Tyrant In Training Episode 46 Dom Blackwood, The Emperor of Troll-Mane-land

[00:00:08] Hello everyone this is another episode of this podcast that I assume you know the name of because you've clicked on this Right, that's how things yeah. Yeah, usually click on something that you see interesting that everyone always introduces it

[00:00:22] Yeah, why yeah, this is a wasteful. That's like if I always introduce myself to you every morning. Hi. I'm Kevin Hi, well, I'm Kevin Hi, I'm Kevin. I'm the host of this podcast and Selina's my fiancee who will smooth the intro Yeah, you're working well

[00:00:39] Can you explain this in the entirety of why you always do this very kindly for me? Can you explain what the podcast is about you Kevin Ryan talk to guests and

[00:00:50] Ask them questions about what they would do if they were ruling their own country. Yes, but it's a hypothetical situation Yes, yes, I don't have the power to state that I don't have the power Okay, so this episode is with actor Dom Blackwood and

[00:01:09] I don't know how to explain it because I wasn't Sure what was going to happen. I thought even though all the opposite all the episodes are quite different, right? This went deep into fairy tale lore about trolls and dragons and And questionable relationship with pigs

[00:01:31] I'll just put that out there. Oh dear. Yeah Before we get to that and the other context holds that will come from this. I Have to play a trailer For another podcast called rainy day rabbit holds podcast

[00:01:44] Okay, these podcasts well, I let them explain it because I'm not professional But this podcast wait, why am I explain it? I'm gonna play the trailer I'm not gonna explain it, but here's what it is

[00:01:57] So here's the trailer mansplaining gene couldn't let me mansplain it's my two of right Who live in the Pacific Northwest? Stop explaining it. Okay. Yeah, no trailer. Okay. Here's the trailer

[00:02:12] Have you ever wondered what lurks in the dark and misty woods of the Pacific Northwest or how Starbucks became the coffee giant We know today why Oregon has so many serial killers or a big foot really poops in the woods

[00:02:26] Then you need to listen to the rainy day rabbit holes podcast I'm Shay and I'm Jody join us each week as we bring you the not so serious side of Pacific Northwest history on our show You can hear great content like this wine

[00:02:40] Smelled to me reminiscent of urinal cake. Oh gosh and thoughtful insights like next time Accidentally show up to one of these. I'm just gonna whip my out There's your tip and then I'm gonna say no tip

[00:02:53] We're even discover the charm and intrigue of this region like never before Where every raindrop leads to a new adventure if you like your history hysterical

[00:03:03] Then join us every week whether you're a Pacific Northwest native a transplant or just curious about the upper left corner of North America This podcast is for you

[00:03:13] Subscribe to rainy day rabbit holes on Spotify Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts and let the rain take you on a wild ride See it down the rabbit hole While that trailer was playing I was explaining to you what to podcast

[00:03:33] What do you think I think It's really interesting. I'm sorry, I thought you're actually gonna play it No, I played a few earlier see this is an editing process Okay, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna slip in that trailer, but we've already heard it You know

[00:03:51] Remember right the music that's actually John tea That might be my heart I really need to exercise but yes She and Jordy are Running that I've listened to a few episodes very interesting like the Montana episode

[00:04:11] Let's go back to the tomorrow your fault. I must listen to the serial killers in Oregon I didn't realize so many serial killers came from Oregon. I didn't realize that was a thing So I think they him from want to know that or Oregon

[00:04:24] No, but where do you think serious cameras came from? Oh just everywhere? Oh, I'm sure they do but I didn't realize there was a hefty That's a unit of

[00:04:38] Okay, anyway for Don blackwood move on back to back to him. Yes, I'm gonna play you out of context quotes and These are the ones that made sense Okay You're not sorry. I pressed up there too quick. You're gonna say something

[00:04:57] I'm sorry if this is a bit of a bad cut in the edit But you use really seem passionate there for a second You said that these are the ones that made sense but that doesn't like they're meant to be out of context

[00:05:18] So it doesn't really they're not meant to make sense So you saying that these are the ones that made sense goes against them being out of context quotes Okay back to it enjoy Can you banish someone if the with their mouth open?

[00:05:34] That was the carnation of Bertie beans bean grower because he could fit inside her excuse me and Get a Brazilian but left and you look just like me. He has the right idea But which one all of them. Yeah, as I said, they are the most

[00:05:51] Comprehensible not comprehensible understandable Out of context quotes Yes Intrigued to hear the rest of the episode Now you can find him online still on Twitter down blackwood You can find this podcast where? Trader on blue sky on threads on Instagram on YouTube on Spotify on

[00:06:23] Also, I will mention this podcast has its own website. Yes. It is turned in training Podcast page Beautiful. There you go. And also on YouTube at Tyron podcast and just look for me at Kevin Ryan person and don't look for sleep She's mine So, yeah

[00:06:48] I'm looking for a role that demands, you know, sucking energy out of everything do you take in as a pirate That's the sort of energy you could give off and it's okay That's what people people who come onto your island are willingly coming on to your islands today

[00:07:06] Probably know that's what you're like I think it would be a safe place for people who who hate pep, you know peppy people Yeah, yeah, yeah things would get done, but allegedly pace. I think yeah, there's no there's no great

[00:07:21] This is the most amazing news. It's just this is news. Yeah, this is what's happening No, yeah, no one's painting the houses or doing any upkeep of for a set for internal aesthetics No one's doing anything people are just that round a table having nice produce and drinking

[00:07:36] I think I think that's my utopia people just they reappears so they can eat the pigs in good company But is that like a non-religious Amish community? That's what if it was strict rules there like the Amish yes and strict punishments there

[00:07:54] Maybe the Amish don't do strict punishments. Maybe not. I think they can be banished though Can you banish someone if they with their mouth open? Oh, you don't allow that no no You'd be banished to he did that. What if you're just a noisy eater?

