Tyrant In Training Episode 41 Brad Upton, King for Life of Uptonia

[00:00:07] There was a big long dramatic pause that I just did that I'm gonna edit out of this but I welcome to the Tyrant In Training Podcast

[00:00:13] This is Kevin Ryan and my friend says Celine is here. Do you want a second name?

[00:00:18] Yeah, hey Gertie

[00:00:21] Yeah, this is the podcast

[00:00:23] Yeah, as I said there was how long was that dramatic pause?

[00:00:26] The 30 seconds. Yeah, you were waiting for me to start the intro. I don't have intros

[00:00:30] You know I know but hello. So this podcast what's it about?

[00:00:35] It's about you talking to people who and you're after your

[00:00:39] You're asking them questions about what it would be like to run their own land

[00:00:44] Yes, I just want to point out. I've been up to Braille this morning. I'm gonna be very busy today. I'm doing very well with this

[00:00:49] You are. Yeah

[00:00:51] Who's the guest today?

[00:00:53] The guest today is

[00:00:56] Just... No, no, no, no, it's Brad Upton. comedian Brad Upton. Also

[00:01:01] He

[00:01:02] former teacher track and field coach I think actor and writer and yes, very nice very fun chat

[00:01:08] Do you want to hear some more context quote still?

[00:01:12] Always. Okay, okay

[00:01:14] This place is turning into a dump. No emotional support animals none

[00:01:19] You heard a piece of information about me. I've never told anybody now. I'm thinking about hurricanes

[00:01:25] Half of humanity is below average intellectually, right?

[00:01:29] I mean that's that's the way it has to be. We got to eliminate Hugh Grant

[00:01:36] What's his beef with Hugh Grant?

[00:01:39] Hugh Grant was the first thing you said not the dogs thing not that we can't have service dogs here

[00:01:44] Well, he said it was your support animals not service dogs. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Yeah, big difference there

[00:01:50] Oh, you're okay with him. No, no, no

[00:01:53] No emotional support animals. Yes, but yeah, just like they support you. Yeah. Yeah, it's an equal relationship

[00:02:00] But do you grant things to that? Yeah, you have to find out

[00:02:03] Yeah, see that's what the point of the outer context thing is

[00:02:08] Yes, do does everyone else here at the outer context things are do they just do this reaction?

[00:02:17] Wait a minute

[00:02:19] Why would you ask me that don't you listen?

[00:02:22] You're deceptive openly admitting and I'm not editing this

[00:02:26] You're admitting that you don't even listen to your own fiance's podcast

[00:02:35] Okay, I think we're having a war

[00:02:37] Are you sure you want to command this long driver of up to we have we've got six hours

[00:02:45] This podcast is slowly gonna go away from guests to just us having our yeah find out stuff about our lives

[00:02:51] Okay, anyway about Brad Upton you are gonna find out a lot more about him

[00:02:56] You can find him he is on tour around America

[00:03:00] You'll find that on his website Brad Upton

[00:03:04] Typing Brad Upton. Yeah, what?

[00:03:07] At this point I think people should know

[00:03:10] Yeah

[00:03:13] And he's on Instagram and Facebook and

[00:03:16] Tiktok

[00:03:19] Americans

[00:03:23] Interesting get on it while you still can

[00:03:25] Yes, Brad Upton. Okay, and you can find

[00:03:28] Find this podcast

[00:03:30] Again Google it and Tyrant and training podcast find me at Kev Ryan person

[00:03:36] and anywhere blue sky treads Twitter

[00:03:39] Yeah

[00:03:43] Yeah, I'm also working on getting this actually onto YouTube proper

[00:04:08] Sometimes you see a lot of people stand around can't you know they're all standing around

[00:04:11] They're waiting for somebody to lead a lot of times so you would jump in straight away like yeah jump in straight

[00:04:18] Jump in straight, but do you think you'd be someone who'd want to?

[00:04:20] Like negotiate everything or is it just no I need a firm hand

[00:04:25] Iron fist. Oh, if I'm gonna be a Tyrant or yeah, I know there's not gonna be a lot of negotiating. Oh listen. I'll listen

[00:04:34] If I have a to see if I make a decision that's gonna be the decision right and just

[00:04:39] Mention now because I'm really smart and I know everything

[00:04:43] You're the best you're the most handsome. Do you want compliments by the way before I start off?

[00:04:47] Do you do you want me to throw in compliments all time? Yeah, it wouldn't hurt

[00:04:50] No, that's okay. The other thing I should mention is even though the podcast is called Tyrant in training

[00:04:57] I'm kind of using the term Tyrant just like the ancient Greeks did where it wasn't necessarily

[00:05:03] Negative so like you can be a nice tyrant if you want. Yeah, absolutely. There are such a choice never went dictator

[00:05:09] Exactly and either way you're correct a hundred percent. So if what we're gonna do is we'll make your own country

[00:05:15] We won't

[00:05:16] Make you take over an island because that's okay controversial

[00:05:19] So if we were gonna set up a country somewhere in the world

[00:05:22] Do you have any idea where you would want us and I'm just gonna bring up a map here so you can see

[00:05:30] Let's go down let's go down maybe in Central America right off the coast in either spot in Central America

[00:05:37] Wait, let's go on the West Coast

[00:05:40] Now I'm thinking about hurricanes

[00:05:42] It's nice down there, but we get hurricanes. Let me think of something else here

[00:05:47] That's an appealing pocket in there in in around Caribbean. Oh, it's nice

[00:05:52] They're really nice down there and the weather's great, but every once in a while a hurricane wipes everything out

[00:05:57] Let's see what maybe do you want to stay close to United States?

[00:06:02] Nah this place is turning into a dump so

[00:06:07] Wouldn't bother me to leave here. Oh

[00:06:10] We go out in Hawaii we got out in the Hawaii Islands. There's some islands. There's several islands

[00:06:15] Hawaii's got about Hawaii's got about eight islands where people live

[00:06:20] So you think you're gonna put another island beside them and nobody'll notice

[00:06:23] But there's all kinds of islands out there on the Hawaiian Island chain that are

[00:06:28] unoccupied

[00:06:29] So okay one. Oh right and actually this isn't some because usually I would just say to someone look

[00:06:34] We'll just make you an island. We'll just pop one there

[00:06:37] But if you want to take over one that's uninhabited that's fine, but yeah, yeah, yeah

[00:06:40] There's a bunch of them out in the Hawaiian Island chain. We'll just take one of those over. Yeah, they won't even notice

[00:06:46] No, surely if they're not using their now. Yeah, if they haven't used it by now

[00:06:50] It's kind of like squatters rights in it

[00:06:53] Do you think though because usually I just tell someone hey, we'll say you have 10 million people

[00:07:00] Living on your island, but those islands are probably a lot smaller

[00:07:05] Like yeah, they're all pretty small

[00:07:08] How many pretty small how many people do you reckon are oh my god? Well, isn't there we go

[00:07:14] Now I'm back. Sorry the whole screen went off. Why do you reckon or how many people do you reckon are going to be on your island?

