Tyrant In Training Episode 43 David August, The David of The Augustian Islands

[00:00:08] Hello everyone, this is the Tyrant In Training podcast and I am the host kevin and I am beside my fiancee silly hello Hello there and hopper and hopper is lying on me. That's our cat. That's not a person You have to explain these things

[00:00:24] That's all that's all that's all rumors get around This is the Tyrant In Training podcast which is an improv pop-up a pop-up a pop-up It is an improv comedy podcast. That's hard to say It really is when you're in full flow you can't say that

[00:00:37] What are we improvising comedy rising? You talk to guests and you ask them about what they would do if they were running their own country You're brought to break up anything in any second. You're just explaining. There's no there's no joke there

[00:00:50] There's no comedy in this podcast at all That's what I do I talked to a guest and find out why they shouldn't be in a leadership position Yeah, so today's guest is actor David August. It's a good month. It's a good month

[00:01:05] It is it is strong month strong. He also sounds like another actor It's all David David Trimmer David's bed you're married to a spade because I brought her up so slain had a crush on David spade and

[00:01:20] Andy dick I didn't and you've taken you've brought up Andy dick out of nowhere. That's never been a thing I See other guy who's wish at him standard all time Rob Schneider Rob Schneider

[00:01:32] It was any day can Rob Schneider your your crush no, just David spade just David spade. Yeah You just have to ask for David spade. Yeah, fine. What in what was that show? Just shoot me, okay? But David August yeah sounds like David Schrimmer

[00:01:49] Right now I have to proceed No, we don't put out our security team I would not call myself friendly father because I think they would make me cringe if people were like hey friendly father I'd be like, oh, I Can't make them date you

[00:02:05] That's fine. Phil will do it Okay He doesn't need he does yeah Did you notice I left in the last one there about Phil because there was a pause And it's long suffering

[00:02:21] His voice just went from yeah, let's do that and he's really like when he seems like a really positive person Yeah, and very nice very smart right by that one tortured that I don't think it just went to a pause and him just going

[00:02:37] It was a fixed Phil had so yeah David is very very funny Did you bring up the David Schrimmer thing like I did is it something that he knows about himself? I don't know. Maybe I should send him an email. Oh, I do know I'd be afraid to

[00:02:51] Because he's an actor you might be you know rivalry Imagine if Chris Pratt would kept being told he sounds like Chris Yeah, yeah, I don't know. I think I don't think it's something people would be that sensitive

[00:03:06] You said to me you look like Kevin Costner I would look like yeah Compliment why? Yeah, but you're thinking about younger. Yeah, you think Kevin Costner at 36 I don't know. Anyway, let's talk about this over dinner Yeah

[00:03:23] So David August and we found online he's usually found on a lot of them especially treads and blue sky you see But he's also on Instagram and Twitter so yeah, and also his website. He's and master on that's the other one

[00:03:39] He's trying to sell at the elephant that's the elephant and He has his own website David August calm course very good So yeah, you can find this podcast at all social media websites if you follow my profile

[00:03:51] That's at Tevron person and you can find it on YouTube at turn podcast and its own website is turn to training that podcast page We're done and we're done no more with you banter from us. No Wait enjoy the podcast

[00:04:05] Listen to it now, I put it on now. Bye David August I do have a question right I found out something recently right? Okay, I got found out today. There was some guy and I'm gonna butcher the name

[00:04:23] But there was a guy way back in like ancient China I don't know exactly called fuxiang could be wrong but but the pronunciation but Apparently he was like I know he was he called like the one-eyed emperor or something you only had one eye, right?

[00:04:38] Okay, and suppose it I he this guy was crazy right he he died a short while later He was dragged. He was executed by the um tied him to horses and dragged him until he died

[00:04:50] But anyway, the one of the bad things he was meant to be known for was because he had one eye He was very subconscious about it And he would say anyone who uses the words lacking or missing any word that you could use if

[00:05:03] Describing his facial features missing one eye like lacking or missing or whatever else I can't think of They would be put to death so you they could not use the word lacking or missing and I'm just wondering

[00:05:14] Is there any word you would ban in your own country that is like a common word? Any word that I would ban in my own country. That's a good question. I'd be On a basic level just because I don't want to limit my people's expression

[00:05:27] I'd be tempted to say no But I could I could sort of skew more instagram inspirational quote And say I don't know maybe a phrase like I can like it be tempting to want to ban something that's like about someone self defeating themselves or

[00:05:43] Self-sabotaging themselves. Yes, I could be tempting to ban negative self talk But I don't think you can actually stop negative self talk through a ban So I don't know. I think my final answer is gonna have to be that I would probably not want to ban any words

[00:05:56] Do you know when you say phrases? Do you know what one I don't don't get I it just bugs me when people say it. Do you know when people say um, like let's say if you go I like

[00:06:08] Formula one, I don't know I just picked that and then I meant to say oh, I I couldn't care less Like I don't care that you like formula one. All right, so it's been mean

[00:06:17] But I hate people then who say oh, I could care less and you're like, right So So you do so your capacity to carry the less than you do so you must care more than so the minimal. Yeah, yeah

[00:06:28] That's good. Thanks. I'll like people who say I could care less and then just don't get that they've got it wrong Right stuff like that. Yeah It'd be tempting to when people sort of Have a melapropism like that where they're saying something

[00:06:42] Thinking they mean something and they're actually saying another thing it would be tempting to Just sort of ban those or at least give them a warning Like if you confidently use us then you need a warning

[00:06:52] But that's fair enough. It's like fine when someone misspells your or your or your Yeah, um, like you are versus like the more possessive like your

[00:07:04] Yeah, no it'd be tempting to have some of the sort of grammatical stuff or some of the idiomatic stuff that people mess up Although I have found English has a ton of idioms and sometimes Especially if English isn't the person's first language

[00:07:18] Yeah, I want to cut them some slack So maybe you don't get the warning If English isn't your first language because we can't really hold you to Sort of it being your mother tongue if it's not your mother tongue. We can't hold the same standard

[00:07:32] I think yeah, if you if you um If you're someone who can speak more than one language So I would say if you can speak more than just English then you you should get a slide there because you're you're handling more than one language in your mind

[00:07:44] That's just Right They would say the moment you give them the warning they'd go I could care less and you just be like oh my god Yeah, no, that's yeah. No, that's the arrest That's them jumping from

[00:07:58] At that point it's obedience. Yeah, that feels like they're they're pushing us. Okay. What we'll do is we'll get you on to the island I'm wondering do you have any idea because when we're setting up the island

[00:08:07] I we're not taking over any part of a country that already exists We will set you up a new island usually by the way I say it's a new island featuring Art featuring with 100 100 100 Jesus. I'm all over the place 10 million citizens

[00:08:21] Is that all right for you? Is that too many or we can do 10 million? That's I think about the population of los angeles county. Yeah twice the population of norway And yeah, our land I think is just under five maybe and it's just okay It might be

[00:08:35] 10 million works because then it's it's not like massive You don't get some of the issues that like a country that has over a billion people can have just by virtue

[00:08:44] Being over a billion people, but you're not dealing with like six people and by the way when we make the island We're just going to assume like housing and plumbing and electricity and all that

[00:08:52] That's all sorted when when you know, we don't have to worry about stuff like that Nice a lot of our infrastructure squared away. That's good. I like it. Just straight away. It's done

[00:09:00] So can you see my screen? I can it's looking at it looks like a world map It is a world map. I'm just this just in case it's helpful Um, do you have any idea where you would put your own island in the world?

[00:09:14] If we're gonna choose somewhere may as well choose somewhere that doesn't get a ton of natural disasters Yeah, you don't have to worry about it. Um vaguely near the united states than I can

[00:09:23] Find any friends if they don't live there. Oh, yeah, and I'm sure you just you'd have a private jet I don't know to quickly fly over if you needed to okay. Let's say just for fun I'm a little worried about the island

[00:09:34] I'm a little worried about the island I'm a little worried about the island Slightly further off the coast than the real Channel Islands that are off the coast of Los Angeles Just because they don't tend to be typhoons and hurricanes there even though they're technically could be

[00:09:49] And the weather tends not to be all about frost and ice and now So it's just off the west of Los Angeles. Just because I wouldn't be that familiar with it But like that's warm. Yeah, let's make it. It's pretty warm

[00:10:02] A little further than the actual islands that actually that wasn't neat. Oh, no, it's much further down I was gonna say that's not near where drastic park used to have their their islands

[00:10:10] No, there's where I think more close to central America because I think it was off the coast of Costa Rica Ireland by the way, I usually I'm putting it at Stairs for the weather The I was just going to ask as well. What is your favorite movie franchise?

