i just know he's out loud i outlawed him because you know he's ruined it for paulie's

[00:42:05] ever paul's everywhere yes yes but i mean this i suppose this is getting outside the podcast but

[00:42:11] do you secretly want to be called paulie no not actually my it was a nickname when i was a kid and

[00:42:16] i hated it oh okay i just just needed to make sure um yeah so it's it's a meta joke here for people

[00:42:23] actually know me in real life perfect okay we i i will avoid that because i didn't want to come off

[00:42:28] this and then be like oh hey paulie just letting you know thanks very much and you're like son of a

[00:42:32] bitch what did i say why would he say that um so the dark place but the i'm a vice in your head

[00:42:41] you can't do nothing to me it can't be touched um you you're you're getting through that okay i think

[00:42:46] even the the approval rating will creep back up because you are adamant no paulie shore ever

[00:42:51] no no never happened yeah i don't know what you're talking about seemingly the people are a-okay with

[00:42:58] the murder children that you have openly mentioned as being 23 of them um that's great you're fine

[00:43:06] with it they're fine there's too many pieces there's 10 million people on the island it's getting kind

[00:43:09] of crowded yeah yeah yeah you need to get rid of a view um that's more baby traps like they're not

[00:43:15] baby traps they're poly shore traps do you have any i guess proclamation or anything you'd tell your

[00:43:22] people like what should they be doing with their lives oh i mean that's obvious they should be

[00:43:27] working the fields you know you know taking care of like the different uh trees plants that sort of

[00:43:32] thing you know making sure the crops grow every year and we'll have a bad crop well you know what to do

[00:43:36] right we just send a missive to the you know off the island in the mainland and we get a cop to come

[00:43:41] and investigate a missing child or whatever and boom sacrifice i mean yes it's been done before

[00:43:47] blah blah blah blah blah but you know if it works it works it works works are you gonna go so you are

[00:43:51] going to every couple of years there's a canadian cop i imagine who's coming along yes yes and it's

[00:43:58] a mountie it's the mountie version of agent howie from the wicker man he's just the uptight you know

[00:44:04] mounties are the ones on the horses yes are we bringing their horse too obviously how do you think

[00:44:10] we got the longest horse we've read it like 20 years wait are you human centipeding the horses

[00:44:16] i i don't know if this podcast can condone that officially no the official word is officially no

[00:44:24] there's a reason why we can't show it to you and it has nothing to do with that oh my god this is

[00:44:28] this might be the word like i know i'm not for saying that i'm i'm luring well we're luring

[00:44:34] two-year-old into a bear trap but i feel this is getting too when you draw the line at centipede

[00:44:40] horses the centipede horses are awful canadian cent Canadian horses being centipeded together

[00:44:46] um yes yes that's that's yeah it's part of our great work and if anything there's the cover art

[00:44:54] for your next book there's free one for you yeah that's definitely not going to disturb people at

[00:44:59] all no i definitely pick that up people see that and be like yes that thing how are we how are we

[00:45:05] sacrificing the canadian cop oh well we can't do we can't do a wicker man i mean that's just been

[00:45:10] done before yeah now that's that's old hat no no so uh what we do is we actually build we we when

[00:45:17] we go to the mainland we're luring him in we actually go out and get like a ton of polyshore

[00:45:20] dvds and we build a little wicker thing out of the dvds and stuff and stick them in the middle of

[00:45:25] that and set that on fire wait so it's like a dvd man yes it's a dvd man dvd man polyshore's face

[00:45:33] yeah but i mean it's going to take you a couple of times because i mean no matter how good your

[00:45:38] your followers are it's going to take a couple of tries before you start oh now they're getting

[00:45:43] better at like that's polyshore's face right oh there are a few times you don't know who this we've

[00:45:49] got a picture and it's everywhere you know they're not allowed to see them but they they can see the

[00:45:53] picture because they have to know who to not let on the island oh yeah but like once you make the dvd

[00:45:58] man the first few attempts they're going to be like that doesn't really look like him oh no that's fine

[00:46:03] it doesn't have to look exactly like no but you'll get the spirit of it yeah yeah um okay so he's