[00:08:06] You know, I mean that's allowed if you have your mouth closed. That's allowed right right, okay? Um, I don't know can you do that in the Amish community? I don't know they banish you over that

[00:08:15] But it probably like it probably be ungodly or something but yeah possibly it possibly shows Was the word gluttony maybe and the total enjoyment of the food now You were totally allowed gluttony in my community

[00:08:30] Just you know mouth gnashing and spit kind of walking around in your lips, you know Just it's just just for the record for anyone if this is included in the edit when you said gluttony is allowed

[00:08:41] You put your like fingers together like a temple and started like tipping them Yeah, like very much like this is the part of my master plan Probably stimming over the idea of you know Right, okay, so if we you know now with this new country of yours

[00:08:58] It's a new country. We are not taking over any land that's already in the world. We're gonna Hop up an island somewhere. How are you at geography? I know north and south so you know two of the directions out of the possible four of the millions

[00:09:14] The temperature is most important to me. I think that's fine. Don't worry. I am I am But if you want do you want me to be a sycophantic Podcast hole saying you're great and you know everything or do you want me to relax it?

[00:09:25] I don't give a shit Yeah, that's that's fine. I'm following your lead. I have a map of the world here, which might Um any idea where you'd you'd place your country your island? Uh West of russia

[00:09:43] Does it have to be a land I probably above probably just below Norway no below Svobard the hell is labored but above norway in the sea there. Oh Svalbard I've never heard of svalbard. I've been staring at this map for like 40 episodes of this. I've never seen that

[00:10:05] They've had a decent You want cold weather then absolutely a cold and dark cold and dark. Yeah, that must be six months of year at least Uh, all right, we'll throw one there. It's going to be about 10 million people. Is that all right?

[00:10:16] Like there'll be plenty of room. Oh plenty of room to execute people then I suppose Okay, good. Yeah. Yeah, that's I just meant that you'd have a back garden, but yeah, uh

[00:10:26] I didn't yeah, sure. Um, okay. So do you have any idea what the name of your country is going to be? um, I'm gonna pick my brain um as Uh pro main on tro main on tro main Nond, yeah, can you okay? I'm gonna need to

[00:10:44] Okay, lann. I have to get uh, no, I have to get an all pad here and write write this down. Um, I wasn't expecting this Okay, just try to think of the first thing that comes to mind. Okay troll troll. Here we go troll main land

[00:10:58] Not main troll land. No, so it's troll main like wait. Is that main as in ma in as in the primary one or main as in like a horse

[00:11:06] Let's give it the horse one. Yes. Okay. I'm nice to believe these trolls have the mains of horses on them Yes, exactly It comes from our ancient myth of Trolls with big beards big beards big mains are beautiful looking trolls

[00:11:22] Yeah, it was a peaceful community. Yeah, okay. Uh, any idea what this mission is and kind of interested about the beautiful trolls on troll mainland They they went to a to to get those swords The mythical swords from the lake to banish a dragon obviously

[00:11:39] Even actually yeah, this this pack of trolls and when they got the sword and vanquished the dragon They they cut up its beard like it's the khaliz heel

[00:11:49] And all the little wisps of its beard kind of blew in the wind all over the land and attached like a curse to all the troll children And they were and they were hairy from then on

[00:11:59] Oh, the cat just jumped up. I think it was shocked by it. Um, wait, I thought sort of trolls weren't hairy Didn't they kill a dragon and didn't they become hairy? Yes because it's beard flies all over land and

[00:12:11] Ah, yes, why the real way scratch them though because it's quite quite boisterous boisterous Yeah, it keeps blowing smoke all over the land so the turnips can't grow I thought boisterous was like brian blessed. It's but yes, it's a boisterous dragon

[00:12:26] Yeah, but I mean like talking like with a booming voice not actually blowing smoke like from a cigarette or whatever But when it speaks and it's booming voice because it's so booming the smoke comes out when it speaks to see Right, okay. So it's smoking and talking

[00:12:39] Yeah, this is by the way It's something I actually need to mention. Um all ideas that are Bullshitted on the spot on this podcast are actually copyrighted mine. So if I make this I write it This is a good story. My penis anywhere

[00:12:55] No, that's fine. I get all the rights. Okay So troll mainland is is north of norway. Um, do you have any idea what your official title would be as the ruler? Emperor emperor going straight for you'd want god, do you?

[00:13:09] God, yeah, god. If you want god emperor. No, I'll go. I'll leave it with emperor Yeah, keep it keeping some water strained Are we just saying emperor or is it emperor dumb? Just emperor. I think I need a job title

[00:13:24] Yeah, the job I need some kind of professionalism. Yeah, okay. Yeah, um Some people are starting to call you dumper now. Is that allowed? They'll be executed Exca... right. Uh, are we are is there any frills to this execution or are we just straight up?