[00:10:26] Oh, if I have to choose just one movie franchise, that's a tough one Um, I love the star wars action figures as a kid. So it's tempting to say star wars

[00:10:34] That's a lot and it's a very controversial franchise. So I think a lot of people would push back um I haven't got angry comments about About people selecting star wars It's uh, it's tempting to say Jurassic Park just because I love the first movie so much

[00:10:48] Not that I dislike the movies just I remember seeing that movie and loving you a lot Uh, it would also be tempting to say either James Bond or the matrix franchises I had to just one

[00:11:01] As long as I'm not like locked into this and somehow forbidden from seeing any other Today, let's say James Bond the James Bond movies fair enough. Um, actually, I don't think I've watched the last one Oh really? I don't think I have

[00:11:14] The last James Bond movie it came out while the pandemic was still going so me and my uh girlfriend and another couple went in and rent a whole movie theater Very inexpensive movie theaters because the movie theaters were like, please come anyone come in. Yeah

[00:11:31] Well, uh, the four of us went and saw that it was kind of amazing Yeah, that'd be a good experience then as well to watch it. So I you know Like do you know when you watch a movie at home?

[00:11:42] Yeah, like if I watched this in the cinema now, I think I'd have enjoyed it a lot more Oh, absolutely You know part of it is is the experience of the theater but also like the sound systems are usually better than what you have at home

[00:11:52] Yeah, exactly. Yeah Um, no, no, I was just wondering. Um speaking of which though, you do have an island Do you have any idea what your name of the island would be?

[00:12:01] Oh the name of the island it's tempting to try to come up with a name that would strike fear in the hearts of any adversaries but um I'm surprised you have any adversaries Well, I don't know I was just sort of assuming because

[00:12:14] Maybe because global events it seems every country has adversaries at this point but It's also tempting. I imagine if we had a tourism bureau They would want us to come up with a name that we're appealing. Yeah You wouldn't have yourself augustina or something, no Oh

[00:12:31] Like isle august or something that is like august isle august. I don't know or or are we are a capella go? So it could be like the augustian islands Yeah, the augustian islands. Would you go with your name?

[00:12:43] Sure, let's do that. Let's do the augustian islands. Oh, I I'm just gonna write down augustian islands. So I have it right and I have to ask what um, official what would your official title be because my official title

[00:12:55] It seems like the obvious it seems like you know, maybe too obvious is to then call you like augusta, right or augustus The whole roman thing but you might yeah with the name of the island and maybe it's too much Like a hat and a hat. Um

[00:13:09] Yeah, it could be it could be a little too sort of nail in the head I'm sort of between do would we want to come up with something that sounds kind of bureaucratic? Sort of like president or executor or overseer

[00:13:21] Although you'd go that way more than royal royal tier I tend to not be a huge fan of the concept of Like a hereditary uh leadership monarchy and not a huge monarchy fan. Yeah Just because loving the the descendant isn't a complete monster

[00:13:40] Yeah, it's because there's so many instances in real history where even if you had a really great Monarch in a generation or two you might have had exactly the opposite

[00:13:49] Yeah, it's time for the president but that sounds really boring just because there's so many countries that have presidents But the idea of providing over is a nice idea

[00:13:57] But by the way, you can like like you can decide what the official title is like if you decide the official title is like buddy Then that's what it is because the 10 million citizens that arrive in your island are

[00:14:09] Have bought in fully to this island. So they're not going to show up and go He's calling himself a buddy I wouldn't do in real life The head of state of north korea just had the north koreans Do a song about how he is their friendly father

[00:14:27] I would not call myself friendly father because I think they would make me cringe if people were like, hey friendly father I'd be like, oh Um, how about doting dead? Oh, you know What was that? How about doting dead? Or what if I just call myself the david?

[00:14:43] The david Beaning that the position was named after me that i'm like the template for what That's what you call me the david statistical. I'm not gonna lie, but the david

[00:14:54] I mean, I I believe the name david means beloved friend. So oddly we're not that far from what I was just talking about in terms of like The other stuff we're gonna find out what david means I think it might mean something like beloved friends

[00:15:10] It does mean uh beloved it is derived from me. I'm just quickly reading out. So maybe there is friend there But beloved immediately struck out. Um second king of israel did you sort of survive him? Yeah, something like that. Uh beloved in you is there. Yeah, that works

[00:15:26] We'll call it the baby just because it's my island and I get to do it Which I I'm now realizing that this power is a little intoxicating But you might as well. There's no point going. Oh, I'm I'm the ruler of an island

[00:15:37] I won't do much. You know, I mean you might have a big you might have Everyone has an ego to some level. So you might as well indulge it a little bit

[00:15:45] And if I indulge in it and things like this and I'm not actually subjugating my people that's probably better It's absolutely fine. Um, it's like if you won the lottery and then literally gave all of its charity or like that's nice

[00:15:56] You could have bought yourself a holiday. Nobody would Yeah, you could have bought yourself something nice and then do some good charitable stuff Exactly. Okay. I oh when we're setting up the country, I should ask do you want

[00:16:09] Um, and I suppose there's a bit of a limit on this is probably the question that has the most of a limit to it But do you want your 10 million citizens to be able to vote for a senate with like 100 senators in it?

[00:16:19] And they'll do the every day Kind of boring admin stuff of running a government and you have the ultimate say or do you want no voting and you just want your own Council of 10 people you trust

[00:16:31] I mean the citizens are going to be happy whichever decision you choose if you say no voting They accept that if you say voting for a senate they accept that I think partly to keep myself honest and be sure that I have

[00:16:42] Some version of feedback from my people. I'm gonna do the voting. I'm gonna have a senate so that that way Even if I have some wonderful what I think is a wonderfully unilateral idea down the road. I have

[00:16:54] Some there's some influence that even if I'm totally enamored of my idea. I still have to factor in keep me more honest I think um, I just have a question and you know, we'll just say like one out of five

[00:17:06] We don't need to like go into it because it's not the most fun challenge But let's say America how it is right now with like politics one out of five

[00:17:14] How happy would you be with like all the politicians as a group with like all the american politicians right now? Yeah, or like the senate in in in America and five as I adore them and one is I the opposite

[00:17:25] Or we can do one and ten if it's like easier to like right now I'd say three three out of five or five out of ten

[00:17:32] Oh, um, so would you then because what I I suppose what I'm getting at is if you allow people to vote for 100 senators and then they were at We'll say the People in the senate they were after voting for a hundred of them that left it at

[00:17:49] Three out of five or two out of five Are you kind of regretting us? Are you saying these these people aren't voting or these people are voting for morons? This is I imagine I probably would regret it, but I'd also

[00:18:04] I'd like to think and this is my idealism maybe I would see that as the trade-off of actually having them Having granted them the vote means they might vote for people that you take the risk. Yeah, I think I'd take the risk

[00:18:18] Okay, fair enough. It's just even though. I'm sure they're they like I wish I hadn't done that So you could get you know senators just disagreeing with you the whole time because they're

[00:18:27] You are okay, but fair enough. Um, okay. We're going to uh, oh what type of house do you want to live in? Oh, that's a good question. I think I want to live in like

[00:18:36] I'll mention with a big setback and beautiful gardens. So when you say a big setback, do you mean like a mountain range behind you or something? Yeah, so that it's not like right up against the curb. I don't have like It's you know, it has it's like driveway

[00:18:50] So it's it's a little bit secluded feeling so that it doesn't Not not quite like like the white house or 10 downing street Or the kremlin have a lot of like pedestrian traffic outside of them

[00:19:01] I would want to not necessarily have to have that pedestrian traffic right outside my bedroom. Yeah Yeah, that's yeah, I don't think you can do it. So would you live kind of outside the capital? I guess just a bit We're in commuting

[00:19:14] Sovereignty of the capital probably do you know what the biggest mention is in the world? Oh the biggest in the world Does something like Versailles count because then I would guess Versailles in front of a palace though

[00:19:25] I don't know if that counts. I did just quickly very quickly google it so I don't know to have they counted that palace but Apparently it is over 2 million square feet It is the sultan of brunoise palace, but would you have something?