[00:07:19] Living there your citizens. I don't know

[00:07:22] You want 10 million we just

[00:07:25] Maybe if they're all I mean if they all do what I tell them to do

[00:07:29] They'd be very it'd be great

[00:07:30] It'd be great place to be we will state now that anyone so when you say 10 million people can live on the island

[00:07:36] The 10 million that show up like they know the story. They know what's happening here

[00:07:41] So they are willing joining you as you the boss, right?

[00:07:45] So yeah, if you want 10 million they will follow you okay. Yeah. Yeah

[00:07:50] Yeah, sure. I mean 10 million on a tiny island isn't gonna work

[00:07:54] But if we got space whatever makes me comfortable there might be a lot of skyscrapers. Are you okay with that?

[00:08:00] Yeah, that's alright. Do you have an idea what name you'd give the island? Let's see. How about uptown upton upton

[00:08:08] I gotta think of something with upton

[00:08:10] You're taking uptown girls

[00:08:12] Yeah, uptown girl. It's immediately was the first thing

[00:08:17] I'm trying to think something that would go with upton uptonia uptonia uptonia. Yeah, probably yeah

[00:08:22] Yeah, yeah, yeah

[00:08:24] Uptonia, yeah

[00:08:26] Yeah, it sounds it sounds a little bit like utopia as well. Yeah, there you go

[00:08:30] Yeah, and do you have any idea what your official title will be?

[00:08:35] I'm gonna be King King for life

[00:08:38] Always so we'll call you King for life King for life. It's not King Brad or anything

[00:08:44] Just came for life. Yeah for life is good. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's very good. Um

[00:08:49] Are we okay with

[00:08:52] People calling you King mortal King will be dead at some point

[00:08:58] Yeah, that'd be alright. I can't I can't change that that'll be alright. Oh, so nobody's punished for just saying King

[00:09:05] No in the grave

[00:09:07] If I gotta humor I can take okay. Yeah. Yeah, do you I'm only gonna be surrounded by good people anyway

[00:09:14] It's up on Tonya and I'm gonna be surrounded by good people. So are you going? Yeah?

[00:09:18] I'm gonna decide who can be there. Oh, so people who are coming in you're gonna decide who's in there

[00:09:24] Oh, yeah, I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have a big big big screening process

[00:09:28] Perfect like you asked me questions this or yeah, you're gonna have to take an intelligence test

[00:09:32] Oh, like it like an actual like a test or yeah, you're gonna have IQ test IQ test

[00:09:39] We'll test you, you know, yeah, I can't have any idiots. Okay, so if I'm

[00:09:45] Down in the exam center

[00:09:47] I get my my exam sheet, I guess is it right and then what's

[00:09:53] Give me one question. I need to answer

[00:09:56] You know what you take you take an IQ test and you know, this is the thing about IQs

[00:10:02] 100 is 100 is average right? That's that's the that's the center 100 right so

[00:10:08] Half of humanity is below average intellectually right? I mean that's that's the way it has to be

[00:10:14] Half of humanity is below average

[00:10:16] But there's not a person on earth that believes they are below average

[00:10:22] Intellectually, there's not a single person alive that thinks they're below average when in fact half of us are below average

[00:10:30] intellectually so you're gonna take the intelligence test and

[00:10:34] If it's under 100 you're out the door. What if you get 99? Oh, you don't need to come to I got 19

[00:10:40] I got 99, but I had a cold that oh, there's plenty of people 100 or bought higher. I'm sorry

[00:10:47] Had a headache glad you tried

[00:10:49] Can I retight come back? Maybe there could be a if you get in there might you might have to if you're 99 98

[00:10:56] I might let you so when one person's island you can apply again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

[00:11:04] That's perfect. Okay. I'm a lot of dumbasses on a waiting list. Okay. We have to name up Tony

[00:11:09] We have King for life and you're situated in one of the islands in Hawaii

[00:11:15] um, oh

[00:11:17] Since you're making this this country up

[00:11:20] And you we're gonna say all the houses and all the the road networks and everything is just built. They're all fine

[00:11:26] Don't worry about them. Right, right?

[00:11:29] Do you want when you have 10 million smart people in the country?

[00:11:33] Do you want them to be allowed to vote or do you want to just say look I'm the boss

[00:11:39] And I'll have my own inner council 10 people or you can vote and here's how it works. Yeah

[00:11:45] Here's how it works on the voting

[00:11:47] Your IQ that your percentage of your vote is on your IQ

[00:11:50] So if you're 100 you get one vote if you're 110

[00:11:54] You your vote is worth 1.1 if you're 150 IQ your vote is worth

[00:12:00] 1.5 so the smarter people are gonna have more weight in the voting than the than the lower end a king for life

[00:12:06] I do actually have a question. Um, yes, sir. I am wondering which

[00:12:11] uptonia

[00:12:13] Now that the country's up and running everything like that. What unusual list would uptonia be top of in the world

[00:12:19] We'd be top of we'd be

[00:12:22] Smart education smart people. I made a list, you know before we started this

[00:12:27] I made all this list of what I was gonna do with my country and then the way we set up the country where I get to

[00:12:33] Just let people in that it kind of took it took

[00:12:36] It took a bunch of things off my list about

[00:12:39] I was kind of thinking about okay if I took over this country, what would we do first?

[00:12:44] Wait, were you planning to take over a country? Well, if all of a sudden I was the president of the united states

[00:12:50] Yes

[00:12:51] And then then I'd go okay. Here's the changes we're gonna make now here

[00:12:55] But that's kind of how I wrote this list, but

[00:13:00] Would you prefer to have your own country or take over america like would you a fixer upper?

[00:13:05] Would you like a

[00:13:07] That's a good idea. I mean america's a fixer upper now

[00:13:11] so

[00:13:12] We're a fixer upper

[00:13:13] And that's where I told you if we vote if I voted

[00:13:17] If we made voting based on your iq. Yeah

[00:13:21] That would be the first thing so smart people's vote weighed more than dumb people's vote

[00:13:26] Dumb people could still out, you know, you'd have to get a lot of mass. Yeah vote

[00:13:30] To to outweigh smart people but if your

[00:13:35] Your your vote is directly

[00:13:37] Correlated to your iq. So dump dumb people don't get as much

[00:13:40] Say and what's going on and they shouldn't because they're dumb. Is they're dumb?

[00:13:44] Yeah, like I mean it you are who you are

[00:13:46] Live your best life

[00:13:48] Right live your best life knocking knocking out of the park, but you're not making decisions for the rest of us. No

[00:13:54] But so we're gonna stick you still on optonia king for life. Okay. Okay. Um, all right

[00:14:01] So

[00:14:02] If you are a country that is undoubtedly the smartest people in the world because nobody is under

[00:14:08] iq of 100

[00:14:10] Everybody's above average

[00:14:11] Now I just say as well if someone did get a hundred

[00:14:16] As their iq are they allowed in or yeah, yeah, okay as soon as you reach

[00:14:21] 100 you're in okay. Um

[00:14:24] But watch

[00:14:26] What unusual list would optonia be top of like and the list is like, oh

[00:14:31] for that

[00:14:32] Oh, that's a good question what uh

[00:14:36] All these smart people would end up uh, let me think we all all these smart people started breeding

[00:14:44] Uh, it doesn't mean we'd be handsome

[00:14:47] But we'd be smart. Uh

[00:14:49] I don't know joint heads

[00:14:52] The biggest heads really just like oh, we didn't think it

[00:14:57] We had the week the weekends as well

[00:14:59] That's where we top the list I guess big head and the touch of the tallest people in the world, right

[00:15:05] You're up. Tony would up Tony. It would be the biggest headed people in the world

[00:15:09] And you'd also be the top of the list for the weakest necks

[00:15:13] Yeah, not strongest necks or the strongest as well. Yeah

[00:15:16] Yes, you have these big old giant traps right here to hold up your head. Um, you look like professional wrestlers

[00:15:22] The other thing is do you what type of house do you want to live in?