[00:13:38] Like no, what if you want to do? If there's a gang of more than five people and The utterance of dumper is heard. Yeah, the whole gang gets executed Wait, so if someone walks into a cinema and shouts dumperer the whole cinema gets executed. Yes

[00:13:56] Jesus it's tainted the cinema It's... What happens when you did a cinema building after it's burnt down burnt down to the ground? Yes, are we Reversed to the monument. Yeah a monument. Yeah The statue of someone with his hands over his mouth. Oh

[00:14:16] Jesus is haunting because they're not all the same statue after a while. They're different statues. No, it's the same statue There's actually a big there's actually a large large trade industry on the island

[00:14:29] Yeah stone because of old statues being built. Yeah. Yeah, yeah good stone. Uh, it's the same person. Who is it? The guy in the myth the guy in the myth. Oh the troll killed the dragon. Yeah kill the dragon naturally. Yeah Do you even know him for him?

[00:14:44] Bertie Beans bean grower Bertie Beans bean grower. Yeah Bertie Beans bean grower Beans is high beans is in quotations because that's his nickname obviously. Oh naturally It's nice like halfling have a community that's grown up here bean grower Okay, Bertie bean grower am I talking about?

[00:15:04] Um, okay, let's get into Do you have any idea what sort of troll or natural and any sort of Accommodation you would be taken up in I live in a I live in some kind of hobble right through preference, but mine's a larger hobble

[00:15:20] No, mine's a small hobble, but it's very well guarded. Sure. Yeah, you Like a big wall outside and I'm good. Yeah, and no bugs can get in it's very much a natural habitat

[00:15:31] But without any nature in it. Okay. I was worried that you were calling your citizens bugs, but yeah Not out there good people. So is this in the forest or I would live in the forest. Yes

[00:15:42] Yeah, hobble is usually the forest. Right. Yeah with a big plantation of pigs potbellied pigs Surrounded. Yeah. Yeah. Are those pigs scared? Are they garden you as well? Yeah, they're guard pigs. All right. I just wonder

[00:15:57] So I take it you're not going into an office in the capital city or anything. You're you're working from home Are you know there are no offices in in in uh, Troll mainland

[00:16:06] Right. This is a very agricultural centered. Yes, mostly mining. It's mostly it's mostly a mining industry Mining and statue building. Yes, exactly. They go hand in hand But your place of is like you're

[00:16:20] You know your work your working day. Is that done at the hobble? Are you going? I don't know somewhere to well, I walk around the the the parishes Jesus you're doing some amount of walking. That's that's Tens of thousands of steps

[00:16:34] More islands for 10 million people. Yeah, most people live underground. You see Oh, yeah In the mines that is kind of they have their hobbles next to the mines where they're working I do want to point out Um, and this is all great

[00:16:49] But I will point out and I should be pointing this out everyone These are all your choices to make them destitute mine miners living in the mines They can be as wealthy as you wanted. They could be as Physically facing. Yeah happy. No, that's fine. I just make

[00:17:03] No, they're really they're really kind of they don't get any sunlight and the sunlight that is out They don't really see it anyway because they're always underground mining. They're mining How many hours of work do you think they're doing today? Probably 16 hours a day. Good 16. Yeah

[00:17:17] They get the sunday off to pray to uh the guard of the island Which is Bertie being grower Bertie being grower. Yeah, I feel like he's name is going to be popping up a latch during this Yeah, that's fine Fucking hell

[00:17:33] Are you allowing your citizens? Um, I I hope I explained this correctly Bar the daily running of your country. Are you going to have A council like your own inner circle of maybe 10 people you trust or will you have your citizens?

[00:17:47] Will you let them vote for like a hundred senators in its senate? I was gonna say building was probably a hovel The the the villages well the the populace vote for which pig They think looks the most intelligent

[00:18:01] And then I have this kind of scrying technique of where the pigs kind of sniff the truffles And the kind of the the markings in the dirt tell me which policies I should put into place Right. God, you're busy though. You're doing that love like yeah busy man

[00:18:16] You have to do that and also you have to go around to all the communities Well, I go around to the communities just to see if anyone's above ground or saying Dumpere so they're not allowed above ground. Well, not not in between the 16 hours now

[00:18:28] All right, it's when's the 16 hours? Oh, they're just a set hours. Yeah every day. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah God, I'm surprised I got to the cinema in time The cinema's underground as well. All right, so they burnt the thing underground and put a statue there

[00:18:40] Yeah, you put a statue above ground the cinema that was below ground. Yes. Yes. Yes. Um Fucking hell. Okay. Uh, I presume just cameras everywhere in the mines because if they're saying dumpere down there

[00:18:54] No, it goes off trust. Oh, oh, that's nice. That's nice. They're trusting people in main control mainland Well, no, but I mean the systems off rough, but people aren't very trustworthy. They're yeah, again, you've chosen to have untrusty shifty What

[00:19:15] If someone comes to me telling me that someone said dumpere in a In a vicinity of the mine system or the entertainment quarter Yeah, I'll be I'll be thankful for that because I don't my name tarnished and I'll

[00:19:28] I'll give them one of the pigs that live in my plantation. That must cost a hefty. Yeah, one of those pigs Other people love pigs or is it just you they're allowed them underground