[00:19:41] Okay, probably not quite that big just because I was actually talking to this Had a conversation about this sort of earlier this week about if you have so large a house that you need like a Staff of 20

[00:19:51] What are you using the house for like I don't think that my personal residence would be where I'd hold state dinners just because I I just don't know if I would actually use it. I don't know if I'd enjoy like wings that I only see every three years

[00:20:03] Yeah, you you would go into an office stairs. If you see there's the palace of as mentioned Um, it's dana neural in my palace It's a bit too gold. I'm not I'm not a fan of it's very flashy

[00:20:16] I kind of like the integration of the sort of I don't know if that's if you technically call that a water feature or just having that big sort of pond type thing. Yeah, kind of cool. Yeah, but it's

[00:20:28] It's very it looks very shiny for the sake of being shiny. Yeah Yeah, I wouldn't be mad into it But um and I kind of worry that if there's that amount of gold on the outside

[00:20:38] Are the rooms full of gold which I just think that wouldn't be for me, you know, it can be a little overstated Yeah I feel like really wealthy. You don't need to show it off every everywhere. No, I don't yeah

[00:20:51] I wouldn't put much much gold in it. But yeah, no, we will put a palace on and are you gonna Are you our mention writer? Are you going to name your mention into special or is it just you know the David's mansion

[00:21:01] It might be tempted to just go at the david's mansion or the residence or something or or I was uh, I wonder Try to give it some sort of mysterious play I'll call it like the cove or something

[00:21:13] I was going to say you could do it off of um, you would call it uh mention angelo's david That doesn't work at all for michael angelo, but I went with it anyway. I think the cove works better

[00:21:25] I think I'll call it the cove just because that sounds cool. Yes, I'll let it out They'll get they'll build that that's fine. That's good. Um, okay. We'll go into some other questions We will say is there anything that is kind of like a some

[00:21:40] Day in sort of thing every day item that is every day item or activity that is banned in your country of augustian island Every day item on every day activities banned in our country

[00:21:50] Yeah, any sort of pet peeve that you decide no or not hasn't that I don't know if this is an every day item because I know Most of the and a lot of the united states it is sort of isn't anymore

[00:21:59] But I don't think I'd allow smoking in public places. Oh at all like smoking cigarettes, you mean Yeah, smoking cigarettes or cigars or um pipes or anything just because that makes people who aren't smoking have to breathe it and that doesn't seem fair

[00:22:13] So if someone is out in the park And they're off. I don't know off under a tree there. They're like 50 feet away from everyone That person's going to jail. Uh

[00:22:23] Yeah, and partly because of where I chose the location that it's off the coast of southern california which can be sort of prone to wildfires

[00:22:30] Oh, sure. Geez if he's under a tree, he's asking for it. Yeah, you don't want to light the tree on fire and then burning down the entire island How long should they put him in jail for I don't know if it would necessarily be a jailing offense

[00:22:41] It might be something that would be I'd hate for it to be fine. Maybe like 60 hours of community service 60 hours. So That's like in a half. That's like a week and a half of community service. Oh, all right for a cigarette What if they're smoking on the job?

[00:22:56] Um, as long as it's not something like if a truck driver is, you know drunk or inebriated or stoned that might be unsafe That would be a separate but um I think if you're smoking inside your car with the windows up that's private property at that point

[00:23:11] You're allowed to do that, but it's more about reading public. That would be the problem So if someone is smoking Cigarettes inside in their car with the windows up so all the smoke is just remaining trapped inside

[00:23:22] As long as they're the only one who has to deal with the smoke because they've chosen to Make anyone have to deal with the smoke who didn't choose to

[00:23:30] Okay, but what happens when they pull up at a car park and they open the door and all the smoke comes out That's an excellent question. I don't have an answer to Okay, absolutely It's it's it's it's a law that hasn't been worked out. It's gone

[00:23:40] It's gonna happen People hammer out a meaningful law that is as equitable as we are hoping it will be Car parks are a dangerous place for smokers. They get caught routinely

[00:23:51] Cops under a month will hang out at car parks to catch people. Can we have our car manufacturers Create air purification technology that means that it would Absorb or filter out the smoke quickly enough that it's a good idea. We can force them to surely maybe

[00:24:07] Yeah, yeah, maybe the car mission Including from someone smoking inside need to fall within certain ranges. That's yeah. Yeah, we get right on that What unusual list is your country of august augustian island top of in the world? Oh, it'd be tempting to say life satisfaction

[00:24:24] that that the people who live in The on the on my island are the most satisfied in their life of anyone in the world But you say that's like happiest country in the world. No, I would it be different Yeah, it might be happiest

[00:24:37] Yeah, life satisfaction happiest is probably the same kind of a thing I think there are lists like that and I don't know who's at the top of it Can you do you have any can you have any sort of guess because I have it here?

[00:24:48] Who is the happiest countries in the world until 24? I'm kind of curious now if I go in Do I see Ireland? I want to guess it's somewhere in Scandinavia. Am I right in saying I want to guess it's Scandinavia

[00:24:57] It could god. I'm fairly I'm pretty sure this is Scandinavia, but I could be wrong But yeah, you're close to it at least Norway is like Finland You're exactly right. Yeah, always seven A lot of the Scandinavian countries also have a high incidence of suicide

[00:25:12] So there's like an ironic counterpoint there. Do you know what the weirdest thing is? I went over as I said I said earlier to that I went over to um To Norway a couple of months ago

[00:25:23] And before I went I was talking to someone and I said, yeah, I'm looking forward now I'm going on a holiday over Taslow and they went. Oh, you know, that's the Suicide capital of the world and I was like, oh thanks for telling me. I'm fine. I'm happy

[00:25:36] Does no Yeah, no, I imagine someone I think someone said that they thought it had to do with the That during half the year there's not as much sun Maybe because I do think that that does affect like, you know, I'm speaking from Ireland like where it's miserable

[00:25:53] It's probably easier for certain sort of dark thoughts to get more traction if you're not encountering in sunlight I think if you wake up in the morning and you see the sun shining in and it's bright and a lovely day

[00:26:04] Do you know what I mean? That is always nicer than getting up just I mean, you can definitely be depressed in any situation. That is something Yeah, of course. Yeah, but it's probably it's sort of like a little bit of a nudge in the direction of

[00:26:16] In quite as dark literally and figuratively I guess The top country like Scandinavia just own it because you have number one is Finland number two is Denmark number three is Iceland number four Is Sweden then you have Israel Netherlands den Norway and in Luxembourg Switzerland

[00:26:32] It's all that region in it like it goes down a bit, but even Luxembourg isn't that far away from them So yeah, do you want to say no you're putting your island? Yeah, just because I like the idea of everyone is

[00:26:44] Genuinely having a good time. Yeah, okay. Um, all right. I do have a difficult question to ask you. Um Your approval rating is that a mighty 98 percent, right? Are delighted however there is going to be a scandal that's going to come out in Balboon new

[00:27:03] Um, I'll let you know now. It will drop your rating down to 59 Um, so it's quite quite bad You get to decide what the scandal is So what do people find out about you? That is a scandal. Obviously, I'd prefer if you make this up

[00:27:19] I do not keep seeing it as well and it is a lot entertainment podcast, right understood um Oh, it's tempting to make it something really esoteric like I You know played fast and loose with the mineral rights off the coast, but um

[00:27:34] I don't know if that's really what I want to do. That's not nearly as much fun Is like that people find out I have like a massive baseball card collection or something Which in real life I do not

[00:27:44] Um, but that would be a pretty innocuous one. That's like giving myself a pass If people were like, oh he owns 10 million baseball cards. That's like hardly really a scandal Hey, whatever you decide don't worry. It will be a scandal

[00:27:58] Um, let me see. Let me see, uh, how about the scandal that I had discussions with another country About the oil drilling rights off the coast and I did not loop in the senate

[00:28:12] So people are concerned about am I trying to do something you have a ladder of it Like that it looks like bad governance even though it's just the initial conversation

[00:28:20] Now I would say that your citizens worry. Well, I suppose when they first write down the oil, maybe they thought it but Um, you know, they they know that you make all the decisions at the end of the day like you are

[00:28:32] He the manager, so maybe that's not actually a scandal So I don't think they'd be that surprised that oh he was going to do something. Well, he's the boss Could it be that I was uh