[00:46:09] thrown inside in the dvd man and burned yes exactly okay okay uh and if it ever gets really bad if

[00:46:17] ever gets really really bad and there's like you know it looks like we've had a drought and like you

[00:46:21] know it's been like a year and the people are starving um then then we try and get the the real

[00:46:27] deal we get polyshore himself to come that's the plan to shoot him i mean to burn him yes but he

[00:46:33] doesn't know that yet right but but currently you haven't brought him onto the island for that

[00:46:38] no no i definitely have not brought him into the island and i definitely would any other way

[00:46:42] yes yeah he's definitely not he said nothing about like wanting the money and needing a paycheck

[00:46:48] and he doesn't mind as long as his family is you know fed and taken care of he never said that no

[00:46:52] no i'm definitely i'm not definitely doing the brave with polyshore it feels like you it it feels like

[00:46:59] paul jessup years ago went i'm a massive paulie shore fan how am i going to meet him and then

[00:47:05] concocted this plan of i'm going to pretend to be god on this island oh no my therapist thinks i'm

[00:47:10] crazy i'll show her and then made this island and went now i can invite him and he'll just think oh

[00:47:16] he's a world leader i don't know what you're talking about i have no idea what you're talking

[00:47:19] about that's this is not happening at all i should not be analyzing definitely was not part of a

[00:47:23] circus either this is no this is all he's saying yeah no i what i'm doing i'm making this gonna be

[00:47:28] is this is this uh is this gotcha german journalism no i think what i'm doing is i'm making a mistake

[00:47:34] the same mistake as those rebel therapists and i am analyzing you and i shouldn't be

[00:47:40] i should just be promoting and you're you're you're fantastic

[00:47:45] yes exactly here's a nice question though when it comes to your birthday

[00:47:48] um what celebrations should your followers be doing on the day actually that was just uh two weeks ago

[00:47:55] so it was like a big celebration it was a lot of fun um we basically had like parade in the streets

[00:48:00] you know um i let them actually come up the tower for once and they could actually sit in my throne room

[00:48:05] and just hang out and have fun that kind of thing it was a good day um how many people went up into

[00:48:11] the throne room oh there was a it was well most of the people went up there but they didn't go up all

[00:48:16] at once obviously so we had to like it was it took like several weeks and we just let so many people

[00:48:20] go up like silver at a time that sort of thing you know it's kind of like uh

[00:48:27] a big party up there it was a lot of fun

[00:48:29] so for several weeks you had your followers being slingshotted up yes every hour on the hour

[00:48:37] yep 20 at a time 20 20 bodies are being slingshotted 2 000 nearly 3 000 feet into the sky

[00:48:44] and mostly they land how do they get back down oh um that's easy uh they fall oh yeah that's

[00:48:56] yeah they're dead right that's where we're going with they're fine they're walking walk it off they're

[00:49:00] fine they're fine i don't even think they are they're they're in liquid form i think at that point

[00:49:06] i don't think there's anything to walk on they're fine they're fine they're okay okay i don't problem

[00:49:12] myself with this baby james came up with this whole plan it was his idea and i think that's great yeah

[00:49:17] just just before nap time he thought about that's exactly he was cranky but it was a great idea

[00:49:22] well baby yeah screw baby james um he is just going to mention to you that the country or the

[00:49:31] island of island fantastical has a lot of money uh you have a lot of money so because my followers

[00:49:36] donated their their entire whole thing yeah they'd sell their houses they'd come live yeah it's it's

[00:49:42] part of the whole cult thing you know you'll be worldly possessions i take all of it you know yeah

[00:49:46] yeah yeah actually to be fair that seems to be one of the key characteristics of a cult so if you

[00:49:50] undo a cult do it right exactly i mean basically we stole it from food feudalism you know yeah what

[00:49:56] i'm wondering though is if you since you have like i believe it's like 50 billion as a surplus

[00:50:02] in in the in the coffers um your followers would really like to build something in your honor

[00:50:08] something magnificent for you do you have any of they don't have ideas they're not smart they're not

[00:50:13] creative obviously oh yeah well i mean obviously the first idea everyone has is a giant statue right