[00:19:39] But they don't live that long so they have to think of do they want them as a companion What do they want them for their delicious meat? Yeah. Yeah, it's a tough choice the

[00:19:49] I'm wondering the entertainment quarter. What else is in the entertainment quarter a cinema there was a cinema That's not there anymore. Are you big newer is this well, they keep they well

[00:20:00] This is what fuels the stone industry. You see they keep building these cinemas and then it's a cycle of birth and Because someone keeps saying dumper And people think it's a government government agent, you know

[00:20:13] Oh, yeah, we're going like the like the war complex of the western world, you know So you have an entertainment quarter with nothing but statues of bernie What's his name bernie bean brore

[00:20:27] Berkeley's big grower and then one cinema that let's face it isn't going to be there long Yes, we have to really get in the early viewings as the film you do Yeah, yeah, yeah as soon as and especially with those 16 hours if something like the Irishman comes out

[00:20:41] Then you want to be there immediately and straight home immediately. Oh, there's no western films It's just propaganda for the for the stone industry interesting I may come back to that because I do have

[00:20:53] Another question. What is what unusual this sorry, what unusual thing or mundane thing is banned in your country? So what? cheese cheese Yeah, no, no Okay, why it gives people the wrong ideas. I think people get people get too excited when they eat cheese

[00:21:10] They start thinking oh, this is what cheese tastes like there must be something else in the world that tastes even better So these are the nine deals of grand grand you know, they get notions that they can they can go abroad is that or they can

[00:21:24] Yeah, yeah, they don't need any Encouraging so cheese is the gateway drug to I think so. Yeah, especially Edamma But by the way with this being banned now, of course because you're the emperor I mean as as as is true with with every

[00:21:42] Leader or big person in the world. Um, are you still there? Are you still eating cheese? Yes. Yeah, naturally. Yeah, so we'll make sure shipment comes in or something every

[00:21:51] Yeah, because I have cheese but I I infuse the truffles that the pigs find it in the cheese. All right, that tastes nice Yeah, beautiful. Oh fair enough. Um, yeah, I know I just want to make sure that you're not

[00:22:03] I don't want you banning something from yourself when you think you have to No, no, no, no. I figured you wouldn't um, I do have a Bit of a tough question for you. Um

[00:22:14] Now remember all the all the facets of troll mainland that you put in the 16 hours work week underground The no entertainment allowed except on cinema the seemingly constant Outference of the word damper by your untrusty people even though they see what happens

[00:22:29] They still give you an approval rating of 94. They're happy with that Yeah, yeah, that's very very happy Unfortunately one of your pigs has written in the pig shit somehow to inform you to say that

[00:22:43] There is a scandal about you about to to you know about to um be found out by the rest of the population Okay, that scandal is going to put your approval rating from 94 down to 71

[00:22:57] That's a bit of a hit. You did something or something's happened here involving you You're allowed to tell me what the scandal is I had a relationship with a pig. Would they hate that? Yeah, they would

[00:23:08] What is it about this pig that they didn't like because there was a myth in the past that Someone had a relationship with a pig and created this pig Man hybrid that was um a terrible terrible scourge upon the upon the populace Right

[00:23:24] And so they're saying all of all shit. It's gonna happen again. Yeah, exactly It's beautiful told by the cinema right right as part of the stone in the stone statue industry. Yeah. Yeah, um so pig gate

[00:23:38] Is is kind of blown up and your pigs have once again gathered around you and said In their own way that they think you need to go and speak to one of the main

[00:23:49] Mining journalists down in the house down in one of their hobbles to explain what's going on You know to explain to yourself or to your citizens what what's happened? So would you do that? Would you go speak in front of everyone? Yes, I would yes. Yeah the

[00:24:06] leader of the mining group Citizens with good journalism for the mining group. Uh, his name is Anderson. He stands before you Big crowd around watching and he says thank you emperor for joining us at the end of this long work day. Hi

[00:24:21] Hi. Hi. Um, I we do need to get into this quickly because some of us have to go to bed. We are desperately tired Pig gate is very serious as you know. Yes First question and the most important question is why Why did you do it? I believe

[00:24:40] Fundamentally that my pig patricia Is the soul and embodiment and the reincarnation of birdie beans bean grower Okay, the crowd is going fucking ballistic at this point. We we we'll just calm them down

[00:24:53] But what do you mean? How how do you get where did that come from birdie? It was written in the mod By patricia herself We don't trust that patricia. She you know, no, no she could just be making that up

[00:25:07] The the crying never lies patricia is my most honest pig and besides you people voted her into the highest pig office You voted for this pig and and you know what it was a protest vote against uh, um, Eric Against eric the pig that fucker

[00:25:25] Didn't like his policies last time That being said I believe that if me and patricia have offspring You won't have to work down the down the mines anymore because we can enslave this hybrid offspring Which will have the strength of the pig and the intellect of man

[00:25:43] And they'll be able to mine 17 hours a day. Well, you enjoy the three hours of sunlight. I'm out of a job Hey, hold on a minute. Where am I gonna get?