[00:28:42] Intending to annex the neighbor really who are you going to you mean your neighbor Beside your mention or beside your no, I was saying beside the country Oh, wait, America That would be America and annexing the united states is probably just geographically not an option. Um

[00:28:59] I'm trying to think of a good scandal. I see it sounds like you were trying to annex your neighbor He were trying to like add his house onto the mansion Well, that could work. Yeah, I was I was considering

[00:29:10] You know buying out my neighbor and I don't know why that's a scandal though Oh, well what I think your advisors are going to ask is they're going to say listen, um, people aren't happy that you were trying to buy out Old farmer Joe out of his house

[00:29:27] Uh, we think you should go on to you're familiar with frost nixon The yeah, yeah, and we think you should go on to the nightly news program and talk to the greatest news reporter in the country anderson And and you know explain yourself in this neighbor gate

[00:29:44] Scandal you you happy to do that. I am as long as we get to prepare in advance Oh, how are you gonna prepare? How do you mean my communications team are gonna like rehearse where one of them is going to pretend to be the

[00:29:55] Viewer and we're going to sort of try to figure out the best Way and most articulate way to answer the questions that I'm most likely to get Just because I don't want to go on completely unprepared because then I'm going to end up

[00:30:09] Sort of in the court of public opinion probably lambasted Okay, we can do to prepare. We can prepare for this if you like. Yeah, now we can do that

[00:30:18] We'll bring in who's your who's the guy you want? Well, we bring in michael. He's one of your advisors surely right? He can do a job. Okay. Um, I'm gonna say I'm michael there. Um, okay

[00:30:29] Uh, to david, uh, we're gonna prepare for this. Um, he's obviously gonna say thank you for joining us Thank you for having me. I'm not the opportunity. Good very good. Okay. Um, I'm anderson Welcome back to the show. We have the david on we have to discuss

[00:30:44] Neighborgate we were talking to old farmer joe. He said he's very upset He the house has been in his family His entire life. He didn't want to sell it. Can you explain why you wanted to buy it? Well, we were thinking of making an addition To the cove

[00:31:01] Sorry to david. I just want to cut in there. I wouldn't start with well Oh, good point Because his his his son fell down the well. He hasn't recovered him yet Oh, yeah, that's gonna make sense

[00:31:11] That's a good point. Good tip michael. Thank you. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks very much. Um, but yeah, no, sorry continue So you just go straight into it. No, well in the process of planning To make additions to the cove we realize that there might be

[00:31:25] Impacts on the neighboring land and we thought it might be best to integrate the land in before we made the changes Okay, good good point. I just want to say when you bring up that what what impact would have had under

[00:31:36] You know that might you might cut in that way. It's really like oh what what um What impact did you expect to to have on old farmer jose blend? Oh? Because he's a farmer we thought it would change

[00:31:48] The way the water would drain and so the amount of irrigation his plants might need Would change and we thought that the best solution would be for that to no longer be a problem because we'd bought them out

[00:31:59] Perfect and when you were buying them out now the property was valued at Um, uh two and a half million. What were you do you have to figure as on what you were offering him?

[00:32:09] We were we were going to make an initial offer of three million hoping that the premium would Uh compensate for any inconvenience. Okay, but now again his son was down to well for the last two weeks

[00:32:18] And it's still there where you were you just going to leave the sunday and pay over it or There were there was accusations made about that No, we're accusations made about that and I think that that's really just a misunderstanding

[00:32:27] We wouldn't want to leave any citizen in danger like that. So I think the plan would be to uh I have a team from the southern california grotto that we were going to fly in that was going to mine down and uh

[00:32:40] Rescue him from the well. So you were going to fly them in by the way, I'm just curious what did you just make that up or is just No, there's a real organization called the southern california grotto which uh, they're

[00:32:51] Cave explorers and cave rescue people. They're like enthusiasts about speliological things which speliological is like the study of caves um, okay So, yeah, we would uh bring some people in from the united states mainland

[00:33:06] Who are experts in these sorts of things to try to make sure that this uh That the farmer son is rescued because I would think two hours trapped down a well would be unpleasant two weeks

[00:33:17] So two weeks is is quite. Yeah, it's an emotional time for old farmer joe. Um Now he said he he still doesn't want to sell the lens. So what are you what are you doing because of that?

[00:33:28] Uh, I would imagine although I don't want to necessarily commit to any numbers here in public because it's sort of not going to go Good good would uh increase the the offer

[00:33:38] Okay, and hopefully we can come to a number that we both like he said he's very adamant and he He doesn't want to do any deal at least until his son is rescued. So are you

[00:33:48] Are you waiting? Are you trying to play chicken with him? Maybe enough bring in the rescuers until he agrees to sell or Oh, that's not that's Strikes me as cruel. I think independent of the sale of parcel of property

[00:34:00] We probably need to rescue this son as quickly as possible no matter what And just final question We will just throw the set you a bit of a curveball if he doesn't if he just refuses outright to sell for no matter

[00:34:09] How much are you going to rescue a son? Yeah, we're gonna have to rescue a son because no citizen of our country should be left at the bottom of a hole Brilliant. That's a good. That's a good slogan. That'll be in a headline right. I think that's good

[00:34:21] I think yeah, no very good. Very good. Good job. Good job. Very good Perfect. Okay. Um, I think you can go on Go on the show right? Yeah, I think so Perfect. Okay, we'll start. Um

[00:34:33] I'm assuming you're gonna sit down the chair in front of anderson anderson's gonna say welcome back to the show And thank you for joining us. We have the david on a very special guest obviously david

[00:34:42] The david thank you very much for joining us. Thank you for having me. I'm glad to be here Brilliant. We have to speak about neighbor gate, of course there's been a lot of activizations thrown around and

[00:34:54] A lot of worry for your citizens. Don't you agree? I do and I regret the worry that this situation has caused for everyone And uh, how are you personally taking up by the way? I'm

[00:35:06] Surprised it's been harder to get a good night's sleep knowing that this is not come to any sort of good resolution yet Hmm, but when I mean you you are still looking for resolution to bind to property, right?

[00:35:18] Yes, I do think that there is a path even if we don't know exactly what it looks like yet That we can get to a good destination for everyone involved

[00:35:24] So when we we we looked into this we found that you had made an initial offer. Why did you make an initial offer? um over the the proposed Land value was it trying

[00:35:38] Set a little up quickly before anyone found out no, it wasn't about the speed of it at all Actually, it's more if a property isn't normally It's not already on sale on the market

[00:35:47] I figure it's going to be be inconvenient to the owners to entertain in new offers so we wanted to Sweeten the deal so to speak so that we're making a generous offer right out of the gate

[00:35:58] partly to express our understanding that it might be inconvenient to sell a piece of property that you weren't originally thinking of selling And there are reports that you are looking to bring in mercenaries from another country. Is that true to help persuade old farmer joe?

[00:36:14] No, no, we wouldn't have to bring in mercenaries our armed forces are Fully capable of providing for the security needs of our country But in this case we were going to bring some in cave rescue

[00:36:25] To help the farmer's son get out of that well and what about the old farmer joe? Um, oh farmer joe himself. I'm hoping he will welcome these rescue experts to

[00:36:36] I'm sorry. You said well that that he specifically asked not to not to mention that. I'm sorry. We'll have to cut that I'm so sorry Michael is in the corner being like

[00:36:52] I hope I hope that uh, I realize that we're not editing this interview. I hope people can forgive me for using that word Oh, I mean it is live but yes, of course. Yes. I'm sure they will now um

[00:37:03] His son has been down there for two months now. Um, you know two months. I had understood it was two weeks I'm so sorry two months sounds even worse more unpleasant No, we contacted you like a month and two weeks ago and we said

[00:37:15] Can you can you show up and you said it'll take me take me a while to prepare? Well your team said to take me a bit to prepare so we left it a while

[00:37:23] Okay. Yeah, but anyway, yes. So you are going to uh, you're you're you're you're you're promising to rescue the son I believe that's the statement you we're gonna do everything that's humanly possible to rescue his son

[00:37:34] So that he can live a full and complete life everything that it can be done Unfortunately in any sort of dangerous situation, no one can guarantee an outcome But we're gonna do everything we can to try to make that outcome as good as it can be

[00:37:46] Do you plan on rescuing old farmer joe as well? Uh, if old farmer joe also needs rescue We will absolutely rescue him as well. Why do you think he also jumped down to well? Mike?