[00:15:26] Uh, we'll all have good housing because we're all going to be smart and have good jobs

[00:15:30] So do you want you talk about me? Yeah, oh you specifically do you want a palace?

[00:15:34] It doesn't it's going to be on the water

[00:15:37] There at up Tony. I'm not going to be at the top of the hill. I'm going to have a big old beach somewhere

[00:15:42] Beach house private private beach. Oh, yeah, it's going to be private really you'd want any with a riffraff around you

[00:15:48] No, I don't want the riffraff, but no riffraff, but uh, and I'm and I'm president

[00:15:53] You know I'm president for life. So, uh, they're going to be well behaved

[00:15:58] And if not there's consequences are we letting people know

[00:16:01] I'll come back to that. Are we letting people know what your IQ is?

[00:16:06] Uh, sure, I'll take a test. I'll put it out there. I don't know what it is, but

[00:16:12] What is the highest sure it's over 100 if I if it's 98 i'm in trouble

[00:16:16] Yeah, are you willing to deport yourself?

[00:16:20] Oh

[00:16:21] No, no, no, no, no around myself with smart people and and then I'll feel and then I'll let them help me

[00:16:27] Decide things

[00:16:28] You know it all sounds

[00:16:31] Iq it just says here William James Siddis. I don't know the person IQ score estimated between 250 and 300

[00:16:39] Wow, holy crap. I didn't know that I'd never heard that before. That's a big gap though

[00:16:45] Surely, I mean you're smart. You go away. Well, well an IQ

[00:16:51] Of 100 is the is the mean is the average right? So yeah, if it's if it's 250

[00:16:57] That means there has to be someone with a negative 150 that can't be right. It can't be higher than 200 can it?

[00:17:04] but I think he battles like

[00:17:07] 10

[00:17:08] 5 IQ people

[00:17:10] What was that number again? Did you say?

[00:17:13] Between 250 and 300

[00:17:16] But that's a big gap

[00:17:19] like

[00:17:20] Surely if if you get one person who's 250 and another person who's 300

[00:17:25] Like you're there's a noticeable level of intelligence

[00:17:29] Even yeah, but look at that and think of a guy that's 300 looking down at somebody that's 250 and going this way

[00:17:35] They said it and he's he's jacked. He is bigger than like hul kogan

[00:17:39] That's the problem when you're that's the thing with when when you that's the a lot of smart people have trouble dealing with idiots

[00:17:46] You know what I mean? They just they have trouble dealing with them. They're like this guy's an idiot

[00:17:51] Yeah, he is you gotta figure out how to deal with him

[00:17:53] You can't let it you can't let it make you crazy

[00:17:55] Probably the mental health aspect of uptony is great because they don't have to

[00:18:00] Don't have to deal with idiots. Yeah

[00:18:03] um

[00:18:04] Okay, so we'll get you on by the way in your beach house. Do you want a throne room?

[00:18:08] Do you want a room? Oh, do you want like a big seat to sit on as a king king for like a throne a throne a throne?

[00:18:14] All right. Yes, my Irish accent remove the act that threw me off

[00:18:18] Uh, no, I don't need a throne. No, no, you don't need a throne. No

[00:18:21] I need a big. I need a big lazy boy chair with a remote. Yeah, yeah, keep it chill and relax. Um, okay

[00:18:27] By the way, I'm just wondering do you have a favorite movie or favorite movie franchise? You know

[00:18:34] I'm gonna tell you I can't every time I scroll past knotting Hill. I stop and watch it

[00:18:41] What how many times have you seen it? Watch what? Oh

[00:18:44] Oh

[00:18:45] Dozens and dozens if I'm flipping through the channels and notting Hill. I'll just stop I'll watch it for

[00:18:51] Sometimes till the end or pop for 10 minutes or 20. I don't know. I don't know what it is. Why why I watch that thing

[00:18:57] I've never you you've you heard a piece of information about me. I've never told anybody

[00:19:02] Did you say you were in London? Are you in the UK?

[00:19:05] But in last year when you went Ireland, right? Yeah. Yeah, I was I came to London for a night and did a show

[00:19:10] Oh, you didn't see the I I haven't seen knotting Hill. Maybe I did but I was very young

[00:19:15] I don't remember but there's a door right and knotting Hill

[00:19:18] It was like a red door or a green door. Yeah. Yeah, there's a I think a blue door and in fact

[00:19:22] I saw I looked it up when I was there and there are places around

[00:19:26] London you can go to look at where different scenes were shot. Yeah, I didn't I didn't I'm I'm not that psycho

[00:19:32] I didn't seek those out but uh, I know a cycle who is a good friend of mine

[00:19:37] Who we're in London at the same time and she went oh

[00:19:40] Actually, I want to go to knotting Hill because I love that movie and I want to see the door

[00:19:45] That's famous and I was like, hey, I'll tag along

[00:19:48] So she was very much leading the way through all these streets and it was quite busy

[00:19:51] So I was just like do do do do

[00:19:53] I don't understand and then she was looking at her phone checking the map being like oh, it's around this corner

[00:19:59] Oh, here it is and I turned and there was like three people sitting down smoking cigarettes at this door step

[00:20:04] And she was like, yep, there's the door and I was like, right

[00:20:08] Do you want a picture?

[00:20:09] Yeah, I know you walk all the way and you're like, okay

[00:20:12] So just a building little office. Yeah

[00:20:16] Sherlock Holmes is they can office is like next door. I know and you give it crap about that

[00:20:21] But um, okay, I was just wondering about movies. I do have a more serious question to ask

[00:20:26] Um, sure a bit difficult your advisors come to you and tell you king for life. We have an issue

[00:20:33] There is a scandal about you about to to go public

[00:20:38] um

[00:20:40] The scandal, you know, your approval rating is 98 percent. Um, right

[00:20:45] This scandal will bring it down to 89 percent. So it's quite bad

[00:20:50] Not in serious. Just a light entertainment podcast don't need to admit anything illegal

[00:20:55] But you get to decide what the scandal would be what would drop your approval down 9%

[00:21:01] Uh, I'm gonna raise the IQ number to 105

[00:21:05] Oh

[00:21:06] I'm kicking everybody out below 105. We're getting smarter. We're gonna get smarter here a little bit too much dumb at the bottom

[00:21:13] Uh, I'm getting rid of the bottom

[00:21:15] Really interesting 105. I'm gonna you're gonna I'm gonna deport some people

[00:21:19] So IQ gate is blowing up

[00:21:23] um

[00:21:25] Your advisors say look, I think you need to face this crisis head on

[00:21:29] um as you always do because you're very brave and

[00:21:32] We think you should go on to the nightly news do a kind of um

[00:21:37] Frost Nixon scenario sit down in front of the presenter and explain yourself. Are you okay with that?