[00:50:21] yeah i mean that's that's that's it but to me that just seems so basic i mean they see my glory every

[00:50:27] day i i like take myself there's like that whole throne room thing you know that sort of stuff uh so

[00:50:32] um i'm gonna i'm gonna be nice here i'm gonna do i'm gonna do something that now most of their

[00:50:36] leaders wouldn't do because they're not me they're not cool like me and i'm gonna take uh

[00:50:40] my my little senators uh and make giant baby statues in their honor all throughout the different

[00:50:45] cities where they you know the different cities on the island where they grew up that sort of thing

[00:50:48] they'll that statue will be there in their honor that sort of thing so how are these big big baby

[00:50:55] statues yes i mean are we are we talking like statue of liberty big no that's such a liberty big but

[00:51:04] we're more like oh let's say 10 feet about oh okay because the statue of liberty is 300 feet

[00:51:13] yes no no not that bad i mean come on we don't want to have the competition with my tower yours is

[00:51:18] nearly 3 000 feet so i don't know yeah yeah so it can't even be so it can be what 3 000 to 10 feet is

[00:51:27] like a lot it can be one percent as big as your tower that's true that's true but that but how many

[00:51:35] i've got quite a few baby senators and that would take a lot of money to to build one in every single

[00:51:39] city and no it's just easier if we just make the baby statue about like 10 20 feet tall okay i would

[00:51:45] find out 23 of them aren't around anymore but uh i don't know how many they'll we'll have we'll

[00:51:50] have ones for them too they'll be in their honor oh with the bear trap included of course yes

[00:51:55] them in a bear trap so it'll be them in the bear trap yes um that'll be that'll be a warning you

[00:52:01] know so they know oh that's in the yeah oh you could put them outside the the openings to the dark

[00:52:06] place yes exactly yeah those are the those are the yeah those are the warning ones you don't want to do

[00:52:11] this yeah yeah they're bad babies they were the bad baby um so okay you can get definitely get to

[00:52:22] work on that um what are what are the statues being made out of by the way is it just stone or marble

[00:52:26] or oh no bronze oh okay yeah obviously bronze yeah that's fair actually i look very nice with the snow

[00:52:33] then as well wouldn't it yeah i think so yeah um and it won't be bright at all during the sun i i'm

[00:52:40] gonna say baby james because my god that baby gets around the the the government of this country um

[00:52:46] he's a ladder climber he's a what the ladder climber you know oh i mean i thought you were

[00:52:52] insulting him i thought it was like slang he's a ladder climber oh no no no well it's it's a it's

[00:52:57] sort of an insult it's the people that do anything to get ahead oh pompous he's a pompous baby they're

[00:53:02] climbing the ladders they're climbing the ladders they're you know so he's he's a little baby that's

[00:53:07] climbing a little social ladders to get up there yeah um he he he's letting you know again there's some bad

[00:53:15] news it's very serious news and to be honest it was inevitable i think i think you know what this is

[00:53:20] um there was a coup attempt i don't know the rebel therapists uh 50 of them they had constructed their

[00:53:31] own slingshots that they were going to now thankfully 10 of them did go up first and they only reached

[00:53:36] about halfway and splattered against your tower but excellent we'll leave their bones there for now as a

[00:53:41] warning well they fell um they impaled a lot of the the people down below but 40 of them have been

[00:53:48] uh captured they they were planning to get rid of you and take over the island themselves we have

[00:53:55] them arrested so you're you're safe what should we do with them well putting them in the dark place

[00:54:02] it'd be too obvious at this point i mean they were already there yeah yeah they need special they

[00:54:06] need special punishment so um i think um you know what their punishment can be they can run the country

[00:54:14] for a week what oh yeah okay so you're giving them what they want for a week for a week yeah and where

[00:54:21] are you going okay i'm gonna take a break i'm gonna go to the mainland i'm definitely not gonna go hang

[00:54:25] out with poly shore okay now by the time you come back they have massive walls built up around the tower

[00:54:35] around the whole island itself they have fortified this place and promised people as many poly shore

[00:54:41] dvds as they want so you were my response yes oh thank god and then i go back home

[00:54:50] wait you go home yeah you're not on the island anymore no no i just like i look at it go oh thank god