[00:37:55] I don't know we'd have to ask him but my imagination is he was probably going down the well to try to save his son Is that something you would do? I probably would even though I would

[00:38:06] I would hope I would find professionals so that I didn't become another person who needed rescue making their job that much more difficult But if I saw my child in dangers path, I I might act without Calm and I might put myself in harm's way as well

[00:38:23] I'm sorry, but are you criticizing old farmer joe for acting irrationally and uh frantic and jumping on well When he should have hired professionals I would probably do the exact same thing he did and I feel for him because

[00:38:39] Not only is his son in danger now. He is and I think any parent would probably gladly jump down a well if they believed it could save their child

[00:38:49] Fair enough. Yeah, I mean we do have to go for a break, but that's that's it. Yeah, we will thank you very much for joining us Thank you very much Anderson. Thank you. Um, okay very well Mike was a bit concerned there when you said

[00:39:01] With the whole fact that it took us like an extra six weeks to get on to the program, but it was fine Um, how did you feel about that? Oh, uh, I feel like

[00:39:09] I probably could have handled that interview a little better. Uh seemed a little more composed But uh, all in all, I'm hoping that I didn't make the situation worse

[00:39:18] I think the preparation did well for it though. I think it did. I think I'm glad that we had a try run Because I'm hoping that make this and make as many mistakes on air

[00:39:26] Yeah, I think if you got that live on air question of like the sun is in a well for the last two months I think that might have

[00:39:33] Um, Anderson it's going to turn to you while uh while you're on break and say thanks very much for the interview um, I just have to mention we are Uh, we are making a documentary about you. Obviously. This is um, the only news station in town

[00:39:46] And we are all in on this government. So it's basically a propaganda piece Do you want us to mention any fantastical fact about you? We can make it up. No problem Anything we can tell the citizens how great you are, you know, that's tempting

[00:39:57] I don't know, uh, it's tempting to go with a real fact But it's also tempting to sort of spin something into something Uh Oh, that's that's a tough one trying to think of something that would be impressive but not seem so impressive as to be implausible

[00:40:14] Oh, well these people will buy anything they are there that that approval rating has gone up to 89 percent The temptation to exaggerate is real the temptation to uh inflate things um Can you exaggerate in a humble way that? I had the opportunity to pursue

[00:40:32] Going into spaces and astronauts and decided not to so that I could serve my country In this leadership position as the David. Oh nice. Where were you going? Were you just going into space or were you landing or what were you?

[00:40:44] Um, it was to do a tour on the international space station like a music tour. No, uh, just like spending six months up there doing Science scientific research and material science. Oh fair. Oh cool. So you didn't do that. You you know plans to do that

[00:40:58] I did not do that because it would have meant Just the six months being in space where I wouldn't have been able to serve as the David But it also would have meant the time why I wouldn't have been training to go into space

[00:41:08] I would not have been able to focus on being the David as well It's fun. We would call the documentary the spaceman question mark or in brackets spaceman not brackets uh, quotation marks Or or making space for his country. Oh for fuck's sake. That's fantastic Fantastic

[00:41:26] Bravo the audience to the stage or the crew on the set are applauding that Um, okay. I'll give you a good good question out of that back in your office Uh, there's a knock on the door knock knock knock

[00:41:38] Hello. Oh, hello, uh door opens. Uh, hi, it's uh, paul your your finance guy. Hello to david That's good to see you paul. How you doing? Oh, i'm doing very well. Good to see you. Um, clear

[00:41:48] I I just have good news for you. I'm after looking at the finances of the country. We're doing very well Very very well. Um, by the way, what would be your chief export?

[00:41:57] It's so tempting to say box site just because I feel like there's only four people in the audience who will know what that is I don't know Um, it's the raw material from which aluminum is made. Uh It's tempting to say box sites

[00:42:09] But what I'd really rather the but chief export be Either information technology or entertainment like software or like move the tv shows that kind of thing Also, those cars might be a bit handy as well the ones with the the technology to kind of remove the whole

[00:42:24] Oh, yeah, the clean air cars. Yeah, it's not bad. I like that either way. Yes. No they are doing fantastically Well, I just checked the the bottom line here on the finances of the country We are we're in the green. We're in the green by about 40 billion

[00:42:37] So listen the the country is doing well. Uh old farmer joe and his son Michael angelo he they they bought rescued so your approval ratings in the 90s Yeah, uh, perfect. And you know, they look great. By the way, they look healthy great no issues

[00:42:53] They were in and out of hospital within hours. Um, fantastic It sounds like the best outcome we could possibly have hoped for absolutely fantastic And your man is so happy. He's agreed to sell the house at two and a half million. So it's all great. You're doing well

[00:43:05] Now i'm just wondering your citizens. They're so happy now nowadays They just said look we would like to Build a monument for you some major monument that we can build for you even name it after you if you like

[00:43:17] But they don't really know what to build like they would just really you know It's as much for them as it is you do you know what I mean? Um But what would watch today build for you big statue or any any anything at all

[00:43:31] I feel like a statue but so sort of interactive elements like built-ins slides and staircases for kids to play on Also to be more of a family entertainment. Well, I just was yeah kids you're you're looking at it

[00:43:42] Yeah, or you could you could you could experience it not just visually but also sort of tactily and kinesthetically It'd be kind of fun. I'm thinking of uh I just sort of encountered online in real life not long ago

[00:43:54] There's a couple sort of I don't know exactly what they Call them but they're kind of you know stances that get enclosed and sort of go through space um, there's one in europe and one in Asia I think it might be like One in germany and maybe japan

[00:44:13] Yes, but don't hold me to those countries. They're not remembering But they're sort of interactive sculptures where people can walk up the stairs and sort of go through the Not quite tunnels, but they're enclosed so you won't like fall off. Yeah, um

[00:44:25] Some sort of thing so it's not just a you know Sort of lifeless statue that you look at from afar But something that you could actually sort of clamor up on and around and through So the the

[00:44:38] Stairways like climb up like they're on the inside or are they on the outside? Uh, some of them are in the inside some on the outside But though that you could like climb up and you know have a picnic on the palm of my hand perhaps

[00:44:49] Or something like that So wait you're holding your hand out like magneto with the palm up. Uh, maybe yes. I don't know. I haven't thought of I would leave that to an uh, we'd I'd have to work with an artist to make sure that that's

[00:45:02] Yeah, a good design. Yeah um And I mean this this is gonna be big right it's gonna be like the Eiffel tower or something like this is a proper Statue. Yeah, I would I would like I'd want it to be thought of as sort of

[00:45:14] I would both want it to be thought of and built to be A long lasting sort of wonder of the world style thing classes of roads Sort of deal Something like that. Although use modern engineering technology. So hopefully it would last for many more centuries. Oh, yeah

[00:45:30] Yeah, oh god. Yeah, like it won't fall down. Um, yeah, no, we'll get to work on that That's absolutely fine. Paul's gonna go out the door and tell people we're starting to build that It's gonna cost a lot of money, but don't worry like we have the money

[00:45:40] um No, perfect. Uh, I do you want more good news? I think this is good news Yeah, uh, one of your your advisors has gotten an email in and it's from I want to say pinewood studios. There are guys who made james bond, right?

[00:45:54] Yeah, uh, they have a request Um, they are making a new james bond um And they would like to film some of it in Augustine island if that's all right with you Oh now They would like you to have a cameo. Oh, wow

[00:46:13] Would you be interested or I would be interested pending? We'd probably have to read the script in advance to be sure that it's something that It would make sense for the david to appear Well, that's the thing we were going to do with where

[00:46:24] Um, james bond is at a um, you know a big glitzy Gala, you know, he's he's staking out of place, you know the usual kind of thing He goes in the suit. He gets his uh

[00:46:35] Chicken a third was it martini? Yes. Yeah, he's gonna be doing all that It's a little bit like you're gonna be at the bar as well. You know what I mean? You're the Famous guy, you know, I'll be in it for a minute, you know, okay

[00:46:48] And now they're very impressed with how especially how you handle that interview and they actually thought that was all off the cuff So they would like to do it kind of improv

[00:46:55] Um, you know, you can say what you want. They want to give you a free reign. They don't want to limit you Okay, would that be all right with you? Yes, I think it would

[00:47:02] All right. Um, so you are the david. You're not playing a character. You're yourself. Okay Yeah, we can go for you being your David in it and people will be like, oh, he's playing himself Cool. Um, is the seat meant to be set actually in the Augustinian islands?