[00:21:43] Yeah, yeah, sure

[00:21:44] So I will take on the role of Anderson the number one nightly news presenter and Anderson will say thank you very much for coming

[00:21:52] King for life to this show

[00:21:54] Right. Um nice to be here. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It's nice for you to be here

[00:21:59] Um, we do have to know that a problem at all. We do have to ask about IQ gate. It's it's blown up. Um

[00:22:07] First thing I need to ask is why why would you do such thing?

[00:22:10] I feel like there's some stupid starting to creep in

[00:22:13] Uh, when I found it up. Tonya. It was going to be smart. No dumb people. Um, it I've seen some people

[00:22:21] Uh

[00:22:23] I've seen some people

[00:22:25] starting to be stupid and uh, I think I'm gonna have to just

[00:22:29] Up it a little bit. I see some people, uh treating their dogs like their people. I don't like that their dogs. Um

[00:22:37] I see some people driving cars with loud pipes or motorcycles that are allowed

[00:22:43] Dumb behavior gonna have to raise it a little bit. Let's get this up to 105 and see if we uh get rid of these idiots

[00:22:50] So you wouldn't put pass a law to say you can't treat your dogs humanely. You wouldn't just do that. You'll just get rid of

[00:22:58] Get rid of people. All I have to do is I only have to threaten it. I think I only have to threaten it

[00:23:02] We'll see I have to threaten it and see if uh, see if people comply

[00:23:06] So does everyone have to do a test again and after under 105 throughout the country?

[00:23:10] Oh, you don't have to retest. We know your score when you came in

[00:23:13] Oh, I'm just gonna go back over. Well actually on numbers

[00:23:18] Let's see. No 105 would be all right

[00:23:20] So five years ago when someone came in on 100 and didn't did a degree in history and archaeology studies

[00:23:27] And aced it. No, you're out of the country. You're still stupid

[00:23:31] Okay, no, no, that's very good. Um, yeah, yeah, we're getting we're gonna have a bunch of smart people around here

[00:23:37] What about people who named their pets? Uh cats? Oh, that's all right

[00:23:42] So cats you're fine with that's no the cats are fine and dogs dogs are okay

[00:23:46] If you just don't get to treat they don't get to come on flights. They don't get to go in restaurants

[00:23:51] They don't go in stores

[00:23:53] You leave them outside where they belong they're dogs. They're not people now people are saying you're attacking the blind

[00:23:59] I'm attacking the blind

[00:24:00] Yes

[00:24:01] Because a lot of these are pointing out that they are guide dogs walking onto their uh airplane

[00:24:07] All right

[00:24:08] A legitimate

[00:24:10] a legitimate, um

[00:24:13] What do you call those dogs that are uh service dogs?

[00:24:16] Service dog. There's so many people now abusing those

[00:24:21] You know those I need a um emotional support dog

[00:24:25] Uh those people no that's not allowed in uptonia. No emotional support animals none

[00:24:31] You can have a guide dog

[00:24:33] You can have a guide dog if it's a legitimate guide dog, but emotional support dogs. Nope. Nope. Nope. No just just out today

[00:24:39] By the way, actually and this is genuine that um, I have brought a colleague in in my day job

[00:24:46] I have brought a colleague into a team meeting just to be my emotional support coworker

[00:24:51] Would you support that? That's brilliant. Yeah, okay. Yeah, thanks. You can live it uptonia

[00:24:56] I like the I like the creativity of it. I like it that shows me some higher intelligence right there

[00:25:02] He is not helpful to me at all. I'm very disappointed every time. Yeah. Yeah. Um

[00:25:07] Okay, so you are committed to getting rid of three million people out of the 10 million

[00:25:13] It's all right

[00:25:14] And you're right. Are you gonna go down aren't they with all that housing available?

[00:25:18] Are you going to bring in more weight boy? But why does it make difference everyone has housing?

[00:25:23] Yeah, yeah, yeah, uh, well when you get rid of those people then uh

[00:25:27] A whole bunch of housing's gonna open up and you'll just have more options. Uh, yeah

[00:25:31] We could go back and let people you know the waiting there's a waiting list, right? So, uh, you can get you can get in

[00:25:37] I'm gonna have to kick you out under uh, if you're under 105

[00:25:41] Uh 100 through 104 you're gone

[00:25:43] And then uh, if you want to come in I'll let three million more people in if uh, but they got to be 105 or better

[00:25:50] 105 or better. Okay. Yeah, we can do that

[00:25:52] We were going to go to a quick break um, and we are going to start working on that new documentary about the king for life

[00:25:57] Um, but yeah, it's very nice to have you on the show

[00:26:02] I appreciate you having it. I know people aren't upset or people are upset with this decision, but uh

[00:26:09] Smart people are upset with the decisions. So they applause it all about smartness all about uh, um

[00:26:16] Do be in genius and I thank you for having me on by the way, um

[00:26:21] When we do the documentary, I mean, it's pretty much propaganda

[00:26:24] I mean, that's very specs. Do you want me to put in any fantastical made-up fact about the king for life?

[00:26:31] You know like

[00:26:32] Kim Jong-il

[00:26:35] I'll uh, I'll be a little open. I'll be I'll be open. You don't have to uh

[00:26:38] But we can put it in that way

[00:26:40] No, we can do it until you want you might be my photoshop some stuff though. We might uh, you beat up my amedali

[00:26:46] Yeah, yeah make my look make my skin look better make me a little thinner make me a little more handsome

[00:26:51] Make a skin tenor

[00:26:53] Put some ai on me whenever i'm on tv

[00:26:56] Perfect. Okay, we'll make your skin thinner you look like a skeleton burst and true to skin. That's fine

[00:27:01] um

[00:27:02] okay, um

[00:27:03] Anything is there any mundane thing that's banned in your country like anything that's legal

[00:27:09] Everelse, but it would be banned in octonia, which would be banned. Well, you're gonna get taxed

[00:27:14] Basically, we're gonna take a bmi index. Do you know what the bmi index is? I thought that was a signage

[00:27:20] Body body mass index. Oh, yes

[00:27:23] And if you're buy if your bmi number is big you're gonna pay a bigger number

[00:27:28] Because your tax on the health system you're hurting our health system. Ah, okay

[00:27:34] That's gonna upset a few people too, but uh

[00:27:38] You and smart hot healthy people on this island exactly who doesn't that's fair enough. Yeah, if you're gonna do this, um

[00:27:46] Okay, we can do that. Um, there's gonna be some i'll tell you something else you can't make uh

[00:27:52] You can't um FaceTime in public. Oh, why?

[00:27:56] It's too annoying for everybody else

[00:27:59] FaceTime in public you can't have it too. You have you can't use the speakerphone

[00:28:03] In public you block the speaker. Oh, you can do in private though. You could talk like this

[00:28:08] Yeah, so we only hear one voice, but i'm not you can't put it on speakerphone so we can help both

[00:28:14] That's gonna be bad

[00:28:15] Would you allow you know those those contraptions that you have your phone to your ear

[00:28:21] But it's basically like an elastic band or a band around your head that presses to it

[00:28:25] Sure. So as long as we don't have to hear both ends of the conversation

[00:28:29] What about people who play a video?