[00:54:55] that was fun for about a week okay so by the way do you know where where is poly shore nowadays

[00:55:02] is is he i have no clue i'm just gonna guess that's west coast so you went west coast yeah i'm guessing

[00:55:08] yeah so probably um yeah no i wouldn't go back home to him i just like no that's all done in back now

[00:55:12] that's you're moving with him i'm just like i'm done i'm done with all this i'm just gonna go live

[00:55:18] in alaska that's nearby canada you know okay but wait how long were you on this island fantastical

[00:55:24] oh probably like close to 30 years uh okay yeah i was just like yeah i'm done i'm i i've had it was

[00:55:33] fun for like the first 10 years and then it got like interesting for the first 20 and then it just was

[00:55:38] it was a hassle oh i mean baby james was just like wanting to do everything after a while and i just was

[00:55:44] sick of it and it was weird because he was never growing any older no it was very creepy it was

[00:55:49] it was creepy really creepy it was like i was i kept measuring him just to make sure every day

[00:55:55] and sometimes he actually got a little smaller and then he grew back up and it was just there's

[00:55:59] something weird going on with that kid he grew his age grew the same as his social status

[00:56:06] that's that's how it was a weird thing um it was very creepy but you do not feel any any responsibility

[00:56:13] to your followers the other followers because those therapists are going to go to town

[00:56:18] oh no that's fine i'm sure it'll be fine i mean i hate to be graphic here they have baby james on a

[00:56:24] stick carrying him around um he's alive well yeah yeah it's hard to kill baby james it is

[00:56:33] yeah he will not die yeah it was actually really actually i have a feeling that he actually might be

[00:56:40] the great one and um i was just he was controlling you yes but um i was a puppet and didn't even know

[00:56:47] it jesus that's a twist there you go yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm free now yeah there is a and how do you

[00:56:54] feel did you how do you feel now they're dealing with the james yeah now that's all so he she's so

[00:57:00] wait baby james is going to slowly take over their minds as well oh probably i would doubt it there is

[00:57:05] a prophecy the therapist if they're really good therapists they could probably put them on prozac or

[00:57:09] something and then be okay but if they're not then well yeah they're gonna be the next puppets oh

[00:57:15] well i didn't fully expect um descending um i had a few more ideas yeah here's a bit of good news though

[00:57:23] um the next question was going to be that it turns out that you didn't have a lot of money on ireland

[00:57:29] fantastico the country is actually really really broke oh yeah financially it is screwed um

[00:57:35] i know that's why when they wanted to make the statues the babies i'm like oh yeah sure that's fine

[00:57:40] oh i see yeah no no we we like suggesting i'm like oh that sounds wonderful yeah i was actually hoping

[00:57:46] like you know i'd get away out of there before i concluded and then the therapist did it work for

[00:57:50] me so i'm i'm cool with that oh my god did you set up the whole thing to be like this is my way out

[00:57:55] now i'll just say oh no there's like the country's finally around and there's that at all

[00:58:00] groups you just broke the podcast um yes i definitely didn't see a uh a prophecy i definitely

[00:58:08] didn't tell people about that i didn't i definitely didn't banish paulishore on purpose to try and get

[00:58:13] them to rebel against me no that's that's all hearsay and lies paulishore was a red flag to a

[00:58:19] bull while you were working in the background you were distracting people with paulishore exactly

[00:58:23] exactly over here buddy and i'll do my thing over here and yeah brilliant and also it would be funny

[00:58:30] if you're like um haha kevin i've listened to every single second of your every episode of your podcast

[00:58:36] you you studied every angle and figured out the way to i wish i would have been that cool and clever

[00:58:42] we can we can make that up we can say that if you want to say no i definitely did that then i can

[00:58:48] edit it in yes okay yeah yes uh well actually there's there's something i've been meaning to tell

[00:58:53] you at the beginning of this podcast and i said i didn't listen to podcasts yes lied i lied i've

[00:58:58] actually been studying this yeah studying all your questions i've been planning and plotting my response

[00:59:03] when i told you i don't outline that's a lie i outlined this whole thing you love to outline so