[00:47:18] It is he does have to fly over because you know good james bond movie day He goes jet setting right flying around the world excellent. Um, I'm kind of like a fun idea Where this could go so once like we're gonna say up on you know, and uh

[00:47:35] On the day of filming we're gonna have to be like this is going to be a proper Bar, it's you know, it's going to be five star Hotel in the bar lots of people around You're gonna be we're gonna position you near the bar. Maybe having a drink

[00:47:48] What would be your favorite drink by the way? Oh, that's a good question. Um And he used to be when I was younger. I'm not a big drinker When I would occasionally get a drink like at a party or something

[00:48:00] I sometimes go for like vodka cranberry, but I don't know if that's necessarily what I would go for now Now It's probably best for me to be just sort of as a As the public figure of the country to be drinking something non-alcoholic

[00:48:17] so probably like either a ginger ale or Or Lavored seltzer just so that you know the idea that I'm not at the helm of the country completely blitzed is probably better but um I don't know. There's this uh one uh Reisling that I had once

[00:48:36] That I liked a lot, so it might be just a simple glass of reisling wine Okay, so we're gonna get you we're gonna get you your drink We're gonna have you by the bar Um, we're gonna say action now

[00:48:45] It will say action right around time where the bartender hands james bond back his drink. Okay. Now He taps his microphone. He's saying look You probably won't know what he's saying we won't write this for you in the script But he's saying to his um

[00:48:58] But he's um, I in disguise you will I'm on it I'll find the guy and he's gonna turn around to you and go You look familiar. So do you mr. Bond?

[00:49:08] I was hoping to actually get into the country a bit more stealthily, but that didn't work out. Thanks. I am I'm Wondering do you know who is running the scal at tonight? I believe it is mr. Leopold mr. Leopold

[00:49:20] He's in your government, right? He was in our government previously. He has since retired He was minister of the interior and did you forcefully retire him or why is he running the scal now?

[00:49:30] I thought he was ran out of the country no the uh the official line was that he was told he needed to retire Or he would be facing chrysantime What did he do? The more it's better We had evidence that he was colluding with other countries to

[00:49:48] Sell off without permission or due process the mineral rights of our country I knew so he was not he did not have he did not face formal criminal penalties But he was told that any further transgressions He would be facing the full weight of our prosecutors

[00:50:04] And i'm hoping during your time here you can help us determine whether or not he has in fact continued his various ways I sure as hell i'm going to that's classic games bonds line I He's gonna show up here, right? I'm waiting but he usually shows

[00:50:21] And if there's anything me or my government can I'm sure you'll be happy to help. I will be happy to help in any way I can Perfect because there is something you can do for me. Excellent. What would that be? I noticed that you'd

[00:50:33] Neither of us have a beautiful woman on our arm that seems problematic for me for some reason Uh, let me speak into my cuff for a moment and ask if Things from our internal security service could join us who what's her name? This Is

[00:50:49] Sarah and this is Betty right and they are here to assist us Wait, what you mean by assist us are you pimping out your security head of security or whatever they are Not pimping them out. They are going to assist in terms of

[00:51:04] providing the ability to be lookouts and uh They also can uh put their hands on any weaponry that you may need No, I but I was when I said There's not a beautiful woman on our shoulder You know, I meant I was looking for a date. Oh

[00:51:20] I'm sorry. I thought you were looking for people to talk about No, but you've got these very attractive but very capable security team in I assumed you were just pimping them out You don't do that. No, no, we don't pimped out our security team

[00:51:33] I mean, you're welcome to ask them to dinner. They will say yes You will be you said you'd help me that would be something you'd have to work out with them directly But you said you'd help me and well, they'll help you with your work

[00:51:44] I can't make them date you no, but you can you can tell them Just like you did with the bad guy. Mr. Leopold you'll say or else You know, they'll they'll date me like he resigned

[00:51:55] Right, I suppose I could yeah, but you were you weren't a different british Operative, I think you you'd probably have enough charm of your own to perhaps at least Get yourself the first date with someone. I don't know. I don't think betty betty won't even look at me

[00:52:12] This is a new James Bond by the way. It's they're going to different way, but it seems very Subdued away He's a bit he's a bit uh less uh confident with the ladies only when talking about sport, but yeah, no, no

[00:52:26] Betty is quite an accomplished equestrian. Perhaps you could talk to her about her uh, Horseback riding experience. I I taught I taught I always taught that something to do with water. No, I've never been on a horseback Um, uh, what about sarah? Is she good? Uh, Sarah

[00:52:43] Her master's degree in astrophysics. I don't know if that's something that you also have an interest in I played on astroturf I played soccer on astroturf similar world Oh, we leave it that's putting putting a good word for me

[00:52:54] I will I'll see what I can do nice. Okay. I'm getting a lead Okay, we'll cut he has to go he has to get out of there Excellent. Okay. That's actually awkward Do you know what it'll be it's the change that James Bond needs for on though. Okay

[00:53:10] Actually in the books, it's funny to say that in the books He sometimes does express more self doubt than he does in the movies Does he but I suppose when they started the movies they wanted to like

[00:53:21] Part of it is the book gives you like his inner monologue sometimes Yeah, it's a box whereas in the movies you don't necessarily need that there's a couple moments Where a couple of the men who played James Bond Have had moments of hesitation

[00:53:34] Which is partly sort of cribbed from the book But the book goes a little further like there's a moment in the books which I have not read all of them But in one of them I read The he had lost his wife because his wife had been killed

[00:53:47] And he was pretty much depressed. He wasn't finding join his work or join anything else And while he didn't necessarily identify it as depression He was sort of depressed and he was hoping that Q would give him work to sort of help distract him

[00:54:00] But Q was concerned about his state of mind and so was giving him more administrative tasks It's sort of an interesting more introspective take on Bond than you usually see depicted Was that something in the

[00:54:12] Like Daniel Craig movies where it was like he was kind of presented as someone who um Not like reckless in his work, but just reckless in like I'm going doing the job because of that. Yeah, it was interesting Craig once they did make him

[00:54:27] Like when he lost the woman he was with he was More than some of the other cinematic depictions Like deeply impacted his ability or his interest in doing the work Yeah, yeah his compunction And even it seemed to play out

[00:54:42] Although I'd be hard pressed to come up with specifics out to top my head That he was a little more reckless with his own safety because maybe he wasn't as concerned. Yeah Yeah, he wasn't reckless with

[00:54:54] But yeah, but if he got killed he wasn't as concerned about that. Yeah, it's just part of the job started. Hang on you're like, yeah Yeah, where there's moments when um, most of the other men who played james bond had moments where they thought they might get killed

[00:55:07] And they sort of fight tooth and nail not to die Yeah, whereas daniel craig Spectally towards like the last Without spoiling anything friend and what hasn't seen them his last couple films There were moments where his self preservation doesn't seem to be his number one priority. Yeah um

[00:55:25] Okay, no, but and my version of james bond goes I don't know how deep they go I do have two questions for you. And by the way the Diesel gun very well so far. I feel like they're they're going pretty well

[00:55:36] I was so concerned that I was gonna construct a country that was going to just become a Royaling failure. No, no, the citizens are happy There's no the scandal was was breezed pass and an old farmer joe and mike langer living a happy life

[00:55:49] In in verbatim now they you don't mind that they moved country, right? You're not offended like they just decided I'm not I mean if they wanted to then they're welcome to verbatim fine country. Um And there's a knock on your door

[00:56:02] Uh knock knock knock. Hello. Hello. Uh, the david it's paul again All right. Hi I just have news for you about your your big statue. It's good news

[00:56:14] I'm just gonna be a bit quick about this because I actually have my plane ticket book. Remember I booked the holiday for the next three weeks Um, I'm going to Portugal Um With my wife, so I'll just let you know statue was built costs a lot of money

[00:56:30] But it's you know, it's working order looks beautiful It's out by the coast as a beautiful backdrop people are delighted with it. Yeah, so You know, you're happy with that

[00:56:40] Thanks. Yeah, that's how I was gonna ask for a raise but I can do that when I come back, right? That's we can definitely have a conversation about that. Yes Some sort of bonus for accomplishing this task well sweet or what end or raise makes sense