[00:25:51] I wanted my son to follow in the family tradition the fuck more people on land will be able to tend to my Pigs and we can put in place the breeding program where the truffles will be able to feed everyone

[00:26:04] We can ferment the truffles and make alcohol and food I've been mining for I've been mining for years. It's the only thing I know I'm not going into some fancy high tech pig farming industry Mr. What just they did someone say dumperer that's dumper

[00:26:20] I think you just what did you just say you did you say dumper? No, you just said dumper. No, I didn't say it anyone say dumper guard pig Guard pig. Yes. This man away. I don't say yes because I'm a pig but yeah

[00:26:33] Take this man away. Oh, okay off I go Um, I think that was the interviewer. Um, wait a minute. They all heard I heard him say that Well, all Everyone in this assembly will be executed tomorrow morning Don't mason's ready the statues

[00:26:54] Wait, I thought it was one statue for like is it a statue for every person who's executed But is it being broadcast to the other sectors within the mines? It's it's usually someone just running around telling them what happened. It's more it's not

[00:27:07] It's not tv based. Okay, so it's okay. We'll put we'll execute everyone in this hall Right, just put a statue above ground. Right. Okay. We'd wait here. So we'd wait here

[00:27:17] Is it can we go home or do we have to wait here? No, you're surrounded by a massive ring of God pigs Fair enough. What are the character? Weapons I'm sure they have something their teeth and their bulk size. Oh, and they're sheer force personality

[00:27:31] Right. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Um, so you're okay. Do you think you're dead with that scandal? Well, um, I think I've suppressed it for now. Yes For now The sector will just be

[00:27:43] You know hold in we'll create a little landslide within and just blame it on the landslide. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, okay. Um, that's nice. Oh, do you want a nice do you want a nicer question? That was that was tough tough political

[00:27:57] Let's see. Uh, yes, it can be a nice one. Well, yeah, uh, the Your pink people have ever have let you know that um You're the stone statue industry is making a new film

[00:28:10] They would like to shift gears a little bit and instead of propaganda for the stone statue industry They would like to do a bit of propaganda for you. Um, is there any fantastical fact

[00:28:19] You would like us to put in and talk about? Um, I could I could uproot trees with my toes Oh, okay. Um Okay, we just need to get down some facts. When did you learn about this when I was three years old?

[00:28:32] And uh, I was following my father and the hundreds of guard pigs Right and they were trying to get a truffle underneath this gigantic oak tree and they couldn't do it But I in my you know superior godgiven strength

[00:28:45] Managed to uproot this tree and all the guard pigs Managed to get the truffles when we had a bounty that year and it was a celebrated year

[00:28:52] So wait when you were brooted do you mean you just push it over to the side or do you hold it up and put it back down? I hold it up. Yeah with my toes great kind of a 45 degree angle for the pigs

[00:29:01] Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes, um, do you do you often do that now? No, no well in the in the film. Yes Oh in the film we showed a test of strength. Have you ever used it for any any other impressive feet? Um get it

[00:29:15] lifting patricia onto the chair I'm gonna chair. How big is the fucking chair? You can just what patricia is very large. Oh, sorry. Yes I'm thinking of a small little tiny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus Jesus

[00:29:27] Hog that was his incarnation of Bertie beans bean grower because he could fit inside her. Excuse me He's a troll. No, I mean he's a troll. He could literally fit inside her

[00:29:37] His full body, you know, she's the same size as Bertie bean bean grower. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay um, yeah, we'll get on the Tree tree feet tall whatever movie. Yeah, we can handle it. Um, it's your birthday coming up by the way

[00:29:51] Do you the other sectors that haven't been massacred? What can they do to celebrate your birthday? Um, we have a great flag for the country a great flag. Yeah, and they dance like they do this kind of Hula dance with with flags instead of rings

[00:30:08] um to celebrate the nation and How do you do a hula? How do you do hula dance for a flag? It's an art technique that's been learned for thousands of years. Um, it's kind of a motion where they're they tie They tie a flag Right

[00:30:25] I'm thinking of the pole as well. Okay. Yeah, they tie themselves to the pole And one of those very large poles with a flag on top and they put that on their back and tie it around their waist

[00:30:37] And they kind of dance in the kind of uh an army fan-length style And the flags all do this kind of bird like um, murmuration in the sky Ah, that's very nice

[00:30:50] I might well i'm actually only a voice inside your head. So i'm already there but is your What what what type of flag do you have like what color is it for what? What's what's it's brown pure brown? Yeah, mud color. Yeah

[00:31:03] It's got a face with a pig on it with a dragon Kind of in the corner looking down on the pig with his mouth open with fire coming out Jesus. Well, what's the dragon symbolizing? It's a dragon. Oh, right. Yeah, well, yeah, naturally

[00:31:17] Yeah, it does nothing. Yeah, okay, and there's bees on the other corner So the beans in the corner pig in the middle and a dragon on the other corner Are the beans just just they're floating in in space or they on a plate or in 10

[00:31:29] There's three beans three three green beans to symbolize birdie beans bean grower. Of course. Yeah, um Are you the reincarnation of birdie bean grower? No, that's patricia. Sorry. I forgot. I forgot. Yes. Okay. Yeah No, no, I remember good. Whatever happened to birdie?