[00:28:32] Like if they're sitting on the bus or the train and they play a video like youtube

[00:28:35] But they have no headphones or earphones. They just play

[00:28:38] Band absolutely against law

[00:28:41] Now are they band or they deported or they put in jail or what?

[00:28:44] Well, you know what? We don't have to do this very often, but I think we'll sterilize them

[00:28:51] No sterilize them sterilize them and if they have kids 10 or younger we're going to sterilize those kids too

[00:28:56] Jesus

[00:28:57] Okay, well it's gonna get rid you don't have to do it very many times. I think people start

[00:29:02] We'll just make an example of a few

[00:29:04] Right and you don't get to uh, you're you're showing some dumb right there

[00:29:09] And i'm not gonna let you reproduce

[00:29:11] I think to be fair. You're probably doing that in the first week of your

[00:29:16] tyranny. Yeah. Yeah, yeah

[00:29:18] And then two years from then they're like, oh no, he's lovely the first week is a bit dodgy but after that

[00:29:23] No, yeah, exactly. No problem. That's somebody somewhere is gonna pull out a phone and start yakking and people are gonna go

[00:29:31] Wouldn't oh, what what?

[00:29:34] They're just aborted

[00:29:36] Yeah, the tourist. Oh, let's see our tourists loading after a stupid

[00:29:42] Oh, yeah, we gotta have some entertainment. Yeah

[00:29:47] Bring in some dumb people so we can laugh at them to you

[00:29:51] I don't take a holiday as that

[00:29:54] It's a holiday for anyone

[00:29:57] Those people going under honeymoon. I went up Tony. I thought I was smart, but everybody's uh, I asked for directions and they laughed at me

[00:30:04] I've been going out with Celine for 11 years and we got married and it was wonderful

[00:30:07] And we always wanted to go to Tonya and then they laughed their asses off at us for two weeks. It was horrible

[00:30:13] Um

[00:30:14] The weather was nice the weather was lovely, but there was a hurricane. Oh no, there wasn't there was a hurricane

[00:30:19] There was a hurricane of laughter

[00:30:22] um, okay, um

[00:30:25] I can either give you good news or bad news x if you if you want uh, let's take the bad news

[00:30:31] um

[00:30:32] The bad news is there was a coup attempt

[00:30:36] Oh

[00:30:40] Yeah, a lot of people a lot it was a coup attempt. There was a lot of people who

[00:30:45] Snuck into the country. Um, they previously got 99

[00:30:50] points under IQ test and they were trying to take you out. Of course, they're stupid so they got caught immediately

[00:30:55] Um, right there's 10 of them. What should we do with them? They're in jail now at the minute

[00:31:00] 10 of them. Yep

[00:31:02] Tried to take over the country. There was a coup attempt. No, we can't allow that

[00:31:07] We're gonna put them on a boat. We're gonna we're on an island. We're gonna tow them out

[00:31:12] About 50 miles offshore, right?

[00:31:15] We'll just leave them out there and then tell them we're not executing you. We're letting you go. You're released. You're free

[00:31:22] Sure, you're in a boat 30 miles off the coast but

[00:31:26] Do your best and if you're really smart you'll figure it out. Okay, so they they say let me leave back to Tonya

[00:31:32] What do we do again?

[00:31:34] They're not getting close to the coast when they get close to the coast then we torpedo

[00:31:38] They get torpedo you can't come back to uptonia. You're gonna find somewhere else

[00:31:42] So you say we're not executing you and didn't when they sailed into general direction because they're stupid

[00:31:46] You immediately torpedoed

[00:31:49] That was their decision. That was their decision. Yeah, they were dumb. They they made that was they they chose to do that

[00:31:55] So you kind of know and if they didn't know then they're dumb

[00:31:59] You kind of sound a little like batman where he's like no, I'm not killing him. I've just severed his spine

[00:32:07] Fair enough, uh, I will give you good news

[00:32:10] Um, I don't know see if I can quickly find it universal pictures. I have sent you an email

[00:32:16] um, they have said that they are doing a

[00:32:20] Sequel to Notting Hill

[00:32:23] Um, it's called anything hill. I have no idea what the plough for this is but what they are

[00:32:29] Asking is would you be interested in doing a cameo either as yourself or a part in it?

[00:32:35] Absolutely, and I uh, I'm hoping I get to mer I hope I get to meet Julia Roberts

[00:32:41] She is of course in it. Um

[00:32:44] Oh

[00:32:47] She's an actress in it right right right right. Okay. Okay. Okay. Mary's uh, Hugh. Uh, what's Hugh Hugh Grant

[00:32:54] Hugh Grant she's a bookstore owner

[00:32:57] Huh, yeah, exactly. Okay. Okay. I have it. Is that what the door is from the bookstore?

[00:33:01] Yeah, I think so probably the book or his or his apartment one of those two things

[00:33:07] At the end of the movie she doesn't just start working in the bookstore or any chance is she no no

[00:33:12] Does he give up the bookstore?

[00:33:13] Yeah, he gives up the bookstore. Oh

[00:33:16] He must give up the bookstore. I he it's that's that's not in there

[00:33:19] But you know, she's a she's a mega millionaire movie star. He's not still working at the bookstore. Yeah, fair enough. I like that

[00:33:26] But um, okay, we are doing this uh sequel

[00:33:30] Of course, we brought them back. We've asked

[00:33:33] We've asked um, Julia Roberts to reprise her Irish accent that she had in Michael Collins that movie so

[00:33:40] Um

[00:33:41] Yeah, how was it? Was it was a good did she do a good job? I've heard worse

[00:33:46] I

[00:33:47] Yeah, leave it at that. Um

[00:33:50] So you would be willing to play a character in that movie and then you can hit yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah

[00:33:55] And we'd like you because I'm the president for life

[00:33:57] So I get to watch the takes and I get to look at the directing and oh, yeah, it doesn't look good

[00:34:02] It's not getting put on. I'll do it until I get it right and I'll look like a really good

[00:34:06] I'll be a great movie star. Yeah, we would like to film it in

[00:34:10] um in

[00:34:12] Uptonia because I mean the cast and crew the crew they're gonna be amazing

[00:34:16] Oh

[00:34:18] What would would you be the new owner of the bookstore?

[00:34:25] uh

[00:34:26] Let's see. I gotta figure out a way to yeah, maybe

[00:34:30] I come walks back in again and then oh my gosh love at first sight

[00:34:35] I am running off of very limited information about this movie. So

[00:34:40] Um, this will not we're gonna have to eliminate Hugh Grant somehow. We got to eliminate Hugh Grant

[00:34:45] Oh, uh, okay. Okay. That's a different direction. Maybe maybe Hugh Grant

[00:34:50] Maybe he's just sick and he's passes in

[00:34:53] She's single again

[00:34:55] Right would she be so lucky to fall in love yet a second time?

[00:35:00] Yes, she would she's gonna meet the president of life

[00:35:04] Brad Upton king of president of life. I want the same name. Do you want the same name and it's brad upton

[00:35:10] You'd want a different name

[00:35:12] She'll just call me honey. Okay. Uh, we'll say action on this

[00:35:16] It's hard, huh?