[00:56:55] Um, there is the other thing I did check the finances again Just you know just to check how much is left after 40 billion we had it turns out there was a minus sign in front of the

[00:57:05] The 40 billion so I think I think we might have been in debt actually but I don't know. Anyway, big miss But I'm gonna go because the plane is leaving. Um, but yeah, by the way

[00:57:17] The international monetary fund just rang saying we're a bit concerned about your finances. Do you have any plan to make money? I said you can handle this But I'll just go so by

[00:57:27] I wait, um, maybe paul would be good for you to take a slightly later flight so that we can get a little bit more clarity on There's not many flights out to portugal. I don't want to take a flight that you know, I'm not I'm not jet hopping

[00:57:39] I'm too old for that. So I might go we can have the government traffic plane take you I just want to make sure that we get a hand on this 80 billion dollar error

[00:57:48] Because I think we had a 40 billion dollar surplus which actually turns out to be a 40 billion dollar Yeah, yeah, it was a funny one. All right. Yeah is a pretty biggest economy like ours I think we want to identify how that

[00:58:01] How the minus was in there and we want to identify what we think yeah, how did the minus get overlooked? I'm Do this one are we gonna have to do it or you know, you don't pay attention to it too I got to tell you paul

[00:58:13] That seems like a sloppy bit of work on your part if a smudge computer could be an 80 billion dollar mistake I mean it was a big much pretty big mistake. You know I it may have been a gargantuan smudge

[00:58:25] The fact is you are what is your official title? You're the minister of finance. That's the one. Yeah, probably and for you For you to not have a handle on our finances to the extent that you could By a smudge disguising it misstate our finances so badly is

[00:58:43] It's an error. Oh, yeah, it's an error. But you know, that's why it is a material error In the center of your job responsibilities, but you know, it is what it is, right? Yes, but as that phrase seems to be inclined to some sort of level of defeatism

[00:58:59] I'm gonna ask you this paul. Yes, what do you think the david Do in light of this error made by the finance minister What do you think would be the next appropriate action that david would take for you?

[00:59:11] Well, I mean if I was the david, you know, I'd be depaul Um, so I'm not really sure that's not my responsibility. I don't like I don't like stepping on our people's toes to be honest That's not you know, that's not the job of the finance minister

[00:59:25] Let me rephrase then. Yes Before I figure out and the rest of my government figures out how to handle this error and whether or not we believe you had a

[00:59:33] Conscious willful hand in this error. I'm curious what you think should be our steps taken to remediate the situation Um, okay. First of all, I think oh first thing education, right? Me to look at education now. I don't know what remediate means

[00:59:49] So I think you should teach me that and anyone else who doesn't know that's fair. That's a good point I will mention that to our department of education Perfect. Um in the meantime. Yes, I think we're going to have to give you a suspension

[01:00:05] Which will mean that you will With a reduced pay you will only be getting 75 percent of your normal pay But I'll get my promotion or I'll get my raise still for the statue being built that will the that will depend upon the outcome of the uh audit to

[01:00:23] the country's finance Because while building the statue is a great accomplishment and I'm glad that you've done it. Thank you It may not erase the uh error that may be bordering on malfeasance I mean if you actually I it's true I have not seen the statue yet

[01:00:38] But I'm going to have to see the finances and I'm going to have to look back at least five years to figure out how the finances ended up

[01:00:45] $80 billion off of what we believe they them to be I think it was the tax breaks. We gave the care company That could be We'll have to take a look at whether or not those are something that are sustainable going forward

[01:00:55] Okay, but can I still go on my flight this evening? Not quite yet. No not this evening But when well because we have to first establish whether or not you

[01:01:06] Whether or not this error was simply neglect or whether or not there was some sort of uh malicious intent Okay, if there was malicious then there may be criminal charges that will proceed from there Well, clearly I didn't do it criminally both. Um, I to be honest

[01:01:21] We're gonna have to get our our department of justice to look into your personal finances and make sure that there's not $80 billion that have been misplaced somewhere else If I had 80 billion dollars, I would have my own private jet

[01:01:33] But to be honest to David the the reason why I'm so keen to get away, you know The this evening with the the private jet that you promised. Um, you know, it's my it's my wife's birthday Uh tomorrow Thanks, uh Deborah is delighted. Um, but you know

[01:01:49] She would love to see portugal. Um, so I'd hate her to miss it on her birthday You know, I would hate for me too too as well And I I don't want to have her her birthday celebration

[01:01:59] But if we have to defer her birthday celebration to get a better handle on the finances of the gustine islands, then That's a small price to pay Even if it is nearing up a miscommunication, it's uh urgent enough We cannot have the state treasury

[01:02:16] End up empty when we thought it was overflowing and not take that series I mean, it's going to break her fragile heart well Then she can come talk to me and I will try to soothe her fragile heart But at this time I'm instructing our security services

[01:02:33] I'll call her in Deborah honey, the david wants to speak to you. Deborah. Hi to david tomorrow. Deborah. Hi. I'm so glad that you I heard about the private jet I'm so happy

[01:02:46] That your there is a small caveat. We may need to defer your celebration in person in portugal Because for the finances of the country We need to begin and we'll do as quickly as possible a full audit of our finances to figure out

[01:03:01] Why we are not where we thought we were but it's five o'clock now. Well, you haven't done like it's it's a it's a oh god It's a 10 hour flight. So it's five o'clock now. I mean I don't want to get there when it's

[01:03:13] You know 10 o'clock at night. Well, we may have to get you there later day Unfortunately affairs of state mean that your husband is not allowed to leave the agustin islands at this time But my dream is to visit portugal on my birthday. I understand that

[01:03:28] My husband hard we all when anyone of our loved ones is in public service. Sometimes we have to Take on some of the sacrifices they take on for the sake of the country and at this time Sure that we can write the state of the state treasury

[01:03:45] Uh, your husband's not going to be able to leave to the agustin islands at this time Leave wouldn't you wouldn't you sacrifice then for for for me and my husband citizens of your country?

[01:03:55] I cannot ask the citizens of our country to sacrifice an 80 billion dollar mistake in our finances Just so that you can celebrate your birthday. Unfortunately, but but this is my this is my last birthday, of course Yeah, sorry. I'm going dark on this. This is my last birthday

[01:04:09] I realize that and yeah, that is unfortunate and the time it's very unfortunate. I will not see four weeks from now well We may be able to depending upon what we find in our initial investigation

[01:04:25] Later this week get you with a agustin the island's security contingent and escort to portugal But that's my dream me and paul on my birthday in portugal at this time Unfortunately paul is not at liberty to leave the agustin islands. So you're breaking a

[01:04:41] soon to be the teased woman's art Before it explodes But one thing I can say is we can get you a second opinion from some of the Surgeon generals closest associates the best scientists and doctors in the country

[01:04:59] To try to make sure where your your care is the best it can possibly be in the interim I mean the day that I have a spear through my heart. Um, I don't think you know Second opinion isn't going to pull it out. So, you know

[01:05:13] They've done amazing breakthroughs at our research center and micro surgery. Right. Maybe they can uh mend your heart Literally, I'm figured So you wouldn't just let me go over to portugal with my husband for a day. No not at this time it's possible depending upon what the Uh

[01:05:31] Investigation revealed that that might be an option but at this time it is not Oh, honey, don't cry. No, I'm sorry. I just can't uh debora. Don't debora I just need to Call my brother anderson. You won't believe it and debora runs out the door. Um, okay

[01:05:47] Yeah, so you're keeping paul essentially for the time being yes because we may need to uh have his insights into What what what is what as we assemble documents for our forensic auditors?