[00:59:08] you've been lying to me i outlined this whole thing i i set you up i led you right down the dark

[00:59:13] path and you and you fell for it i'll fucking get you for this paul jessup don't you fucking worry

[00:59:17] i will find you i know where you fucking live good luck getting out of island fantastico

[00:59:23] i i'm not okay jesus this this does actually turn a bit scary um okay i mean you don't need to think

[00:59:33] of an air now because i feel like there's a prophecy where it's like baby james devours the universe in

[00:59:39] some way but since you are now in alaska right yeah i'm in alaska um and you said you were doing that

[00:59:45] for 30 years so you're going to be like an old man at the end of the bar or something like that where

[00:59:49] people are like maybe we should go on this fantastic holiday like it's it's a bunch of um

[00:59:53] college students right it's the classic horror setup oh look there's a flyer for this fantastic

[00:59:58] island fantastical oh and it has great therapy sessions do you have any warning for them

[01:00:05] free therapy to gen z they'd love it see they'd be like oh yeah let's all backpack yeah oh my sister

[01:00:11] broke up with someone who needs needs therapy i don't know um i i don't write horror and i'm toxic

[01:00:17] i need therapy yeah are you warning them or intim before they head off we can role play that scene

[01:00:23] where i'm like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah no i definitely i definitely warn them because i'd be the old guy

[01:00:27] the old crazy guy that's like ah you don't want to go to island fantastico hey shut up old man

[01:00:32] casey and me are going there and we're gonna have sex for the first time

[01:00:35] no don't do it baby james don't murder you all oh i'll use protection i'm not having and i wouldn't

[01:00:42] call my baby james crazy old man no no no no yeah they walk out they walk out going i can't wait to

[01:00:49] have sex with you casey and then to bear traps that's a sex position i'm pretty sure that old man is

[01:00:58] talking about um okay yeah the great one has reduced himself to being either outside a shop or

[01:01:05] something accosting teenagers as they leave for the island do you think any of them will survive

[01:01:11] sorry i'm just laughing at bear traps being a sex it would be a suspicion your legs have to go akimbo

[01:01:17] and then snap

[01:01:23] there you go what was the question again um the question was well it was more of a statement that

[01:01:30] you started off as the great one who was the leader of a cult and now you were standing outside

[01:01:33] a shop accosting teenagers to not go on holiday yes yeah um that's basically what happened that's

[01:01:39] the great downfall but it's it's fine it's the classic horror you know the way it goes in these

[01:01:44] these stories you know there is more this i was thinking oh this could make a good uh feature it's

[01:01:49] more of a series now yeah i think so it'd be on netflix yeah yeah probably eight episodes of the

[01:01:55] promise of a second season that never happens do you just i i will add this in

[01:02:00] in this hypothetical series do you get paulie shore to play paulie shore because he doesn't really show

[01:02:06] up this much obviously or do you get him to play like baby james or do you know what i mean

[01:02:13] that'd be a good twist is that the twist because he doesn't really show up technically in this or

[01:02:18] you wouldn't you know there's a lot of talk about him but yes he could play the voice of baby james

[01:02:23] oh yes yeah there you go you'd have the range will be voiced by him but played by a cg

[01:02:30] little baby thing like boss baby kind of looking yes oh yeah yeah yeah very uncanny ballet very

[01:02:37] yeah you need that i think um okay that's the end of of the great one and island fantastico

[01:02:44] yep in northern canada island fantastico now on netflix streaming everyone and listen i

[01:02:51] will waste my time writing this idea i i have the outline this is an outline this is definitely

[01:02:57] this would work as an outline yeah this is how you do an outline um you start a podcast and 50 episodes

[01:03:03] later you get an idea there you go and uh can i ask paul um how do people find you or what your social

[01:03:10] plugs oh yeah sure um so i'm basically on almost all the social stuff i'm just paul jessup

[01:03:16] uh so twitter paul jessup you know at paul jessup whatever because i was lucky and i got in the ground

[01:03:22] floor and a lot of these before they came out except for instagram and that's a long story but i had to

[01:03:28] be the awesome paul jessup there because everything else was taken and i thought that was funny um