[00:35:18] I guess she'll she'll walk into the bookstore and just wander around looking at books

[00:35:22] Um, and then yeah, and then I I wait on her again and it starts all

[00:35:28] Yeah, hi. I'm I'm julia roberts name in the movie. Um, uh, Helen

[00:35:35] I should know this

[00:35:38] See if I know it

[00:35:40] Anna scott. Hello. I am Anna scott. It's Anna scott. Yeah, only an attacker

[00:35:46] Wait a minute. Wait her married name is an attacker

[00:35:52] Uh, is that right? Yeah. Yeah, his name is William Tucker

[00:35:56] So her name would be an attacker and in my voice that sounds like she's an attacker

[00:36:03] How do they not think that through they did not think that through maybe they did

[00:36:07] Find something. Hi. I'm I'm so sad. Hi

[00:36:11] Do you mind if I just stand here?

[00:36:14] I'm sure things have been bad, uh

[00:36:17] What

[00:36:18] Things have probably been tough on her losing her husband. How do you know that?

[00:36:23] Oh, I'm julia roberts now. Well, how do you know that? How do you know my

[00:36:27] Well, I mean your big famous actress. It's in the papers. We all knew that I mean

[00:36:31] Oh, the trades

[00:36:34] It was in the newspapers. That was a big thing in the in the actual movie too where she had trouble with the, uh, British press

[00:36:41] Oh

[00:36:42] Relentlessly the bridge there's 200 of them outside. Um, right, right? So when her when her husband passed away, uh

[00:36:52] It was all in the news everybody knows she's a widow with a widow were again

[00:36:57] Oh, yeah, that's that's that's there's loads of paparazzi when she walks in the bookstore bang

[00:37:02] I know she's single and and she's got a

[00:37:04] Broken heart. So I know boom. I'm right in on that. Okay, so like that right away

[00:37:10] I am julia roberts inside in the bookstore going just paparazzi outside my husband died on tuesday

[00:37:17] You're hitting on her and you're hitting on me now immediately

[00:37:21] It doesn't look well, but it comes out by the end of the movie

[00:37:24] Okay, what what book?

[00:37:27] I want to buy a book. Do you have any recommendations? I'm curious. I need a book. You just you don't need a book

[00:37:31] You just need to talk to me. That's what you need. Oh, okay. What do you want to talk about?

[00:37:38] It's up to you, baby

[00:37:40] I know you're sad

[00:37:42] Slightly inappropriate

[00:37:44] Oh, actually like all good wrong comes to her husband just passed. I know

[00:37:48] Yeah, it's a little soon. A little soon, but how often is anna scott gonna walk into your bookstore

[00:37:53] You got to play your play your cards when you can't my god

[00:37:56] When you say it like that it's so intriguing and rice

[00:38:00] Right exactly. I I I guess I can't go outside tonight. I was really hungry. I guess you'd have dinner together then

[00:38:09] Yeah, perfect idea

[00:38:11] Yeah, we'll have it. I'll call somebody and have it delivered

[00:38:14] Then we don't have to go out into the into the paparazzi again

[00:38:18] You can do an advert for uber eats. That's that's where money comes in. There you go

[00:38:23] Little product placement right there. Bang. Yeah, that's how you do it

[00:38:26] That is the only way to do a sequel to not we don't have to we don't have to we don't have to

[00:38:31] Be seen in public the paparazzi can't see us. We just stay here in the bookstore

[00:38:35] Yeah, oh the entire movie filmed in the bookstore. Right, right fantastic. Um, yeah, that's the only way you do

[00:38:42] Do a sequel to nothing hill

[00:38:44] I'll say

[00:38:47] Oh, I have another question for you. You're your your people love you. Um and rightfully they should

[00:38:52] When it's your birthday? Why wouldn't they?

[00:38:55] Um

[00:38:56] Anders, you know, well this works

[00:38:58] Do what should they do on your birthday? They want to celebrate you. Uh, that's a good question. Um

[00:39:06] My birthday is three four five six. That's a good birthday, isn't it the year?

[00:39:11] Yeah, yeah, three four five six is my birthday. Um

[00:39:15] I have no idea what that means

[00:39:17] March march fourth third month fourth

[00:39:20] We do it we do uh

[00:39:23] Oh, I get it. Yes. Yes. No, somebody asked your phone when they ask your when they ask your birthday

[00:39:29] Like what's your birthday? I mean

[00:39:32] Is that a test on the IQ test that you just say oh, no, what's your birthday? I mean is

[00:39:37] Yeah

[00:39:38] Mine is you guys do you guys say the date first before the month, right the day month then year. Yeah

[00:39:44] Yeah, we do month day year

[00:39:46] So that's strange and it's funny because when you're in work then depending on you know the department or ever

[00:39:53] um

[00:39:54] We'll have to switch it and say oh now I have to do one today here, right? Right

[00:39:59] But yeah, what should people do on your birthday? I'll give them a day off

[00:40:02] It's his national holiday and do they have anything to do do it like any celebrations? Let's make it a drinking holiday

[00:40:09] Let's make it a drinking holiday drinking holiday. Um

[00:40:11] Yeah

[00:40:12] Now they're gonna give oh wait, this is just terrible. I was gonna say they're gonna give their dogs some

[00:40:17] They're immediately out to the country. I don't know why I'd said that that's the stupidest thing you could do

[00:40:23] Um feeding them chocolate is the next thing don't ever do that

[00:40:28] uh

[00:40:29] Yes, it's not the dogs I have a problem with it's the dog people the dog owners fair enough

[00:40:34] D it's the dog owners. There is a knock on your door. Um in your office knock knock

[00:40:39] Yeah, oh, hello. Hi. Hi. It's uh, paul. It's your finance guy

[00:40:45] Hello, I got it. How are you? I'm not too bad. I just did just for fun. I did an r-i q test got 220

[00:40:52] Nice, that's why high five. You were that good. I knew you were that good. Thank you. Um, I am going on holidays

[00:41:00] In a few minutes, so I just said I'd come in and tell you a few things. Um

[00:41:04] You're not asking me where I'm going on holiday fair enough. No problem. Oh, yeah

[00:41:09] I was thinking you're gonna stick around you're you work for me. I don't care

[00:41:14] Absolutely

[00:41:15] Jesus, um, just having a quick look at the budget

[00:41:19] We have a lot of money a lot of money in the in the

[00:41:23] coffers, um

[00:41:25] The people are desperate to build you something a monument because you're doing so well as king for life

[00:41:31] You have a hundred billion in surplus. What can we build you? What statue or what monument can we build?

[00:41:38] I'm uh, I don't have to have that much attention. I don't think you need to build something. Let's use that money

[00:41:44] I'm I'm benevolent. I'm the benevolent president for life

[00:41:48] Can I say it'll it's not really for you at end of day

[00:41:51] It's for the people to have something to celebrate you, you know

[00:41:54] So I think you don't have to if you really don't want to know what he's gonna make you of course

[00:41:58] Well, this is the land of giant heads because we're all so smart. Let's make a big let's make a big giant brad head

[00:42:07] A brat I said a breadhead

[00:42:09] Brad brad head brad head brad head

[00:42:12] We're all big headed on this island because we're so smart, but uh, we'll just

[00:42:17] Just make a big old head

[00:42:20] So I mean make their pilgrimage to get their do their selfie with the gigantic head

[00:42:25] So this is going to be like

[00:42:27] I mean bigger than the heads on east r Island

[00:42:30] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah big old bronze big old giant bronze head

[00:42:35] They are average height is 13 feet

[00:42:38] But they range anywhere between Jesus eight feet to an unfinished example over 70 feet high

[00:42:43] So you want something over 70 feet high?