[01:05:58] So I'll just say yes, you you can you can rule here with an iron fist on that and Any ideas though how you're going to make some money? That's an excellent question. Um, we're talking about maybe putting together a meaningful futures market for the pacific region

[01:06:13] And it's possible that some of the licensing fees that the various people who participate in that market and would have seats on that Exchange might be able to make up some of the short shortfall And there's debating about whether or not it's going to be

[01:06:26] That everyone who has a seat on that exchange pays an annual fee or do they just pay a percentage of their trades? Yes The industry itself seemed to indicate that they would prefer the flat fee because that makes their expenses more predictable

[01:06:39] But it may be generating more revenue for us to put a percentage uh Fee on each trade, but that is something that we can probably spin up in the next month or two

[01:06:50] I would hope so paul is managing finance and trade. So he's going to be right on that He's going to be leading spearheading that whole initiative i'm actually going to have the uh

[01:07:00] deputy minister of finance take control of that because paul's professional responsibilities are for the time being suspended That's fine. The deputy has been trained by paul for the last two years If there's anyone that phil, you know trust more it's paul to lean on when he's in trouble

[01:07:16] That's fine phil will do it Okay Well just because 80 billion dollars, we will Probably wouldn't have built the statue for whatever that cost if we had known that we were 40 billion dollars in the red And not 40 billion dollars in the black

[01:07:35] I will say and this is kevin talking you you you say 80 billion dollars But to be fair to paul like It's a minus sign that wasn't even bolder. If anything it was italicized

[01:07:45] Which makes it a little bit harder to see so, you know, it's not like he saw 80 million or 80 billion You know that wasn't there. He just he didn't see A small little minus sign

[01:07:57] It's month after month year after year. He was looking at the finances and then suddenly saw That we had a surplus of 40 billion dollars without anything having suggested that we were on the way to that surplus

[01:08:09] That suggested that he wasn't necessarily fully paying attention to what was happening Either way, I think you you you at least you you know, you're a man of action, right? You didn't just kind of yes, you know and in fairness you

[01:08:23] Focus on punishing paul right i'm trying to slow things down Play a picture of what happened. Yeah. I know I can go at that Why we last right and this is the last question because we're gonna assume

[01:08:33] You steered a country out of it and it was a bit tough and you know debra unfortunately rest her soul Um Yeah I think we should name dog park. She liked going to with their dog after her in her honor

[01:08:49] So we can say the debra dog park, uh like yeah the the debra Uh smith whatever the last thing was yeah, the depp's action jones, but you you only worked them for two years Yeah, um Dog park. Yeah, no doubt it worked also

[01:09:06] And maybe maybe a little like scale statue of her and her dog Oh, that's nice. Yeah, not every really nice actually, uh, I mean paul of course can't stay on the island now Um, he just demands heartbroken right he had to leave

[01:09:21] He actually runs an unsuccessful nail salon in montana, but oh if you want a bit of good news Just to put your mind at ease there is a knock in your door knock knock. Hello Uh, hello there, uh, phil phil. How are you? I'm very good

[01:09:34] I'll just get straight on to business great news for you. Okay finances and don't worry I know what a minus in it sign is double check that it's all okay Excellent that is great news. It is actually get ready for this and once again, there's no minus sign

[01:09:50] 140 billion wow 140 billion we might be able to invest in that offshore wind farm that we were talking about Do you want to know how I did it? How did you do it? I had another look Turns out that minus sign was a plus sign. Bam. Oh

[01:10:05] Surprise nobody else caught it to be honest, but there you go never any debt except for debora Debra's the only debt. Oh, that's a that's a shame. But anyway, yeah, uh, there you go I'm gonna take my hold of um, I'm going to montana get my nails done

[01:10:18] Okay, I hear that they're not always I hear that they're wonderfully underpriced world-class manicures you get there That sounds cheap, right? I'll go somewhere else. Good job. All right. Talk to you later Talk to you later. Phil. Good to see you. Good to see you too. Do I?

[01:10:32] Well, uh, okay. Yeah, well done. Um, it would be nice if Debra got to portugal but anyway Fucker Maybe we can have our capital city and lisbon become sister cities or something in her own Oh, yeah. Yeah, that'd be nice. Um, okay last question

[01:10:47] I have is at some point you're going to get sick of surely running this island Or you have to think about who your air is right Who would you name as your air of the country? Um, by the way, it has to be someone who is alive now

[01:11:00] Can't be a hypothetical grandson like like a real person in my life has to be a real person now Now in fairness. I don't have to personally know them. Right, right, right um But just someone who is off the top of my head

[01:11:13] To say either we hold elections and be full on democratic Or because that's probably not nearly as much fun even though. It's probably the most just way to do it um In real life probably my sister because she

[01:11:27] Actually has a degree in international relations and has worked professionally in government service So in life, she probably has a pretty solid resume for such a thing. Yes Would you have any sibling rivalry if she did a better job? Oh

[01:11:43] I imagine there would be days that I'd be tired or I'd be irritable and I'd be like I can't believe she's doing a better job than I am But overall I'd probably be I'd like to think

[01:11:53] That my better self would be thrilled if someone took something I started and did even better with it Yeah, I think I'd be glad I'd feel I'd feel good that I Anointed that person as my successor. I should say by the way

[01:12:07] She would take the job, right? Like if you asked nicely like you you think you'd be able to convince her I think I'm asked nicely I think the only reason in real life

[01:12:14] She wouldn't necessarily be thrilled is because she lives on the east coast and she'd probably be further from her friends, so it'd be private jet But with the private jet now, I think that'd be cool. I think yeah, I think if I asked my sister to be uh

[01:12:29] The head of state of the augustian islands off the coast Would would she be happy with being called to david? say Yes, because she would understand that it's sort of like Uh Julius Caesar Yeah made the name Caesar the title that went to

[01:12:48] Eventually the Germans called their leader of state at one point the Kaiser and the russians called their head of state the All of it was echoing the Caesar That person had created a template, so I'm gonna say She'd probably be okay with it. Okay. Yeah. Um, all right

[01:13:03] I mean to be honest your your rating your approval rating was so high I don't see how damn gone. Hey It's it we're keeping the the line of succession in the family That's great. Gonna be another another um

[01:13:16] Relative of david. I'm sure she's smart, right? So they're gonna be happy with us. No reason as you said she's qualified in ways The other way, uh, I would probably go for whoever had been my vice david

[01:13:30] Or someone who would you know seen up close and personal the day-to-day operations and the sort of Paul's your dj planning of the country And let that person take it on Paul I thought paul was the minister

[01:13:42] Oh, no, sorry. I thought you were mentioned just someone who had seen day-to-day running. I was like, oh paul Yeah, but no, no, no, you know, I would I would say if I had like a vice david sort of like a vice president right or a deputy david

[01:13:54] Deputy david though sounds like cartoon character sheriff type character They could dress like probably not call it they could I like calling it the vice david that sounds kind of fun That's also sounds like maybe they have vices Um, yeah, that's one condition for um

[01:14:09] Okay, yes. All right fair enough problem with calling You might call them the vd kind of like the vp and vd has a very different meaning. Oh, yes So maybe vice david isn't the right move David in Waiting sounds like

[01:14:27] Now I'm trying to think uh, how do you be under david sort of like under secretary? Oh, that would work. Yeah I can't think of any necessarily negative spin to that

[01:14:37] That worked and maybe yeah, we'll come up with that. I'll I'll have my communications department come up with what the title should be Yeah, I'm sure on your way out. You're when you're when you're, you know winding down you can figure that out

[01:14:50] Okay, david i'm gonna say well, I can just call you david because usually I have to stop calling you by your um official title But that was only to david so it's much easier. Um david. Thank you. I do have to ask where would people find you online?

[01:15:01] uh, they can find me usually at david august um places like mastodon and threads and instagram and david august.com Uh, which is probably going to be long term no matter what platforms there are i'll still sort of have my

[01:15:17] My own personal sandbox will be david august.com which right now is a fairly spartan site on it just because I needed to put something up there and Yeah, uh without boring you with all the pills

[01:15:26] It's in transition, but I have links to my other profiles there, but david august on most platforms Here you go. Uh, thank you very much david for for jining and being being a tyrant

[01:15:36] And who didn't actually kill anyone except debra, but you saved two people in a well so you know balance is great We will miss debra. I'll miss she was a great Stationalist at dinner she she was she was only 84 the

[01:15:50] Only other thing I have to ask you is um because I don't have an outro If you were leaving your role as to david what would your I suppose your final advice be to your citizens My own advice to my citizens would be in all cases

[01:16:04] Whatever challenges we face either individually or together Remember that We can make things better even if they get worse than them into in the midterm We can get there together and make the world a better place for all of us Except debra

[01:16:21] Well, yes, it's too late for her. Yeah, unfortunately, we're not buying the cure for um congestive four heart syndrome where you have four hearts and they get in a fight with each other But we hope A spear at the other. Yeah, yeah

[01:16:38] When your hearts actually used edged weapons against each other It's very hard to recover and we hope that we will eventually Destroy that scourge on humanity. What a what a lovely message of hope