[01:03:34] yeah and paul jessup.com is my website which and what is the new book coming out all right so october

[01:03:42] uh third no wait yes october 8th october 8th is the book is the book's release date october 8th

[01:03:49] um and it's called daughter of the wormwood star and it's basically about a cult that's nowhere near as fun as

[01:03:55] this one but it's fun in a different way yes scary way yes in a scary way it's actually it does have it's a

[01:04:02] fun horror book it goes dark places and it gets really dark but it's actually fun in a lot of spots too and

[01:04:06] kind of funny there's some jokes thrown in there and stuff too so it's darkly humorous but it's not

[01:04:10] it's still very dark so yes um yeah it's about this uh girl in college she's trying to escape a group of

[01:04:19] serial killers and she ends up joining up with the occult of satan worshipers i mean i don't did she

[01:04:27] know that or did she just have terrible look um she joins up with them at first uh because their

[01:04:33] leader is this girl named angelique and they found out later that she's the antichrist and then they

[01:04:37] become a satan worshiping group oh it kind of grows into that yes i mean defending she's very

[01:04:43] sociable um give her that yeah very social group yeah well that's the yeah it's one of the interesting

[01:04:50] things about the book because it's constantly going between her needing to be part of a group and

[01:04:54] needing to have her own identity and so it's like the struggle yes the difference the difference

[01:04:58] between them um very cool um okay this is the end of the podcast and i'll just thank everyone for

[01:05:05] listening and thank paul for coming along thanks for having me on this was a lot of fun thank you

[01:05:10] very much i haven't laughed so hard in a podcast in like forever that no i appreciate it um it was an

[01:05:17] experience and the fact that we laughed at mostly the death of toddlers is is concerning um it just

[01:05:27] that's why this is a fictional podcast that's on me that's all that you know and i encourage your

[01:05:32] readers to remember that and i'll take full blame for that uh final question i'll ask and then it'll be

[01:05:40] the end is can you take me back to when you gave control of the island in your master plan to get off

[01:05:46] it when you gave control to the therapist and you were leaving the island what was your final message

[01:05:52] to your followers before you left any words of advice or any yeah so as i was i was going on my

[01:05:59] way out i actually uh planned one last recording of myself oh sweet yes so like you know as i was

[01:06:07] being like persecuted they're trying to get me off the island so i decided to reach out to those who

[01:06:11] are still faithful to me and you had it sorry you had a like 99 approval rating those who are faithful

[01:06:17] to you are literally said their own followers so most of them were still but you know i knew

[01:06:22] the thing is i had to play it straight i had to play it cool because i didn't want you know but i

[01:06:27] wanted to make sure that the transfer power was good and that they wouldn't try and get me to come back

[01:06:31] because i know followers can be like that and yeah this isn't going to be like a you know war of the

[01:06:37] kind of situation no no i want to be left alone but i basically i was going to say that it was

[01:06:42] prophesized to me in a dream that the therapists were actually the ones who should be in charge of

[01:06:47] the whole time listen to them obey them they're great people that's awesome um and uh see you

[01:06:53] later peace out wait wait wait but wait you're coming back in a week right oh no no wait you sent

[01:06:59] this okay yeah okay a lot of very confused they're not very bright uh followers yes i would say yes i'm

[01:07:05] coming back in a week of course but in the meantime while i'm gone just listen to the therapist

[01:07:09] and then i'll actually send a video of me dying so they won't come looking for me how'd you die

[01:07:17] um well yeah yeah exclamation like in the video i'll actually borrow uh one of those flammable

[01:07:24] suits and look like a caught on fire oh with the mirrors yeah yeah you land and then like you know

[01:07:32] and then and then i'll be like i'm dead and then perfect that one well you could do it works

[01:07:37] if you have those flammable suits and you arrive in la to meet up at poly shore all those mirrors are

[01:07:42] going to catch the sun and bam done there you go that's it that's that'll be that'll be my death

[01:07:47] video is me like seeing poly shore catching fire and going no i knew this would happen and you know

[01:07:54] that's what happened a lot of his fans during the height of his fame i've seen videos yeah google that

[01:07:59] um okay um that's the end of the podcast very good bye everyone

[01:08:04] you