[00:31:43] Um, well after after everyone got hair because he killed the dragon He thought he was going to be celebrated But he wasn't celebrated. He was shunned at home because everyone He was just immediately shot Fire and range or fire and squad. Okay. He was shunned

[00:32:01] Yes, he was shunned To underground Everyone used to live above ground and he he actually started the mining industry Because he was so bored underground that he started chipping against rocks with his teeth

[00:32:16] Um, right as you do. Yeah exactly god this all fits together. It's like a real myth Is it it has no plot holes to this or anything? Um, no, it's very good. Um So I'm we your your pigs do you're not working 16 hours a day, right? No, no

[00:32:36] I just eat truffles all day long. Yeah, I didn't do a bit of a walk around Your your pig guards you're all your guards and and your staff they're entirely made of pigs Am I right? Yeah. Yeah. Um, they do send another note to true to mud

[00:32:53] It's it's not it's not uh, it's not the best news to be honest Do you have a do you have a throne? Do you have a seat of power? Um, it's more like a bench Yeah, like you're yes underground people don't know people people people

[00:33:07] Hardly come see me. Yeah, so you have an underground section to your to your hovel. Well, yeah, it's a hovel for folks. Say one way or the other

[00:33:13] Yeah, okay. Um, uh, a bit of bad news. So you might want to sit down for this. Um, there was a coup attempt. Uh, yeah Anderson and those who were meant to be executed actually actually survived. Uh, there was 100 of them. Um,

[00:33:28] I don't know how to explain this. Um Patricia isn't well. Um They strapped her to the top of a flagpole and Anderson hula hooped her and to death So we've caught them. They were they were trying to get in the door of the hovel

[00:33:45] Resumed the hobble has a door. Um, so yeah, we have them we have them locked up in in a pigpen What what what do you want to do with them? I think it's time we show the people Hmm

[00:33:58] I don't know where the executing people is to just send them into the sea walking. Um, right But this time I think my guard pigs will just have to eat them all alive

[00:34:09] Okay, I mean, is there much is there much would you rather walk into and drown or beaten alive? I'd rather drown Do you think you want to be eating alive by ravenous pigs?

[00:34:19] I think if there's 100 people being eaten alive and there's a lot of lot of pigs there, right Some of the pigs like you could be the one unlucky guy who they start at his feet and walk his way up So he's alive for ages, right?

[00:34:31] But a few of those people are getting eaten alive Like a pig is going to go in and immediately go for his chest his heart or his neck or something like he'll die out in seconds

[00:34:39] I think pigs go for anything don't they but that's what I mean. So if they go for anything Over the law of averages Then on the average you could get off with oh and say bite my neck. I'm done like I'm gone. I'm dead

[00:34:50] I don't feel the rest of it so it's a matter The terror of thinking that you're that you could you could be around for ages. Okay fair enough We'll tie we'll tie them all up. Yeah, so they have to be standing

[00:35:03] Oh, so they have to like chop them like a tree down Okay. Yeah good thinking. Yeah, that's that's that's most all you put into one of these questions Yes, um, yeah that works. Okay. Um, sorry about Patricia. Do you do you want her to get

[00:35:19] Is the national morning month? month Yeah, but Patricia are they allowed to so they're not working I take adjourned this terrible time No, but all the reserves of stone that they've had over the years meant for the statues will just be made to make one enormous

[00:35:34] enormous pig statue of Patricia And when you're talking normas or not like statue liberty or Three times larger and wider than that. Yeah Recently learned the largest palace at least for a political leader in the world is for the Sultan of Brunei

[00:35:48] I think it's two million acres. So do you want some like that? Absolutely, but just one pig one solid stone pig Just solid stone pig. Yeah, that's fine. Um, can people come visit? Yeah, they read and stuff Yes, actually it's actually dawned a new a new

[00:36:03] Peaceful era of people come off ground because I'm so incensed and sorrowful over patricia's death that I want people to pray to a feet Um, not any other body part work. No, no, no, it'll be too much to yeah

[00:36:18] It will remind me of too many good times. So wait has the so they're still working 16 hours a day No, the mining industry is closed down because we've exhausted all the stone to build this massive pig So you have no economy Okay, so you've absolutely no money nothing

[00:36:34] It is not just going back to how are they managing food boys and stuff Beans there's gone back to beans. They've gone back to beans. Okay. You're importing beans No, no because the grounds though first are because they've been mining so many times

[00:36:47] So the grass is the soil has been turned over underground so much. Yes. Yes, dad. That it's it's pretty easy natural Of the hellish many years of the binding industry that the soil has been fertilized

[00:37:01] So it's a great it's a great agricultural land for bean growing again. So it's come full circle Yeah, and it's gotten nice if you think that if she was the The second coming of barty bean grower in a way. She's now brought everyone above ground again Just like

[00:37:16] It's fantastic. It's very very heartwarming Um, do you plan on moving on to another pig anytime soon? No, it's too too too raw Yeah, too. Yeah, I mean, I don't know anything about big relationships, but yeah, sure if it's a rod, it's fine

[00:37:32] We had truffle oil to you know lubricate Do you uh, do you have a favorite film franchise? Yes, um Uh the the building of the iron pig. Okay, uh He is one to 500. Okay. I um I

[00:37:50] I I actually meant that as a a legitimate question, but no no no we're taking that answer D Was it the building of the iron pig? Absolutely the stone statue kind of panicked now that they ran out of stone have decided a bit more fictional movies

[00:38:05] So they've asked you would you care to play a part in the latest movie the rebuilding of the iron pig It's a it's a post block pocalyptic movie. Um, okay up for that. Yeah, what role am I?