[00:42:46] Is that that but those those east r island heads about two thirds of them are buried I think

[00:42:51] But you're gonna have yours. You're not buried yours

[00:42:54] All right, well I'm a big old 70 foot brad head if the people want it if that's what they need and we have money in the bank

[00:43:01] That's what they need made of bronze

[00:43:03] Big giant bronze head. Okay

[00:43:06] Jesus, that's huge. Why just a head? Oh just because it symbolizes

[00:43:10] Yeah, symbolizes our big giant heads. Okay, we will really get right on that. Um

[00:43:16] I do know what that coup attempt right um your advisors said that they think you should have a photo up

[00:43:23] um just to just to ensure, you know

[00:43:26] Just to make sure all the citizens know that you are totally in charge. That was just a little thing

[00:43:31] So what would we have you do like we're gonna go down to the beach and I'm gonna be standing on the beach

[00:43:36] And we will see that boat off in the distance being towed out to sea

[00:43:41] Oh, you'll do it that day. Yes

[00:43:44] Are you saying in tune or are you just it's just like a shot of you arms?

[00:43:47] Yeah, I'm just standing there my arms crossed watch on sail away. Maybe I give a little sarcastic wave

[00:43:53] Uh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. No, I was gonna ask how'd you wave sarcasticly, but I think you got it

[00:43:57] And I figured that one out. That's good. I have two more questions. Unfortunately

[00:44:02] It is paul knocking on your door again knock knock

[00:44:05] All right paul come on in. Hello. Um, hi there king for life

[00:44:10] Nice to see you. How was vacation? I see you the same guy. It's same guy. I'm the same person. Yeah

[00:44:15] I just see how was your vacation? I haven't gone yet

[00:44:18] Uh, kruhisha kruhisha. I'm actually even going on beautiful love kruhisha

[00:44:22] Love to go there. I can't wait. Um, I am just about to get on the plane or get my uber to get onto the plane

[00:44:28] um, I've just checked again checked the budget turns out we didn't have a hundred billion when we were building that uh

[00:44:34] Building the thing there was actually a minus sign in front of it. We thought it was a smudge

[00:44:38] So we're actually in debt. Um

[00:44:40] So anyway, uh the IMF the international monetary fund said duck we might need to come in and help you out here

[00:44:46] Do you have any ideas how you're gonna make money? Countries bro? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

[00:44:49] We're gonna tax the bejesus out of the ultra wealthy

[00:44:52] Out of it. So you weren't doing it before ultra rich are gonna have to pay a huge

[00:44:56] We're gonna take care of the ultra rich. They don't need that much money

[00:44:59] That they got way more than they'll ever need. We're gonna tax the bejesus out of them

[00:45:04] So take take care of that right away

[00:45:06] Okay

[00:45:07] So we're talking you're talking like Jeff Bezos levels. Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna tax them. We're gonna hit them hard

[00:45:14] So jeff Jesus, this is a lot of money. Sorry. I've sheltered that so jeff bezos makes nine

[00:45:21] Point one million a year

[00:45:23] How much are we taking off him billion? Oh, no, he doesn't make nine point one million billion right billion sorry. Yeah

[00:45:29] Yeah

[00:45:30] How much we take off someone who makes nine billion a year?

[00:45:33] About about

[00:45:36] 75 of it. Oh, definitely more than seven billion seven. Yeah, he's left with two billion

[00:45:41] Right. That's more money than anybody needs. I didn't hurt him at all

[00:45:45] And do you know what thing I helped that I helped all of us

[00:45:48] John I don't get about when people say like that is

[00:45:51] Objectively that's a large amount of something you have to be taken right? I get that that's whatever right

[00:45:56] But like he does realize next year he'll get another couple of billion and you're after

[00:46:01] Oh, that's right. And yeah, they may go to zeff

[00:46:03] That's the people don't understand the difference between a million and a billion either

[00:46:07] They don't they don't understand the difference between a million a billion a billion dollars

[00:46:11] You have a billion dollars. You'll never you can't go through that in 10 lifetimes

[00:46:15] One billion one billion you couldn't go through that in 10 lifetimes

[00:46:20] So

[00:46:21] Two billion I don't feel I don't have any problem. Have you ever tried? I've tried this with um

[00:46:26] With with friends and stuff the odd time where

[00:46:28] You will say like oh, I've done the lottery right? So hopefully I'll win the lot tonight and it's 100 million something like that

[00:46:34] Right. Um, and then you say

[00:46:37] Let's see if I can spend that like what what would I actually spend that no point in naming all things that I have no interest in

[00:46:43] But right like oh, I'll buy Disney. I don't really I don't want to own Disney. So I'm not doing that but

[00:46:49] Once you get down to I'll buy a house

[00:46:51] I'll go on holiday then I'll buy a house for my parents or I'll do this this this and you're still left

[00:46:55] You're like right. Okay. Now I have 70 million left

[00:46:59] Right Jesus. It's hard to yeah when you could

[00:47:02] Go through that those people that have that kind of wealth

[00:47:05] Uh, even if you took even if you tax them at 75 percent, you don't change their lifestyle

[00:47:11] At all and there's nothing at that point. They still can't afford

[00:47:15] Do you know if you get your we'll say if I work in I get paid monthly and I see my

[00:47:22] Pay slip at the end of a month, right? Right. Obviously, I'm not saying how much I make

[00:47:26] It's nothing to be like he turns out he makes nine billion a year but

[00:47:30] When you make like once you get into the like four digits. So like a thousand euro

[00:47:37] People don't look at the cents like they don't look at the part that are the pennies or whatever where it's like

[00:47:42] 20 or 30 bits. They don't care. I have a thousand euro and I don't care about the little money there

[00:47:48] So if you have a billion you're not looking down to the right where it says 200 euro or 300 or 400

[00:47:54] Make a fucking difference to you. All right, exactly. Yeah, okay. We're charging all them

[00:48:01] We're taxing the ultra wealthy heavily heavily. Okay, and they are not allowed to leave if they decide

[00:48:07] No, we'll leave so no, no, they came here because we're all smart and we're showing them how smart we are

[00:48:13] And now for just a minute they're feeling a little bit dumb. Yeah, maybe they should take that IQ test again because if they

[00:48:20] Yeah, yeah

[00:48:22] Might have missed something there. Mr. Bezos. It turns out they actually cheated on that test

[00:48:27] Yeah, and now they realize and they're like, oh, no you outsmarted us. He's stupid bastard

[00:48:32] Um

[00:48:33] Very good. Very good. Paul is on holiday. He's delighted with that. He's he's safe

[00:48:37] um

[00:48:38] at

[00:48:40] Certain point last question is that you I imagine will wanted to

[00:48:44] Um name an heir someone to take over as king for life. Well, that's a bit weird your king for life

[00:48:49] But someone to take over to run the country. Maybe you want to relax chill out