[00:38:17] Well, that's the thing would you rather play just a cameo of yourself or would you rather a role in this sort of they say it's mad max with pigs I probably play patricia in a pig costume. Right because I know I so Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Um

[00:38:31] um We think that we want to set the scene where I mean Jesus. I have no idea where but We want to play the scene where patricia Learns of her destiny to be to be to be brutally sane. No, she's been warned

[00:38:48] She's been warned that the cool people are out to get her and she has to make a choice about fleeing the country or not Are you good at that? Yes. Okay. You're the actor. I'm not we're gonna say action on this. Um

[00:39:00] Patricia you have to leave anderson and emmer coming to the hovel But why I love the emperors so much Yes, but he'll understand he Of course he will he's a good emperor. He's a greatest emperor, but he loves me. He wants me to stay

[00:39:13] He wants you alive and I'd be alive here. We have no for long That's a whole fucking point you stupid fucking me. Just get out of here There's a massive flagpole with your name on it Anderson's got somebody pigs here to defend me. It'll be fine

[00:39:27] No, they could be a quality all they have to do is listen You might think you're safe, but in five seconds anderson is going to be joy rating his hips while you

[00:39:37] Trash about on the top of a flagpole today. And where would I go? We have a boat to Latvia ready for you. Isn't it easy to go to norway?

[00:39:46] No, but that field will take you in norway really don't want anything to do with this country to be honest Stay they try and no they don't want anything to do with okay

[00:39:53] Um, well, I find that I'd rather die for my country and my emperor than go to latvia. I mean boy I'm the reincarnation of be Birthday beans bean grower and I believe in the prophecy that when I die will be for the greater good of

[00:40:10] Troll mainland. Okay, but you want me to just like stab you then here? I have a gun I can shoot you right in the head. Give me your no. No. It has to be in a certain way. I die

[00:40:18] Is it it was foretold that I would be elevated and And uh strewn across the representation of the nation Sorry, what fucker is for telling this because I think that fella just has a fetish

[00:40:30] Another pig was it eric? It could have been eric actually. Yeah, we get eric in here Like don't mean to kill eric that make you feel better

[00:40:37] He told the prophecy in in the dirt quite a few years ago people didn't like him might be able to wait a minute We could dress up eric as you that's a good plan. Yeah. Yes. Okay. I didn't want to cut it

[00:40:49] And um get a Brazilian butt left and you look just like me exactly. Yeah, that's the two main characteristics of patricio the big Yeah, we're gonna cut on that because I think what happens in the movie is they do attempt that and they think everything's safe

[00:41:01] but unfortunately they just kill eric they can sense A fake pig from a real pig um and yeah, of course, just a dyes uh the fuck am I talking about the Um There is only two questions left though. Okay

[00:41:15] Because one of them is after the disaster. Well not disaster but after the Massive changes that happen in troll mainland. Um People think or your pigs think that it might be good to stage some sort of photo op for you

[00:41:30] You know kind of show that you're in charge of the country the emperor is still the emperor that's our thing Yeah, what do you think we could do to um, you know

[00:41:39] Yeah, what sort of photo op would you would you have I think I think a confidence photo to to to assure the people that Even though the mining industry is gone. We've still got abundance on the island

[00:41:50] So what's our photo are we going out with and billions of beans freshly picked and I'm lay on them like a starfish in a starfish position Yes, and and people with people with their mouths open with beans like overflowing from their mouths

[00:42:06] Things like a sexting. Yeah, maybe but pigs are there as well and lots of national flags Okay, okay, and jet planes as well going through the air you can build your fingers again doing those

[00:42:18] Doing those chem trails but with the national colors getting the planes from there is no way this country is making any money They've imported them from the bean from that yeah, yeah Yeah, um

[00:42:29] Yeah, because I assume this is going to be a wide shot like this camera has to go back to get yeah to get the full Scope of the beans. Yes. Yeah, she's living a carefree life. There is a problem your your um pig your finance pig paul

[00:42:44] as uh as Presta's so fun to door. Um knocking knock knock knock knock knock. Oh hi. Hi knock knock knock knock knock knock knock I'm coming open the door. Oh, you're right. Oh, sorry. Um, well, I mean paul can't speak because he's a pig

[00:43:00] But he does have it scribbled down in mud that um the country's broke Absolutely no money. We can't afford anything Um the IMF international monetary fund is kind of looking at going hang on a minute. Um, you know even some countries are thinking

[00:43:15] That country's broken. It's full of pigs and pretty sure we can take over easily any idea how to make any money any money at all Right, we possibly could put in place the breeding program We had with the pigs to make racing purebred racing pigs again

[00:43:30] We stopped that yeah, we stopped that many years ago But we could get the the genes we could get that family we could find that family line again And start breeding breeding them together and then sell export kind of purebred pedigree Racing pigs is there a sport?

[00:43:46] pig racing it's big in eastern europe Oh, oh nice. Um By the way, the whole idea That I won't say you bullshitted but let's be honest about you and produtia having a race of hybrid pig

[00:44:00] People that never came about did it? No, no, it's unfortunate you so that's just not gonna be a thing No, I was just in love with the pig. Yeah, you just wanted to get out of there. Yeah Yeah fair enough. Um

[00:44:12] So purebred racing pigs you're gonna make a couple of billion off that maybe a year a couple hundred million Yeah, because we do a huge campaign of Like like the horse going into the motor car We we we do it with like racing horses into the racing pig

[00:44:26] Because it's much safer for the animal be low to the ground jumping over hedges Because if they fall it doesn't damage their body that much. Yes. Yes. Indeed. Okay

[00:44:36] An ethical thing is an ethical. Yeah. Yeah green peace and stuff would love it as well. I don't know what's but the animal pita Yes, yeah pita would go for this. Okay. I'm sure. Um You know at some point in in your reign as emperor of troll mainland

[00:44:53] um surprising lack of trolls in this except for borty bingro but um At some point you're going to want to I assume think about the future Because you're gonna have to think about who's your heir who takes over right?

[00:45:06] Yeah, people could easily be lost. Um, when you make your announcement Well, how are you gonna make your announcement to people through the cinema? I have my own camera set up at home on a tripod Yeah

[00:45:17] Now what happens if you're about to do that and someone says dumper? Do you just go with the end of that in a minute? I didn't need an announcement to make It is it well

[00:45:26] I just do it kind of finger wave and there's always a guard pig there with a little police helmet on That kind of understands that motion and they take them away Oh, yeah, but everyone else who's ordered is safe. Yeah for questioning Yeah, okay. Okay. Okay. Um

[00:45:41] How are you going to announce? What's how are you going to announce that say you're on you're on the screen now? How are you announcing this big? Uh massive news that your butt stepped down everyone. Hello

[00:45:51] Put put down your beans from your mouth and take them out of your ears Um, I have something to say about troll mainland's future Right Patricia and I when she was alive

[00:46:05] Ruled this land with compassion and dignity. Yes, and I believe you'll understand that going from the mining industry The bean industry wasn't the smoothest of transitions even seismic I think it would be good and show respect for my country fellows

[00:46:23] If I have a new member of the administration to take my place to lead troll mainland into the future What do you mean take your place become emperor become emperor? Holy shit. Uh, okay. That's that's I mean people don't know how to react

[00:46:37] They don't even think it's real to be honest. They think this must be part of propaganda movie I'm waiting for the twist but um I have to ask like by the way just when you're naming your air It has to be someone actually alive. It is someone alive

[00:46:49] Yeah, it can't be hypothetical and even though i'm from an arts background And I think that did well in the empathetic side of troll mainland I think what we need now is someone who understands the financial difficulty we're in with the ims Fucking hell you're bringing in a

[00:47:06] Capital vulture funds manager What we needed someone who can grow our economy in this turbulent time with exports of beans Right racing pigs. Yes, so It is with great humility. I announced the next emperor of troll mainland for all the finance pig

[00:47:25] Oh, oh my god. That's amazing news That is the first time the consistent character of paul and his podcast has been promoted and actually stuck with it Um, oh, okay, uh, so you're gonna step down and give it to paul. Yeah, I'm going to latvia

[00:47:39] Oh, why lafia? We're about to napia. I had well before patricia died She had written in the mud that she had had plans to go to latvia. Yes She must have known her memory. This is going to be like a shawshank redemption ending, isn't it?

[00:47:53] Yeah, where you go to riga and then yeah, you find her working on a boat. Yeah, I find patricia alive Do you yeah, do you want to know the the thing is it turned out it was eric that they killed?

[00:48:06] patricia had escaped and had been living in riga for 74 years And like the speeds does me with this too case and yeah at the airport which is massive fucking pig looking at you That's quite nice

[00:48:23] What a what a beautiful story. What a beautiful story with paul running the country With work from home not being an option anymore everyone is back into the mines and he he came up with the idea of mines and beans

[00:48:41] Exactly 17 hours that's on a bank holiday. It's 18 hours every day. Um, and you're living with patricia and riga Yeah, yeah, okay. I can do that But um, I mean you're no longer emperor now. I can just call you dom now

[00:48:55] I I I'd been counting my beans for years. You see that I'd be putting it away in a trust fund for myself So I can live off those. Oh, yeah. I'm sure you get a stay a pension of beans

[00:49:07] I don't know if they're currency in latvia, but no maybe not Oh, yeah, I'm just done now Domen patricia, um, do you yeah, that's the end of the podcast of your your time as an emperor That isn't tyrant. Do you feel bad? I feel spent. Yeah

[00:49:25] Well, that's what you get for having a relationship with patricia the Is there by first of all, where do people find you online? Uh twitter, I suppose uh dom What's the underscore blackwood? Yeah, dom underscore blackwood. Um I don't tweet much but I was responding as it is

[00:49:45] I mean if I start sending you random beans gifts, I feel like you're gonna respond. Um Do you have any idea because I have no idea how to do an outro for this So usually I will ask the former emperor

[00:50:00] Um, what would be your last words of advice? To your citizens before you leave you leave by boat or plane boat surely board with the raft Yeah, I think I would be I think I would be rowing by yourself with the mountain of beans on the boat

[00:50:16] Slowly sinking boats you need to get out of there As they all wave you goodbye. What what would your final words be just remember our long history of good cinema? Most of the movies were cut short by the execution of the cinema watcher cinema goers But yeah

[00:50:37] Good times remember. Yes. Yeah, perfect. That's a good advice for everyone. Um, bye everyone. Bye