[00:48:54] Is there anyone you would name as the heir to your country and I would just say it has to be someone who is currently

[00:48:59] alive in the world

[00:49:02] Uh, well president for life. I gotta leak. I gotta keep it in the family. Don't I I gotta appoint my son or daughter

[00:49:08] Well, you kind of you want you can do what you want. I mean

[00:49:13] Let me think about hmm who's gonna succeed me. Yeah

[00:49:19] You wouldn't you wouldn't run it to whoever the smart person is person who has 300 IQ no

[00:49:25] Nah, they there's people that smart are kind of annoying

[00:49:31] The rest of us the rest of us bug them so bad. They don't even know how you know what I mean

[00:49:36] We drive them nuts. I I'll bet it's I'll bet it's miserable being that smart

[00:49:41] I bet you are delighted to have him on the island, but you don't want to talk to him

[00:49:46] Oh, exactly. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Because that the whole time. I know he's thinking what an idiot

[00:49:51] More on talking. Okay. Yeah, uh, I think I'll just I think I'll I think I'll turn it over to my son

[00:49:56] I think I'll I'll turn it over my son. Now. Do you think they'll do a good job?

[00:50:01] Ah, absolutely very smart full confidence

[00:50:04] Yep. Yep. Very smart

[00:50:06] Obviously, I don't know there is no chance that his IQ was 99

[00:50:10] There's no scandal gonna hit very high right. Do you think he'd be higher than you?

[00:50:15] Will people go, oh man, what are we doing waiting?

[00:50:18] Yeah, he might eat probably eat probably is yeah, so he's gonna be waiting

[00:50:23] do so

[00:50:24] Would you he'd probably be working in the government before

[00:50:27] He becomes air like people will know of him. Oh, he won't be working. He's my son and we'll be we got money

[00:50:33] So we're present for life. He'll just be uh, you know hanging around doing whatever a rich kid does spoiled as hell

[00:50:40] Oh, yeah, sure. He's his dad's present for life. You'd be spoiled. He a dog person

[00:50:46] Uh, no

[00:50:48] That person yeah raised in the house

[00:50:51] Raised in a house with two cats

[00:50:53] So, I mean in his lifetime not two at once, but we had a cat and then that cat died. We got another cat

[00:50:59] He's a cat person. Yeah. Okay. Um, and the people would be absolutely fine with us. There'll be no absolutely

[00:51:04] They'll love him. He'll be great. He's charming. He's handsome

[00:51:07] Do you plan to stay on the island? Are you gonna move back to America?

[00:51:12] Oh, no, I'm not going back to America

[00:51:15] Move in your head's Croatia. No, no, I'm not going but where'd you

[00:51:19] Croatia no Croatia would be great down there on the coast somewhere

[00:51:23] But you're gonna stay on the island stay in your beach house private. I'll stay at the island, but uh

[00:51:29] I'm gonna stay it's gonna be warm wherever if I vacation it's gonna be warm. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Um, yeah, that's that's uptonia

[00:51:37] See it's pretty um

[00:51:39] Hassel free you got rid of some of this too. I'm an already I can hear him applying right now. See, um

[00:51:46] Yes, that was that was quite good. Thank you very much, brad. I'm not gonna

[00:51:49] Absolutely life anymore. Um, all right. No, you go back to bread. Yeah

[00:51:55] Brad, uh, thank you very much then for for showing me how it's done

[00:51:59] Do you where can people find you online by the way? Uh brad upton.com that is my uh, that's my my website and my uh

[00:52:08] My schedule's on there

[00:52:10] My merch is on there. So yeah anything you want to find and then I'm brad upton comedy on instagram

[00:52:16] I have a facebook page. I got a tick tock page. So

[00:52:20] They can they can find me on social media the top three smartest most social media sites

[00:52:26] Exactly. Yeah, did um, but wait did you do your did you

[00:52:30] Take an IQ test before? Uh, you know what this it's uh when I was teaching school. I taught fourth grade

[00:52:38] Um, I taught fourth grade for seven years and we took classes

[00:52:42] We have you have to get another year of education, right?

[00:52:45] Your first five six years of teaching you have to complete a fifth year education and I was taking a class and uh

[00:52:53] Several of us teachers well a bunch of teachers were taking a class and the

[00:52:57] Instructor came in one day. He says I'm gonna administer an IQ test

[00:53:00] We're gonna take this and then we're gonna we're gonna take this test on tuesday

[00:53:03] I'm gonna grade him and on thursday. I'm gonna give you the results and he gave us an IQ test legitimate IQ test

[00:53:09] And then thursday came back and he said uh, he said um

[00:53:15] I'm not gonna give you the results

[00:53:17] He goes but what I bet the reason I gave you that IQ test is because I wanted you as teachers

[00:53:24] To feel the anxiety of what it was like to take a test

[00:53:29] And be compared with your peers

[00:53:32] Because everybody you could see the body language people going oh, shit

[00:53:36] I gotta take a test and then people are gonna find I'm gonna find out because that's what we do with kids all the time

[00:53:41] Right, we test them and then they find out so that's that was the idea behind it

[00:53:45] He says i'm not gonna give you your scores and everybody's like no no

[00:53:49] Well, who is the smartest is what everybody said?

[00:53:52] Well, who is the smartest and he walked over by me and he said mr. Upton was 120 plus

[00:53:59] That's that's pretty solid solid

[00:54:01] And so so I don't know what it was but he said that and so I don't know if that was legit

[00:54:06] I don't know but he had told us it was a IQ test

[00:54:09] We took an IQ test and he didn't give us the score

[00:54:11] But he said mr. Upton was uh at 120 plus

[00:54:15] I when I was in school

[00:54:18] I'm not making this up. I'm pretty sure this happened. I just can't remember when exactly but we did a test

[00:54:23] Um, you know the english test or something like that, right?

[00:54:26] And when the teacher came in instead of saying, okay, here's the scores or whatever

[00:54:31] I think everyone did so badly

[00:54:33] She just came in and went you're all doing that again

[00:54:36] That was rubbish. You're all doing it again. We'll do it tomorrow. Let's learn

[00:54:41] So I kind of wish that that person's method makes a lot of sense

[00:54:45] But I kind of wish they came in and just went right. We're doing it again

[00:54:49] Right. I will test it again. You you bunch of morons bunch of idiots

[00:54:54] um

[00:54:55] Okay, um the mighty big brain Brad Upton was the guest on this one. Um

[00:55:01] Thank you very much and thanks for everyone for listening. I'll tell you what though for my big brain

[00:55:05] I I do a lot of stupid shit. So uh, just

[00:55:09] Yeah, um

[00:55:11] The the smartest dumb comedian you'll ever wait the dumbest

[00:55:16] Yeah, yeah, either way that works dumbest smart guy

[00:55:19] Yeah, smartest dumb guy they both work. They both work. Um, so yes, thank you everyone for listening

[00:55:24] I don't have an outro so usually uh to get around that I'll say do you have

[00:55:30] Any final words of wisdom that you'd give to your civilians as you finish

[00:55:35] Do it right the first time so you don't have to do it a second time

[00:55:39] Yeah practice doesn't always mean perfect

[00:55:42] No, that's correct. Yeah. All right. Bye everyone